Revising the Rough Draft
Please have your typed Rough
Draft out on your desk.
You will need several different hilighter colors.
Changes
This is the revising lesson over the
Critical Analysis essay, but most of
the points are still the same. The
next couple slides are mistakes
Shelley noticed in those essays.
Punctuation INSIDE quotes
Unless it’s parenthetical
documentation, ALL punctuation
goes INSIDE quotes.
In “This Really Long Article Title,”
the period is inside quotes.
I am “quoting from the book,” and
the comma is inside the quotes
(Smith 345).
Wanna see a non-period “inside
some quote?” (Smith 345).
Antecedents
You CANNOT HAVE an
UNMODIFIED THIS or THAT.
Make sure those words are
followed by nouns, please.
This shows NOTHING.
This quote is now explained.
Pronouns for People
Please don’t say SOME, MANY, or
OTHERS as unidentified pronouns.
Some may write this way.
But other STUDENTS get it right.
Some may disagree.
But many WRITERS use
ANTECEDENTS and thus are more
clear in their writing.
Intro and Conclusion Length
 Your Intro and Concl. need to be at least 3
sentences. Can def. be longer.
 INTRO: Intro into your novel, topic, time period, etc.
You can include author’s background, info on the
time period, critical reception of the book, author’s
purpose, etc.
 CONCL: This should be an effective summation of
ideas, what the reader should have learned, etc. DO
NOT add new material into the concl. Always a good
idea to have some sort of thematic tie-in – how can
this book possibly relate to your actual life? Why is
the book still relevant 150 years later? What’s a
lesson you could apply to people today?
Structure of Body Paragraphs
 The 1st and last sentences of your BPs
should NOT be quotes. Need to start and
end w/ your own ideas.
 1st sent – Ideally, this is your topic sent.
What will the paragraph be about? Make
sure the entire para. really is about
whatever this sentence says.
 Last sent – this should wrap up ideas in the
BP, transition into next para, or, again
ideally, relate your BP back to your claim.
HOW and WHY does this point or para.
support your thesis? Be explicit.
Clarity and Content
Are you really saying what
you’re trying to say?
Thesis Statement
 Give your essay to your neighbor.
 Have your neighbor hi-light your
claim.
 If your neighbor:
–
–
can’t identify your claim
Hi-lights something other than what
you perceive to be the claim
 You need to REVISE
 Thesis should be LAST sent. of
intro.
Topic Sentences
Give your essay to a different
neighbor.
Have your neighbor hi-light the
topic sentence of each paragraph.
 If your neighbor:
–
–
can’t identify each topic sentence
Hi-lights something other than what
you thought was each topic
sentence
 You need to REVISE
Body Paragraphs
 Make sure that NIETHER the first or last sentence of
each body paragraph is a quote!
 Does your quoted material clearly connect with and
support the claim and/or topic sentence?
 Is the importance/relevance of each quote clearly
explained?
 Does this paragraph contribute to the overall
development of your claim?
 How does the body paragraph end?
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
summary of ideas
transition into next paragraph
relates back to topic sentence
still discussing last quote
plot/story detail
 (ONLY #1, #2, and #3 are acceptable endings)
Transitions
 How are you transitioning between
paragraphs?
 Look for transition words like:
– next, also, then, furthermore, however on the
other hand, moreover, conversely, etc.
 Transitions keep your paper flowing
nicely, helping move between
paragraphs or ideas within paragraphs.
 How many of these words do you have
in your essay? If you have less than
three, where could you add a few?
Repetition
 Read your intro.
Skip your body
paragraphs. Read
your conclusion.
 Underline in red
any repetitive
sentences, words,
and ideas in the
intro and
conclusion.
 Re-write if they
sound too similar.
 Read each body
paragraph.
 Have you overused
words such as:
– Important, critical,
utilizes, explains,
shows, portrays,
etc.
 Hi-light the word if
you use it more
than two times in
the paragraph.
 Try to come up
with a synonym.
