Preparing
Volunteers Guide
Community-Based
4 Greenleaf Woods #201
Portsmouth, NH 03801
603.430.1140 phone
603-430-7760 fax
www.bbbsgs.org
Topic
Welcome Letter From ED
Start Something Big!
About BBBS
Your Role
What Will You Do? Expectations
How To Get Involved—Enrollment
How to Create a Partnership with
Youth Little’s Parent/Guardian
A Top Priority--Child Safety
BBBS Support—How BBBS Works
With You and Your Little
You Can Make a Difference in the Life
of a of a Child
Volunteer Guidelines
Valuable Relationships
Children - Ages & Stages
Strategies for Common Problems
Sample Match Scenarios
Transitioning/Closure
Thank You
Appendix A: POLICIES
Appendix B: CHILD ABUSE
Appendix C: TROUBLESHOOTING
ABUSE
Appendix D: GROUND RULES
Appendix E: SEVEN LIFE SKILLS
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34-36
37-39
40-45
Dear Friend,
Welcome to our family! We hope that becoming a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
will be the beginning of a life changing, life affirming experience. As a Big Brother or Big Sister, you are
giving the most important things that you can to a child—time, attention, and unconditional care and
affection. These gifts will not only help to empower your little to be and achieve more than he or she ever
thought possible, but it will provide an opportunity for you to be revisit all those fun things you used to do
when you were a kid!
We recognize that you are probably very excited to Start Something with your new Little Brother or Little
Sister and we commit to:
 Be transparent about our process and keep in touch with you as we undergo careful
consideration of your application
 Perform an in-depth interview to give you the opportunity to learn about our program and to
tell us why now would be a good time for you to be a Big
 Perform a multi-layered background check
 Give you the appropriate training and background to be successful
 Make recommendations for possible matches based upon both your interests and personality
and that of a potential Little
 Initiate the initial match meeting and then provide support for you and your match for the
duration of your relationship.
Because of the generosity of volunteers and donors from our community, we expect to provide more than
430 children with a Big Brother or Big Sister this year! Your participation as a volunteer, a donor or as both
will help children right here in the Seacoast. At Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast, our goal is
to help EVERY child fulfill his or her potential regardless of income, family structure and ability. So, thank
you for your interest in becoming a Big and together let’s…
Start more role models
Start more success stories
Start changing perspectives
Start changing lives.
Sincerely,
Stacy W. Kramer
Executive Director
Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
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Donate your money or time to help a child reach his or her potential…It
might be the start of Something Big!
Become a BIG!
We will review your application,
conduct an interview & check
your references, driving record
& background history.
This process may take up to 8 weeks but
if accepted as a Big Brother or Sister…
It could be the start of Something Big!
There are many ways that you can support our vision of breaking the cycle of
poverty and incarceration in the Seacoast through mentoring.
Here are a few:
 Become a Big Brother or Big Sister!
 Participate in Bowl For Kids Sake with your Little, your friends and family
 Attend one of our amazing fundraising parties
 Tell your friends and colleagues about Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
 Make a donation to our annual appeal
 Donate your used clothing to the BBBS Foundation by calling 800-483-5503
 Donate your used car by going to www.donationline.com and choosing Big Brothers Big Sisters of the
Greater Seacoast
 Check to see if your employer gives financial contributions for employee volunteer time
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About BBBS
B
ig Brothers Big Sisters has been bringing a little magic into the everyday lives of children by matching
them with adult volunteers in fun and rewarding relationships since 1904. We are very excited that you
are considering being a volunteer with our agency.
Friendship is a powerful thing. It’s fun, anyone can be a friend, and it’s important. Experiencing fun activities
together and forming a trusting bond with a child can have a powerful and positive impact on the child.
We have two basic ways you can meet with your Little to build a fun friendship.
1. As a Big you can meet with a Little in the community at a time convenient for both you and the child.
You can take in a movie, go wash your car or whatever else might be a fun way to spend some time
together.
2. Bigs and Littles can meet at the Little’s school or other site typically at the same day & time each week.
We have several agency programs.
These include:
Community Based Mentoring
After School Site Based Mentoring
School Based Mentoring
Mentoring Children of Prisoners
Who are our Littles?
Children ages 6-17 from our community
who could benefit from having a positive
adult role model.
How do Children come
into the program?
Most children in our community-based
program come to us through their parent
or caregiver. We also reach out to involve
children through schools, youth service
agencies, and other referral sources.
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Your Role
T
he success of the match friendship depends greatly on the efforts of the Big, the Little, and the Parent.
Each one plays an important role in helping build a meaningful friendship.
What is a “Big”?
It won’t be long before you meet your Little Brother or Little Sister for the first time. And, when you do, it will
help for you to understand your role as a Big.
What makes a successful “Big”?
Successful “Bigs”…
 Emphasize friendship over changing the behavior of the child
 Are not authoritarian
 Decide activities together with Littles
 Are consistent & dependable
 Have realistic expectations
 Are patient
 Focus on having fun
 Set boundaries and limits
 Acknowledge that positive impact on the child comes after the relationship is built
 Put a child’s safety and well-being first
What a “Big” Is Not
 Parent
 Financial support
 Taxi service
 Babysitter
 Peer
 Therapist
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What Will You Do? - Expectations
W
e all had someone in our lives, other than a parent, who made a difference to us. This is what you
can do for a child in our program. It’s really pretty simple—it’s a matter of making yourself available
on a consistent basis. It’s showing you care. It’s having fun with a child. It’s listening to them talk
about whatever is going on in their lives. It’s a series of small, teachable moments that, in the end, make a BIG
difference.
Changes in your Little tend to occur slowly. Your Little may not call you or suggest activities for you to do-this
is normal behavior. Often Littles won’t say “thank you” –but this doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying the time
with you. It just takes time for the relationship to form.
To make the most of your relationship:
 Be a good friend: Listen, have fun, take time to get to know this new person in your life. Choose
activities that you both enjoy and that will strengthen the bond between you. Don’t set out to impose
mandatory changes in the Little. Positive behaviors will flow after your Little trusts you and your Little
grows in being more secure, not by your declaring mandatory new behaviors that the Little has to do.
 Be Consistent:
 Show the child you think your time together is important.
 Be involved and participate in agency activities:
 This connects you with other Bigs & Littles and allows your Little to interact with other kids in
the program.
 Regularly communicate with your Little, the parents and your Match Support Specialist:
 We will contact you each month to provide assistance and give feedback on how you’re making
a difference.
 Anytime you are unsure about what to do or how to handle a situation, your Match Support
Specialists are here to help.
 Work for a long-lasting relationship.
 Realize that problems may come up:
 It’s normal for problems to arise in a match relationship
 Try to balance your expectations of what it will be like with your Little and be realistic about
how long the relationship will take to develop.
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How to Get Involved – Enrollment
BBBSGS will gather information to learn more about you so that we can make the best match possible. We
will:
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Conduct an interview
Check references—includes a home assessment and possible interview with significant other
Perform a comprehensive Criminal History Background Check
Gather information from another BBBS agency or other service organization where you may have
volunteered previously.
Provide a mandatory training session
Once we have completed the enrollment process, we will find a child that we believe would be a good
“match” for you. If all parties (you, the child and the child’s parent/guardian) think it will be a good match, we
will introduce the two of you and then you get to….
…Start having FUN, making a difference in the life of a child and enjoying your new relationship
with your Little Brother or Sister!
What happens once you are matched? Match Support!!!
Match Support Contact is required of Bigs, Littles and Parents a minimum of once month, sometimes more,
if necessary.
Your Match Support Specialist will:
 Ask you to discuss your match activities, complete required surveys, and update paperwork in a timely
manner so that your match remains in compliance with BBBS.
 Help resolve issues with your Little or your Little’s family.
 Help keep track if you or your Little’s contact/info changes.
 Support and coach you with specific topics that arise in your match.
 Suggest activities when you’re stumped about what to do with your Little.
 Is your BBBS Point Person for assistance in building and maintaining a successful match relationship!
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!
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How to Create a Partnership with Your Little’s Parent/Guardian
P
arents have entrusted their child to you. They remain the leaders in their family and our role is to
support them whenever we can when appropriate. It’s important that we respect and honor that. The
parent’s support is critical to the success of the match. It may take a while to establish your role with the
parent. Listed below are some ways you can work with the Parent/Guardian.
 It is important to remember that parents are putting their trust in you to be a safe and positive role
model with their child. Therefore:
•
•
•
•
Respect that they are the leader of their household;
Honor their decisions as a parent (unless you feel that it could bring harm to anyone)
Know that their communication, cooperation and support are crucial to helping the match be a
success.
Respect the privacy and confidentiality of your Little and their family.
 Always gain parent permission regarding match activities you’d like to do with your Little.
 Make sure you talk to the parent about the activity you and your Little did during your time together.
 Communicate about how your activity went (i.e. Were there any problems? Concerns? Did you and
your Little enjoy it? Are you looking forward to your next outing together?)
 Make sure you pick up and drop off your little on time!
 If plans change, make sure to call your Little’s parent(s).
 Though you do need to have a civil relationship with your Little’s parent(s), please keep in mind your
first and foremost mission is to be a friend and role model to the Little. Make sure to set appropriate
boundaries with your Little’s family and avoid getting over involved. If at any point you are having
significant challenges with your Little’s parents/guardians, please talk to your match support specialist.
S/he can most likely help!
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A Top Priority-Child Safety
Children’s safety is our #1 priority. We focus on the child’s safety and well-being throughout the match. We
do this by providing:
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Thorough professional screening.
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Child Safety and child abuse prevention education programs for volunteers, parents and
children.
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Guidelines that establish appropriate boundaries and respect a child’s right to feel safe.
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Ongoing BBBS Match Support contact with each party in the match. This helps provide up-todate information about safety issues and early warnings of potential problems throughout the
match relationship.

