Preparing
Volunteers Guide
School-Based
4 Greenleaf Woods #201
Portsmouth, NH 03801
603.430.1140 phone
603-430-7760 fax
www.bbbsgs.org
Emergency Pager: (603) 5173210
Topic
Welcome Letter From ED
Start Something Big!
About BBBS
Your Role
What Will You Do? Expectations
How To Get Involved—Enrollment
BBBS Support—How BBBS Works With You
and And Your Little
A Top Priority--Child Safety
You Can Make a Difference in the Life of a
of a Child
School Based Volunteer Guidelines
Valuable Relationships
Children - Ages & Stages
Strategies for Common Problems
Sample Match Scenarios
Transitioning/Closure
Roll-over from School to Community Based
Thank You
Appendix A: POLICIES
Appendix B: CHILD ABUSE
Appendix C: TROUBLESHOOTING ABUSE
Appendix D: GROUND RULES
Appendix E: LIFE SKILLS & ACTIVITIES
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Page(s)
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12-13
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18-20
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29-31
32-33
34-35
Dear Friend,
Welcome to our family! We hope that becoming a part of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
will be the beginning of a life changing, life affirming experience. As a Big Brother or Big Sister, you are
giving the most important things that you can to a child—time, attention, and unconditional care and
affection. These gifts will not only help to empower your little to be and achieve more than he or she ever
thought possible, but it will provide an opportunity for you to revisit all those fun things you used to do
when you were a kid!
We recognize that you are probably very excited to Start Something with your new Little Brother or Little
Sister and we commit to:
 Be transparent about our process and keep in touch with you as we undergo careful
consideration of your application
 Perform an in-depth interview to give you the opportunity to learn about our program and to
tell us why now would be a good time for you to be a Big
 Perform a multi-layered background check, if over 18 years old
 Give you the appropriate training and background to be successful
 Make recommendations for possible matches based upon both your interests and personality
and that of a potential Little
 Initiate the initial match meeting and then provide support for you and your match for the
duration of your relationship.
Because of the generosity of volunteers and donors from our community, we expect to provide more than
430 children with a Big Brother or Big Sister this year! Your participation as a volunteer, a donor or as both
will help children right here in the Seacoast. At Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast, our goal is
to help EVERY child fulfill his or her potential regardless of income, family structure and ability. So, thank
you for your interest in becoming a Big and together let’s…
Start more role models
Start more success stories
Start changing perspectives
Start changing lives.
Sincerely,
Stacy W. Kramer
Executive Director
Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
3
Donate your money or time to help a child reach his or her potential…It
might be the start of Something Big!
Become a BIG!
We will review your application,
conduct an interview & check
your references, driving record
& background history.
This process may take up to 8
weeks but if accepted as a Big
Brother or Sister…
It could be the
start of
Something Big!
There are many ways that you can support our vision of breaking the cycle of
poverty and incarceration in the Seacoast through mentoring.
Here are a few:
 Become a Big Brother or Big Sister!
 Participate in Bowl For Kids Sake with your Little, your friends and family
 Attend one of our amazing fundraising parties
 Tell your friends about Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater Seacoast
 Make a donation to our annual appeal
 Donate your used clothing to the BBBS Foundation by calling 800-483-5503
 Tell your parents about BBBS-of the Greater Seacoast, look us up @ www.bbbsgs.org
 Like us on Facebook!
4
About BBBS
B
ig Brothers Big Sisters has been bringing a little magic into the everyday lives of children by matching
them with adult volunteers in fun and rewarding relationships since 1904. We are very excited that you
are considering being a volunteer with our agency.
Friendship is a powerful thing. It’s fun, anyone can be a friend, and it’s important. Experiencing fun activities
together and forming a trusting bond with a child can have a powerful and positive impact on the child.
As a Big you can meet with a Little at the specific school based site at a pre-determined time and day set by
the school site. You can find fun ways to spend some time together.
We have several agency programs.
These include:
Community Based Mentoring
After School Site Based Mentoring
School Based Mentoring
Mentoring Children of Prisoners
Who are our Littles?
Children ages 6-17 from our community
who could benefit from having a positive
adult role model.
How do children come
into the program?
Most children in our school-based
program come to us through their parent
or caregiver, teacher, or guidance counselor.
5
Your Role
T
he success of the match friendship depends greatly on the efforts of the Big, the Little, and the Parent.
Each one plays an important role in helping build a meaningful friendship.
What is a “Big”?
It won’t be long before you meet your Little Brother or Little Sister for the first time. And, when you do, it will
help for you to understand your role as a Big.
What makes a successful “Big”?
Successful “Bigs”…
 Emphasize friendship over changing the behavior of the child
 Are not authoritarian (rigid, demanding, controlling)
 Decide activities together with Littles
 Are consistent & dependable
 Have realistic expectations
 Are patient
 Focus on having fun
 Set boundaries and limits
 Acknowledge that positive impact on the child comes after the relationship is built
 Put a child’s safety and well-being first
What a “Big” Is Not
 Parent
 Financial support
 Taxi service
 Babysitter
 Peer
 Therapist
6
What Will You Do? – Expectations
W
e all had someone in our lives, other than a parent, who made a difference to us. This is what you
can do for a child in our program. It’s really pretty simple—it’s a matter of making yourself available
on a consistent basis. It’s showing you care. It’s having fun with a child. It’s listening to them talk about
whatever is going on in their lives. It’s a series of small, teachable moments that, in the end, make a BIG
difference.
Changes in your Little tend to occur slowly. Your Little may not call you or suggest activities for you to do-this
is normal behavior. Often Littles won’t say “thank you” –but this doesn’t mean they aren’t enjoying the time
with you. It just takes time for the relationship to form.
To make the most of your relationship:
 Be a good friend: Listen, have fun, take time to get to know this new person in your life. Choose
activities that you both enjoy and that will strengthen the bond between you. Don’t set out to impose
mandatory changes in the Little. Positive behaviors will flow after your Little trusts you and your Little
grows in being more secure, not by your declaring mandatory new behaviors that the Little has to do.
 Be Consistent:
 Show the child you think your time together is important.
 Be involved and participate in activities (set up through school such as picnic/ice cream social):
 This connects you with other Bigs & Littles and allows your Little to interact with other kids in
the program.
 Regularly communicate with your Little, the parents and your Match Support Specialist:
 We will contact you every other month to provide assistance and give feedback on how you’re
making a difference.
 Anytime you are unsure about what to do or how to handle a situation, your Match Support
Specialists are here to help.
 Work for a long-lasting relationship.
 Realize that problems may come up:
 It’s normal for problems to arise in a match relationship
 Try to balance your expectations of what it will be like with your Little and be realistic about
how long the relationship will take to develop.
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How to Get Involved – Enrollment
BBBSGS will gather information to learn more about you so that we can make the best match possible. We
will:




