ASSERTIVENESS
“İnsanlara adil davranın, ancak onların
da size adil davranmalarını sağlayın.”
Alan Alda
1-HISTORY OF ASSERTIVENESS
 Socrates
 Smith-1975
 Today
2-WHAT IS ASSERTIVENESS?
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Assertiveness is about self
confidence which means having
a positive attitude towards
yourself and others.
Ten Points about Assertive
Behaviours
1-It depends on expressing yourself
2-Showing respects to others rights
3-Being honest
4-Indirect and certain
5-Mutual equilibrim and benefit is important in
a relationship
6-It is expressing emotions, rights, realities,
thoughts and boundaries by words
7-Using non-verbal comminication for sending
the message
8-It is not universal, it depends on the position
and the individual
9-It is getting social responsibility
10-It is not the nature of the hunamkind, it can
be learned
Being Assertive
1-Being assertive is focusing on your
goal
2-Being assertive is being self-aware
3-Being assertive is being true to
yourself
4-Being assertive is building self
esteem
5-Being assertive is nurturing yourself.
3-TYPES OF
ASSERTIVENESS
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Non-assertive behaviour
I am not ok,you are ok
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Assertive behaviour
I am ok,you are ok
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Aggresive behaviour
I am ok,you are not ok
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Manipulative behaviour
I am not ok,you are not ok
Agressive ---Agressive
Aggresive---Passive
Assertive---Passive
Negative attitude and
passive behaviour
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Lack of self confidence and low self
esteem
Lack of self respect
Self putdowns
Negative feelings and thoughts about
yourself
Feeliings of inferiority compared to others
Like others to be in control of people and
situations
Feel guilty towards others
demotivated
Negative attitude and
manipulative behaviour
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Lack of self confidence and low self esteem
Lack of self respect and lack of respect for
others
Mistrustful and suspicious of others’ motives
Negative feelings and thoughts about self
and others
Feel very wary towards others
Dishonest and indirect
Twist what others have said
Undermine others’ self esteem
Depressed and demotivated
Negative attitude and
aggressive behaviour
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Lack of self confidence and low self esteem
Lack of respect towards others
Put others down
Feelings of superiority
Like to be in control of people and situations
Disinterested in others’ thoughts and feelings
Feel angry towards others and are quick to blame
them
Don’t listen to or ask questions
Dismissive of feedback
Positive attitude and
assertive behaviour
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Self confidence and high self esteem
Respect for self and towards others
Take responsibility for self
Motivated to do a good job
İnterested in others’ feelings and
thoughts
Ask questions
Honest and direct
Listen to others
Ask others for feedback
4-SKILLS OF
ASSERTIVENESS
a) Broken record
b) Fogging
c) Negative assertion
d) Negative inquiry
e) Free information
f) Self disclosure
g)Workable compromise
5-ASSERTIVENESS BY
VERBAL AND NONVERBAL
COMMUNICATION
“It ain’t what you say, it is the way that you say it”
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Tonation
‘I will phone you’ – It will be me not any other person
‘I will phone you’ – I will not forget!
‘I will phone you’ – I will not write or visit.
‘I will phone you’ – It will be you,not any other person.
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Faces and the looks
Eye signal
Body image
Personal space
The gesture
6-ASSERTIVENESS IN
CULTURES
ASIAN
Low degree of individualism ,
nonassertive.
 EUROPEAN,AMERICAN
High degree of individualism ,
assertive.
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7-HUMAN ASSERTIVE RIGHTS
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The right to express
sexuality
The right to have
needs and desires
The right to have
information
The right to have
goods or services
which have been
paid
The right to be
independent and to
be left alone
The right to say no
The right to be
treated with respect
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The right to do anything which
does not violate the rights of
others
The right to be assertive or
non-assertive
The right to make choices
The right to change
The right to control over
body,time and possesions
The right to express opinions
and beliefs
The right to think well of
oneself
The right to make requests
8-SAYING ‘YES’ OR ‘NO’
Why is it difficult to say no?