The BBBS Match Support Specialist maintains required consistent scheduled contacts with each
member of the match party.
As a Big you play a role in supporting the parent’s primary role of keeping their child safe. Bigs need to model
appropriate behavior as well as assume responsibility for their Little’s safety during outings.
Some safety issues include: Internet safety, bullying and violence prevention, the Little’s medical condition
and child abuse prevention. Our agency has expectations and guidelines relating to Child Safety. We expect
you to know and follow these guidelines.
Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Tobacco and Firearms Policy: It is the policy of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater
Seacoast to prohibit and discourage the use of drugs, alcohol and firearms while Littles and Bigs are actively
engaged in match activities. Any suspected violations should be reported to BBBSGS.
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect: If you ever have a situation where your Little talks to you
about any neglect, abuse or violence he/she is subject to, contact your Match Support Specialist immediately.
Our response to the disclosure by a child can prevent negative outcomes for the child and their family. For
that reason, it’s critical that volunteers follow our BBBS protocols on reporting abuse.
Confidentiality: We will protect the confidentiality of our participants and their families. With the exception
of information that could put a child, participant or another party in danger, program staff will only share
information about Bigs, Littles and their families with other BBBSGS professional staff, advisory board
members and the Board of Directors. Additionally, Bigs are required to keep information about their Little
and his/her family confidential.
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BBBSGS Support - How We Work with You & Your Little
B
BBS works hard to support the relationship you have with your Little. Our goal is for the relationship
to be as successful as possible for everyone. Bigs and Littles work with their Match Support
Specialist/Team. Your Match Support Specialist also works with your Little’s parent / guardian.
Along the way to forming a safe and lasting friendship your Match Support Specialist will be in touch with all of you to
help you and your Little. Sometimes they will call, meet you in person, or email you to make contact. Monthly
communication is required for the first year of the match and quarterly communication is required after the first year
through the life of the match. This allows us to provide support, suggest ideas for activities, etc. You can think of your
match support specialist as the main link between you, your Little, your Little’s parent and the agency.
That’s not all that the Match Support Team provides for your match. They also:
 Provide you feedback on how you’re making a difference
 Find information and resources that you might be interested in
 Offer group activities and give you activity ideas for you and your Little
 Provide you with donated tickets to community/sports events whenever possible
 Keep you updated on activities offered by the agency
 Help you communicate with your Little and their parent
 Work with you on any conflicts that might come up
You don’t need to wait to hear from your Match Support Specialist--they love to hear from you! Here are
some good reasons for calling your Match Support Specialist:
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To get feedback from your Little & Parent/Guardian about how the match is going
Share fun stories about your match
Discuss concerns you are having with your match or the safety of your Little
Ask for activity ideas and find out about current events at BBBS
Report any emergency situations
Contact your Match Support specialist by phone and/or occasionally by email.
If your Match Support specialist is not available please contact the agency for assistance. We make it a
priority to serve you when you need it.
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You Can Make a Difference in the Life of a Child
It’s pretty simple. By building a trusting friendship with a child you can make a powerful
impact in his/her life. That’s what it’s all about.
Here are some thoughts on making a difference:
 Consistently sharing activities together (events, having lunch, just talking) is the biggest
factor in forming a positive relationship with them.
 Deciding together what activities to do fosters a stronger relationship.
 By being there you are making a difference even if you don’t think you are.
 If you’re concerned you are not making a difference, talk it over with your Match
Support specialist—chances are you’re making a bigger impact than you think you are!
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Community Based Volunteer Guidelines
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Communication guidelines with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast:
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I realize that by not returning BBBS communications (calls, letters, emails) or completing paperwork associated
with my match I am compromising the well-being of my match and creating liability concerns for myself and BBBS.
I realize that it is my responsibility to set appropriate limits and boundaries regarding texts, emails, phone
conversations and social media. BBBS suggests that these means of communication should be used sparingly with
the exception of arranging match outings.
I realize I should immediately report any problems I may have communicating with my Little and Little’s
parent/guardian to my Match Support Specialist.
I will not ask my Little or Little’s family to be a member of any social media groups to which I belong.
I will not accept my Little’s or Little’s parent/guardian requests to join or participate in a social media site.
In all means of communication with my Little I will use discretion with displaying any pictures, texts, etc. accessible
to my Little or my Little’s parent/guardian that are of questionable nature to my role as a Big Brother or Big Sister.
The display or discussion of any materials of a sexual nature is prohibited, including but not limited to viewing
pornography or sexually suggestive material.
If any of my information changes at any time that could affect my match, I will notify BBBS immediately:
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i.e. new phone number, new address, employment status, marital status, extreme illness, legal issues, updated car
insurance policy (as per BBBS liability requirements), and/or any other pertinent life changes.
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I understand that I will learn personal information about my Little and his or her family, which I will keep
confidential. I will show respect at all times for my Little and his or her family, and never come between a
parent and their child.
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I will supply any updated information annually:
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I know that it is my responsibility to contact my Match Support Specialist right away if a problem arises with my
match.
I will use discretion with the use and interaction of conversation, email, texts, phone contact, social media or
other communication outlets when interacting with Littles or Little’s Parent/Guardian.
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During the first year of my match I will maintain the minimum required monthly contact via phone or in person
(quarterly thereafter) with my Big Brothers Big Sisters (BBBS) Match Support Specialist and/or increased contact as
determined by BBBS.
Proof of car insurance
Copy of driver license
Any other pertinent information (i.e. new employer, address, phone, living situation, name change, etc.)
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I will respect my Little’s beliefs and his/her personal space and privacy.
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I will encourage my Little to develop his or her interests and beliefs and appropriately represent my own interests
and beliefs as his or her role model.
I will respect my Little’s personal boundaries, knowing these examples include but are not limited to: tickling,
wrestling, pinching, patting, or asking a child to sit on an adult’s lap.
I will be sensitive to whether a hug or other form of physical touch would or would not be comfortable for a child.
I understand that my role as a Big Brother/Big Sister is as a volunteer mentor, therefore:
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I agree to limit gift giving to special occasions and will receive prior approval from the parent/guardian or agency
staff. Gifts over $25 dollars in value require prior approval by parent/guardian and agency staff.
I will not provide monetary donations, loans or donation of services to the Little or Little’s family without the
express permission of BBBS. I realize that these types of donations could compromise the integrity of my match
relationship and/or role as a Big.
I know I am not required to spend money on outings and if I do plan outings that cost money I will keep the
amount I spend to a reasonable amount.
I will take into consideration that the parent is not responsible for contributing to the outing but may offer to do so
if they have the means.
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I agree to abstain from any use of alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs, while in the presence of my Little and I
agree to avoid situations in which others are engaging in this type of activity.
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I will never use corporal punishment with my Little, or use any verbally and/or emotionally abusive means of
communication or discipline.
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If an accident should occur on my match outing I will:
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Call or have someone call 911 or go to a hospital if the situation warrants
Call the parent/guardian and call my BBBS Match Support Specialist
Care for my Little to the best of my ability
I know it is my responsibility to report youth abuse to appropriate authorities and therefore I will do the
following if I discover or suspect that my Little may be in an abusive situation:
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I will maintain open communication at all times and never ask my Little to keep a secret.
Call my Match Support Specialist who will guide me through the situation.
If my Match Support Specialist is not available and/or I EVER feel that my Little is in imminent danger, I will call
911, take the child to a hospital or police station then call BBBS to inform the staff of the situation.
I know that youth abuse is a criminal behavior and individuals who report suspected victimization have a right to
confidentiality.
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I understand that spending consistent, quality one-to-one time with my Little is one of the most important
things I can do as a volunteer, therefore:
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I will meet with my Little 2 times per month (usually every other week) for 2-5 hours per visit (not including travel
time).
I understand that I am making a full one year commitment to my Little.
I understand that consistency is very important to the match relationship and is even more important than the
length of the visits. (Many of the Littles in our program do not have stable and consistent relationships and will
look forward to their time with you.)
I will inform and obtain permission from the parent/guardian for all match activities. In the event that it is a higher
risk activity, I will obtain written permission (form on web and in volunteer packet) and send to BBBS office before
the date of the activity.
I will not engage in activities that pose a risk of injury (i.e. speeding, not using seat belts or passenger laws properly
for the age range, consuming alcohol or consuming illegal or impairing drugs) and will ensure that activities are age
and developmentally appropriate.
I will make sure to maintain that any firearms I own are inaccessible.
I will not engage in overnight visits of any kind within the first 6 months of my match and only then thereafter with
the explicit permission of the Big Brothers Big Sisters Match Support Specialist. The overnight plans should be
thoroughly documented with BBBS and I understand that by not following these strict guidelines I am creating a
liability concern for myself and for BBBS which is cause for terminating the match. I understand that an overnight
form must be completed for every sleepover and that they will not occur more than 3-4 times/year.
I will always provide my Little a private area to change clothes, bathe, shower, and/or sleep when these actions
have cause to take place during a match outings. I understand that by not following these strict guidelines I am
creating a liability concern for myself and for BBBS which is cause for terminating the match.
I will be mindful that match outings are primarily one-to-one and therefore the majority of our outings and time
together will exclude others. I realize that occasionally it is ok to involve other children on match outings but I
should always obtain the parent/guardian permission beforehand and inform BBBS when this occurs.
I will not bring my Little to my home for visits until after we’ve been matched for 6 months and only thereafter
with the parents/guardian permission and prior notification to BBBS.
I agree to never leave my Little unattended or alone with any other person.
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I understand the importance of properly ending a match relationship. Therefore, I will actively participate in
the closure procedure as requested by BBBS Support Staff.
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I accept complete responsibility for my actions as a volunteer with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast. I agree to
hold BBBS of the Greater Seacoast and all members, agents, representatives and employees of that
organization harmless and free from liability for my actions as a volunteer in the BBBS program.
Valuable Relationships
Now that you are matched with your Little; you may be thinking what comes next and how fast will it
happen?
A
s every experienced Big will tell you, the friendship takes time to develop. It is a different experience for
every Big and Little, and no doubt your friendship will be unique.
However, there are some common stages that most match friendships will go through at different times,
usually depending on the level of trust that has been established.
HONEYMOON STAGE
From the first meeting to approximately the four-month date.
What does this stage look like?
 You both are trying to figure out each other.
 Littles may try to get their Bigs’ approvals or impress them.
What can you do to move it along?
 Without prying, learn facts about your Little and reference them in your conversations: e.g.
favorite things, best friend, where they’ve traveled.
 Be consistent and flexible, do what you said you were going to do.
 Be patient and remember that relationships have ups and downs, and don't "happen" by
themselves.
GROWTH STAGE
From approximately the four-month date to the one-year date.
What does this stage look like?
 This is the most crucial time regarding the development of the Big/Little relationship.
 This is the time that may be a turning point in the relationship.
 It is common, around the four-month date, that your Little will begin testing you to see what
you are really about and how much he/she can get away with.
 Your Little may be observing you to find a reason not to trust you.
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What can you do to move it along?
 Show your Little that he can trust you, through your reliability, consistency, and time together.
As trust develops, your Little will probably begin sharing bits of information here and there with
you.
 Keep in close contact with your Support Specialist for ideas.
 Recognize and praise accomplishments
 If you need to give advice or address behavior problems, give reasons; avoid "shoulds."
MATURITY STAGE
This stage begins somewhere around the one-year anniversary date.
What does this stage look like?
 You will notice your relationship with your Little has become more positive and realistic and
match activities are less structured.
 Most Bigs have shed their preconceived notions regarding the match and their Little.
 As the friendship matures, you will see the maturity of your Little as he/she grows and develops.
What can you do to move it along?
 Develop long term shared interests, activities that you will do frequently together and that you
both enjoy.
 Identify past shared experiences and enjoy shared "jokes."
 Learn something new to both of you, together.
Transition and “Closure”
 Your relationship with your Little may transition to less regular contact because of a change in
where you or your Little lives, a change in life circumstances, a feeling that you have
successfully taken your Little through a critical stage, a change in school the Little is attending,
declining interest as the Little grows older, decreasing times that the Big and Little are meeting,
or because of challenges in the match, the match can end its regular pattern of meetings.
When one of these circumstances occurs, the Big and/or the Little may decide it is time for a
change—for a “transition.” BBBS will “close” the file of your match and will not continue
providing regular support to the match. The Big and Little may transition into a pattern of
continuing, though less frequent, contact. All BBBS matches “close” when the Little reaches
age 18 or graduates from high school.
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 No matter the reason or the length of the match, you and your Little have given a lot to each
other and going through this transition should be handled in a sensitive, thoughtful, and caring
way.
 Recognize that you have made an impact at some level on your Little.
 The Little you now know is probably not the same Little with whom you were initially matched.
Changes probably have occurred. Celebrate the experience as much as you can together highlights and hurdles.
 Working closely with the child’s parent/guardian make a plan for some form of continued
contact that feels appropriate to your match circumstances. This may be as limited as
exchanging greeting cards at holidays or as intense as continued regular contact with an 18 year
old going off to college.
 If the transition of closing the match is not approached carefully, a child can be hurt by the
experience. Our staff will work with you, the child and his/her parent to help you with this
transition.
A few Guidelines regarding Transition and Closure:
 Never just stop and disappear from the match--this could really have a negative impact on your
Little.
 The transition/file closing process gives an opportunity to review the great stuff that happened
during the match.
 Your Match Support Specialist will walk you through the process—there are several steps to
take which can maximize the positive effects.
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Children - Ages & Stages
I
f you haven’t had recent experience with a child in the age group you’ll be matched with, we have some
information to help you work successfully with your Little.
We’ve created handouts for each of the age categories listed below. These handouts are designed to provide
you with some general characteristics of children. These handouts may help you understand what your Little
might be like depending on his/her age.
As you read the handouts:

