Revised Mar 19, 2013
Emotional Regulation 101:
How Full is Your Bucket? plus
Collaborative Problem-Solving
(CPS)
Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett,
OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License
Everyone has a bucket...
• Our bucket gets
filled up when we
have stress
Everyone has a bucket...
• You feel, learn,
work and play the
best when your
bucket has “just
enough” in it
Our Bucket Can Be Empty, Just
Right, or Too Full!
Bucket Empty!
Bored Underwhelmed,
understimulated, too little
stimulation
Just Right
“Just right” or just enough
stimulation
Bucket Full!
Frustrated, mad, angry,
upset, sad, anxious
Overwhelmed,
overstimulated, too much
stimulation
Stresses that might fill
your bucket...
• School
–
–
–
–
Teachers
Classmates
Friends
Schoolwork / homework
• Home
– Brothers / sisters
– Parents / grandparents
– Chores / Rules
• Other
–
–
–
–
Other
Home
School
Doctor’s appointments!
Extracurricular activities
Friends, neighbours,etc...
Home expectations at the end of the day, etc.
Other stresses that
might fill your bucket…
•
Sensory input: little or too much….
•
•
•
•
•
•
Sound
Touch
Movement
Smell
Taste
Vision (e.g. light)
•
Changes or transitions
•
Motor stresses such as:
(because these are a change in sensory input)
•
•
Too much motor demands such as handwriting,
gym, day-to-day physical demands…
Too little motor demands (i.e. not enough
movement!)
Sensory
Changes
Motor
Different Things Fill Our
Buckets
• What fills your bucket
might not fill another
person’s bucket
• Disagreements can
happen because what
empties one person’s
bucket actually fills
another person’s!
• E.g. the same music
which soothes one
person may stress out
another!
Q. What fills your bucket?
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
4. _____________________
5. _____________________
When your bucket is full...
The bad news is that you feel
• Frustrated
• Sad
• Worried / Nervous (“Fright”)
• Wanting to escape (“Flight”)
• Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)
• Paralyzed (“Freeze”)
When your bucket is
full...
• The good news is
that you can find a
way to empty it!
When your bucket is
full...
• If you can only do
one thing to empty
your bucket, then
it would be TELL
AN ADULT (so
that he or she can
help you empty
your bucket)
Its easier to empty our bucket
if we can do it BEFORE it gets
completely full
We can talk about what fills
our bucket…
Mom/Dad, my bucket is
starting to get full…
What bugs me is
•Homework: I don’t
understand the math
•Sounds: Its too loud!
Homework
Sounds
Usual Things that Empty
Buckets!
1. Distraction
2. Problem-Solving the stress that fills
your bucket
Distraction using your senses
• Touch: Deep pressure, shower, bath...
• Hearing: Music, quiet, singing...
• Seeing: Drawing, closing your eyes, visualizing....
• Oral/taste: Chewing, eating, drinking something...
• Smells: Scented candles, soothing smells...
• Movement: Going for a walk, a run, getting up for a
break, dancing, any physical activity...
• A favorite activity...
Q. What are some ways to
empty your bucket (by
distraction)?
• (Usually its doing the things you like to do, like a
favourite subject/class, activity, having fun with
family/friends…)
1. _____________________
2. _____________________
3. _____________________
4. _____________________
5. _____________________
6. _____________________
7. _____________________
Problem-Solving  Identify
and deal with the underlying
stress
School
•Schoolwork
•Teachers
•Friends
•Peers
•Bullies
•Other...
Home
•Family stresses
•Parents (mom, dad)
•Siblings (brother, sister)
•Other...
Q. What is the stress?
Stress
Possible ways to deal
with it...
1.
?
2.
?
3.
?
Spending time with a parent
• Spending 1:1 with a
parent is a
universal way of
helping a child
cope with any
stress
What is the most powerful way to
empty your bucket when full?
• As an adult, when
your bucket is full
(such as when you
have lost someone
close to you), what
do you do to empty
it?
A. You cry.
• As an adult, when
your bucket is full
(such as when you
have lost someone
close to you), the
most powerful way to
empty it is to CRY
with SUPPORTIVE
LOVED ONES...
Having a Good Cry
• Having a good cry
with a parent is the
most powerful way to
empty your bucket
• Crying helps the brain
adapt to any stress,
even the most
horrible ones
imaginable
Summary
• Frustrated
• Sad
• Worried /
Nervous
(“Fright”)
• Wanting to
escape (“Flight”)
• Irritable / Angry
(“Fight”)
Summary
• We all have a bucket
• Our bucket can get too full
• When it gets full, the bad news is that we
feel angry, scared, upset, overwhelmed
• The good news is that there are many
things we can do to empty our bucket
• If you only do one thing, then
– TELL AN ADULT (like your mom or your dad!)
