COMM 4471: Communication
in Marriage and Family
Spring 2004
Preliminary slides!
Subject to change!
Basics of Social Cognition
Social Cognition
“..the study of how people make sense of
other people and themselves”
(Fiske & Taylor, 1991)
Significance of Social
Cognition for Communication
All human behavior is the result of
mental processes
Intentional (controlled) behavior is the
result of cognition
Intentional social behavior is the result
of social cognition
Key Terms in Social Cognition
Inferences and Attributions
Attitudes
Schema
Self-Concepts and Other-Concepts
Motivation and Self-Regulation
Automatic and Controlled Processing
Affect
Inferences and Attributions
Inferences

the process of gathering information and
making a judgment about an entity and its
attributes and qualities
Attributions

explanations for a person’s behavior
Attitudes
evaluations of social entities in a
person’s environment
have a behavioral, a cognitive, and an
affective component
Schemata
cognitive structures that represents
knowledge of an object, including its
attributes and the relationships among
them
Self- & Other-Concepts
Self-Concept

a mental representation of the self,
including ideals, desires, history, abilities,
obligations, value, etc.
Other-Concept

a mental representation of another person
of similar content
Motivation and Self-Regulation
Motivation

the driving force behind cognition and
behavior, often the attainment of needs
and goals
Self-Regulation

the way in which people direct and control
their own behaviors
Automatic and Controlled
Processing
Mental (cognitive) processes that occur
outside (automatic) or within
(controlled) a person’s awareness
Affect
emotions that persons experience and
that have a cognitive and a
physiological component
Communication Systems
1) Wholeness: Complete interdependence
of parts
2) Nonsummativity: System is more than
sum of parts
3) Openness: Systems do not exist in
isolation
4) Equifinality: Outcomes are not predetermined by inputs
5) Hierarchy: Systems interact with other
systems
Parent-Child Interaction
Both parents & children are predisposed
to interact with one another
Both parents & children are similarly
influential on how they communicate
Parent-child interactions are linked to
child development in intelligence, social
skill, & language acquisition
Infant behavior eliciting
parental responses
Gaze
Smiling
Distress-Discomfort
Crying
Avoidance
Motherese
Facial Expressions
Vocalizations
Gaze
Motherese
Facial Expressions



exaggerated in space and time
mock surprise
frown
Vocalizations
Gaze
Motherese
Facial Expressions
Vocalizations




simple syntax
short utterances, longer pauses
more pitch variations
nonsense sounds
Gaze
Motherese
Facial Expressions
Vocalizations
Gaze


extended far beyond cultural rules
speaker also looks, not only listener
Attachment
The Strong Bond between Infant &
Primary Care Giver
Innate (shared with many other animals)
Necessary for Survival & Development
Characterized by Multi-Stage Reaction to
Separation
Attachment (cont.)
Necessary for Survival & Development


Secure Base Function
Save Haven Function
Characterized by Multi-Stage Reaction
to Separation:




Protest
Despair
Detachment
Rebound from Detachment
(determined by Strange
Situation)
1) Secures:
- briefly upset, then happy & satisfied
2) Avoidant
- no emotional response, then avoid mother
3) Anxious/Ambivalent
- very upset, then initially avoidant
PCG’s Behavior and Infant’s
Attachment Style
Reliably Available 
Secure Attachment
Reliably Unavailable 
Avoidant Attachment
Unreliably Available/Over Involved
 Anxious/Ambivalent Attachment
Kobak’s Attachment
Dimensions
Secure
Secure
Dismissing
Preoccupied
Dismissing
Avoidant
Preoccupied
Insecure
Bartholomew’s Four
Attachment Styles
Model of Self
+
+
Model
Of Other
_
_
Secure
Preoccupied
Dismissive
Fearful
Avoidant
Ways of Learning
Classical Conditioning
Operant Conditioning
Social Learning
Classical Conditioning
Before: CS --/--> R; UCS ----> R
Conditioning: UCS + CS ----> R
After: CS ----> R
CS = Conditional Stimulus
UCS = Unconditional Stimulus
R = Response
Operant Conditioning
Associating behavior with an outcome
through reinforcement
Reinforcement


