The 7 Stages of Marriage
Presented by Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
Council for Relationships
July 9, 2009
Session 210
Smart Marriages Happy Families
Orlando, Florida
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The Timeline of Marriage
Embrace Change
• Every marriage is unique.
• Change never, ever stops.
• Incredible, inevitable journey
• Live your stage.
• Cultivate love
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What’s in Store
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Understand the core mission of your marriage.
Develop new strengths for the journey ahead.
Sidestep advice that could threaten your marriage.
Avoid time and effort-wasting wrong moves.
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What difference does a Stage make?
Life experience is dynamic, changing and
dimensional
• Life cycle development is predictable
• Life cycle development is individual,
interactional, and intergenerational
• Life cycle development is marked by the
passing of time
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What is unique about the
“7 Stages”?
• Developmental issues and tasks have been
identified
• Normative events are described
• Practical exercises and activities useful in
educational workshops and counseling practice
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The Benefit of Knowing the 7 Stages
• Provides a roadmap for today and
tomorrow
• Normalizes the experiences of
marriage
• Knowing the missions for the stages
provides focus
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Marriage Today
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Marriage is a value
What the Stats tell us
The Reader's Digest Survey
The Benefits of Marriage
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Reader’s Digest Survey
The Survey Says…..
• Marriage Isn’t Broken
• It’s Really About Trust
• Laughter is More Important than Sex
• Guys Get Gushy About Marriage, Too
• Challenges Make Us Stronger
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7 Stages at a Glance
• Passion
• Realization
• Rebellion
• Cooperation
• Reunion
• Explosion
• Completion
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Measuring Your Marriage
Life Long Journey
• Stages don’t have start times – or ending
dates.
• Two stages can overlap.
• You can “repeat” or revisit an earlier stage.
• You can use the lessons of an earlier stage
to enhance your current stage.
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PASSION
The Love Cocktail – Know the
essential ingredients
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The Missions
• Mission 1 – Savor the Passion
• Mission 2 – Forge a Sense of “We”
• Mission 3 – Learn your Love Languages
• Mission 4 – Build Emotional Intimacy
• Mission 5 – Expand Your Sexual Vocabulary
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REALIZATION
The rose-colored glasses come
off now – differentiation begins
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The Missions
• Mission 1: Understand your Expectations
• Mission 2: Open, Honest Talking
• Mission 3: Learn Empathetic Listening
• Mission 4: Be Friends
• Mission 5: Split Household Chores Fairly
• Mission 6: Become a Money Team
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REBELLION
Me, Me, Me!
Growth through conflict - from
control
to compromise....
on to negotiation
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The Missions
• Mission 1: Turn Power Struggles into Acceptance
• Mission 2: Move from Conflict to ProblemSolving
• Mission 3: Set and Pursue Healthy Personal Goals
• Mission 4: Renew Your Spirituality
• Mission 5: Recover from Infidelities
• Mission 6: Forgive Your Spouse and Yourself
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COOPERATION
Lots to do – work, family,
friends, future planning
Not enough time
Not enough money
Not enough sexual intimacy
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The Missions
• Mission 1: Let Parenthood Strengthen Your
Marriage
• Mission 2: Settle Conflicts – and Connect as
Friends
• Mission 3: Invite Romance Back into Your Marriage
• Mission 4: De-Stress – and Make Love Again
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REUNION
The First Stage of the Rest of
Your Marriage – strengthening
mutuality
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The Missions
• Mission 1: Shift Your Focus Back to Your Marriage
• Mission 2: Get off Autopilot
• Mission 3: Welcome Boomerang Kids – Without
Neglecting Your Marriage
• Mission 4: Use Your Marriage to Create Good Health
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EXPLOSION
Random Crises
Health -physical/emotional
Work
Family
Trauma
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• Caring for Aging Parents
• Mission 1: Make Care giving a Team
Effort
• Mission 2: Enjoy Your Marriage
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• Depression
• Mission 1: Fight the Depression
• Mission 2: Protect Your Marriage – and
Yourself
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• Job Loss
• Mission 1: Set a New Budget – and New
Priorities
• Mission 2: Support Each Other
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• Weight Gain
• Mission 1: Feel Good about Your Body
• Mission 2: Take care of your health and
reduce your spouse’s anxiety
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COMPLETION
Recreating and Enjoying Life
Continuity and Loss
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The Missions
• Mission 1: Keep Your Marriage Growing
• Mission 2: Play – And Be in the Moment
• Mission 3: Share a New Sense of Meaning and Purpose
and Prepare for Loss
• Mission 4: Reorganize Your Time, Your Territory, Your
Tasks
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Applications for Workshops
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Applications in Counseling Couples
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Thank you!
• Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
• 215-628-2450
• marriagedoctor@aol.com
• www.marriagedoctor.com
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Note: The actual presentation PPT presentation may differ from the handout
copy. Participants may contact Rita DeMaria for an updated handout.
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Thank you!
• The 7 Stages of Marriages provides a
lifelong guide to identifying and
exploring the missions, challenges and
rewards of the stages of marriage.
• Congratulations
– Rita DeMaria, Ph.D.
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