The Bully and Hero in Every Child
Barbara Micucci – Caley Elementary
Jessica Rosenfeld – Candlebrook Elementary
Agenda
 Bullying Basics
 The Bully Triangle
 The Power of the Bystander
 What Parents Can Do
 What Schools Are Doing
 Action Planning
“You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes.
You can point yourself in any direction you choose.”
- Dr. Seuss
Bullying Basics
 What is bullying?
 Negative actions carried out by physical contact, words, making
faces, gestures, rumors, intentional exclusion (Dan Olweus, 1997)
 When a more powerful person hurts or frightens a less powerful
person deliberately and repeatedly
 Lack of empathy
Is it RUDE? Is it MEAN?
Is it BULLYING?
Bullying is:
 Deliberate, intentionally hurtful
 Repeated, person is targeted again and again
 Imbalance of Power, vulnerabilities are detected
Be informed to help your child choose NOT to put the bully hat on!
The Behavioral Continuum
Teasing………….Taunting
Sharing Stories………….Malicious Gossip
Normal Exclusions………….Malicious Exclusion
Supportive Friendships………….Alliance Building
Reporting………….Tattling
Genuine Remorse………….Insincere Apologies
Types of Bullying
 Physical Aggression
 Hitting, poking, kicking, beating up
 Verbal Aggression (verbal and non-verbal)
 Yelling, teasing, name calling
 Relational Aggression
 Silent treatment, exclusive clubs, starting rumors, using personal
information to humiliate someone
 Cyberbullying
 Use of computers, cell phones and other electronic devices to
deliberately and repeatedly harm others
Monkey Business Illusion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGQmdoK_ZfY&feature=email
Bullying Statistics
 9 out of 10 elementary students have been bullied by their
peers (Stanford University School of Medicine and Lucile Packard
Children’s Hospital, 2007)
 One in 4 students reported being excluded or emotionally hurt
by another student on a regular basis. One in 10 students
reported being physically victimized on a regular basis. (Youth
Voice Project, 2010)
 Most cyerbullying occurs between the ages of 9 to 14 (Dr. Parry
Aftab, wiredsafety.net)
Cyberbullying Statistics
 One out of 5 youth has cyberbullied others online
(Cyberbullying Research Center, Spring 2010)
 Less than 10% of targets of cyberbullying told a parent and less
than 5% told a teacher (Patchin and Hinduja, 2006)
 Electronic bullying tends to peak in middle school years
(Williams and Guerra, 2007)
 Girls experience and participate in cyberbullying more
frequently than traditional bullying (Patchin and Hinduja, 2009)
The Bully Triangle
The Person Bullying
The Person Being
Bullied
Bystanders
Bullying Behaviors
What should I look for?
Physical
Aggression
Verbal Aggression
Relational
Aggression
Cyberbullying
Poking
Teasing
Ignoring, Excluding
Excluding someone
from an online group
Pushing, Hitting,
Kicking
Name-calling,Yelling,
Insulting
Spreading rumors,
Telling lies
Sending hurtful,
embarrassing or
threatening images
Beating Up
Threatening to harm
Getting others to hurt
someone
Spreading rumors,
Posting false or private
information
Everyone in the triangle is affected
 Aggressors are at risk:
 Loneliness, depression, distress
 Disruptive behaviors
 Peer rejection
 Negative view of self and others
 Low attachment to school and parents
 Jealousy and conflicts
Warning signs of bullying
 Unexplained damage or loss of clothing and other personal items
 Evidence of physical abuse such as bruises or scratches
 Loss or change of friends
 Reluctance to participate in activities with peers
 Loss of interest in favorite activities
 Problems with eating, sleeping or bed wetting
 Decline in school achievement
 Thoughts of suicide
Everyone in the triangle is affected
 Targets are at risk:
 Headaches, stomachaches, other somatic symptoms
 Unusually sad, moody, anxious, lonely or depressed
 Low self esteem
 School avoidance
The Bystander
 80% of bullying occurs with an audience.
 Hurtful Bystander
 Instigate, Encourage, Join In, Passively Accept
 Passively standing by provides an audience and an implied acceptance
of the behavior
 Helpful Bystander
 Directly intervene
 Gets help (from peers or adults)
 Support the person being bullied
The Power of the Helpful Bystander
 When bystanders intervene within 10 seconds, it stops the
bullying 50% of the time (Hawkins, 2001)
 A target with one close friend can buffer the effects of bullying
(Hodges, 1999)
 Bystanders can be empowered to notice the behavior and
support the target!