Conduct an interview
Check references
Gather information from another BBBS agency or other service organization where you may have
volunteered previously.
Provide a mandatory training session
Once we have completed the enrollment process, we will find a child that we believe would be a good
“match” for you. If all parties (you, the child and the child’s parent/guardian) think it will be a good match, we
will introduce the two of you and then you get to….
…Start having FUN, making a difference in the life of a child and enjoying your new relationship
with your Little Brother or Sister!
What happens once you are matched? Match Support!!!
Match Support Contact is required of Bigs, Littles (and sometimes parents) a minimum of every other
month, sometimes more, if necessary.
Your Match Support Specialist will:
 Ask you to discuss your match activities, complete required surveys, and update paperwork in a timely
manner so that your match remains in compliance with BBBS.
 Help resolve issues with your Little or your Little’s family.
 Help keep track if you or your Little’s contact/info changes.
 Support and coach you with specific topics that arise in your match.
 Suggest activities when you’re stumped about what to do with your Little.
 Is your BBBS Point Person for assistance in building and maintaining a successful match relationship!
COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUNICATE!
8
BBBSGS Support - How We Work with You & Your Little
B
BBS works hard to support the relationship you have with your Little. Our goal is for the relationship
to be as successful as possible for everyone. Bigs and Littles work with their Match Support
Specialist/Team.
Along the way to forming a safe and lasting friendship your Match Support Specialist will be in touch with all of you to
help you and your Little. Sometimes they will call, meet you in person, or email you to make contact. Every other
month communication is required for the duration of the match. This allows us to provide support, suggest ideas for
activities, etc. You can think of your match support specialist as the main link between you, your Little, and the
agency.
That’s not all that the Match Support Team provides for your match. They also:



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Provide you feedback on how you’re making a difference
Find information and resources that you might be interested in
Help you communicate with your Little
Work with you on any conflicts that might come up
You don’t need to wait to hear from your Match Support Specialist--they love to hear from you! Here are
some good reasons for calling your Match Support Specialist:




To get feedback from your Little about how the match is going
Share fun stories about your match
Discuss concerns you are having with your match or the safety of your Little
Report any emergency situations
Contact your Match Support specialist by phone and/or occasionally by email.
#430-1140 x 18 or @ schoolsiteprograms@bbbsgs.org
If your Match Support specialist is not available please contact the agency for assistance. We make it a
priority to serve you when you need it.
9
A Top Priority-Child Safety
Children’s safety is our #1 priority. We focus on the child’s safety and well-being throughout the match. We
do this by providing:

Thorough professional screening.

Guidelines that establish appropriate boundaries and respect a child’s right to feel safe.

Ongoing BBBS Match Support contact with each party in the match. This helps provide up-todate information about safety issues and early warnings of potential problems throughout the
match relationship.

The BBBS Match Support Specialist maintains required consistent scheduled contacts with each
member of the match party.
As a Big you play a role in keeping your Little safe. Bigs need to model appropriate behavior as well as
assume responsibility for their Little’s safety during your 1:1 time together.
Some safety issues include: Internet safety, bullying and violence prevention, the Little’s medical condition
and child abuse prevention. Our agency has expectations and guidelines relating to Child Safety. We expect
you to know and follow these guidelines.
Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Tobacco and Firearms Policy: It is the policy of Big Brothers Big Sisters of the Greater
Seacoast to prohibit and discourage the use of drugs, alcohol and firearms while Littles and Bigs are actively
engaged in match activities. Any suspected violations should be reported to BBBSGS.
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect: If you ever have a situation where your Little talks to you
about any neglect, abuse or violence he/she is subject to, contact your Match Support Specialist immediately.
Our response to the disclosure by a child can prevent negative outcomes for the child and their family. For
that reason, it’s critical that volunteers follow our BBBS protocols on reporting abuse.
Confidentiality: We will protect the confidentiality of our participants and their families. With the exception
of information that could put a child, participant or another party in danger, program staff will only share
information about Bigs, Littles and their families with other BBBSGS professional staff, advisory board
members and the Board of Directors. Additionally, Bigs are required to keep information about their Little
and his/her family confidential.
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You Can Make a Difference in the Life of a Child
It’s pretty simple. By building a trusting friendship with a child you can make a powerful
impact in his/her life. That’s what it’s all about.
Here are some thoughts on making a difference:
 Consistently sharing activities together (events, having lunch, just talking) is the biggest
factor in forming a positive relationship with them.
 Deciding together what activities to do fosters a stronger relationship.
 By being there you are making a difference even if you don’t think you are.
 If you’re concerned you are not making a difference, talk it over with your Match
Support specialist—chances are you’re making a bigger impact than you think you are!
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School Based Volunteer Guidelines

Communication guidelines with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast:

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I realize that by not returning BBBS communications (calls, letters, emails) or completing paperwork associated
with my match I am compromising the well-being of my match and creating liability concerns for myself and BBBS.
I realize that it is my responsibility to set appropriate limits and boundaries regarding texts, emails, phone
conversations and social media. BBBS suggests that these means of communication should be used sparingly with
the exception of arranging match outings.
I realize I should immediately report any problems I may have communicating with my Little to my Match Support
Specialist.
I will not ask my Little to be a member of any social media groups to which I belong.
I will not accept my Little’s requests to join or participate in a social media site.
In all means of communication with my Little I will use discretion with displaying any pictures, texts, etc. accessible
to my Little that are of questionable nature to my role as a Big Brother or Big Sister.
The display or discussion of any materials of a sexual nature is prohibited, including but not limited to viewing
pornography or sexually suggestive material.
If any of my information changes at any time that could affect my match, I will notify BBBS immediately:

i.e. new phone number, new address, employment status, extreme illness, legal issues, updated car insurance
policy (as per BBBS liability requirements), and/or any other pertinent life changes.