positive = presence of outcome
negative = absence of outcome
Outcome


positive = desirable (reward)
negative = undesirable (punishment)
Social Learning
Associating behavior with an outcome
through observation
Observation of


presence/absence of positive & negative
outcomes
approval/disapproval of behavior by
socialization agents (incl. significant
others)
Children’s Learning
Children learn in all 3 ways
Because social learning requires
extensive cognitive representations of
social world, social learning is
dependent on child’s cognitive
development
Active vs. Passive Learning
Passive Learning


focus of traditional learning theories
how environment is structured determines
what is learned
Active Learning


focus of social learning theory
how learner constructs (perceives)
environment determines what is learned
Controversy: Corporal Punishment
What are the arguments for or against
corporal punishment from the
perspectives of the three learning
theories?
Based on above, what is your position
on corporal punishment?
Socialization of Functional
Communication
Socialization is based on explanation
and modeling
Socialization is completed when selfregulation replaces other-regulation
Person Centered
Communication
The use of an elaborated code that
focuses on motivations, feelings, and
intentions of individuals and their
distinct psychological perspectives.
Position Centered
Communication
The use of a restricted code that
focuses on the identities of others
based on conventionally defined social
roles and the rules & norms that govern
behavior in specific contexts.
Communicative Development
from egocentric & rigid to increasingly
sensitive to psychological states,
individual differences, desire for
autonomy, and negotiated character of
social situations. (p. 44 f)
increasingly complex
increasingly aware of multiple goals
(identity, relationship, & instrumental)
Coding Regulative and
Comforting Messages
Discouragement of reflection
Implicit encouragement of reflection
Explicit encouragement of reflection
Variables in Socialization
Culture, i. e., SES
Parental Cognition
Parental Communication
Children’s Cognition
Children’s Communication
Peer Acceptance
Parent-Adolescent
Communication
The adolescents’ development of
autonomy and independence is a
central theme in family communication.
Parents play a crucial role in this
development by either encouraging or
discouraging it.
Functions of Family
Communication
Renegotiation of roles, rules, &
relationships
Encourage identity formation
Enhancing of self-esteem
Modeling & teaching of problem solving
Enabling adolescent decision-making
Renegotiate Roles, Rules, &
Relationships
As children become adults, roles, rules
& relationships need to adjust
Parents must gradually relinquish
control over adolescent


giving up control too early leaves
adolescents susceptible to peer-pressure
giving up control to late leads to conflict &
rebellion
Encourage Identity Formation
Identity forms in two-stage process


identity crisis
identity commitment
Stages of identity formation




identity achievement (crisis & commitment)
foreclosure (early commitment)
moratorium (crisis only)
identity diffusion (no commitments)
Enhancing Self-Esteem
parents’ support and nurturing
family cohesion & openness
parents’ trust in adolescents’ decisions
fathers’ approval more influential
Model & Teach Problem
Solving
positive & constructive communication
between parents & adolescents
adolescents can practice skills with
siblings, although those conflicts are
often violent
Enable Adolescent DecisionMaking
Three areas of decisions



moral
conventional
personal
Two Dimensions of
Family Communication
Concept (Conversation) - Orientation
- open discussion of ideas
- family values interaction
Socio (Conformity) - Orientation
- children’s adoption of parental values
- family values conformity
Significance of Conversation
Orientation
facilitates socialization of children
increases cognitive complexity
validates children’s opinions, enhances
self-esteem
Significance of Conformity
Orientation
determines autonomy and
independence of children
determines children’s decision making
Family Types
Protective
Consensual
Conformity
Laissez-Faire
Pluralistic
Conversation Orientation
Family Decision-Making
Parenting Styles
Decision Making Processes
Coalition Building
Baumrind’s Parenting Styles
Authoritarian
Authoritative
Permissive
Authoritarian
shape, control, & evaluate based on set
standard
value obedience & punish disobedience
prefer coercion over justification
Authoritative
shape, control, & evaluate based on
rational logic
value acceptance of rational reasons
prefer justification and discussions of
reasons
Permissive
are non-punitive, accepting, & affirming
value consultation & explanations
leave decisions to children
Processes of Decision Making
De Facto
Accommodation
Consensual
De Facto
no conscious decision making
decisions are made in response to
internal/external exigencies
minimizes interaction, but results are
often inferior
Accommodation
meet other’s rather than own needs &
interests
weaker family members are considered
maximizes supportive communication,
but results not always superior
Consensual
conscious, methodical problem solving
effort
needs & interests of all family members
considered
maximizes problem solving
communication with superior results
Coalition Building
sub-systems (dyads) support each other
can be dysfunctional