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If I say no,they may feel hurt or injected
If I say no this time, they may not like me
anymore
If I say no this time,they may never ask again
They won’t take any notice if I say no
They would say ‘yes’ to me (and so I will feel
guilty if I refuse them)
I can’t say no, because I feel sorry for them
How to say ‘no’ assertively?
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Start your reply with a
clear,firm,audible ‘no’
Do not justify or make
excuses.Giving a reason is different
from over-appologizing
Feel that you have a right to say no
Once you have said ‘no’ , do not stay
around waiting to be persuaded to
change your mind.Make a definite
closure by changing the
subject,walking away, continiuing
with what you are doing-whatever is
appropriate
How to say ‘no’ assertively?
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Remember you are saying ‘no’ to that
particular request,not rejecting the
person
If the request takes you unawares or
you have not sufficent time to think
when asked,you can always say, ‘I will
let you know’ in order to give yourself
time to think about what you want to say
Take responsibility for saying no-do not
blame the other person for asking you
Ask for more information if you need it
in order to decide whether you want to
say ‘yes’ or ‘no’
Why is it difficult to say ‘yes’?
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I don’t deserve it
They might not really mean it
I am not really sure that is what I want
I don’t have enough information
How to say ‘yes’ assertively
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Say ‘yes’ clearly and definitely
Identify why you would find it difficult
Examine thoughts realistically and ask
yourself
Having calarified thughts for yourself
then reaffirm your desire to say ‘yes’
Combining ‘yes’ and ‘no’
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‘yes’ and ‘no’ may be combined assertively to
define what we want or what our limits are in a
particular situation.
9-THE IMPORTANCE OF
ASSERTIVENESS IN
ORGANISATIONS
Assertiveness
 Personal identity
 Wages or salary
 Satisfaction from
exercising skills
 Satisfaction from
helping people
 Social
environment
Need to dealing with
 Theirselves
 The manager to
whom they report
 Their colleagues
 Their subordinates
 Clients or customers
10-ASSERTIVENESS
TRAINING IN WORK PLACE
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Body-language awareness leading
to work body oriented therapies
Role-plays and then work in
psyhcodrama
Awareness of other people’s
perceptions and so work in
sensitivity groups and encounter
Looking at situations in the past
where one was, or was not
assertive and hence traditional
psychoteraphy
Techniques in Assertiveness
Training
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Verbal communication
Non-verbal communication
Anxiety reduction and control
Anger reduction and control, and
redirection of this energy
Increase in self esteem
Awareness of self and others in
interpersonnal situations
Awareness of social and cultural
rules of behaviour
Problems in Assertiveness
Training
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The first major problem for assertion
training involves negative evaluations of
assertive people by others
Confusion between assertion and
aggression
Problem involves transfer of training,the
difficulty experienced by trainees in
generalising assertive from the training
context to real-life situations
Finally some of the difficulties in applying
assertion training outside the training
context may be due to intuitive training
procedures that are inadequately based in
research
The skills of helping the person to commit to
changing his/her behaviour from nonassertive to assertive.
You will need action planning skills at
this stage of the counselling process.In
particular, you need to help the person
set clear objectives;a mnemonic which
can be useful is SMART.
This stands for:
 Specific
Measurable
 Achievable
 Realistic
 Time oriented
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TO DECİDE WHEN TO BE
ASSERTİVE
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Do you know really what is the situation?
How much importance it has for you?
Will you get what you want?
Do you want to just express yourself?
What is your options?
Do you want an optimistic result?
Are you ready to be assertive?
Did you count to the 10?
Is it beter to wait?
Will you get anger to yourself, ,f you don’t do anything?
Have you done your best?
What are the possible results and risks?
Will assertiveness cause a change?
Prepared By;
Ahmet Gürbüz
Mehmet Mutlu Bayram
Mustafa Giray Zerey
THANKS FOR YOUR
ATTENTION