Variety of Sentence Structure
 Is there a variety of sentence structure?
 If you are worried about sentence
variety, try this:
 Using two different colored markers or
pencils, underline every sentence in your
paper. This is a visual way to gauge your
sentence variety
 Do the sentences all look the same? Are
they all the same length?
 If so, try to combine short sentences or
break up too-long sentences to vary the
structure of your paper.
Conclusion
 How many sentences is the conclusion?
 Does the conclusion effectively synthesize your
ideas?
 Does the conclusion contain a thematic lesson,
somehow relating to life beyond just the novel?
 Is the same wording that was used in the
introduction used in the conclusion?
– Hi-light any over-used words.
 What should your reader have learned from
reading your paper?
Syntax
 Don’t discuss syntax in terms of
punctuation.
– Not “uses semi-colons” or “long list
separated by commas”
– What type of SENTENCE STRUCTURE is he
using?
– Also, what’s the PURPOSE of the sentence
structure? WHY is the author using it? What
effect is he trying to achieve?
 NO: “Sets off with parentheses”
 YES: “Uses an aside” or “parenthetically
adds”
Lack of Specificity
 Watch out for unidentified pronouns.
– Lesson from yesterday: THIS – watch out for
it! This needs to be followed by a NOUN.
– Look for the words: he, she, we, us, it, that,
them, they, etc.
 Do not use those words in a sentence or
a paragraph without first explaining who
the pronouns reference.
 Tone and Syntax and Diction need to be
preceded by ADJECTIVES.
Quotations
Quotations from Sources
Look at all your quotes. You need to
document them. After the quotation
marks, BEFORE THE PERIOD, you
need parenthetical documentation.
“Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Last name #).
 Does every single quote have parenthetical
documentation?
– Underline any quotes without parenthetical
documentation.
 Are any of the quotes exceptionally long (2 or
more lines or sentences)?
– Draw a squiggly line under any quote you think is too
long.
Documentation Punctuation
 If the quote is from the novel, you need the
pg. # from the book.
– “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Hawthorne113).
 If the quote is from the Ebsco database or
Literary Reference Center, you need the
author’s last name and page number if there
is one. If not, just the author’s last name.
– “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Jones 145).
– “Quote. Quote quote. Quote” (Smith).
ALWAYS put periods and commas
INSIDE quotes.
Documentation Punctuation
 If you put the author’s name in your sentence,
you don’t need it again in the citation.
– Knight views the symbolism in the play as a "creation
and destruction pattern" (164).
– Edith Hamilton describes Hera perfectly: "She was the
protector of marriage, and married women were her
particular care" (223).
– According to Clyde Jones, "Frost revives the themes
of the early nineteenth-century romantics" (112).
– "A fully articulated pastoral idea of America," claims
Leo Marx, "did not emerge until the end of the
eighteenth century" (89).
Quoting Other Quotes
 If you are quoting material that your author is quoting
from another source, you have two options:
1. Use three quotation marks
– Jones disputes Smith’s assertion that “‘Hester
feels no remorse’” (45).
– Jones disputes Smith’s assertion that “‘Hester
feels no remorse’ (Smith 138)” (45).
– The author “takes issue with ‘Hester feels no
remorse’ because she tries to repent” (Jones 145).
– The author “takes issue with ‘Hester feels no
remorse’ (Smith 138) because she tries to repent”
(Jones 145).
2. Cite the other author and add that source to your
Works Cited.
–
Smith argues that “Hester feels no remorse” (138).
Ellipses and Brackets
 To indicate material omitted
in the middle of your quote,
use an ellipsis…
 You do NOT need one at the
beginning/end of the quote.
Just start and end using the
part of the quote that you
want.
– Hawthorn writes that "Robin
gazed with dismay and
astonishment... The effect was
as if of two individual devils, a
fiend of fire and a fiend of
darkness, had united
themselves to form this infernal
visage" (887).
– Singer writes that, "His thoughts
turned to matters of business...