scapegoating: parents blame child
detouring: child exhibits marital problem
triangulation: parent-child coalition against
other parent
Divorce and Children
Outcomes for children




poorer psychological adjustment
poorer peer & familial relationships
lower SES attainment
less marital stability
Evidence suggest it is conflict
accompanying divorce that leads to
outcomes
Outcomes due to Divorce
lower SES
social stigma
interrupted relationship to parent(s)
Outcomes due to Conflict
lack of problem solving skills
loyalty conflicts
learning of aggression/hostility
loss of affection/respect for parent(s)
disruption of parent-child relationship
!! all these outcomes depend on HOW
conflict is handled !!
Defining Conflict
Psychological



perceived incompatibilities in goals
goals can be personal, relational, or instrumental
associated with negative affect
Interpersonal Behavior



verbal aggression
physical aggression
problem solving
Specifics of Family Conflict
pervasive due to close physical
proximity and shared experiences
natural consequence of dynamic and
evolving relationships
consequential outcomes due to
importance of familial relationships
Different Conflicts in Families
Interparental
Parent-Child
Sibling
Aspects of Interparental
Conflict and Child Outcomes
intensity
frequency
physical aggression
unresolved conflict
parental mental health
child’s appraisal of conflict
Aspects of Parent-Child
Conflict and Child Outcome
inconsistent discipline
warmth of relationship
triangulation
Aspects of Sibling Conflict and
Child Outcome
parental inequalities in treatment of
siblings
parental attention
emotional climate of family
poor parental modeling
Conflict Coping Behaviors
Avoidance
Seeking Social Support
Venting Negative Feelings
Avoidance
momentarily avoids neg. interaction
protects from potential abuse
leaves conflict unresolved (hostility)
decreases relationship satisfaction
Seeking Social Support
mitigates negative consequences of
conflict interactions
leads to advice & less egocentric
perspective (opposite possible, though)
Venting Negative Feelings
cathartic release of emotion
pressures other into acquiescence
increases intensity of conflict
hurts other
damages relationships
Family Type and Conflict
Conversation Orientation


less avoidance
more social support
Conformity Orientation


more avoidance
more venting negative feelings
Conflict in Consensual Families
medium-low avoidance
high social support
high venting negative feelings
Conflict in Pluralistic Families
very low avoidance
high social support
low venting negative feelings
Conflict in Protective Families
very high avoidance
low social support
very high venting negative feelings
Conflict in Laissez-Faire Families
high avoidance
low social support
low venting negative feelings
Family Development
Step Families
Families where one of the adults in the
marriage is not the natural parent of at
least one of the children in the family.
Usually, step families function very
differently than natural families and
have to be evaluated using different
standard.
Step-Family Characteristics
unshared history (loss/past rituals)
past parent-child relationships
child has multiple parental relationships
complex extended family networks
ambiguous stepparent-child relationship
Conflict in Step Families
Role Ambiguity
Boundary Issues
Loyalty Issues
Aging Family
Relationships between Parents & Adult
Children
Relationships between Siblings
Relationships between Grandparents &
Grandchildren
Parents & Adult Children
High Contact (80%+)
Factors Determining Contact



proximity
affection (parent’s more than child’s)
Neediness (of children)
Effects of Contact


positive for children
no effects for parents
Adult Siblings
Medium Contact (60% +)
Factors Determining Contact





proximity
family size
sex
other interpersonal relationships
culture
Little Effect on Well Being
Grandparents & Grandchildren
Increasingly Relevant Relationship (in
50% of families)
Factors Determining Contact




proximity
age of grandparents & grandchildren
gender of grandparents
grandparent - parent relationship
Styles of Grandparenting
Normative





formal
fun seeking
surrogate parent
reservoir of family wisdom
distant
Nonnormative