Keep in mind that they are generalizations. If your Little does not match these characteristics, it does
not mean that there is something wrong with your Little. All children are unique.

Sometimes a child’s development may be delayed because of trauma or negative experiences or simply
a slower or faster development than others, so the stage they’re in at present may not correlate to
their age in years.
5-7 YEAR OLDS
General Characteristics
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Eager to learn, easily fatigued, short periods of interest
Learn best when they are active while learning
Self-assertive, boastful, less cooperative, more competitive
Physical Characteristics
 Are very active and need frequent breaks from tasks. They like to do things that are fun and involve
the use of energy
 Need rest periods
 Large muscles are well developed. Activities involving small muscles are difficult (i.e. working on
models with small pieces)
 May tend to be accident prone
Social Characteristics:
 Likes organized games and is concerned about following rules
 Can be very competitive and may cheat at games
 Are very imaginative and involved in fantasy playing
 Are self-assertive, aggressive, want to be first, less cooperative than at five and boastful
 Learn best through active participation
19
Emotional Characteristics:
 Are alert to feelings of others, but are unaware of how their own actions affect others.
 Are very sensitive to praise and recognition. Feelings are easily hurt.
 Inconsistent in level of maturity evidenced; regress when tired, often less mature at home than
with outsiders.
Mental Characteristics:
 Are very eager to learn
 Like to talk
 Their idea of fairness becomes a big issue
 Have difficulty making decisions
Developmental Tasks:
 Sex role identification
 Early moral development
 Concrete operations – the child begins to experience the predictability of physical events
8-10 YEAR OLDS
General Characteristics:
 Interested in people, aware of differences, willing to give more to others but expects more
 Busy, active, full of enthusiasm, may try too much, accident prone, interest in money and its value
 Sensitive to criticism, recognize failure, capacity for self-evaluation
 Capable of prolonged interest, may make plans on own
 Decisive, dependable, reasonable, strong sense of right and wrong
 Spend a great deal of time in talk and discussion, often outspoken and critical of adults although
still dependent on adult approval
Physical Characteristics:
 Are very active and need frequent breaks from tasks to do things that are fun for them and involve
use of energy
 Bone growth is not yet complete
 Early maturers may be upset about their size
 May tend to be accident prone
Social Characteristics:
 Can be very competitive
 Are choosy about their friends
 Being accepted by friends becomes quite important
 Team games become popular
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
Worshipping heroes, TV stars, and sports figures is common
Emotional Characteristics:
 Are very sensitive to praise and recognition; feelings are hurt easily
 Because friends are so important during this time, there can be conflicts between adults’ rules and
friend’s rules. You can help by your honesty and consistency.
Mental Characteristics:
 Their idea of fairness becomes a big issue
 Are eager to answer questions
 Are very curious and are collectors of everything. They may jump to other objects of interest after
a short time.
 Want more independence, but know they need guidance and support.
 Wide discrepancies in reading ability.
Developmental Tasks:
 Social Cooperation
 Self-evaluation/Skill learning
 Team play
11-13 YEAR OLDS
General Characteristics:
 Testing limits, “know-it-all” attitude
 Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings
 Identification with admired adult
 Bodies are going through physical changes that affect personal appearance
Physical Characteristics:
 Small-muscle coordination is good and interests in arts, crafts, models, and music are popular
 Bone growth is not yet complete
 Early maturers may be upset about their size
 Are very concerned with their appearance and very self-conscious about growth
 Diet and sleep habits can be bad, which may result in low energy levels
 Girls may begin menstruation
Social Characteristics:
 Being accepted by friends becomes quite important
 Cliques start to develop outside of school
 Team games become more popular
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





Crushes become more common
Friends set the general rule of behavior
Feel a real need to conform. They dress and behave alike in order to “belong”
Are very concerned about what others say and think of them.
Have a tendency to manipulate others (“Mary’s mother says she can go. Why can’t I?’)
Interested in earning own money
Emotional Characteristics:
 Are very sensitive to praise and recognition. Feelings are hurt easily
 Because friends are so important during this time, there can be conflicts between adults’ rules and
friends’
 Are caught between being a child and being an adult
 Loud behavior hides their lack of self-confidence
 Look at the world more objectively, adults subjectively, critical.
Mental Characteristics:
 Tend to be perfectionists. If they try to attempt too much, they may feel frustrated and guilty.
 Want more independence, but know they need guidance and support
 Attention span can be lengthy.
14-16 YEAR OLDS
General Characteristics:
 Testing limits, “know-it-all” attitude
 Vulnerable, emotionally insecure, fear of rejection, mood swings
 Identification with admired adult
 Bodies are going through physical changes that affect personal appearance
Physical Characteristics:
 Are very concerned with their appearance and very self-conscious about growth
 Diet and sleep habits can be bad, which may result in low energy levels
 Rapid weight gain at the beginning of adolescence. Enormous appetite.
Social Characteristics:
 Friends set the general rule of behavior
 Feel a real need to conform. They dress and behave alike in order to “belong”
 Are very concerned about what others say and think of them.
 Have a tendency to manipulate others (“Mary’s mother says she can go. Why can’t I?’)
 Going to extremes, emotional instability with “know-it-all” attitude
 Fear of ridicule and of being unpopular
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