It was easier to think about
practical matters" (279).
 Use brackets [ ] to
indicate editorial
changes that you must
make to clarify the
quotation or improve
the grammatical
structure of your
sentence.
– "She looked carefully for
the place where
[Elizabeth] had entered
the garden" (65).
– Flaubert says that "she
[has] an excess of
energy" (97).
Revising for Formal Tone
Adopt an authoritative tone,
avoiding words such as
should, maybe, seems, could,
possibly, etc.
Eliminating Overused Words
Hi-light any of the following words.
Real/Really, a lot, some, thing, pretty, very,
stuff, it, till (use until), like, get/got, just,
basically, good/bad
 ELIMINATE all of those words entirely.
 ELIMINATE the phrase the reason is
because from your paper. This phrase is
redundant.
 Use formal tone throughout the essay.
 REMOVE any slang or informal
language: kid, guy, awesome, etc.
Eliminating 1st Person
Hi-light any of the following words:
you, I, we, me, us, our, etc.
I think/feel/believe, you can tell, we can
see, My next reason, Hawthorne is
teaching us, etc.
ELIMINATE all of those words
entirely.
There is no first person in formal
writing.
Literary Present Tense
Are all of the verbs in literary
present tense?
– Hester is ostracized…
– Dimmesdale abuses himself…
– The author cites evidence…
If not, circle the verb and write VT
next to any verbs in the wrong
tense.
Apostrophes
 Look for all apostrophes.
 There are no contractions in formal
writing (unless inside a quote).
 Mark out all the contractions and replace
them with the appropriate words.
–
–
–
–
–
–
Can’t = can not
It’s = it is
Doesn’t = does not
He’s = he is
they’re = they are
etc.
Presumptuous Assertions
 Be careful when critiquing the style of an
established author (like Hawthorne).
 Praising him too much comes across as
pretentious. You’re a high-school student.
He’s in the cannon of Am. Lit. OF COURSE
he’s a good writer. No need to be obvi.
– Hawthorne expertly uses concrete diction…
 You ARE allowed to discuss style, but you
need to support your assertion.
– The author fluidly incorporates the work of other
writers…
– The author adequately supports his argument,
but he could have used more text evidence…
Sentence Beginnings
Do any of your sentences start with
any of the following words?
– And, but, well, so, or, now
If so, re-write the beginning of the
sentence to eliminate them.
Sentence Structure Mistakes
you shouldn’t be making…
 Are all your sentences complete
sentences?
 Do they all begin with capital letters?
 Do they all have periods at the end?
 Are there any fragments (too short) or
run-ons (too long)?
 Are there any comma splices (two
complete sentences separated by only a
comma)?
Punctuation and
Mechanics
Subordinating Conjunctions
Look for sentences that START
with subordinating conjunctions:
– However, although, if, even though,
when, because, while, since, after
Do the sentences starting with
these words include a comma? If
not, they need one.
If one of these words occurs in the
middle of the sentence, you DO
NOT need a comma.
Commas
Hi-light EVERY SINGLE COMMA in
your essay.
Count how many you have.
If the answer is six or less, you
probably need to add some.
If you are not sure about comma
usage, ask your teacher
Comma and FANBOYS
For, And, Nor, But, Or, Yet, So
 If you are using a FANBOY (coordinating
conjunction) and a comma, make sure
BOTH SIDES ARE COMPLETE
SENTENCES.
– RIGHT: P. advocates for temperance, but he
drinks wine daily.
– WRONG: P. advocates for temperance, but
drinks wine daily.
– RIGHT: P. advocates for temperance but
drinks wine daily.
 Otherwise you don’t have a compound
sentence; you have a compound verb – and
those don’t need commas.
 Only exception is , and in a series.
– Shelley loves football, chess, and cookies.
Colon vs. Semi-colon
 Rule for Semi-colons – EVERYTHING on BOTH
SIDES of semi-colon needs to be a COMPLETE
SENTENCE (or at least a clause {subj-verb})
– Put your finger over the SC and check that way.