Everyone in the triangle is affected
 Bystanders are at risk
 School phobia
 Headaches, stomachaches
 Anxiety
 Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness
 Poor coping and problem solving skills
An American Girl
 Examples of bullying can be found in many places online and in
movies
Excerpts seen here from An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong
Bullying Scenarios
 Identify what role the child in the scenario is playing.
 What type of bullying is occurring?
 How would you handle this situation?
Be a supportive parent
Your child is using bullying behavior…
 Teach and encourage empathy – the more compassion your
child feels, the less likely he or she might be to use bullying
behaviors with another student
 Teach your child to self reflect: Is it TRUE? Is it KIND? Is it
NECESSARY?
 Monitor activities and be aware of peer interactions
 Model positive behavior
 Intervene immediately
 Encourage reconciliation, expect restitution
Be a supportive parent
Your child is being bullied…
 Be a good listener
 Support your child
 Let your child know that they are not at fault
 Teach problem-solving skills
 Role play situations and practice assertiveness skills
 Be a positive role model for your child
Be a supportive parent
Your child is a bystander…
 Review the ways your child can help
 Role play – teach specific skills and PRACTICE, PRACTICE,
PRACTICE!
 Support your child and encourage your child when they help
others
 Remind your child that “just being there” and showing support
to a friend is a good way to be an active bystander
 Model positive behavior
Ways parents can take action
If you see bullying or cyberbullying happening:
 Intervene immediately
 Avoid lecturing the person bullying in front of an audience
 Don’t impose immediate consequences
 Monitor all technology devices and activity
 Make your child aware – don’t put something in writing that you
wouldn’t say directly to someone
 Discuss internet safety
 Report dangerous online behavior
What should you tell children about
bullying?
 Bullying is not acceptable and will not be tolerated
 If a bully bothers you, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, walk
away, or ask a friend or adult for help.
 Responding to bullying by fighting back doesn’t usually work –
and may make matters worse.
 It is important to report bullying when you see and hear about it.
 Bullying does not have to happen.
 Be a helpful bystander – silence when others are being bullied is
not acceptable.
What should you tell your child about
cyberbullying?
 Teach your kids to “Take 5” when cyberbullying
 Drop the mouse
 Step away from the computer
 Calm down
 Teach the consequences of their actions
 Think about how much bullying hurts
“In the end we will not remember the words of our
enemies, but the silence of our friends.”
- Martin Luther
King Jr.
What is in your child’s toolbox?
Different situations require different tools
 STOP!
 Why? Why? Why?
 So, Whatever, Huh, Who Cares (Neutral Tones)
 Change the subject
 Use Humor
 Turn an insult into a compliment
 Agree
 Report the bullying to an adult
6 Toolbox Strategies to be a
Bully Buster Bystander
B – Befriend the victim
U – Use a Distraction
S – Speak Out and Stand Up!
T – Tell or Text For Help
E – Exit ALONE OR With Others
R – Give a Reason or Remedy
What are we doing?
 Guidance Lessons
 Individual Counseling
 Small Group Counseling
 Role Play
 Bibliotherapy
 Administrative Action
 School District Policy
Now what?
Take a moment to create a plan.
 What are you going to say to your child?
 How can you help if you child is currently being bullied?
Resources
 www.eyesonbullying.org, Eyes on Bullying Toolkit
 www.trudyludwig.com
 www.micheleborba.com, Dr. Michele Borba
 The Bully and Hero in Every Child, Parents Magazine, September
2001, p. 161-163
 Bullying in the GirlsWorld: A School-Wide Approach to Girl Bullying,
Diane Senn
 www.guardingkids.com, Dr. Russell Sabella
Contact Us!
If you would like to speak with either Mrs. Micucci or Ms.
Rosenfeld further, please contact us at:
 Barbara Micucci, Caley Elementary School
 bmicucci@umasd.org, 610-205-3689
 Jessica Rosenfeld, Candlebrook Elementary School
 jrosenfeld@umasd.org, 610-205-3734
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