Strong identification with admired adult
Girls more focused on object of their “crushes” than peers, resulting from earlier maturing of girls.
Emotional Characteristics:
 Are very sensitive to praise and recognition. Feelings are hurt easily
 Are caught between being a child and being an adult
 Loud behavior hides their lack of self-confidence
 Look at the world more objectively, adults subjectively, critical.
Mental Characteristics:
 Can better understand moral principles
 Attention span can be lengthy.
Developmental Tasks:
 Physical maturation
 Formal operations
 Membership in the peer group
 Relating to the opposite sex
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Strategies for Common Problems
O
ver the years we have seen some common problems that can occur in any match. These are called
common because they are, well…common. It’s normal for Little/Big relationships to experience some
of these situations.
We’ve collected some examples of these common problems and included them for you in the next few pages,
including some tips on how to handle them. After your match gets going, if you are experiencing one of these
challenges, you can bring the issue up with your Match Support staff and discuss in more detail how to
proceed in a successful way.
“What do I do?”
“My Little doesn’t show appreciation.”
 Coming into the match with a preconceived notion of how your Little should show appreciation will set
you up for a letdown. Your Little may not say “please” and “thank you” when you first start meeting,
and even after many times together he/she may still not respond in a way that you deem appropriate.
 “I had a good time” may eventually be a response, but may be a long time in coming. Sometimes
he/she might only say, “It was o.k.” Be sure you model the behavior you would like your Little to
demonstrate, and be consistent.
“My Little doesn’t share feelings and/or initiate conversation.”
 You may feel that your Little is not putting as much into the relationship as you would like. The
relationship may seem one-sided for a long time with you doing the talking, but your Little not saying
much.
 Eventually your Little may well respond in a more open and honest way, trusting you and confiding in
you as an adult who will not disappoint or walk out on him/her. Conversation between you will grow
and your Little may share more feelings with you. If this happens, rejoice in it, but remember that no
relationship is perfect and all relationships are defined in a variety of ways.
“My Little never calls me.”
 Littles love to receive phone calls, but seldom feel comfortable initiating them. Asking your Little to
share with you the good feeling that comes from getting a phone call may help him/her to understand
that adults also like to receive calls from people they like. Giving your Little definite times to call may
help, as can enlisting the parent’s help in encouraging your Little to call.
 It is important not to stop calling with hopes that they will start calling you. It is important to be
patient, and be sure to reinforce the behavior with positive remarks when they do call.
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“My Little doesn’t act the right way.”
 Your Little may come from a family with a very different value system than yours. It is not your
responsibility or role to try to change the values of your Little. Your match is a learning experience for
both of you. If your Little has never been to a play, they may not know what behavior is expected of
them.
 Try to be content with the understanding that, through your example, your Little may come to respect
values that are more positive. But this may be a long process.
“My Little doesn’t seem to need me.”
 Every child should have someone to bring a little magic to them, but your Little may not respond in a
way that makes you feel you are needed. Feeling needed may be expressed by your Little in small
ways, and may be non-verbal.
 In time, you may learn to recognize small signs that your Little needs you. This will help you in being
content with the knowledge that you are making a difference and are a much-needed part of your
Little’s life.
“My Little doesn’t make time for me.”
 Your Little may seem to have little time for you, but be assured that although other activities and
family issues may appear to interfere, your Little is benefiting from the interest and involvement of a
caring adult friend. You are the person spending one-on-one time with your Little; listening; sharing,
and showing your desire to be together on a regular basis.
 No group activity, school event or family commitment can take the place of your special relationship
with your Little. If you recognize the importance of what you are doing, chances will increase that your
Little will recognize this too.
“My Little doesn’t seem interested.”
 Keep in mind that we all demonstrate interest in different ways, and your Little may not know how to
communicate that he/she is interested.
 Be sure you do not make assumptions based on your Little’s behavior, and talk to your Support
Specialist if you have questions.
“My Little doesn’t want to improve.”
 Your Little may have many adults eager to tell him/her what he/she is doing wrong.
 What your Little will respond to is someone who will point out and praise strengths. These strengths
(assets) can range from the values that the child holds to things he/she is good at doing. If your Little
knows that you are going to be positive, give encouragement and compliments, and appreciate the
25
unique person that he/she is, change will happen in very positive ways, and your Little will grow in
confidence, competence and caring.
The most important thing to remember is that you will need to be patient and persistent throughout your
relationship! Your relationship may take time to develop, but if you are able to manage your expectations, be
open to surprises, and accepting of your Little as an individual, you are in for a fantastic ride! Your Match
Support Specialist is available to help you through any of the above situations. Remember to seek help as
necessary.
SAMPLE MATCH SCENARIOS
1. You and your Little Brother are shopping at the mall and he asks you to buy something for him.
It is important that your match be based on friendship, not money or material possessions. Set financial
boundaries and stick to them. There is nothing wrong with a treat or a gift on a special occasion, but
buying things for your Little should not be a regular practice. You may want to help your Little think of
ways to earn what he wants rather than relying on you to buy it for him.
2. Your Little Sister wants to see an R-rated movie and she tells you that her mother lets her watch this type
of movie all of the time.
While there is no policy against taking your Little to an R-rated movie, it is important to remember that the
content of R-rated movies is inappropriate for most of the children in our program. First consider if you are
comfortable going to this movie. If not, say so. If you wouldn’t mind seeing the movie, consider if you
know enough about the content and it if is appropriate for the age and maturity level of your Little. If you
think it is OK, get permission from your Little’s parent/guardian before buying the movie tickets.
3. Your Little Brother tells you that he has a secret. He will tell you only if you promise not to tell anyone
else.
A Big Brother or Big Sister cannot promise to keep all secrets. Some secrets may be harmless, but some can
be very dangerous. If your Little tells you that he is being harmed in some way, or someone he knows is
being harmed, you will have to tell your match support specialist and/or the Little’s parent/guardian. It is
best to tell your Little that he can tell you anything but some things are serious enough that you may need
to ask for help on how to handle it so you cannot make a promise that you won’t tell anyone else.
4. You do something really special for your Little Sister, but she does not thank you. In fact, she seldom says
“thank you” and neither does her parent.
It can be frustrating when your Little doesn’t thank you, but there are many factors to consider. Has this
been role modeled for your Little? Is your Little too embarrassed to say thank you? Is your Little shy and
uncomfortable verbalizing her feelings? It is fine to remind your Little when to say “thank you,” but try not
to take it personally if it takes some time for your Little to make it a habit. If you watch closely, chances are
that your Little is showing appreciation through behavior more than through words.
26
5. You find that you are always the one planning outings. Your Little Brother is very complacent and never
makes any suggestions.
This is an example of how a friendship with a child can be different from a friendship with an adult. With
your adult friends, it is likely that you take turns suggesting activities to do when you are together. That is
not always the case with a child and there can be several reasons. Perhaps your Little doesn’t know what
his options are, maybe he hasn’t been exposed to enough different things to know everything he likes or
doesn’t like or maybe he isn’t sure if you are really interested in the things he wants to do. A good strategy
is to keep asking for his input, but don’t get frustrated if he doesn’t have anything to offer. Pay attention
when you are at your Little’s home and you can pick up some clues on his interests, even if he can’t tell you.
