Dibble Training for:
Connections:
Relationships & Marriage
Nancy Lenk
Outreach Educator
Nancy@DibbleInstitute.org
Grant Requirements
Natalie
*Numbers
*Lessons
*Dates
INTRODUCTION:
Name
School
How did you learn about the
training?
 Something unique about
yourself to help us remember
you today.
The Dibble Institute

The Dibble Institute is a non-profit organization
dedicated to helping young people learn skills which will
enable them to have successful relationships and marriage.
 It was founded by
Charlie Dibble and
his bride Helen in
1996
The Dibble Institute’s Mission is
to help young people:
Navigate the world of romantic
relationships
Be successful in developing healthy
relationships
Construct a vision of marriage and
healthy relationships
Relationships & Marriage
Gives students the knowledge and skills
needed to encourage personal growth and
promote positive interpersonal relationships.
Helps establish healthy, happy, stable
relationships with family, friends, teachers,
boy/girl friends and eventually husbands and
wives
About the author
Char Kamper
25+ years as an educator
Masters in Family Studies
Certified Family Life Educator
Mother of 3
 One granddaughter
Connections:
Relationships & Marriage
UNITS:
Personality
Relationships
Communication
Marriage
Section 1
Personality

“What you think of yourself is much more
important than what others think.”
Seneca A.D. 64
LESSON 1
 Terms:
Environment + Personality + Unique
Heredity +Culture + Traits
 Materials: * What It’s Like to be Me
* Poster Page
* Factors that Influence Personality
 Lesson Plan
 Lecture Notes
Lesson 1
What’s it like to be me?
Choose a partner & sit across from
them
 Take turns being the speaker/ listener
Follow “What it’s like to me” p. 3 and
describe some of your favorites.
 Speak on the topic for ONE minute
 Now describe some of your skills &
talents for ONE minute.

Many factors influence
our Personality
Poster Page
Lesson 2
Understanding Myself
 Terms – perception + self-esteem + hierarchy
+ temperament + self-actualization + potential
 Materials – Understanding Myself Better wksh.

