1
Who has the toughest job in the world? If you sit in front of the TV all day you’d think…Ice Road
truckers or Bering Sea crab fishermen or even feral hog hunters…
But we all know that none of them top the Number one hardest job in America – parenting!
Parenting is ridiculously hard!
It’s just true! Parenting is not for cowards, not for the faint of heart – it is a full contact sport and it will
cost you your life.
And this has always been true:



From the time the doctor says…you’re going to be parents until the day you go to meet your
maker…you are a parent and it is just plain tough
Guiding a child from that little blob in the bassinette to the big blob on the couch…is tough
They make a mess, they are expensive, they break things – like their own bodies and their
hearts.
o You’ll go through boxes of Band-Aids with boys and Kleenex with girls
And what has always been true is that there are no guarantees. Even when you think you’ve done it
all right…


…life happens, situations occur that are beyond your control but that said…and choices are
made,
your little darlings are moral free agents and they sometimes make outrageous decisions that
undermine our best efforts.
So Parenting has always been hard but…the stakes are even higher now. I would contend that we
live in the toughest time in history to raise kids… Why?
You are overwhelmed with chronic anxiety.

a cultural malaise of freaked out hand ringing and toxic busyness.
You are plagued with continuous partial attention.

You never stop moving as you are overloaded with multiple incoming signals
You are more relationally isolated than ever.

fewer friends, less family connections and little real community
o we have just enough energy at the end of the day to hit the garage door button and turn
on the TV.
You are spiritually shallow


“The predominate American religion is an intensely personalized, immature, soft, and
intellectually lazy faith”
You’ve crafted a God who is way out there, disengaged from the real life you live, and only
nominal connection with a faith community.
For those reasons among others, this is a tough, tough time to raise kids and the impact is
unmistakable …Our children are struggling in a big way:
2

Emotionally disability is becoming an epidemic in students
Recently UCLA researchers discovered that incoming freshmen students are entering college with
the lowest overall mental and emotional health in history.
The average high school student today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric
patient in the 1950s.

Addictiveness to substances, sex, internet, gaming, eating disorders (too little and too much) is
skyrocketing

Interpersonal Physical Harm is trending – kids are hurting each other

Faith among teens – 20 somethings is in free fall

And ironically all of this is happening longer than ever – Extended adolescence begins now at
age 8 and extends in some cases past 30.
So, I repeat –
Parenting is ridiculously hard!
And that breaks your heart, doesn’t it?
because…
Despite how hard it is to raise kids we desperately want the best for them.
You know you do. You spend an enormous amount of time fussing, worrying about and praying for
your child to grow up healthy, successful, and happy.
So why is it then that…
Despite how desperately we want the best for our kids many of us are parenting poorly!
Some of us stink at parenting! And you no doubt aren’t’ even aware how badly you do it…For
instance:
Wrong Kind of Parents: Helicopter Parents
Micro-managing, clingy, hovering, hyper-present mom or dad.
Teacher and coaches roll their eyes at this kind of parent: “their Child’s little agent”
Wrong Kind of Parents: Distracted parents
Overly busy and overwhelmed these parents resort to haphazard involvement, long stretches
of disengagement punctuated with high energy moments
They outsource child rearing to coaches, teachers, youth group leaders
Wrong Kind of Parents: CEO parents
3
Type A managers who push their child for compliance with the plan they have for them. Does
your child really want to be on that travelling team or is that your plan?
Wrong Kind of Parents: Idolater Parents
To these narcissists their child has become an Immortality Symbol who conveys glory on the
parent’s ego. These parents live for the success of their little Honey Boo Boo. BTW - this is
one of the reasons our children’s’ environment has become hyper competitive and
performance based.
All this to say …It’s not an overstatement to suggest that parenting is at a crossroads. You are at a
crossroads!
That’s why we launched the series last September… a series that was defined by a hope…and a
belief
Despite how hard it is…and despite our failures as parents…we believe
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so,
in this world, at this time in history, will require we become a new kind of parent.
A New Kind of Parent




