lllHumor in Action!
Using Humor in
Developing the
Entrepreneurial Spirit
Learning in Action!
A Cross-disciplinary Problem-Based
Learning Environment for Entrepreneurship
The Red, Red, Rose or
Just the Thorn in Its Side?
The Story of a Flower Girl Flare up
Test Version 1.0
(A Work in Progress)
R. Wilburn Clouse, PhD
Vanderbilt University
The Red, Red, Rose or
Just the Thorn in Its Side?
The Story of a Flower Girl Flare up
Storyline by Kristi Kelly
Introduction
This is a case study examining the experiences of a young flower girl's participation in a
wedding ceremony. This case informs brides and brides to be on how to prevent wedding
party bloopers from occurring on their big day. The research suggests that proper training
and practice is needed to ensure that you will get the best results from your flower girl.
However, before training occurs it is essential that the bride carefully select a child by
evaluating their age in combination with their level of maturity. To do this it may be
helpful to speak with the child's parents one on one. Once a child is selected she should
immediately begin being educated about her role in the ceremony. One of the final
elements in thoroughly preparing the flower girl is to give her plenty of chances to
rehearse what she is expected to do. This type of training and rehearsing can help prevent
stage fright and wedding day jitters from negatively affecting the performance of your
flower girl.
Occasionally, despite precautions taken, young flower girls may create a surprisingly
"thorny" situation that she will only display on the actual wedding day. When this
happens it is important that the bride be prepared to deal with the embarrassment, stress,
and tension that could result from a flower girl flare up. Brides who are flexible, well
prepared, and adaptable to wedding mishaps will be more equipped to deal with an
unplanned situation than brides who do not exhibit these fine qualities.
Children’s' behavior can sometimes be unpredictable, but after reading this case study
you will be able to:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Identify methods to prevent young ones from misbehaving.
List the stages of child development.
Know the suitable ages for a child's participation in a wedding ceremony.
Teach children about their responsibilities in a creative manner.
Properly train them for the big day.
And have a potential plan of action for how you would deal in a similar situation.
Everyone knows that the wedding day is centered on the bride. The spotlights are on her;
therefore, the way she conducts herself throughout the wedding sets the tone and the
mood for the event. It is safe to say that usually when a wedding blooper occurs, the
attendants gauge their reactions according to the bride's initial reaction. For this reason, a
bride must demonstrate strong leadership skills even when the pressure of the big day
mounts.
This case study is based on the events of a true wedding story. The incidents of the fiasco
were reported to a local newspaper and featured as a cover story. Below is a copy of an
article written about a flower girl that demonstrated the epitome of a flower girl flare up.
Assignment
Your assignment is to analyze the situation created by the four-year-old tyrant (flower
girl) and decide how effective the bride responded to the incident. Think about what
measures you would have taken to prevent this episode from occurring, and what reaction
you might have had. Develop a plan of action (or reaction as the case would be), to your
flower girl behaving in a similar manner to the one described in the article below.
Article as it appeared in the Westchester Gannett Suburban newspaper. Issue XXCLVII
volume number 34, June 18, 1984.
Flower Girl's Bout with Bride Leaves Groom to Make the
Final Decision, or will the Bride Stand by her Man?
Maureen Anne McVaghee was
set
to
wed
Attorney
Edward
L.
Bednarski yesterday afternoon in White
She is the first cousin of the bride. Her
parents also attended as guests on the
bride's side.
Plains, New York. As the guests filtered
After the guests were settled and
into the church the sun was shinning
the bridal procession marched down the
bright and the wedding seemed to be
aisle, the bride and groom attempted to
progressing according to the scheduled
exchange wedding vows that they wrote
plans.
personally for one another. It was during
The bridal party consisted of a
the exchange of the vows that the flower
matron of honor, a maid of honor, four
girl decided to divulge a huge secret. Her
bridesmaids, four junior bridesmaids,
mission was not simply to throw flower
and a flower girl. While in most
petals on the aisle, but to inform the
weddings the bride is the center of
bride, groom, and attendants of her true
attention, for this wedding it appeared to
love for the groom.
be four-year-old flower girl Kristi Kelly.
As the flower girl ran up to the
alter and hugged the leg of Edward
she was deemed fit to attend the
wedding reception.
Bednarski, she begged him to take her
A cocktail hour was held before
hand in marriage and to rethink his
guests were asked to move into the
decision to marry 23 year old Maureen
grand ballroom. The flower girl was
McVaghee. When the groom did not
seated at the bridal party table. "She
respond, Kristi Kelly turned to tears
seemed to be in relatively good spirits
hoping he would see the pain she was in
considering the circumstances" reported
and re-contemplate his answer. As the
one bridesmaid. Another guest verified
groom politely declined and the bride
that "her behavior was more or less
peeled the flower girl off of her groom,
pleasant until the bride and groom were
the parents of Kristi Kelly took her into
introduced into the room as Mr. and
custody and removed her presence from
Mrs. Edward Bednarski." Kristi Kelly
the church. Utterly mortified by their
looked
daughter's behavior they apologized to
announcement, but remained quiet like
the bride and groom, and the other
she had promised her parents she would.
guests.
angry
by
the
host's
It was soon time for the bride and
The
bride
and
groom
groom's first dance. They picked the
immediately laughed at the big scene
song "Wonderful Tonight" by Eric
created by such a tiny irate and out of
Clapton. Apparently the flower girl was
control flower girl. As a result of the
outraged by the grooms public display of
couple's lighthearted reaction to the
affection for his new bride, so she
situation, the guests and priest began
barreled her way in between the dancing
joking about the incident as well.
couple and separated them by stretching
The flower girl was held without
out her arms, keeping each at arms
bail in the back of her parent's vehicle
length from the other. She demanded the
while the wedding progressed. After a
bride let her dance with the groom. No
long discussion about proper wedding
further details were provided.