6. You arrive to pick up your Little Sister for an outing and discover that nobody is home.
While this is not a frequent scenario in our program, it can happen. If your Little’s parent has a cell phone,
make sure that you have that phone number. If you aren’t able to reach your Little or the parent, leave a
note on the door or a phone message saying that you were there. At your first opportunity, speak to the
parent about the incident. Perhaps it was a simple misunderstanding. Remember that it is generally best
to make sure the parent knows about your scheduled outings by making a quick confirmation phone call or
email. With younger children, schedule the outings directly with the parent to avoid misunderstandings. If
this does become a regular occurrence, contact your Match Support Specialist and ask for assistance in
approaching the parent.
7. After several outings, you notice that your Little Brother has a problem with body odor and cleanliness.
As difficult as it can be to discuss this topic, ignoring it is probably the worst thing you can do because if
YOU notice it, chances are your Little’s friends notice it, too. Depending on your Little’s age, you could talk
to either your Little or your Little’s parent. If you talk to the Little’s parent, an offer to help will probably be
received better than a simple statement about the child’s hygiene. If you are talking to the Little, approach
the topic from an educational standpoint. Maybe your Little isn’t aware of the changes in his body as he
gets older and he hasn’t developed a daily hygiene routine yet. For younger children, there are several
good books on the importance of cleanliness.
8. You frequently find yourself talking to your Little Sister’s mother about her personal problems-such as
her divorce, her job or financial situation. You feel that you need to help because if you don’t, nobody will.
It is natural for you to feel the urge to help your Little’s parent. Sometimes you can do that just by
spending a minute listening and sympathizing. However, it is important to keep boundaries with the Little’s
parents and not lose sight of who you are matched to. Taking on too many of the family’s problems can
quickly lead to burn-out and then you might not be able to help your Little at all. If you are concerned
about your Little’s parent, encourage the parent to seek appropriate assistance from her support system or
from professionals who are better equipped to advise her.
9. Your Little Brother’s mother has said she will give him money to spend on outings, but you often find you
have to pay for everything.
It is always best to determine at the beginning of the match if the Little’s parents will pay for your Little’s
events and activities. This can help avoid awkward moments later in the match. It is the expectation of the
27
program that the Little pays his/her own way, but that is not always possible. If your Little cannot pay,
then you may have to pay for both of you. If your Little’s mother has agreed to give your Little money but
hasn’t been doing so, it is fine to ask if there has been a change in your agreement. Remember that it is
not necessary (and not advisable) to do costly activities on your match outings. Contact your Match
Support Specialist or check out your monthly e-newsletter, if you need some ideas for low-cost or free
activities.
Transitioning the Match Through Formal Closure
Often in life there is a transition stage in a relationship where the pattern of activities may become less
frequent—this is no different in the match relationship between a Big and a Little. Sometimes the Big and/or
the Little may decide it’s time for a change—a transition.
Hopefully this transition is very positive, for both you and your Little. The transition may lead to continued
contact between you and your Little on some level, but it’s important to note that any continued contact
28
outside of BBBS’ formal program guidelines should only occur at the discretion and with the expressed
permission of the child’s parent/guardian (if under 18).
At the time of transition, BBBSGS “closes” the file and does not continue to provide professional support to
the matched parties. At that point, your match is no longer considered an active match. We do hope that you
will stay involved with BBBSGS and you might consider taking on another Little.
Ideally, this transition period can be a positive time for setting up patterns that will be long-lasting for the
relationship between the Big and the Little. You may decide to keep in touch and to get together or
correspond by phone, email, cards, etc. as your friendship continues into the adulthood of the Little.
You have invested a lot into each other. You want to communicate to your Little your appreciation of him/her
and your hope and expectation that s/he will be successful and happy.
A few things to remember:
 Never just stop and disappear from the match—this could really have a negative impact on your
Little.
 The transition/file closing process gives an opportunity to review the great stuff that happened
during the match.
 Your match support specialist will walk both you and your Little through the process.
Transitioning the Match – Closing/Termination

Termination is not something unique to a Big/Little relationship. Many examples from life show
that growth and change usually imply or involves some sort of termination from the old to the
new, from something past to something future. Changing jobs, leaving school, moving, losing a
spouse/partner/significant other are all types of terminations.

Often these relationships are allowed to fade away and a person moves on relatively unscathed.
Your relationship with your Little, due to his/her age and level of vulnerability, is somewhat more
complicated and requires more than a “fade out.”

By working through feelings and problems with your Little when termination is imminent, you
show him/her that your relationship was worth the effort and you better ensure within your Little
the ability to handle future “terminations” that s/he will encounter.
Reasons for termination in the Big Brothers Big Sisters’ program:



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Transfer of Big Brother/Sister (i.e. leaving town, moving)
Mutual agreement of both Big And Little with Match Support Specialist
Indications that the match is no longer needed



Personal reasons including marriage of Big, change of employment, financial pressures, lack of
time, etc.
Changing situation of Little, including leaving town/moving, institutionalization (group home,
foster family, hospital, alternative school), family problems, etc.
Program ends due to participant completion
The reasons will vary, but there are feelings involved for both Bigs and Littles in all of the above cases. During
your relationship some of the feelings developed and encountered may include:




Affection and Dependence – Both the Big and little will share affection for each other and may be
mutually dependent on each other. During the relationship, your Little may have developed a
dependency that has helped him/her in his/her environment.
Understanding and Patience – Throughout the relationship, there may have developed some
understanding of each other. Unfulfilled expectations may have been handled through patience.
Guilt – The Big may feel unsuccessful. S/he may feel defeated but unable to admit it. Guilt
sometimes accompanies termination and the Big may feel s/he did not help or that the Little did
not benefit from the relationship. All matches have a positive impact.
Anger and Frustration – During the relationship, the Big may have experienced some frustration,
including an inability to manage or control the relationship, too many or too few phone calls from
the Little, a feeling of being ‘used’ by the Little, etc.
THANK YOU!
A
s your match begins, and throughout the entire life of your match, we want to THANK YOU! You are
stepping forward on a journey where you don’t know exactly what will happen, but you are doing this
because you care for others and you know that there is great reward in life in the relationships you
develop.
We wish you all the best in your match with your Little Brother or Little Sister. Have great fun. Take pride in
your contribution to the happiness of your Little. We will be with you, supporting you, throughout your
journey.
“A Friend to me is someone who likes and appreciates me.”- Tim, 12
“A friend to me is someone who is there for me when I need them, because they have a big heart…
That’s the only thing I really want.”- Nadia, 11
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Appendix A: POLICIES
Overnight Visits: Overnight visits are not permitted within the first six (6) months of a Community-Based
match, and another adult must be present in the home of the Big when such visits occur. Overnight visits
require a signed parental release and notification of BBBS staff to establish that this visit is in the best interest
of the match relationship. Prior to any overnight visit, a basic review of “good touch/bad touch” and
“personal space” will be done with the match. Overnight visits are not permitted in School-Based or SiteBased programs. Exceptions to this requirement are agency-sponsored and supervised activities.
Transportation: All Bigs are asked to ensure the following. In addition, a motor vehicle report shall be done
through the state of NH. Bigs must also provide proof of car insurance.