 Generally, the two sentences are related.
– Shelley is frustrated with the Texans; they were
sure hard to root for on Sunday.
 Colons are generally used in this way: to explain
something.
– I’m about to tell you something: something.
– There’s one main reason you’re stuck at a 6: lack of
style.
– I’m about to list off reasons: reasons.
– The Am. Rev. started for several reasons: R1, R2,
and R3.
 Some of you are using semi-colons when you
should be using regular colons.
Exclamation Points
Unless it’s inside a quote, remove
all exclamation points.
Using exclamation points too much
detracts from their effectiveness.
Nothing! is that exciting! in formal
writing!
Book Title
 Look for every time you reference the novel.
 Book titles are always UNDERLINED or
italicized with NO quotations marks.
– Make sure you use the same format in the entire
essay. Be consistent!
– The Scarlet Letter – underlined
– The Scarlet Letter – italicized
 Article titles should have quotation marks and
NOT be underlined.
– “Article Title” – in quotes
– “Article Title contains The Scarlet Letter”
– “Article Title contains The Scarlet Letter”
 Common Misspellings:
Spelling
Skim your
paper.
Hi-light any
word you think
might not be
spelled
correctly.
Not sure? Ask
your teacher.
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
–
Affect (verb = to change)
Effect (noun = a result)
Separate
Familiar
Believe, Field/Chief
Receive
Occurrence/Occasion
Develop
Appearance
Judgment (only 1 E)
Knowledge/Knowledgeable
Sufficient
Reference
Remember, Tomorrow
Conscience/Conscious
Definitely
Homonyms
These words sound similar, but are
spelled the differently. Spell check
won’t catch it, so you need to.
– To/too/two
– their/there/they’re = they are
– Feel/fell
– Where/were
– Definitely/defiantly
• The word DEFINITELY has no letter A.
MLA Format
MLA Format
 Does the essay have a title?
 Is the essay double-spaced?
 Is the essay written in 12-pt. font?
 Is the essay written in Times New Roman,
or something equally as readable?
 Are there 1-inch margins?
 Does the essay use proper MLA heading at
the top?
–
–
–
–
Student Name
Ms. Shelley
English III AP, Per. #
3 November 2015
Works Cited
 Does the essay include a Works Cited Page?
 Is the title WORKS CITED centered at the top in
all capital letters without bold or underline?
 Do the entries on the Works Cited Page match
what you have quoted in your essay?
 You quoted from your summer read book, yes?
Did you cite THAT book on your works cited?
 Are the entries on the Works Cited Page in
alphabetical order?
 Did you skip a line between multiple entries?
 Is the 2nd+ line of each entry properly indented?
Editing and Revising Reminders
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Editing and Revision Reminders
MLA format for heading, margins, spacing (double space all, no extra spaces), and page
numbers
12 point font, Times New Roman, 800-1000 words (approximately 3-4 page)
Title should reflect topic of paper
Appropriate number of quotes (min 6 from primary source, 4 from at least 3 secondary sources)
Correct parenthetical citations. No punctuation before (exception ! or ?); no punctuation inside
parenthetical, simply (author #) unless author’s name included in sentence or same source
used twice in a row in same paragraph then (#).
All quotes embedded
All quotes fully explained (do not assume significance is clear; do not rely on quote to
introduce or end a section/paragraph)
PRESENT tense throughout!
Use ACTIVE voice; eliminate “to be” verbs (max 3 per page); use strong verbs
Antecedent must follow “this”…
No “due to”…
New idea = new paragraph (no one+ page paragraphs)
TRANSITIONS between all sections and paragraphs (should demonstrate relationship between
ideas, not simply chronology like then, next, also, etc.
Conclusion should provide new insight.
Bibliography or works cited page in correct format. Page number = last page of paper (no new
heading); center title; double space entire bib (no extra spaces); alphabetize entries; hanging
indents (.5 inch)