Not a new set of parenting skills but a new identity
Not some cool parenting tricks but a new posture
Not some tweaks to your parenting practices but a total re-invention.
Not a stop gap system till they flea the nest but a life time commitment.
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so,
in this world, at this time in history, will require we become a new kind of parent.
So, if you’re still with me…
Essential characteristics of a New Kind of Parent:
A New Kind of Parent trusts God and follows Jesus.
This is non-negotiable. To become a new kind of parent you must first become a new kind of human
being. One that trusts God and follows Jesus.
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways
acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6
As brilliant as you are you do not have the capacity to pull this off.
A new kind of parent recognizes their innate poverty and opens their life and heart to the Lord of the
Universe.
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you
and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my
yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30
You need a miracle…the staggering miracle of God taking up residence in your life.
4

I can’t overstate this - you will not be all the parent you want to be until you have Jesus in your
life and your life is dedicated to following him. I make no bones about that.

You must stop being a Christian and instead start to follow Jesus Christ.

Some of you would do best now to stop listening to this sermon but instead get up go
somewhere fall on your knees, repent and give your life to the one who can transform and fill
you.
Until the Staggering Miracle happens to you, you will not be able to be a New Kind of Parent.
A new kind of parent is personally healthy.
Are you? Do you have a healthy body? a healthy mind? healthy relationships, do you have a healthy
soul?
“Children rarely succeed in rising above the maturity level of their parents.” Edwin Friedman Failure of
Nerve
You’re not healthy? How does a parent get healthy?
1. Prioritize your own health over that of your kids
o IL – airplane and the face mask
2. Stop tying your personal wellbeing to the condition of your children
o You are different from your child. And you must remember that.
“The children who work through the natural problems of maturing with the least amount of emotional
or physical residue are those whose parents have made them least important to their own salvation.”
Edwin Friedman, Failure of Nerve
A New Kind of Parent disciples their children.
Everything I’ve said is crucial but this is the nub…this is where you have to buckle down and pay
attention even more… do not miss this!
But let me illustrate it first: (Call up a late teen or 20 something)
Remember when I said that a NKoP has a different posture here’s what I meant:

Nurturer parent:
o Stands behind their child
o They offer support and care
o I’m here for you!

Cheerleader parent:
o Stands beside their child
o They offer advice and encouragement
5
o You can do it!

Teacher parent:
o Stands in front of their child
o They offer training and guidance
o Here’s what you should do!
Those are all good and necessary but incomplete without this posture…

Discipler parent
o Walks with their child (slightly out in front)
o They offer example and modeling
o They say Follow me as I follow Jesus!
To be a discipler parent requires:



Close proximity to your child – it is a step by step process.
Time (a never ending process that gets more important the older your children become)
Intentionality
Jesus described it this way: A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will
be like his teacher. Jesus
Each day of our lives we make deposits in the memory banks of our children. Charles R. Swindoll,
The Strong Family
Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart
and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be
upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when
you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your
hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your
gates. Deuteronomy 6:4-9
Shema – the greatest of all laws among God’s people.
A discipler parent bleeds conviction about what is right and godly (Vs. 6 - on your hearts)
A discipler parent repeatedly seeks to sharpen their kids (Vs. 7 – Impress)
A discipler parent is always talking about what is right and true (Vs. 7 – talk everywhere)
A discipler parent uses every moment to model (Vs. 7 – sit, walk, lie down, get up)
A discipler parent is obvious and blatant with their life curriculum for their child (Vs. hands, foreheads,
doorframes, gates)
6
Speaking of curriculum… A NKoP is not simply about modeling, in general… A NKoP has goals in
mind! Clear…articulated syllabus for their child…
A New Kind of Parent has a clear curriculum
Healthy Character


Clear Calling
Want their kid to be healthy internally – in their spirit or soul
Want their child to have direction and healthy action with their lives
Healthy Character
The practice of surrender to God
The practice of communion with God
The practice of moral integrity
The practice of self-denial
Clear Calling
For we are God's masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in
advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
The practice of generosity
The practice of justice and mercy
7
The practice of loving others
The practice of community
It is possible to raise healthy children who are rich in character and clear in their calling. But to do so,
in this world, at this time in history, will require we become a new kind of parent.