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All mentors must own a car or have access to reliable insured transportation; all safety
equipment including blinkers, lights, brake and back-up lights, seat belts, tires, and
brakes must be in good operating condition.
All mentors must possess a valid driver’s license and present proof of auto insurance; a
record of insurance will be maintained in the mentor’s file and will be updated on an
annual basis.
All mentors must undergo a driving record check and have a clean driving record for the
last three (3) years.
BBBS of the Greater Seacoast requires that mentors obey all traffic laws, and use seat
belts and headlights at all times.
Mentors must also avoid taking medication or using any other substances that impair
their ability to drive.
If an accident occurs while the mentor is engaged in mentoring, it should be reported to
the program coordinator promptly.
The mentor must carry a copy of the mentee’s health insurance information in the
transporting automobile at all times in case of emergency.
Unacceptable Behavior: It is the policy of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program that
unacceptable behaviors will not be tolerated on the part of mentors or mentees while participating in the
program. This policy is in addition to behavioral requirements stipulated in other policies or procedures within
this manual. This policy is in no way intended to replace or take precedence over other policies or procedures
including, but not limited to, the following:





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Confidentiality Policy
Transportation Policy
Overnight Visits and Out-of-Town Travel Policy
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect Policy
Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Tobacco, and Firearms Policy
A number of behaviors are regarded as incompatible with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program
goals, values and program standards, and therefore are considered unacceptable and prohibited while
participants are engaged in mentoring activities:
 Unwelcome physical contact, such as inappropriate touching, patting, pinching,
punching, and physical assault
 Unwelcome physical, verbal, visual, or behavioral mannerisms or conduct that
denigrates, shows hostility, or aversion toward any individual
 Demeaning or exploitive behavior of either a sexual or nonsexual nature, including
threats of such behavior
 Display of demeaning, suggestive, or pornographic material
 Known sexual abuse or neglect of a child
 Denigration, public or private, of any mentee parent/guardian or family member
 Denigration, public or private, of political or religious institutions or their leaders
 Intentional violation of any local, state or federal law
 Driving while under the influence of alcohol
 Possession of illegal substances
If you ever have a situation where your Little talks to you about any abuse or violence he/she is subject to,
contact your Match Support Specialist immediately. Our response to the disclosure by a child can prevent
negative outcomes for the child and their family. For that reason, it is critical that volunteers follow our BBBS
protocols on reporting abuse.
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect Policy: It is the policy of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast
Mentoring Program that all staff, mentors, and other representatives of the program must report any suspected
child abuse and/or neglect of agency clients or program participants. All such suspected reports must be made
to appropriate state and/or local authorities. Program staff must follow the mandatory reporting of child abuse
and neglect procedures set forth by DCYF.
All employees, volunteers, and mentors of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program are given
information relative to possible signs and symptoms of child abuse. Volunteers are asked to report concerns
to program staff as quickly as possible.
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Appendix B: CHILD ABUSE
THE NATIONAL COMMITTEE FOR THE PREVENTION OF CHILD ABUSE DEFINES CHILD ABUSE
AS “AN INJURY OR PATTERN OF INJURES TO A CHILD THAT IS NON-ACCIDENTAL.”
SPECIFIC CATEGORIES AND DESCRIPTIONS ARE LISTED BELOW:

PHYSICAL ABUSE is generally a pattern of injuries to a child that is non-accidental and may include
beatings, burns, human bites, strangulation or immersion in scalding water. These actions can
result in bruises, welts, broken bones, scars or internal injuries.

PHYSICAL NEGLECT is the withholding of or failure to provide a child with basic necessities such as
shelter, clothing, medical care, attention to hygiene, or supervision needed for optimal physical
growth and development.

SEXUAL ABUSE is the exploitation of a child for the sexual gratification of an adult. It may range
from exhibitionism and fondling to intercourse or use of a child in the production of pornographic
materials.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE can be excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations
on a child beyond his or her capabilities. Constant and persistent teasing, belittling and verbal
attacks are forms of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse also includes failure to provide the
nurturance necessary for a child’s psychological growth and development (i.e. love, care, support
and guidance.)
The Division of Children, Youth and Families’ (DCYF) phone number for
reporting child abuse/neglect is 1-800-894-5533, and their website is
www.dhhs.state.nh.us. Visit their website for useful information about
reporting child abuse/neglect. If you believe that your Little is being abused or
neglected please call your Match Support Specialist.
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Appendix C: TROUBLESHOOTING CHILD ABUSE
Please remember, it is a pattern of behavior, not isolated incidents, that may
lead one to suspect of child abuse or neglect. Any one behavioral indicator
alone could be a natural, normal response for a child.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
PHYSICAL INDICATORS
 Unexplained bruises and welts: on face, lips, mouth, torso, back, buttocks or other areas. In various
stages of healing, reflecting shape of article used to inflict (e.g. electrical cord, belt buckle.) On
several different surface areas, regular appearances after absences, weekends or vacations
 Unexplained burns: cigarette or cigar burns, especially on soles, palms, back or buttocks.
Immersion burns (e.g. glove-like, on buttocks, genitalia, feet.) Patterns like electric burner, iron,
etc. Rope burns on arms, legs, neck or torso. Infected burns, indicating a delay in seeking
treatment.
 Unexplained fractures or dislocations to: skull, nose, facial structure, in various stages of healing
 Unexplained lacerations or abrasions to: mouth, lips, gums, eyes, external genitalia, or bald patches
on scalp
 Unexplained bite marks
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS














34
Feels deserving of punishment
Wary of adult contact
Apprehensive when other children cry
Extremes in behavior, from withdrawal to aggression and/or hyperactivity
Frightened of parents or caretaker
Afraid to go home
Reported injuries by parent or caretaker
Vacant or frozen stare, listless, detached
Responds to questions in monosyllables
Inappropriate or precocious maturity
Manipulative behavior to get attention
Chronic ailments, stomach aches, etc.
Indiscriminately seeks affection
Over-compliance
PHYSICAL NEGLECT
PHYSICAL INDICATORS




Underweight, poor growth pattern (e.g. small in stature, failure to thrive)
Consistent hunger, poor hygiene, inappropriate dress
Consistent lack of supervision, especially in dangerous activities or for long periods
Unattended physical problems or medical needs
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS









Begs for or steals food
Extended stays at child care (early arrival and late departure)
Constant fatigue, listlessness or falling asleep in class
Seeks affection inappropriately (e.g. through aggression)
Does not change expression
Assumes adult responsibilities and concerns
Talks in a whisper or a whine
States there is no caretaker at home
Alcohol or drug use
SEXUAL ABUSE
PHYSICAL INDICATORS





Difficulty in walking or sitting
Pain, swelling or itching in genital areas
Pain when going to the bathroom
Sexually transmitted disease, especially in pre-teens
Pregnancy
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS







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Withdrawal, fantasy or infantile behavior
Bizarre, sophisticated or unusual sexual behavior or knowledge
Poor peer relationships
Reports sexual assault by caretaker
Sudden sleeping or eating disturbance
Compulsive masturbation, excessive or unusual rubbing in the genital area
Excessive clinging





Confiding in someone but not telling the whole story (“I have a secret, but I can’t tell”)
Self-destructive behavior
Fear of going home or fear of a particular person
Depression
Change in school performance
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
PHYSICAL INDICATORS





Speech disorders
Lags in physical development
Failure to thrive
Hyperactive or disruptive behavior
Pale, empty facial appearance
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS





