Monologues: Harvey GUYS will perform ONE of the following monologues by ELWOOD. Note: ELWOOD is the friendliest, happiest person you could ever meet. His best friend is a six-foot rabbit named Harvey (who can’t be seen by anyone else). Monologue #1 ELWOOD answers the phone. (Note: If you do this monologue, bring a cell phone to use. Also place HARVEY in an actual chair nearby.) ELWOOD: (To HARVEY.) Excuse me a moment. I have to answer the phone. Make yourself comfortable. (In Phone.) Hello. No, you’ve got the wrong number. But how are you anyway? This is Elwood P. Dowd speaking. (Listens) I’ll do? Why, thank you, dear. And what is your name, my dear? (To HARVEY.) It’s a Miss Elsie Greenawalt. (In phone.)And how are you today, Miss Greenawalt? (Listens) Yes, that does sound like an offer too good to pass up. (To HARVEY.) Harvey, I can get the Ladies Home journal, Good Housekeeping, and the Open Road for Boys for just pennies a day . (In phone.) It sounds good, Miss Greenawalt. (Listens to HARVEY, who has clearly interrupted, and then speaks in the phone.) And Harvey says it sounds good to him, too. Yes, two subscriptions, please. Mail everything to this address—343 Temple Drive. And I do hope I’ll have the pleasure of meeting you face to face someday. (Listens, and then to HARVEY.) She says she’d like to meet me. (In phone.) When? (Listens.) When would you like to meet me? Why not right now? My sister seems to be having a few friends in, and we would consider it an hour if you would join us. The same address as the magazine subscriptions’. I hope to see you in a few minutes. Goodbye, my dear. (Hangs up.) She’s coming right over. Harvey, don’t you think you and I better go freshen up? (Exits the way he came in. As soon as he’s gone, MYRTLE escorts ETHEL in.) Monologue #2 ELWOOD introduces HARVEY to his favorite aunt, Ethel Chauvent (show-venn-nay) ELWOOD: Aunt Ethel, I want you to meet Harvey. As you can see, he’s a Pooka. (To HARVEY.) Harvey, you’ve often heard me speak of Mrs. Chauvenet. We always called her Aunt Ethel. She’s one of my oldest and dearest friends. (Listens to HARVEY.) Yes—yes—that’s right—she’s the one. (To ETHEL.) Harvey said he would have known you anywhere. Now come along, Harvey. We must say hello to the rest of the guest. (Bows to Ethel.) I beg your pardon, Aunt Ethel. (Puts his hand gently on her arm.) You are standing in his way. (To HARVEY.) Come along, Harvey. (He watches HARVEY cross to the door.) Huh-uh (He straightens HARVEY’s tie and takes a speck of dirt off his suit coat.) You look fine. Now go right on in. (ELWOOD turns back to ETHEL.) Aunt Ethel, I can see you’re disturbed about Harvey. Please don’t be. He stares like that at everyone. It’s his way. But he liked you. I could tell. He liked you very much. (He exits. There are a few moments of silence.) Monologue #3 ELWOOD tells Mrs. Chumley, the doctor’s wife, about Harvey. ELWOOD I do hope you get an opportunity to meet Harvey. I’m sure he’d be quite taken with you. If Harvey happens to take a liking to people, he expresses himself quite definitely. If he’s not particularly interested, he sits there like an empty chair. Harvey takes his time making up his mind about people. Choosey, you see. Harvey is very fond of my sister, Veta. That’s because he is fond of me, and Veta and I come from the same family. Now you’d think the feeling would be mutual, wouldn’t you. But Veta doesn’t seem to care for Harvey. Don’t you think that’s rather too bad? But we must keep trying. Because if Harvey has said to me once, he’s said to me a million times, “Mr. Dowd, I would do anything for you.” Monologue #4 ELWOOD tells Nurse Kelly about Harvey and his importance to Elwood. ELWOOD: Harvey and I sit in the bars and play the jukebox. Soon the faces of the other people turn toward mine and smile. They’re saying, “We don’t know your name, mister, but you’re a lovely fellow.” Harvey and I warm ourselves in all these golden moments. We have entered as strangers. . .and soon we have friends. They talk to us. They tell about the terrible things they have done. The big wonderful things they will do. Their hopes, their regrets, their loves, their hates. All large, because nobody ever brings anything small into a bar. And then I introduce them to Harvey. And he is bigger and grander than anything they offer me. When they leave, they leave impressed. The same people seldom come