– CRY ABOUT IT!
Revised Nov 17, 2010
Life is like Weightlifting: Collaborative
Problem Solving Approach
Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie
Anderson, OT
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License
Getting “Just Right” is also
about Life being Balanced
What you
can cope
with
=
Challenges or
stresses that
you face
In other words…
Coping
ability
=
Demands,
expectations,
stresses
Coping
ability
Affected by...
•Genetics
•Presence of any
conditions such as
sensory processing
issues
Demands,
expectations,
stresses
•Physical (including
sensory) demands of
day-to-day life
•School/work
•Home/friends/family
Q. What happens when
demands/stresses >> coping?
Coping Ability
Demands /
Expectations /
Stresses
When overwhelmed, people
may have problems with…
• How they feel physically
• Their emotions
–
–
–
–
–
Fight (e.g. anger)
Flight (e.g. anxiety)
Freeze
Sadness
Etc…
–
–
–
–
Withdrawal
Aggression
Controlling
ETc…
• Their behaviours
There are two solutions to
restore the balance...
 Coping Ability
 Demands /
Expectations /
Stresses
Q. What happens when
coping >> demands/stresses?
Coping Ability
Demands /
Expectations /
Stresses
The underwhelmed individual may
have:
• Complaints of boredom and
even…
– Depression / anxiety / anger, etc..
• Do things to stimulate
him/herself to keep from being
bored!
Life is like Weightlifting
Life is like weight lifting... balance between our
coping ability, and between what demands and
expectations are placed upon us.
Child’s Coping
Ability
10 kg
Life Demands
50 kg
Life is like Weightlifting
Life is best when you can lift what life gives you,
i.e. when your lifting ability matches the weight
you have to lift
Person’s Coping Ability
50 kg
Life Demands
50 kg
Question
What would happen if you could only lift
50 kg, but someone forced you to lift 100
kg?
50 kg
100 kg
Life is like weightlifting
Child’s Coping:
Ability: what the
child can lift
Demands: what we
are asking the child
to lift
50 kg
100 kg
Answer
You’d get hurt, injured, bruised, and be
extremely stressed! And your nervous
system would get angry [“fight”] or scared,
anxious [“flight”], or “freeze”...
50 kg
100 kg
Q. So what is the solution?
50 kg
100 kg
Answer
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child
is successful
2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase
expectations again over time
Answer
1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child
is successful
2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase
expectations again over time
How do we reduce
expectations?
• By triaging, or prioritizing your main
expectations into 3 baskets, we can
reduce the number of expectations
to the point where your child is
successful
• After a period of success, one can
gradually increase the expectations,
step by step
We triage, or prioritize your main
expectations into 3 baskets, thereby reducing
the number of expectations to the point where
your child is successful
Basket A
Non-negotiable
expectations
Basket B
Negotiable
expectations
Basket C
Expectations to just
forget about for now
Basket A
• Expectations that go into Basket A are nonnegotiable expectations
– Safety related issues
• E.g. No running in the street
• E.g. No hitting your sibling
– Other mandatory expectations
• E.g. Going to school
• E.g. Eating dinner with the family
• E.g. Doing chores
Basket B
• Basket B are all the negotiable expectations that
you have for your child
• Something that you want your child to do, but you
are willing to be flexible, negotiate or compromise
about it
• Example
– You want your child to participate in the family by doing
chores, but you are willing to negotiate with your child
over which chores he or she does
– You want your child to do homework on weekends, but
you are willing to negotiate with your child over when
your child wants to do it
Basket C
• Basket C expectations are things that you expect
from your child which currently cause conflict or
stress, but when you really think about it, they
are expectations that you are willing to just
ignore for now
• Example
– You prefer that your child wears matching socks to
school, but you are willing to ignore that for now
– You prefer that your child doesn’t swear when angry, but
you are willing to ignore it for now
Write down all the
expectations (that cause
conflict) that you have
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
6. ___________________________
7. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket A
expectations? (non-negotiable)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket B
expectations? (negotiable)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
What are your Basket C?
(things to just ignore for now)
1. ___________________________
2. ___________________________
3. ___________________________
4. ___________________________
5. ___________________________
Etc…
Acknowledgements and License
• Thanks to all the children, youth, families, educators, and fellow
colleagues who have helped give feedback on the Bucket!
• You are free to share and distribute as long as 1) these
materials are not used commercially, and 2) as long as
materials are distributed in its entirety
• If you are a non-profit organization / health professional, feel
free to contact use about adapting these for your own use
• Knowledge must be shared
Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License