Habit disorders: sucking, biting, rocking
Antisocial behavior
Destructiveness
Neurotic habits: sleep disorders, inhibited play, unusual fearfulness
Behavioral extremes: does not change expression; compliant and passive or aggressive and
demanding
 Overly adaptive behavior; inappropriately adult or infantile
 Lags in mental or emotional development
PLEASE REMEMBER IT IS OVERALL PATTERNS THAT INDICATE
ABUSE, NOT AN INDIVIDUAL INCIDENT.
IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR LITTLE IS BEING MISTREATED, PLEASE CALL YOUR
MATCH SUPPORT SPECIALIST!
IF IT IS AN IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY – CALL 911
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Appendix D: GROUND RULES
COMMITMENT/CONSISTENCY/TIME
 We ask Community-based Bigs to commit to seeing their Little for a couple of hours 2-4 times a month.
 We ask a for a one-year commitment.
 Consistency is very important to the match relationship. Being consistent is MORE important than the
length of visits. Many of the Littles in our program do not have stable and consistent relationships and
will look forward to their time with you. Please do not let them down like so many others have. A
phone call works great if you are away for a week or two or are too busy to see them. A card or note
lets them know you care and are thinking about them. Consistency helps build trust and helps the
match grow.
 After the first year matches typically slow down and see each other less frequently-this is normal and
as long as it works for everyone, that’s fine.
BOUNDARIES/PROFESSIONAL DISTANCE
 It is the responsibility of Bigs to set boundaries with their Littles and maintain professional distance.
BBBS staff can, and are more than willing to help.
 It is important that Littles respect their Bigs and listen to them. Be firm, not mean.
 It is not the Big’s job to discipline a Little. If there is a behavioral problem with a Little, the Big should
inform the parent and talk with their Little about appropriate and acceptable behavior. If a Little
becomes volatile the Big needs to get the child home ASAP and let the parent/guardian deal with the
problem.
 Bigs should always practice give and take with their Littles and teach Littles how to negotiate. Bigs
should not always cater to their Littles and do whatever they want. Many Littles have fun running
errands and doing simple things like going for a walk or going to the park. It is the Big’s responsibility to
make sure Littles are not being spoiled!
 Do not over-gift your Little or always do something that costs money. This can undermine parents and
make them look/feel badly. It can also spark jealousy among siblings of your Little. A small gift for
birthdays/holidays is OK, but don’t go overboard.
 The match relationship is about friendship, not spending money. If you start early on in your match
doing free and low-cost activities with your Little, you will avoid the challenges of unrealistic monetary
expectations later on in the relationship.
 Professional distance means that Bigs should listen to their Littles, but should not act as counselors or
therapists. If your Little is having a really difficult time they should be talking with their parent or a
professional. BBBS staff should be notified if a Little is in trouble so that we can try to help and work
with their parent to arrange some professional help. Your time with your Little should be kept to your
visits. Avoid trying to “fix” your Little and avoid spending hours and hours a week with them, or on the
phone with them, trying to help them.
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POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT/BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM
 Use positive reinforcement with your Little – it works wonders. Many children suffer from low selfesteem and self-confidence.
 Bigs can help by positively reinforcing their Littles whenever possible. This can be done by telling
Littles they are great kids and that they are fun to hang out with. Praise your Little if you see them
doing something good or well.
 Positive reinforcement is widely known as the best way to help change behavior and attitudes.
ONE-ON-ONE
 Visits are to be 1:1. Do not bring kids along other than your Little, as their parents do not know you
and BBBS is not supervising that relationship.
CHILD SAFETY
 Children must be kept safe at all times. Take any and all safety precautions such as seatbelts,
lifejackets, and helmets. Never leave your Little with another person, and stay with him/her at all
times.
 Remember that your Little is not your child or a family member. You are completely responsible for
their well-being when they are with you.
 Make sure you have age appropriate conversations with and around your Little.
 Do not massage or tickle your Little. Do not wrestle with your Little or touch them unnecessarily.
Personal space and privacy is important and Bigs should always keep these things in mind. Littles need
a private place to go to the bathroom and change. Your Little should never see you naked and you
should never see them naked.
 We may request additional parental permission in written form for “risky” activities such as swimming
or 4-wheeling, and also for out-of-town trips. Please call our office if something of this nature comes
up.
MANDATORY REPORTING/PAGER
 Per NH State law, any adult that suspects neglect/abuse needs to report it immediately, use the BBBS
pager and/or call police or DCYF. If it is late at night, don’t wait for BBBS staff – call police right away
and then call BBBS.
 Bigs do assume liability in being matched with a Little. Any and all child safety precautions need to be
taken AT ALL TIMES: watch out for medications left out, child-friendly atmosphere, age-appropriate
conversations and situations.
 THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD OR FAMILY MEMBER! Do not get too comfortable and do not take over
parental roles, or get overly involved with family situations (i.e. taking sides with one parent during a
divorce.)
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BACKGROUND CHECKS – RENEWING
 BBBS renews volunteers’ car insurance info every time the policy is renewed. We will keep your policy
expiration date on file and ask you to send us new info when it is time for you to renew your policy.
This is a requirement of BBBS’ insurance company. We need to make sure that Bigs maintain NH state
minimum insurance so that our Littles will be covered in case of a car accident.
 From time to time we renew other background checks as well.
SLEEPOVER POLICY
 No sleepovers for the first 6 months. We do not encourage sleepovers. Policy is no more than 3-4
times a year. An overnight form must be completed for every sleepover.
CHECKING IN/STAYING IN TOUCH
 Check-ins are done monthly during the first year and quarterly thereafter. Check-ins usually take 10-15
minutes.
 Call BBBS staff anytime if there is a problem. Do not wait to hear from us.
EVENTS, NEWSLETTERS, FUNDRAISERS
 You will receive a quarterly newsletter as well as emails about events and reminders about events.
 BBBS holds monthly group activities for our matches. Coming to these is a great way to meet other
matches and see BBBS staff face to face. Please try to attend at least 1-2 of these functions each year
so that we can visit with you and your Little face to face.
 Occasionally we ask for Bigs to help out at fundraisers or in small ways. This is entirely optional and we
always appreciate any help that Bigs offer.
ACTIVITIES/WHAT TO DO/NOT SPENDING TOO MUCH MONEY
 Bigs should focus on free/cheap activities. The match relationship is about freely given time, not
spending tons of money.
 Bigs have a wealth of information, experience and knowledge that Littles do not have. The match
relationship is a great opportunity for Bigs to impart their wisdom. You can talk about money, getting
jobs, the importance of education, or how to maintain good health.
 Most importantly, Bigs have a great opportunity to model a healthy and normal relationship to their
Little by being stable and committed, REAL, and by negotiating activities.
 This manual has great info on possible match activities and BBBS staff is always available for
suggestions also.
 VOLUNTEER together. Littles learn a lot about themselves and feel great when they help others out.
 Exercise together and get outside as much as possible. Exercise is great for both Bigs and Littles, and
Littles will usually talk more when you are engaging in some activity together.
 Work on a project together, or do arts and crafts together. Make something. Build something.
Garden together, do photography, scrapbook, write poems or help with school projects. Accomplish
something together. You will both feel great!
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Appendix E: SEVEN LIFE SKILLS and ACTIVITIES TO ENGAGE THEM
1. SOCIAL SKILLS
Social skills can help to ensure a smoother relationship between the youth and their peers, teachers,
neighbors, strangers and parents. Many children are ostracized or not accepted by friends or adults because
of their poor manners or behavior. Many youth lack the knowledge or the insight to correct or adapt their
social skills. A volunteer may find this to be a very special goal. Remember that as your friendship with your
child progresses, your behavior may serve as a mode for the skills involved in developing a social relationship.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Discuss the importance of a smile, “thank you” and “please.”
Help and teach the child to maintain a neat appearance.
Have a long talk with each other about being honest and responsible to each other.
Talk about friends that you have – what your best friend is like, what it means to be a
friend.
5. Help your Little meet and interact with new people such as your family and friends.
6. Try to involve your Little in different kinds of social activities, including our agency activities.
7. Observe your Little interacting with family members or friends. Help them work through
special problems they feel they have with them.
8. After an encounter with a teacher, help your Little to understand the teacher’s reactions
and feeling as well as their own.
9. Write your Little a letter or send a postcard when you have to be away for a while.
10. Teach your Little phone etiquette and how to use the phone book to obtain information.