behavior and the sincerest apologies
from the flower girl, it was decided that
~ Gannett Reporter, Kelly Christie
Resources
Helpful Websites on Wedding Etiquette
http://www.blissweddings.com
http://www.ultimatewedding.com
http://www.usabride.com
http://www.weddingusa.com
http://www.fivestarsoftware.com
http://www.burrows.com
Helpful Websites on Child Psychology and Development
http://www.family~empowerment.net
http://www.umc-cares.org
http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com
http://ut.essortment.com
http://www.worldbank.org/children
http://www.brookespublishing.com
http://www.mindpub.com
http://tip.psychology.org
Helpful Books on Wedding Etiquette
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Creative Weddings, by Antonia van der Meer. © 1999
The Wedding Source Book, by Madeline Barillo. © 1998
The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Perfect Wedding, by Terry Lenderman. © 1997
Bridal Guide: A Complete Guide to Weddings, by Pamela Thomas. © 1987
Wedding Etiquette and Usages of Polite Society, by George Danielson. © 1977
Wedding Etiquette, by Marguerite Logan. © 1987
Helpful Books on Child Psychology and Development
Humor and Children's Development: A Guide to Practical Applications, by Paul
McGhee. © 1989
Playing to Learn by Carol Seefeld. © 2001
Supportive Frameworks for Youth Engagement, by Mimi Michaelson. © 2001
Dynamic Assessment of Young Children, by David Tzuriel. © 2001
Helpful Books on Flower Girls
The Flower Girls, by Tomie De Paola. © 1983
Manners, Culture, and Dress of the Best American Society, by Richard Wells. © 1993
List of Bridal Magazines
Bridal Guide
Modern Bride
The Wedding Magazine
Brides
Destination Weddings
List of Top Wedding Websites
http://www.top100weddingsites.com
http://www.labellefleurbridal.com
Guiding Questions
1. Was the child old enough and mature enough to handle the responsibilities of
being flower girl?
2. What precautions could have been taken to avoid this situation from occurring?
3. What should have been discussed and explained to the flower girl prior to the big
day?
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4. Why did the little girl act out in the manner she did?
5. What was the effect of the bride's reaction on the audience?
6. How did the bride's reaction set the tone for how others reacted to the fiasco?
7. What are the pros and cons to the way the bride reacted to the interrupted
ceremony?
8. Should the little girl have been allowed to attend the reception after she exhibited
poor judgment and manners earlier in the day?
9. Should the bride have agreed or disagreed to let the little girl dance with the
groom? Would that help or hinder the situation?
10. How would you have handled and reacted to this incident if it happened to you?
Humor Theories Used
This case study was designed to leave the reader at a critical point, where the learner
could play out different possible endings to the story. Discussing how you would react
under such circumstances with another person may help you develop a comprehensive
list of the pros and cons to each of the solutions you develop. After assessing all of your
options carefully, choose the reaction that is most appropriate and yields more positive
effects than negative implications.
In the actual ending the little girl barrels her way in between the dancing couple and
demands that the bride let her dance with the groom. The bride agrees to let the flower
girl dance and laughs at the little girl's relentless pursuit of the groom. The bride then
announced over the microphone that the new Mr. and Mrs. Bednarski were having their
first dance and asked everyone to please join them on the dance floor. Later on the guests
were asked to return to their seats so the priest could make a toast. In his speech he joked
about the flower girl. As everyone laughed and stared at the little girl, who was in the
process of stuffing her mouth full of cake, she asked "who, is he talking about me…me?"
in a squeaky high pitched voice. Everyone began laughing again and the flower girl
seemed to be the hit of the party.
The bride used several humor theories to control the situation so that laughter would be
the reaction to this ordinarily upsetting disruption. For many brides the wedding day is
the culmination of months of stressful planning and anxiety. For this reason it is even
more important that laughter be used in the face of adversity. John Morreall suggests that
humor works against stress. While both are reactions to incongruity "we perceive the
incongruity of stress as threatening, but in humor we do not." (p.71) In order to laugh at
the flower girl's disturbance, a little re-framing needed to be done to make the situation
more manageable. When the bride realized the absurdity of the incident she was able to
see that the little girl's disruption eased the tension and formality of her catholic wedding.
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Thanks to the outbreak, guests were in hysterics and the priest was cracking jokes asking
how many more underage women objected to this marriage? Morreall says, "a leader can
reframe a situation so that others look at it in a new way, and this reframing gives the
leaders control over their thinking." (p. 199) The author also suggests that if you cannot
control the situation, it is best to look for the absurdity, irony, and foolishness of the
incident, laugh at it and then move on. This is exactly what the bride did. Once the little
girl was at the altar begging the groom to pick her, it was best that the bride shake off the
disruption and laugh at the incongruency of the event. Who would have thought that a
four-year-old cousin would have an objection to this marriage, and moreover had the
audacity to stand up and declare it before the entire church?
The incongruency theory was used in multiple ways throughout this case. Most of the
guests assumed that after the wedding party marched down the aisle that vows would be
exchanged and the couple would soon be pronounced husband and wife. Attendants also
expected the bride to be the center of attention instead of the flower girl. No one expected
the flower girl to cause such a stir. It was the rarity of the events and incomprehensible
behavior that allowed for laughter to result from the child's publicly displayed
disapproval of the marriage.
Another humor theory demonstrated by the bride was the superiority theory. As in many
humorous situations looking back at an event makes the event seem even more
humorous. As the bride reflected on the incidents that took place in the church, hindsight
allowed her to laugh harder about them. This is one explanation for why the bride
decided to capitalize on the situation the flower girl created by allowing the little girl to
dance with the groom.
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