I understand that I will learn personal information about my Little and his or her family, which I will keep
confidential. I will show respect at all times for my Little and his or her family, and never come between a
parent and their child.

I will respect my Little’s beliefs and his/her personal space and privacy.
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It is my responsibility to contact my Match Support Specialist right away if a problem arises with my match.
I will use discretion with the use and interaction of conversation, email, texts, phone contact, social media or
other communication outlets when interacting with Littles.


I will maintain the minimum required contact, every other month, via phone or email with my Big Brothers Big
Sisters (BBBS) Match Support Specialist and/or increased contact as determined by BBBS.
I will maintain open communication at all times and never ask my Little to keep a secret.
I will encourage my Little to develop his or her interests and beliefs and appropriately represent my own interests
and beliefs as his or her role model.
I will respect my Little’s personal boundaries, knowing these examples include but are not limited to: tickling,
wrestling, pinching, patting, or asking a child to sit on an adult’s lap.
I will be sensitive to whether a hug or other form of physical touch would or would not be comfortable for a child.

I understand that my role as a Big Brother/Big Sister is as a volunteer mentor, therefore:


I will not provide monetary donations, loans or donation of services to the Little without the express permission of
BBBS. I realize that these types of donations could compromise the integrity of my match relationship and/or role
as a Big.

I agree to abstain from any use of alcohol, tobacco, or illegal drugs, while in the presence of my Little and I
agree to avoid situations in which others are engaging in this type of activity.

I will never use corporal punishment with my Little, or use any verbally and/or emotionally abusive means of
communication or discipline.

I know it is my responsibility to report youth abuse to appropriate authorities and therefore I will do the
following if I discover or suspect that my Little may be in an abusive situation:

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Call my Match Support Specialist who will guide me through the situation.
If my Match Support Specialist is not available and/or I EVER feel that my Little is in imminent danger, I will seek
out a school staff person, call 911, and then call BBBS to inform the staff of the situation.
I know that youth abuse is a criminal behavior and individuals who report suspected victimization have a right to
confidentiality.
I understand that spending consistent, quality one-to-one time with my Little is one of the most important
things I can do as a volunteer, therefore:
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I agree to limit gift giving to special occasions and will receive prior approval from agency staff. Gifts over $25
dollars in value require prior approval by parent/guardian and agency staff.
I will meet with my Little once a week—day & time pre-determined by the school site.
I understand that I am making at least a full one year commitment to my Little.
I understand that consistency is very important to the match relationship and is even more important than the
length of the visits. (Many of the Littles in our program do not have stable and consistent relationships and will
look forward to their time with you.)
I agree to never leave my Little unattended or alone with any other person.

I understand the importance of properly ending a match relationship. Therefore, I will actively participate in
the closure procedure as requested by BBBS Support Staff.