back because they’ve told what they need to tell, and they’ve seen a little bit of a miracle. They no longer have a need to go back to the bar again. Monologue #5 ELWOOD tells Dr. Sanderson about first meeting Harvey. ELWOOD: One night, several years ago, I was walking early in the evening, alone. Fairfax Street— between 18th and 19th. I had just helped Ed Hickey into a taxi. Ed had been mixing his rye with his gin, and I felt he needed some help getting home. I started to walk down the street when I heard a voice saying, “Good evening, Mr. Dowd.” I turned and there was this great white rabbit leaning against a lamp post. Well, I thought nothing of that because when you live in a town as long as I have lived in this one, you get used to the fact that everybody knows your name. Naturally I went over to chat with him. He said to me, “Ed Hickey was a little spiffed this evening, or could I be mistaken?” Well, of course he was not mistaken. I think the world and all of Ed, but he was spiffed. So we stood there and talked and finally I said, “You have the advantage of me. You know my name, but I don’t know yours.” Right back at me he said, “What name do you like?” Well, I didn’t even have to think a minute. Harvey has always been my favorite name. So I said, “Harvey”—and this is the interesting part of the whole thing. He said, “What a coincidence. My name happens to be Harvey!” GIRLS will perform ONE of the following monologues by Veta. Veta is Elwood’s older sister—in her late thirties. She loves him very much. Monologue #1 VETA has gone to the Sanitarium to get Elwood committed because he’s afraid he’s mentally ill. Myrtle is her teenage daughter. VETA: Doctor, I want Elwood committed out here permanently because I can’t stand another day of that Harvey. Myrtle and I have to set a place at the table for Harvey. We have to move over on the sofa and make a place for Harvey. We have to answer the telephone when Elwood calls and asks to speak to Harvey. Then, at the party this afternoon—(overcome, she pauses for a moment.) You see, we didn’t know about Harvey until we moved back here. Doctor, don’t you think it would have been a little kinder of Mother to have written and told me about Harvey? Who is Harvey, you ask? He’s a rabbit , a big white rabbit, six feet high—or is it six feet and a half? Heaven knows that I ought to know. He’s been around the house long enough. My brother’s closest friend is this big white rabbit. Harvey lives at our house. He and Elwood go every place together. Elwood buys theatre tickets, railroad tickets for both of them. As I told Myrtle Mae—if your uncle is so lonesome he had to bring something home—why couldn’t he bring home something human? He has me, doesn’t he? He has Myrtle Mae. (Leans forward.) Doctor, I’m going to tell you something I’ve never told anybody in the world before. (Takes a deep breath.) Every once in a while, I see that big white rabbit myself. Monologue #2 When Veta went to the Sanitarium to have Elwood committed, the doctor mistook her for the crazy one. She was tackled by an orderly, stripped, put in a therapeutic hydro-tub of water, and kept as a mentally ill patient until she was released. She has just escaped, and she is telling a family friend, Judge Gaffney, about her ordeal. Myrtle Mae is her daughter. VETA: Judge, I want you to sue them. They put me in and they let Elwood out! Just look at my hair! I don’t know why they thought I was crazy. I didn’t do one single crazy thing. When I got there, I told them about Elwood and Harvey. Then I went down to the cab to get his things. As I was walking along the path, this awful man stepped out. He was a white slaver. I know he was. He was dressed all in white. . .that’s how they advertise. Then he grabbed me, and he dragged me into the Sanitarium, and then he. . .(She breaks down and takes a moment to recover enough to be able to speak.) He took me upstairs. . .and he tore all my clothes off. And then. . .and then. . . he put me in. . .he put me in. . .he put me in a therapeutic hydro tub! That man took hold of me like I was a woman of the streets. But I fought. I always said that if a man jumped me, I’d fight. Didn’t I always say that, Myrtle Mae? And then those doctors came upstairs and started asking me a lot of questions. . .all about sex urges and filthy stuff like that. Judge, you’ve got to do something about it. You’ve got to sue them.