primary caretakers
divorced
step-grandparents
Grandparents’ accounts
Affiliation

mutual & GC induced
Pride

in GC personality and past & future deeds
Exchange

advice GC & learn from GC
Distance

geographic, generational, personal
Grandparents’ View
GP-GC relationships lead to affiliation,
pride, and exchange
GP-GC relationships are rewarding, but
not central to identity
GP-CP relationships more dependent on
children & circumstances
Social Identity Theory
Identity is significantly determined by
group membership
Persons consistently compare their
groups to other groups
Persons seek positive distinctiveness of
own group


to maintain & increase self-esteem
to decrease uncertainty
Groups & Status
Subordinate Groups can use 3 strategies
to increase own status
Social Mobility

individuals assume identity of other group
Social Creativity

realign intergroup comparisons
Social Competition

gain more power for own group
SIT & Age
At least three adult groups



young (<30/40)
middle age (30/40 -- 65/70)
old (> 65/70)
Power & Status


highest for middle age
lower for young and old
SIT & Age (cont.)
Group membership is ambiguous


boundaries are fuzzy
membership is partially subjective
Group Characteristics are ambiguous


each group has positive and negative
characteristics
salience of characteristics vary
SIT & intergenerational comm
Old Age negatively valenced
Communication Accommodation can
reinforce lower status of elderly



“communication predicament of aging”
patronizing speech
results from stereotypical perception of
elderly
Courtship
A phase in a romantic relationship in
which at least one partner attempts to
gain the other’s long-term commitment
to the relationship
Accounts of Courtship
Functions for Researcher:


aid understanding of relationship
development
allow to test myths associated with
courtship
Functions for Individual:


provide sense of stability & continuity
provide sense-making framework
Reliability of Courtship Stories
Questionable because:


too much detail to remember
based on inherently ambiguous events
How Courtship Stories change



missed detail is substituted
based on current state of relationship
based on courtship script
Retelling Solidifies Changed Stories
Types of Courtship Scripts
Cultural
Sub-Cultural
Idiosyncratic
Myth of Courtship
Courtship follows fixed route
Partners idealize and romanticize
partner & relationship
Partners are naïve about commitment
Relationships begin anew at marriage
Pathways to Marriage
Intermediate
Accelerated
Prolonged
Prolonged Pathway
slow increase
many up & down turns
high conflict throughout dating
high ambivalence
couples often younger
higher network resistance (parents)
Accelerated Pathway
fast increase & some drop-off
low conflict throughout dating
low ambivalence, high compatibility
couples often older
less network resistance (parents)
Intermediate Pathway
slow, but consistent increase
low conflict throughout dating
low ambivalence, high compatibility
couples often older
less network resistance (parents)
Infant vs. Adult Attachment
Similarities



both are adaptations
both involve strong emotions (love)
similar physiological and neurobiological
mechanisms
Differences


complementary vs. reciprocal
reproduction & mating
Developing Attachment
Infants
Adults
Pre-attachment
Attraction & Flirting
Attachment in the
making
Clear cut attachment
Falling in Love
Goal corrected
partnership
Life as Usual
Loving
Cognition and Attachment
Human Functioning requires cognitive
representation of:


environment
self in environment (abilities, impact on E)
Regarding attachment, representations:


models of others in relationships
model of self in relationships
Attachment Representations:
models of others in relationships
model of self in relationships
content of self/other models





autobiographical knowledge
beliefs and attitudes
goals and motives
behavioral strategies
attachment to others
Adult Attachment System
Consists of several attachment models
attachment models are interconnected
some attachments are more central
central attachments are more influential
later models develop from earlier ones
Dimensions of Marriage Types
Interdependence

physically, temporally & psychologically
Ideology


beliefs, standards & values
conventional - unconventional
Conflict

total avoidance - active & open engagement
Marriage Types
Traditional

conventional ideology, high conflict, high
interdependence
Independent

unconventional ideology, high conflict, high
interdependence
Separate

conventional ideology, low conflict, low
interdependence
Marriage Types & Communication
Differences in Marital Communication