I accept complete responsibility for my actions as a volunteer with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast. I agree to
hold BBBS of the Greater Seacoast and all members, agents, representatives and employees of that
organization harmless and free from liability for my actions as a volunteer in the BBBS program.
Valuable Relationships
Now that you are matched with your Little; you may be thinking what comes next and how fast will it
happen?
A
s every experienced Big will tell you, the friendship takes time to develop. It is a different experience
for every Big and Little, and no doubt your friendship will be unique.
However, there are some common stages that most match friendships will go through at different times,
usually depending on the level of trust that has been established.
What does this
stage look like?
Honeymoon Stage
Growth Stage
Maturity Stage
From the first meeting to approximately
the four-month date
From approximately the fourmonth date to the one-year date
This stage begins around the oneyear anniversary date
You both are trying to figure out each
other.
Littles may try to get their Bigs’
approvals or impress them
The most crucial time regarding
the development of the Big/Little
relationship.
May be a turning point in the
relationship.
Your relationship with your Little
has become more positive.
Most Bigs have shed their
preconceived notions about their
match and their Little.
It is common around this time that
your Little will begin testing
boundaries with you.
Your Little may be observing you
to find a reason not to trust you.
What can you do
to move it along?
Without prying, learn facts about your
Little and reference them in your
conversations: e.g. favorite things, best
friend, where they’ve traveled.
Show your Little that he can trust
you. Be reliable and consistent in
your time together. As trust
develops, your Little will probably
begin sharing bits of information
with you.
Develop long-term shared
interests, activities that you will do
frequently together and that you
both enjoy.
Be consistent and flexible, do what you
said you were going to do.
Keep in close contact with your
Support Specialist for ideas.
Identify past shared experiences
and enjoy shared “jokes.”
Be patient and remember that
relationships have ups and downs, and
don’t “happen” by themselves.
Recognize and praise
accomplishments.
Learn something new to both of
you, together.
If you need to give advice or
address behavior problems, give
reasons; avoid “shoulds.”
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Children - Ages & Stages
I
f you haven’t had recent experience with a child in the age group you’ll be matched with, we have some
information to help you work successfully with your Little.
As you read through the stages:
 Keep in mind that they are generalizations. If your Little does not match these characteristics, it does
not mean that there is something wrong with your Little. All children are unique.
 Sometimes a child’s development may be delayed because of trauma or negative experiences or
simply a slower or faster development than others, so the stage they’re in at present may not
correlate to their age in years.
5-7 YEAR OLDS
General
Characteristics
Physical
Characteristics
Social
Characteristics
Emotional
Characteristics
Mental
Characteristics
Developmental
Tasks
Eager to learn,
easily fatigues,
short periods of
interest
Are very active and need
frequent breaks from
tasks. They like to do
things that are fun and
involve the use of energy.
Likes organized
games and is
concerned about
following rules
Are very eager to
learn
Gender role
identification
Learn best when
they are active
while learning
Need rest periods.
Can be very
competitive and
may cheat at games
Are alert to
feelings of others,
but are unaware of
how their own
actions affect
others
Are very sensitive
to praise and
recognition.
Feelings are easily
hurt.
Like to talk
Early moral
development
Self-assertive,
boastful, less
cooperative, more
competitive
Large muscles are well
developed. Activities
involving small muscles
are difficult (i.e. working
on models with small
pieces)
Are very imaginative
and involved in
fantasy playing
Inconsistent in
level of maturity
evidenced; regress
when tired, often
less mature at
home than with
outsiders.
Their idea of
fairness becomes
a big issue
Concrete
operations – the
child begins to
experience the
predictability of
physical events.
May tend to be accident
prone.
Are self-assertive,
aggressive, want to
be first, less
cooperative than at
five, and boastful
Learn best through
active participation
15
Have difficulty
making decisions
8-10 YEAR OLDS
General
Characteristics
Physical
Characteristics
Social
Characteristics
Emotional
Characteristics
Mental
Characteristics
Developmental
Tasks
Interested in
people, aware of
differences, willing
to give more to
others, but expects
more
Are very active and
need frequent
breaks from tasks.
They like to do
things that are fun
and involve the use
of energy.
Can be very
competitive
Are very sensitive
to praise and
recognition.
Feelings are easily
hurt.
Their ideas of
fairness becomes a
big issue
Social Cooperation
Busy, active, full of
enthusiasm, may try
too much, accidentprone, interest in
money and its value
Bone growth is not
yet complete
Are choosy about
their friends
Because friends are
important during
this time, there can
be conflicts between adults’ rules
and friends’ rules.
You can help
through your
honesty and
consistency.
Are eager to
answer questions
Self-evaluation/Skill
learning
Sensitive to
criticism, recognize
failure, capacity for
self-evaluation
Early maturers may
be upset about their
size
Being accepted by
friends becomes
quite important
Inconsistent in
level of maturity
evidenced; regress
when tired, often
less mature at
home than with
outsiders.
Are very curious
and are collectors
of everything.
They may jump to
other objects of
interest after a
short time.
Team play
Capable of
prolonged interest,
may make plans on
own
May tend to be
accident prone
Team games become
popular
Want more
independence, but
know they need
guidance and
support
Worshipping heroes,
TV stars, and sports
figures is common
Wide discrepancies
in reading ability
Decisive,
dependable,
reasonable, strong
sense of right and
wrong
16
11-13 YEAR OLDS
General
Characteristics
Physical
Characteristics
Social
Characteristics
Emotional
Characteristics
Mental
Characteristics
Developmental
Tasks
Testing limits,
“know-it-all”
attitude
Small-muscle
coordination is
good, and interests
in arts, crafts,
models, and music
are popular
Being accepted by
friends can be quite
important; cliques
start to develop
outside of school
Are very sensitive
to praise and
recognition.
Feelings are easily
hurt.
Tend to be
perfectionists
Physical maturation
Vulnerable,
emotionally
insecure, fear of
rejection, mood
swings
Bone growth is not
yet complete
Team games become
more popular
Because friends are
important during
this time, there can
be conflicts between adults’ rules
and friends’ rules.
Want more
independence, but
know they need
guidance and
support
Formal operations
Identification with
admired adult
Early maturers may
by upset about their
size.
Crushes become
more common
Are caught
between being a
child and being an
adult
Attention span can
be lengthy
Membership in the
peer group
Bodies are going
through physical
changes that affect
personal
appearance
Are very concerned
with their
appearance and
very self-conscious
about growth
Friends set the
general rule of
behavior
Loud behavior
hides their lack of
self-confidence
Diet and sleep
habits can be bad,
which may result in
low energy levels
Feel a real need to
conform. They dress
and behave alike in
order to “belong”
Look at the world
more objectively,
adults subjectively,
critical
Girls may begin
menstruation
Are very concerned
about what others
say and think of
them
Have a tendency to
manipulate others
Interested in earning
their own money
17
Relating to the
opposite sex
O
Strategies for Common Problems
ver the years we have seen some common problems that can occur in any match. These are called
common because they are, well…common. It’s normal for Little/Big relationships to experience some
of these situations.
We’ve collected some examples of these common problems and included them for you in the next few pages,
including some tips on how to handle them. After your match gets going, if you are experiencing one of these
challenges, you can bring the issue up with your Match Support staff and discuss in more detail how to
proceed in a successful way.
18
“What do I do?”
“My Little doesn’t show appreciation.”
 Coming into the match with a preconceived notion of how your Little should show appreciation will set
you up for a letdown. Your Little may not say “please” and “thank you” when you first start meeting,
and even after many times together he/she may still not respond in a way that you deem appropriate.
 “I had a good time” may eventually be a response, but may be a long time in coming. Sometimes
he/she might only say, “It was o.k.” Be sure you model the behavior you would like your Little to
demonstrate, and be consistent.
“My Little doesn’t share feelings and/or initiate conversation.”
 You may feel that your Little is not putting as much into the relationship as you would like. The
relationship may seem one-sided for a long time with you doing the talking, but your Little not saying
much.
 Eventually your Little may well respond in a more open and honest way, trusting you and confiding in
you as an adult who will not disappoint or walk out on him/her. Conversation between you will grow
and your Little may share more feelings with you. If this happens, rejoice in it, but remember that no
relationship is perfect and all relationships are defined in a variety of ways.
“My Little wants me to be “friends” with them on Facebook”
 Your little should probably not have a Facebook account at their age, but in some cases they do and
want to communicate with you via Facebook.
 It is important to set good boundaries and not become “friends” on social networking sites with your
Little. BBBS has a policy that Bigs don’t “friend” their Littles. You can explain this to your Little and use
other ways to communicate such as: texting, calling, emailing, or mail.
“My Little doesn’t act the right way.”
 Your Little may come from a family with a very different value system than yours. It is not your
responsibility or role to try to change the values of your Little. Your match is a learning experience for
both of you. If your Little has never been to a play, they may not know what behavior is expected of
them.
 Try to be content with the understanding that, through your example, your Little may come to respect
values that are more positive. But this may be a long process.
19
“My Little doesn’t seem to need me.”
 Every child should have someone to bring a little magic to them, but your Little may not respond in a
way that makes you feel you are needed. Feeling needed may be expressed by your Little in small
ways, and may be non-verbal.
 In time, you may learn to recognize small signs that your Little needs you. This will help you in being
content with the knowledge that you are making a difference and are a much-needed part of your
Little’s life.
“My Little wants to invite their friend along.”
 Your Little may want to invite their friend with them. We encourage 1:1 mentoring, however
occasionally they can invite their friend (as long as you are ok with it).
 You can tell them that this is their special time to spend with you and only on special occasions they
can invite a friend.
“My Little doesn’t seem interested.”
 Keep in mind that we all demonstrate interest in different ways, and your Little may not know how to
communicate that he/she is interested.
 Be sure you do not make assumptions based on your Little’s behavior, and talk to your Support
Specialist if you have questions.
“My Little doesn’t want to improve.”
 Your Little may have many adults eager to tell him/her what he/she is doing wrong.
 What your Little will respond to is someone who will point out and praise strengths. These strengths
(assets) can range from the values that the child holds to things he/she is good at doing. If your Little
knows that you are going to be positive, give encouragement and compliments, and appreciate the
unique person that he/she is, change will happen in very positive ways, and your Little will grow in
confidence, competence and caring.
The most important thing to remember is that you will need to be patient and persistent
throughout your relationship! Your relationship may take time to develop, but if you are able
to manage your expectations, be open to surprises, and accepting of your Little as an
individual, you are in for a fantastic ride! Your Match Support Specialist is available to help
you through any of the above situations. Remember to seek help as necessary.
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SAMPLE MATCH SCENARIOS
1. Your Little Brother tells you that he has a secret. He will tell you only if you promise not to tell anyone
else.
A Big Brother or Big Sister cannot promise to keep all secrets. Some secrets may be harmless, but some can
be very dangerous. If your Little tells you that he is being harmed in some way, or someone he knows is
being harmed, you will have to tell your match support specialist and/or the Little’s parent/guardian. It is
best to tell your Little that he can tell you anything but some things are serious enough that you may need
to ask for help on how to handle it so you cannot make a promise that you won’t tell anyone else.
2. You do something really special for your Little Sister, but she does not thank you. In fact, she seldom
says “thank you”...
It can be frustrating when your Little doesn’t thank you, but there are many factors to consider. Has this
been role modeled for your Little? Is your Little too embarrassed to say thank you? Is your Little shy and
uncomfortable verbalizing her feelings? It is fine to remind your Little when to say “thank you,” but try not
to take it personally if it takes some time for your Little to make it a habit. If you watch closely, chances are
that your Little is showing appreciation through behavior more than through words.
3. After several meetings with your Little, you notice that your Little has a problem with body odor and
cleanliness.
As difficult as it can be to discuss this topic, ignoring it is probably the worst thing you can do because if
YOU notice it, chances are your Little’s friends notice it, too. Depending on your Little’s age, you could talk
to either your Little or your Little’s parent. If you talk to the Little’s parent, an offer to help will probably be
received better than a simple statement about the child’s hygiene. If you are talking to the Little, approach
the topic from an educational standpoint. Maybe your Little isn’t aware of the changes in his body as he
gets older and he hasn’t developed a daily hygiene routine yet. For younger children, there are several
good books on the importance of cleanliness.
4. All my Little wants to do while we are together is play on the computer. They have fun while they do this
but we don’t get to talk.
It is important to do a variety of activities with your Little while you are together. If they only want to go
on the computer while they are with you, ask if you can try something new like shoot baskets, go on the
swings, draw, or do homework together. Maybe they aren’t too sure of what else they could do with you.
If you give them a few ideas, it may spark their interest. If they are still only interested in using the
computers, work out a compromise with each other. Play games that you can both play together or take
turns. It is important to get to know each other, especially at the beginning of the match. Try to
understand what things interest them, so that you can incorporate those things into your meetings
together.
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Transitioning the Match – Closing/Termination
22