11. Introduce your Little to pets – pets help teach love and consideration.
12. Take your Little to visit their relatives or your family.
2. ENVIRONMENTAL EXPERIENCES
Although similar to cultural experiences, the scope of environmental experience is somewhat narrower. It
usually pertains to the child’s immediate interactions and experiences with their family, peer group, school
and community. Although intervention in family and community affairs is not necessarily part of the
volunteer’s role, you should be very much aware of the child’s environment and its possible effects. As a
volunteer, try to put yourself into the shoes of your Little and walk through a day in their world.
1. Develop a relationship of trust with the family by being responsible, prompt and earnest.
2. Take advantage of all community resources; take your Little to the recreation center, see if
there is a scout troop he or she might join. Make inquiries about Little League and other
sports offered – take your Little the first few times.
3. Try to understand their family and home routine.
4. Take a care package to a sick friend or relative.
5. Role-play different situations with your Little such as an encounter with a teacher or parent.
Help them understand reactions and feelings of others as well as their own.
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6. Help your Little plan for decorating a room, either yours or theirs.
7. Teach your Little safety rules:
a. Personal identification including phone number and address
b. How to reach relatives or others in an emergency
c. Where to go for help if needed
d. Danger spots on frequently traveled routes
e. Who they can tell if something does happen
f. Fire drill procedures
g. Simple first aid procedures
h. Bike safety rules
i. Where to find emergency numbers
j. What to do if they are lost
k. What to do in a power outage
l. How to handle a swimming accident
m. What to do in case of an accident – someone hurt, an animal hurt
n. What to do in storms – lightening, downed wires, tornadoes, etc.
o. Street smarts
3. CULTURAL EXPERIENCES
Any experience, which serves to broaden a child’s view of their world, could justifiably be labeled a cultural
experience. Volunteers can play a very important role by exposing their Little to a variety of culturally
enriching activities.
1. Take them to see a play, fashion show, puppet show, magic show, art show, concert, etc.
2. Take them to see historic sites, museums, zoos, parks, public dock or library.
3. Take them to visit a beauty parlor or barber shop, pet store, church, policeman, fireman,
doctor, dentist, specialty shop, camera shop, toy shop, even your place of employment.
4. Introduce them to 1) new foods and tastes – make a banana split, Mexican food, Chinese
food, etc., 2) new experiences – riding an escalator or elevator, dine out.
5. Teach them to sing a song, how to recite a short poem, etc.
6. Learn about your Little’s customs and traditions and join, if invited.
7. Take a bus ride around town.
8. Mark a trail, learn to use a compass.
9. Watch a movie.
10. Go to the planetarium.
11. Teach a new dance.
12. Look at fashions in magazines.
13. Draw or paint.
14. Visit local malls, craft shows, fairs, and flea markets.
15. Visit the library. Help your Little get a library card.
16. Attend a school function - see your Little in a school play or sports event.
17. Visit an airport.
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4. ACADEMIC SKILLS
In working with children, we see that challenges with reading, comprehension, verbal acuity, and other
academic skills can contribute to frustration and a lack of positive adjustment to academic life. Furthermore,
many children become restless, bored, and are unable to comprehend the importance of school as they might
not have had positive academic modeling or encouragement. As a Big, you will have the opportunity to
encourage learning by offering to help the child with his/her studies or simply by involving the child in learning
experiences that are significant to him/her.
1. Work on flash cards together.
2. Help your Little plan which high school subjects to take.
3. Buy a book on a subject that interests your Little or visit the library.
4. Play Bingo, Junior Scrabble, etc.
5. Help your Little learn to tell time.
6. Make a leaf collection or experiment with a magnifying glass or magnet.
7. Teach your Little how to keep a bowling score.
8. Write a poem, story, play or song.
9. Write a letter.
10. Keep a journal.
11. Teach a foreign language.
12. Read maps.
13. Do homework.
14. Study nature.
15. Teach your Little how to be organized.
16. Help your Little set study goals.
17. Show your Little how to divide a big project into smaller segments.
18. Encourage your Little to respect deadlines – they will have to cope with them.
19. Make it easier for your Little to remember what they’re learning by having them say it, hear
it and write it.
20. Make it a point to discuss current events.
5. WORK
The importance of work in individual development can be summarized in five ways:
1. Work experience can promote feelings of personal significance and sense of achievement.
2. Working well with others can add the feeling of friendliness and acceptance of them.
3. Through actual participation in work activity the young person can come to appreciate the rewards
of working.
4. A varied work experience may lay the foundation for a more intelligent choice of vocation.
5. Good money management skills often result from earning one’s own money.
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The opportunity to work in order to earn pocket money is particularly important to the child who does not
receive weekly allowances. If a young person indicates particular interest in finding a part-time job, a
volunteer may aid him/her in finding work that is suitable to his/her abilities and needs.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
Help your Little fix an old lawn mower and contact people about mowing their lawns.
Go to see about a summer job together.
Take them to the bank and help them open a savings account and watch you do banking.
Plant a vegetable garden together – go grocery shopping together.
Teach your Little how to “fix” things, how to patch a bicycle tire, repair a broken chair.
Help your Little check for odd jobs in the local paper.
Teach your Little how to fill out an employment application, obtain a social security card, and what
to expect in a job interview.
8. Have your Little visit where you work and go to school.
9. Teach your Little how to fix a flat tire, use jumper cables, change the oil, etc.
10. Help in a neighborhood clean-up campaign.
11. Do a community service project, do a chore for an elderly or handicapped person.
6. PHYSICAL SKILLS
Because of the vast variety of physical activities, sports and games, most children are able to find one sport in
which they can excel. Achievement in sports may provide the child with a bright spot in his or her life with
which they can feel happy and proud. Often these youths do not excel in standard sports. Help your Little
develop athletic skills of their own. Make sure to observe safety precautions at all times.
1. Water-skiing, swimming, canoeing, boating
2. Roller-skating, bowling, miniature golf
3. Hiking, bicycling, horseback riding
4. Badminton, tennis, handball or racquetball
5. Horseshoes
6. Baseball, basketball, football, kickball, soccer, lacrosse, etc.
7. Skiing, sledding, ice skating, hockey, etc.
8. Go to local high school or college games
9. Fly a kite
10. Go on a picnic – have an indoor winter picnic
11. Take a life-saving course together
12. Cut and gather firewood for the winter
13. Rake leaves, shovel snow
14. Pick your own apples, strawberries, etc.
15. Do a puzzle
16. Play chess, checkers, Monopoly, Scrabble, cards, etc.
17. Play pool or ping pong
18. Throw a Frisbee
19. Jog together
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20. Go camping
21. Go fishing or ice fishing
22. Go to a car race
23. Take self-defense classes together
7. HOBBIES
Becoming a Big gives you the opportunity to learn new things by exploring the interests of your Little and
conversely it gives your Little the opportunity to learn about something that you are enthusiastic about! Feel
free to try new things and experiment with different crafts or hobbies until you and your Little hit upon an
activity that you both particularly enjoy and wish to pursue. Remember to consider the Little’s ability and
tolerance level. Begin by selecting the tasks with which you know your Little can succeed.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
Rock collectors could make a trip to rock hunting areas or attend a gem and mineral show.
Combine fun with practicality by teaching your Little to sew or knit.
Attend a beginner’s macramé class. Girls and boys enjoy this. (Check out other classes offered.)
Put together models such as trains, planes, cars, boats, or attend shows displaying other models.
Start a collection of insects, jokes, leaves, stamps, bottle caps, coins, rocks, arrowheads, buttons,
pictures of ball players, etc.
6. Buy a simple book of crafts and select some simple and inexpensive ones with which to
experiment.
7. Make some visits to craft shows.
8. Teach your Little any special skills you might have – needlework, knitting, sewing, growing plants,
hunting, fishing, carpentry, playing a musical instrument, ceramics, etc.
9. Look through craft magazines together and talk about what you like and dislike.
10. Cut up magazines and newspapers with blunt scissors and make pictures, collages, crafts, etc.
11. Take pictures together and start a photo album.
12. Encourage, help and support your Little with their hobbies or crafts but do not offer to do or redo
what they have already done regardless of how it might look to you. It does not have to be perfect
for the Little to feel good about his or her achievement.
13. Play a musical instrument.
14. Build something out of wood – bird feeder, table, shelf, frames.
15. Build a city out of empty boxes.
16. Make a necklace.
17. Bake cookies, fix a dinner, lunch or breakfast, and make popsicles or other fun foods.
18. Make puppets.
19. Make a scrapbook.
20. Make holiday decorations and presents – Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day, etc.
21. Visit a car show.
44