emotional expressiveness
instrumental tendencies
language use & speech code use
attention, acquiescence, presumption
NVB: gaze, adaptors, dysfluencies, focus
Traditionals’ Communication
high internal self-disclosure & openness
high couple references
medium linguistic complexity
medium linguistic elaboration
Independents’ Communication
external & internal self-disclosure &
openness
high couple references
medium linguistic complexity
high linguistic elaboration
Separates’ Communication
low internal & more external selfdisclosure & openness
low couple references
low linguistic complexity
low/medium linguistic elaboration
Gottman’s Theory
“…a lasting marriage results from a
couple’s ability to resolve the conflicts
that are inevitable in any relationship.”
Three Marriage Types



validating
volatile
avoiding
Conflict Styles
Validating

communication centered, empathetic,
collaborating
Volatile

problem centered, egocentric, competitive
Avoiding

minimizing, egocentric, avoiding
Magic Ratio (5:1)
Marriages are stable as long as positive
events outnumber negative events 5:1
Magic Ratio the same for all types of
marriages
Assignment
Form a small group (3-4 people)
Answer: How are Fitzpatrick’s and
Gottman’s marriage types related?
Justify your answer.
Marriage Types and Conflict
Traditionals = validators

validate each other, problem solvers
Independents=volatile

emotional, expressive, like to fight
Separates=avoiders

usually don’t bother to complain
Dual Career Marriages
Marriage in which both partners are
engaged in work that requires high
levels of commitment and have a
developmental quality (as to work,
which is just a job)
Challenges in DC Marriages
societal vs. personal values
identity issues and self-esteem
social disapproval
colliding demands of life cycles
stress due to role overload & conflict
Husbands in DC Marriages
traditional

wife shoulders traditional housekeeping &
parenting roles
participant

husband shares child rearing only
role-sharing

spouses share housekeeping & parenting
Typology of DC Couples
Accomodators

one spouse into career, other into house
Adversaries

both into career but value house, too
Allies

both into career, don’t value house
Acrobats

both value career & house equally
DC Couple Types
Adaptation
Collapsing
Internal
External
H
W
H
W
+/-
-
-
-
Work-Directed
-
+/-
+
+
Traditional
+
+
+
-
Determinants of Marital
Communication
Internal Factors
External Factors
Dyadic Factors
Determinants of Marital
Communication
Internal




ideology
beliefs about communication
beliefs about relationships
idiosyncrasies, i.e., psychopathology
Determinants of Marital
Communication
External




career demands
availability of childrearing support
legal status of men, women & marriage
role prescriptions for husbands & wives
Determinants of Marital
Communication
External Factors
Dyadic
System
Husband’s
Wife’s
idiosyncrasies
idiosyncrasies
Explanations of Dyadic Behavior
Biological Sex Differences
Socialization of Gender Rules
Pragmatic Dyadic Requirements
Power Differences
Evidence for Explanations
No evidence for pragmatic explanation
Evidence for some sex difference (either
biological or socialization)
Evidence for power differences as main
determinant of behavior
Cross-Cultural Communication
Two types of Problems
1. Differences in Behaviors
1.
2.
Language
Rituals and ritualized behaviors
2. Differences in Assigning Meaning
1.
2.
Assumptions about the World in general
Assumptions about Human Relationships
Cross Cultural Communication
Three Dimensions of Cultures
High Context – Low Context
Individualism – Collectivism
Power Distance
Challenges in CC Dating
less attributional certainty
less contact with partner's network
less overlapping networks
no difference in intimacy or uncertainty
Challenges in CC Marriages
Different
Different
Different
Different
Different
Gender Roles
Ideas about Marriage
Ideas about Parenting
Involvement of Families
Support of Families
Family Life Stages
Couple w/o children
Couple with babies & preschoolers
Couple with school-age children
Couple with adolescent children
Couple launching children
Empty nest
Retired couple
Parenthood & Marital Satisfaction
Changes in Marital Satisfaction
55
Satisfaction
54
53
52
Husbands
51
50
Wives
49
48
1
2
3
4
5
6
Family Life Stages
7
Explanations for Dissatisfaction
Childrearing creates added stress
Children draw attention away from
partner (esp. wives’ attention)
Alternative Explanations
Parents/Nonparents differ in satisfaction
before parenthood
Children prevent breakup of dissatisfied
couples
Statistical artifacts



cross-sectional research
regression toward mean
maturation effects
Marital Behaviors & Parenthood
Division of Labor
Leisure & Companionship
Socioemotional Behavior
Division of Labor
More housework for both partners