Termination is not something unique to a Big/Little relationship. Many examples from life show
that growth and change usually imply or involves some sort of termination from the old to the
new, from something past to something future. Changing jobs, leaving school, moving, or losing a
spouse/partner/significant other are all types of terminations.

Often these relationships are allowed to fade away and a person moves on relatively unscathed.
Your relationship with your Little, due to his/her age and level of vulnerability, is somewhat more
complicated and requires more than a “fade out.”

By working through feelings and problems with your Little when termination is imminent, you
show him/her that your relationship was worth the effort and you better ensure within your Little
the ability to handle future “terminations” that s/he will encounter.

Your match support specialist will walk both you and your Little through the process.
Reasons for termination in the Big Brothers Big Sisters’ program:





Transfer of Big Brother/Sister (i.e. leaving town, moving)
Mutual agreement of both Big And Little with Match Support Specialist
Indications that the match is no longer needed
Changing situation of Little, including leaving town/moving/changing schools, institutionalization
(group home, foster family, hospital, alternative school), family problems, etc.
Big graduates High School and is no longer in the area
Often in life there is a transition stage in a relationship where the pattern of activities may become less
frequent—this is no different in the match relationship between a Big and a Little. Sometimes the Big and/or
the Little may decide it’s time for a change—a transition.
Hopefully this transition is very positive, for both you and your Little. The transition may lead to continued
contact between you and your Little on some level, but it’s important to note that any continued contact
outside of BBBS’ formal program guidelines should only occur at the discretion and with the expressed
permission of the child’s parent/guardian (if under 18).
At the time of transition, BBBSGS “closes” the file and does not continue to provide professional support to
the matched parties. At that point, your match is no longer considered an active match. We do hope that you
will stay involved with BBBSGS and you might consider taking on another Little.
Ideally, this transition period can be a positive time for setting up patterns that will be long-lasting for the
relationship between the Big and the Little. You may decide to keep in touch and to get together or
correspond by phone, email, cards, etc. as your friendship continues into the adulthood of the Little.
You have invested a lot into each other. You want to communicate to your Little your appreciation of him/her
and your hope and expectation that s/he will be successful and happy.
A few Guidelines regarding Transition and Closure:
 Never just stop and disappear from the match--this could really have a negative impact on
your Little.
 The transition/file closing process gives an opportunity to review the great stuff that happened
during the match.
 Recognize that you have made an impact at some level on your Little.
 The Little you now know is probably not the same Little with whom you were initially matched.
Changes probably have occurred. Celebrate the experience as much as you can together highlights and hurdles.
23
 If the transition of closing the match is not approached carefully, a child can be hurt by the
experience. Your Match Support Specialist will walk you through the process—there are several
steps to take which can maximize the positive effects.
The reasons will vary for closure, but there are feelings involved for both Bigs and Littles in all of the above
cases. During your relationship some of the feelings developed and encountered may include:




24
Affection and Dependence – Both the Big and little will share affection for each other and may be
mutually dependent on each other. During the relationship, your Little may have developed a
dependency that has helped him/her in his/her environment.
Understanding and Patience – Throughout the relationship, there may have developed some
understanding of each other. Unfulfilled expectations may have been handled through patience.
Guilt – The Big may feel unsuccessful. S/he may feel defeated but unable to admit it. Guilt
sometimes accompanies termination and the Big may feel s/he did not help or that the Little did
not benefit from the relationship. All matches have a positive impact.
Anger and Frustration – During the relationship, the Big may have experienced some frustration,
including an inability to manage or control the relationship.
Rollover from School Based Program to Community Based Program:
This is when everyone in the match decides that the best option is to go or “rollover” from the school based
program to the community based program. This is great way to strengthen the relationship you have already
established with your Little. The community based program is fun, rewarding and offers a more flexible time
schedule.
We typically “roll over” matches from School Based to Community Based when the Big is attending college in a
nearby location, if they plan on staying connected on a regular basis, or if they are planning on staying in the
area for at least a year.
The Rollover criteria/process includes the following:








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Big has to be 18 years old
Everyone gives approval: Little, parent and Big
Required to fill out paperwork for background checks
Attend community based training @ BBBS office
Provide proof of car insurance
Provide BBBS with 1 additional reference
Provide Social Security card/birth certificate/passport and driver’s license
Attend match meeting to complete community based paperwork
THANK YOU!
A
s your match begins, and throughout the entire life of your match, we want to THANK YOU! You are
stepping forward on a journey where you don’t know exactly what will happen, but you are doing this
because you care for others and you know that there is great reward in life in the relationships you develop.
We wish you all the best in your match with your Little Brother or Little Sister. Have great fun. Take pride in
your contribution to the happiness of your Little. We will be with you, supporting you, throughout your
journey.
“A Friend to me is someone who likes and appreciates me.”- Tim, 12
“A friend to me is someone who is there for me when I need them, because they
have a big heart… That’s the only thing I really want.”- Nadia, 11
"My favorite thing about my Big Brother is that he is respectful. We talk about life
and he listens to me" – Ben, age 8
“Being a part of this program has been an amazing experience that I would never
take back. Not only do I help teach my Little Sister valuable things, but she has
taught me so much.” –Katie, School Based Big Sister
“The time I spend with my Little Brother is great and the feeling I get knowing that
I can help someone with something they are struggling with is very rewarding.”
– Brandon, School Based Big Brother
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Appendix A: POLICIES
Overnight Visits: Overnight visits are not permitted in School-Based or Site-Based programs. Exceptions to
this requirement are agency-sponsored and supervised activities.
Transportation: Transporting Littles is not permitted in the School-Based or Site-Based programs.
Unacceptable Behavior: It is the policy of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program that
unacceptable behaviors will not be tolerated on the part of mentors or mentees while participating in the
program. This policy is in addition to behavioral requirements stipulated in other policies or procedures within
this manual. This policy is in no way intended to replace or take precedence over other policies or procedures
including, but not limited to, the following:





Confidentiality Policy
Transportation Policy
Overnight Visits
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect Policy
Use of Alcohol, Drugs, Tobacco, and Firearms Policy
A number of behaviors are regarded as incompatible with BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program
goals, values and program standards, and therefore are considered unacceptable and prohibited while
participants are engaged in mentoring activities:










Unwelcome physical contact, such as inappropriate touching, patting, pinching,
punching, and physical assault
Unwelcome physical, verbal, visual, or behavioral mannerisms or conduct that
denigrates, shows hostility, or aversion toward any individual
Demeaning or exploitive behavior of either a sexual or nonsexual nature, including
threats of such behavior
Display of demeaning, suggestive, or pornographic material
Known sexual abuse or neglect of a child
Denigration, public or private, of any mentee parent/guardian or family member
Denigration, public or private, of political or religious institutions or their leaders
Intentional violation of any local, state or federal law
Driving while under the influence of alcohol
Possession of illegal substances
If you ever have a situation where your Little talks to you about any abuse or violence he/she is subject to,
contact your Match Support Specialist immediately. Our response to the disclosure by a child can prevent
negative outcomes for the child and their family. For that reason, it is critical that volunteers follow our BBBS
protocols on reporting abuse.
27
Mandatory Reporting of Child Abuse and Neglect Policy: It is the policy of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast
Mentoring Program that all staff, mentors, and other representatives of the program must report any suspected
child abuse and/or neglect of agency clients or program participants. All such suspected reports must be made
to appropriate state and/or local authorities. Program staff must follow the mandatory reporting of child abuse
and neglect procedures set forth by DCYF.
All employees, volunteers, and mentors of the BBBS of the Greater Seacoast Mentoring Program are given
information relative to possible signs and symptoms of child abuse. Volunteers are asked to report concerns
to program staff as quickly as possible.
Appendix B: CHILD ABUSE
THE NATIONAL COMMITTEE FOR THE PREVENTION OF CHILD ABUSE DEFINES CHILD ABUSE
AS “AN INJURY OR PATTERN OF INJURIES TO A CHILD THAT IS NON-ACCIDENTAL.”
SPECIFIC CATEGORIES AND DESCRIPTIONS ARE LISTED BELOW:
PHYSICAL ABUSE is generally a
pattern of injuries to a child that
is non-accidental and may include
beatings, burns, human bites,
strangulation or immersion in
scalding water. These actions can
result in bruises, welts, broken
bones, scars or internal injuries.
PHYSICAL NEGLECT is the
withholding of or failure to
provide a child with basic
necessities such as shelter,
clothing,
medical
care,
attention to hygiene, or
supervision needed for optimal
physical
growth
and
development.
SEXUAL ABUSE is the exploitation
of a child for the sexual
gratification of an adult. It may
range from exhibitionism and
fondling to intercourse or use of
a child in the production of
pornographic materials.
EMOTIONAL ABUSE can be excessive, aggressive or unreasonable demands that place expectations on a
child beyond his or her capabilities. Constant and persistent teasing, belittling and verbal attacks are
forms of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse also includes failure to provide the nurturance necessary for
a child’s psychological growth and development (i.e. love, care, support and guidance.)
The Division of Children, Youth and Families’ (DCYF) phone number for reporting child
abuse/neglect is 1-800-894-5533, and their website is www.dhhs.state.nh.us. Visit their
website for useful information about reporting child abuse/neglect. If you believe that
your Little is being abused or neglected please call your Match Support Specialist.
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Appendix C: TROUBLESHOOTING CHILD ABUSE
Please remember, it is a pattern of behavior, not isolated incidents, that may
lead one to suspect child abuse or neglect. Any one behavioral indicator
alone could be a natural, normal response for a child.
PHYSICAL ABUSE
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS
Feels deserving of punishment
PHYSICAL INDICATORS
Unexplained bruises and welts: on face, lips,
mouth, torso, back, buttocks or other areas.
In various stages of healing, reflecting shape
of article used to inflict (e.g. electrical cord,
belt buckle.) On several different surface
areas, regular appearances after absences,
weekends or vacations
Unexplained burns: cigarette or
cigar burns, especially on soles,
palms, back or buttocks.
Immersion burns (e.g. glove-like,
on buttocks, genitalia, feet.)
Patterns like electric burner, iron,
etc. Rope burns on arms, legs,
neck or torso. Infected burns,
indicating a delay in seeking
treatment.
Unexplained fractures or dislocations to: skull,
nose, facial structure, in various stages of
healing
Unexplained lacerations or
abrasions to: mouth, lips, gums,
eyes, external genitalia, or bald
patches on scalp
29
Unexplained bite marks
Wary of adult contact
Apprehensive when other children cry
Extremes in behavior, from
withdrawal to aggression
and/or hyperactivity
Frightened of parents or caretaker
Afraid to go home
Reported injuries by parent or
caretaker
Vacant or frozen stare,
listless, detached
Responds to questions in
monosyllables
Inappropriate or
precocious maturity
Manipulative behavior to get
attention
Chronic ailments, stomach
aches, etc.
Indiscriminately seeks affection
Over-compliance
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS
Begs for or steals food
PHYSICAL NEGLECT
PHYSICAL INDICATORS
Extended stays at child care (early
arrival and late departure)
Constant fatigue, listlessness or falling asleep in
class
Seeks affection inappropriately (e.g.
through aggression)
Does not change expression
Assumes adult responsibilities and
concerns
Talks in a whisper or a whine
States there is no caretaker at home
Alcohol or drug use
SEXUAL ABUSE
Underweight, poor growth pattern (e.g.
small in stature, failure to thrive)
Consistent hunger, poor hygiene,
inappropriate dress
Consistent lack of supervision, especially in
dangerous activities or for long periods
Unattended physical problems or
medical needs
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS
Withdrawal, fantasy or infantile behavior
Bizarre, sophisticated or unusual
sexual behavior or knowledge
Poor peer relationships; change in school
performance
PHYSICAL INDICATORS
Reports sexual assault by caretaker
Difficulty in walking or sitting
Sudden sleeping or eating disturbance
Pain, swelling or
itching in genital areas
Compulsive masturbation, excessive or
unusual rubbing in the genital area
Pain when going to the bathroom
Excessive clinging
Sexually transmitted
disease, especially in
pre-teens
30
Confiding in someone but not telling
the whole story (“I have a secret, but I
can’t tell”)
Pregnancy
Self-destructive behavior; depression
BEHAVIORAL INDICATORS
EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Habit disorders: sucking, biting,
rocking
Antisocial behavior
PHYSICAL INDICATORS
Speech disorders
Lags in physical
development
Failure to thrive
Hyperactive or
disruptive behavior
Pale, empty facial appearance
Neurotic habits: sleep disorders,
inhibited play, unusual fearfulness
Destructiveness
Behavioral extremes: does not change
expression; compliant and passive or
aggressive and demanding
Overly adaptive behavior;
inappropriately adult or
infantile
Lags in mental or emotional
development
PLEASE REMEMBER IT IS OVERALL PATTERNS THAT INDICATE
ABUSE, NOT AN INDIVIDUAL INCIDENT.
IF YOU SUSPECT YOUR LITTLE IS BEING MISTREATED, PLEASE
CALL YOUR MATCH SUPPORT SPECIALIST!
IF IT IS AN IMMEDIATE EMERGENCY – CALL 911
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Appendix D: GROUND RULES
COMMITMENT/CONSISTENCY/TIME
 We ask School-based Bigs to commit to seeing their Little once a week (day and time pre-determined
by the school site).
 We ask a for a one-year commitment.
 Consistency is very important to the match relationship. Being consistent is MORE important than the
length of visits. Many of the Littles in our program do not have stable and consistent relationships and
will look forward to their time with you. Please do not let them down like so many others have. A
phone call works great if you are away for a week or two or are too busy to see them. A card or note
lets them know you care and are thinking about them. Consistency helps build trust and helps the
match grow.
 After the first year matches typically slow down and see each other less frequently-this is normal and
as long as it works for everyone, that’s fine.
BOUNDARIES/PROFESSIONAL DISTANCE
 It is the responsibility of Bigs to set boundaries with their Littles and maintain professional distance.
BBBS staff can, and are more than willing to help.
 It is important that Littles respect their Bigs and listen to them. Be firm, not mean.
 It is not the Big’s job to discipline a Little. If there is a behavioral problem with a Little, the Big should
inform school personnel and talk with their Little about appropriate and acceptable behavior. If a Little
becomes volatile the Big needs to inform school personnel immediately.
 Bigs should always practice give and take with their Littles and teach Littles how to negotiate. Bigs
should not always cater to their Littles and do whatever they want.
 Do not over-gift your Little or always do something that costs money. This can undermine parents and
make them look/feel badly. It can also spark jealousy among siblings of your Little. A small gift for
birthdays/holidays is OK, but don’t go overboard. The match relationship is about friendship, not
spending money.
 Professional distance means that Bigs should listen to their Littles, but should not act as counselors or
therapists. If your Little is having a really difficult time they should be talking with their parent or a
professional. BBBS staff should be notified if a Little is in trouble so that we can try to help and work
with their parent to arrange some professional help. Your time with your Little should be kept to your
visits. Avoid trying to “fix” your Little and avoid spending hours and hours a week with them, or on the
phone with them, trying to help them.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT/BUILDING SELF-ESTEEM
 Use positive reinforcement with your Little – it works wonders. Many children suffer from low selfesteem and self-confidence.
32