men: 1.9 --> 8.3
women: 3.9 --> 28
Impact of parenthood


men: less satisfied with division of labor &
with marriage
women: recently married less satisfied with
division of labor, no effect on marital
satisfaction
Leisure & Companionship
Less time spend on couple-activities
Change in doing preferred activities


men: less preferred activities
women: more preferred activities
Consequences:


less satisfaction with activities for both
no effect on overall marital satisfaction
Socioemotional Behavior
Less time spend as couple
No change in affection
No change in negative behavior
No changes in marital satisfaction
Parenthood-Satisfaction Model
Parenthood
-
-
-
+
0
0
Leisure/
Companionship
Div. of Labor
0
0
0
MaritalSatisfaction
Socioemotional
0
0
Dyadic Behaviors (CISS)
AG- Agreement
DG- Disagreement
CT- Communication Talk
MR- Mindreading
PS- Problem Solving
SS- Summarize Self
SO- Summarize Other
PF- Expressing Feelings
Patterns in Conflict
Validation (PF -> PS/AG/DG)
Cross-Complaining (PF -> PF)
Feeling Probe (MR -> AG/DG)
Arguing (DG -> DG/SS)
Metacommunication (CT -> CT/AG/DG)
Contracting (PS -> AG)
Counter Proposing (PS -> PS)
Dyadic Conflict
Negative impact on dyad’s satisfaction


reciprocal negative affect
demand-withdrawal patterns
Positive Impact on dyad’s satisfaction

unilateral and reciprocal agreement
Unacceptable Behaviors
Violence
Abuse
Infidelity
A Definition of Violence
Any behavior by a person that causes
physical harm (e.g., pain, injury) in another
This definition is sometimes extended to
include psychological harm as well (which is
more difficult to assess, however)
Marital Violence


minor  10%
severe  3%
A Definition of Abuse
Any extended behavior of intimidation
and control by a person that causes
sever and/or enduring psychological or
physical harm for another because it
violates the other’s fundamental
personal needs of safety, regard,
validation, and autonomy.
Abusive Behaviors
belittling the other (appearance,
intelligence, etc.)
controlling the other’s behavior
bullying the other
controlling the other’s social contacts
disregarding the other’s feelings
Causes of Relational Violence
Psychopathology (sociopathology)
Power


extension of societal power dynamics
individual goal of partners
Biology (i.e., evolution)


sex differences in aggression
sex differences in relational goals
Excuses given for Violence
Jealousy (~ 65%)
Alcohol (~60%)
Money (~40%)
Children (~35%)
Courtship & Marital Violence
similar types of violence
similar explanations for violence
intimacy related to violence
50% of married victims were victims in
dating relationships
29% of victims maltreated as children,
50% observed parental violence
Conclusions from Study
Victims of spousal abuse often have
history of abuse during dating &
childhood
Marital & Courtship violence are very
similar
Should conceptualize Relationship
Violence
Codependence
Behavior of functional partner that
enables other’s dependency
Enabeling behavior
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controlling
nurturing
relationship maintenance
Inconsistent Nurturing as Control
Functional partner controls dependent
through intermittent nurturing
Based on Learning Theory
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nurturing is rewarding
withholding nurturing is used to punish
dependent (neg. reinforcement)
intermittent rewards reinforce behavior
Assumptions of INC
Learning Theory is accurate
Withholding nurturing only available
punishment to functional partner
Functional partner is weak:
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
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low self-esteem
low Clalt
no other resources
Conclusions re. Codependence
Abuse & dependency of one partner are
affected by dyadic processes
Codependents contribute to abuse &
dependency thru enabeling behavior
Change in the codependent’s behavior
can and does effect change in the
behavior of the abuser/dependent
Post-Divorce Relationships
Frequency of contact declines
Content of interactions declines
Quality of interactions increases
Interactions have no effect on life
satisfaction
Identity Formation in PDR
Divorce requires a redefinition of
identity
Factors facilitating redefinition increase
satisfaction
Factors inhibiting redefinition decrease
satisfaction
The Big Picture
Relationships are central in defining
every Person’s life experiences
From Cradle to Grave, they define who
we are and how we live
The Big
Picture
Affect
Self
Cognition
Behavior
Relationships