Bigs can help by positively reinforcing their Littles whenever possible. This can be done by telling
Littles they are great kids and that they are fun to hang out with. Praise your Little if you see them
doing something good or well.
Positive reinforcement is widely known as the best way to help change behavior and attitudes.
ONE-ON-ONE
 Visits are to be 1:1.
CHILD SAFETY
 Remember that your Little is not your child or a family member. You are completely responsible for
their well-being when they are with you.
 Make sure you have age appropriate conversations with and around your Little.
 Do not massage or tickle your Little. Do not wrestle with your Little or touch them unnecessarily.
Personal space and privacy is important and Bigs should always keep these things in mind. Littles need
a private place to go to the bathroom and change. Your Little should never see you naked and you
should never see them naked.
MANDATORY REPORTING/PAGER
 Per NH State law, any adult that suspects neglect/abuse needs to report it immediately, use the BBBS
pager and/or call police or DCYF. If it is late at night, don’t wait for BBBS staff – call police right away
and then call BBBS.
 Bigs do assume liability in being matched with a Little. Any and all child safety precautions need to be
taken AT ALL TIMES: watch out for medications left out, child-friendly atmosphere, age-appropriate
conversations and situations.
 THIS IS NOT YOUR CHILD OR FAMILY MEMBER! Do not get too comfortable and do not take over
parental roles, or get overly involved with family situations (i.e. taking sides with one parent during a
divorce.)
SLEEPOVER POLICY
 Overnight visits are not permitted in School-Based or Site-Based programs.
CHECKING IN/STAYING IN TOUCH
 Check-ins are done every other month during the duration of the match. Check-ins usually take 5-10
minutes.
 Call BBBS staff anytime if there is a problem. Do not wait to hear from us.
EVENTS, FUNDRAISERS, RECRUITING NEW VOLUNTEERS
 Occasionally we ask for Bigs to help out with recruiting new volunteers or to help with fundraisers or in
other small ways. This is entirely optional and we always appreciate any help that Bigs offer.
33
Appendix E: LIFE SKILLS and ACTIVITIES TO ENGAGE LITTLES
1. SOCIAL SKILLS
Social skills can help to ensure a smoother relationship between the youth and their peers, teachers,
neighbors, strangers and parents. Many children are ostracized or not accepted by friends or adults because
of their poor manners or behavior. Many youth lack the knowledge or the insight to correct or adapt their
social skills. A volunteer may find this to be a very special goal. Remember that as your friendship with your
child progresses, your behavior may serve as a model for the skills involved in developing a social relationship.
1.
2.
3.
4.
Discuss the importance of a smile, “thank you” and “please.”
Help and teach the child to maintain a neat appearance.
Have a long talk with each other about being honest and responsible to each other.
Talk about friends that you have – what your best friend is like, what it means to be a
friend.
5. Help your Little meet and interact with new people such as your family and friends.
6. Try to involve your Little in different kinds of social activities, including our agency activities.
7. Observe your Little interacting with friends. Help them work through special problems they
feel they have with them.
8. After an encounter with a teacher, help your Little to understand the teacher’s reactions
and feeling as well as their own.
9. Write your Little a letter or send a postcard when you have to be away for a while.
10. Teach your Little phone etiquette and how to use the phone book to obtain information.
2. ACADEMIC SKILLS
In working with children, we see that challenges with reading, comprehension, verbal acuity, and other
academic skills can contribute to frustration and a lack of positive adjustment to academic life. Furthermore,
many children become restless, bored, and are unable to comprehend the importance of school as they might
not have had positive academic modeling or encouragement. As a Big, you will have the opportunity to
encourage learning by offering to help the child with his/her studies or simply by involving the child in learning
experiences that are significant to him/her.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
34
Work on flash cards together.
Help your Little plan which high school subjects to take.
Read a book on a subject that interests your Little or visit the school library.
Play Bingo, Junior Scrabble, etc.
Help your Little learn to tell time.
6. Make a leaf collection or experiment with a magnifying glass or magnet.
7. Teach your Little how to keep a bowling score.
8. Write a poem, story, play or song.
9. Write a letter.
10. Keep a journal.
11. Teach a foreign language.
12. Read maps.
13. Do homework.
14. Study nature.
15. Teach your Little how to be organized.
16. Help your Little set study goals.
17. Show your Little how to divide a big project into smaller segments.
18. Encourage your Little to respect deadlines – they will have to cope with them.
19. Make it easier for your Little to remember what they’re learning by having them say it, hear
it and write it.
20. Make it a point to discuss current events.
3. HOBBIES
Becoming a Big gives you the opportunity to learn new things by exploring the interests of your Little and
conversely it gives your Little the opportunity to learn about something that you are enthusiastic about! Feel
free to try new things and experiment with different crafts or hobbies until you and your Little hit upon an
activity that you both particularly enjoy and wish to pursue. Remember to consider the Little’s ability and
tolerance level. Begin by selecting the tasks with which you know your Little can succeed.
1. Combine fun with practicality by teaching your Little to sew or knit.
2. Teach your Little any special skills you might have – needlework, knitting, sewing, growing
plants, hunting, fishing, carpentry, playing a musical instrument, ceramics, etc.
3. Look through craft magazines together and talk about what you like and dislike.
4. Learn a new card or board game regularly.
5. Play a musical instrument.
6. Make a scrapbook.
7. Make holiday decorations and presents – Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Easter, Mother’s Day,
etc.
There are countless ways to encourage, teach and learn from your Little. We hope the information in this
guide will give you a few ideas to get you started and be a good source of information in the future. Thank
you so much for your time and commitment. Congratulations on becoming a Big!
35