Interview…Up Close wksh.
A Hierarchy of Needs Toward SelfActualization- overhead
Personality- Needs that Direct
Behavior (overhead)
Personality
Needs That Direct Behavior
The need for control:
•driven by the need to control self, others and relationships
•produces a feeling of safely and power
•if used positively=leadership
•if used negatively=manipulation
The need to be superior:
•must give more, do more, be more than others
•over-commits to responsibility
•sees things as a competition
•one who must prove superiority, comes from low self esteem
The need for comfort and pleasure
•avoids situations that could produce stress
•tends to underachiever
•avoids responsibility and conflict
•tries to be undemanding, a peace seeker and adaptable to change
The need for approval:
•has low self-esteem, fears failure and rejection
•takes few risk, does not generate new ideas
•has a nonconfrontive attitude
•tries to appear friendly and supportive
Lesson 2
Understand Myself Better
Keirsey Bates Temperament Sorter
* Read scoring instructions & explain
* Have students take the assessment
* Have students score the assessment
* Sort group by 16 Combinations
Each group should decide their 3 top
distinguishing characteristics they bring to a
relationship
Personality Types
SP
Artisan
ESTP
ISTP
ESFP
ISFP
SJ
NF
NT
Guardian
Idealist
Rational
ESTJ
ENFJ
ENTJ
ISTJ
INFJ
INTJ
ESFJ
ENFP
ENTP
ISFJ
INFP
IN
Sort groups by these 16 combinations
Each group should decide their 3 top
distinguishing characteristics they bring
to a relationship
Lesson 3
Your Plan for Life
Terms Change + Flexibility + future
+ Plan + Goals + Success
Materials
Your Plan for Life wksh
Lesson 3
Your Plan for Life
Changes in Your Life:
Economic Status- Family
Career Choice
Physical Appearance
Use page 12 of curriculum & write
these categories across the page
Changes in Your Life
 Divide the length of the page in 3 sections
 Label one section – High School
Today
In 5-10 years
List 1-2 changes you have experienced in each life
stage.
Label them “positive +” and “negative –”
Section 2
Relationships
“When me becomes we”
Lesson 4
Things Change
Terms : + maturity + intentions + adaptation
+ interrelationships
Materials: Things Change wksh.
Positive Relationships wksh.
Change Over Time (4-1 overhead)
ASPECTS OF MATURITY
 PHYSICAL (ON OWN)
 EMOTIONAL
 SOCIAL
 INTELLECTUAL
Signs of Maturity
The Mature Person is...
willing to wait for personal gratification, sees that
success in life takes time.
able to make promises and keep them, comes through
in a crisis, meets deadlines without complaining.
able to set realistic goals, willing to work toward
accomplishing them without becoming distracted.
concerned for the welfare of others, doesn’t always need
to put self first.
willing to give or accept an apology and move on,
doesn’t have to say “I told you so.”
does not live life merely reacting to events, can control
anger and settle differences without damage or
violence.
Lesson 4
Things Change
Change
Home
Income/Money
Key Relationships
School
Family
Acquaintances
(Relate to “Change Over Time” overhead)
We must experience growth &
development to remain healthy.
 Acquaintances
 Key Relationships
 How are they different
 How are they different
from key
relationships?
 Who is considered an
acquaintance?
 How deep is the bond?
 How will it change as
you mature?
from acquaintances?
 Why is family
considered a key
relationship?
 How deep is the bond?
 How will it change as
you mature?
Change Over Time
Key Relationship: Parent / Child
GROWTH AND CHANGE
Interdependence
Independence
Birth
Childhood
Adolescence Adulthood
• Parent/child relationships do
not remain the same over time.
• The child may be ready for
independence before the
parents are ready to give it.
• By the time the child reaches
adulthood the relationship
should be one of
interdependence.
• Eventually, the roles may
reverse if the aging parent
becomes dependent on the
child.
Lesson 5
Expectations
 Terms:
+expectation + core beliefs
+ events + issues
 Materials: Expectations in Relationships
(overhead)
Events and Issues (overhead)
Hidden Issues (overhead)
What are your expectations if
You are Married?
 I will read a card from “Married Options”
cards from the Relationality Game
 Move to the section of the room you that
best describes your expectation.
Look at the “Hidden Issues” overhead
How do these issues lead to conflict?
(How have your expectations changed in the
last 5 years?)
It’s
10 MINUTE
BREAK TIME
Lesson 6 Attractions
Terms:
+ gender + courtesies + behaviors
Materials: Attractions – wksh.
Getting Acquainted – wksh.
My Ideal Person – wksh.
10 Basic Ingredients for Friendship
(overhead)
Signs of Maturity (overhead)
“Perfect” Relationship…..
 Ten Basic Ingredients for
Friendship
 Signs of Maturity
 Attractions – p. 15
Getting Acquainted: Professional Relationship
Teacher:
Needs
Expectations
Principal:
Needs
Expectations
Teacher’s ideal principal
Principal’s ideal teacher
As a group discuss ?’s 1-7
on page 16.
Instead of date/ think of
teacher or principal
The Brain Chemistry of Love
For 3 to 6 months you receive a big shot of the
“love chemicals.” Enjoy the great feelings….but
remember you won’t see clearly until those
chemicals settle down a bit.
23
Expectations of….
 Teachers…..
Principals……
Perfect principal  Perfect teacher
from principal’s
from teacher’s
point
of
view???
point of view???
My Ideal Person
 Evidence shows that people who have a
realistic idea of the type of person they
are looking for report more relationship
satisfaction when they meet or marry
someone who is like that.
Lesson 7 Dating & Emotions
Breaking-Up
Terms: + trust + jealousy
+ understanding
+ dishonesty + confidence + manipulation
Materials: Dating & Emotions wksh.
Breaking Up wksh.
When Relationships End (overhead)
Relationships: Steps to Recovery (overhead)
Breaking Up
 Myth: All relationships are worth saving.
 Myth: There is only one person with whom one can find
happiness.
 Myth: Although unfulfilling, it’s better to stay together
than be alone.
 Truth: Some relationships are not all that they could be and may
even be emotionally or physically damaging.
***************
Unless the breakup is mutual, both partners will experience
uncomfortable feelings, a typical outcome
of broken emotional ties with another person.
When Relationships End
 Expectations may vary
 Communication patterns change.
 Spending quality time together is
no longer a priority.
 Partners argue more and do not
resolve their differences.
 There is evidence of physical
and/or emotional abuse.
 The partners have different
expectations for or about the
relationship.
 Feelings change and the partners
grow apart.
 Unresolved personality
about sexual behavior
within the relationship.
 One or both partners’
needs are no longer being
met by the relationship.
 Be sure that breaking up is
really what you want to do.
 Decide on a time and
place.
 Tell your partner why you
are breaking up.
 End the relationship
completely. Do not make
promises for the future.
 Understand that
immediate emotions and
BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS:
STEPS TO RECOVERY
Blame and self-doubt are destructive; because one relationship ends
doesn’t mean others will.
Try to think differently about the situation or person; interfere with
thoughts that are painful and concentrate
on things you like.
For awhile, limit going to familiar places that hold memories; find
new and different activities.
Meet new people, learn a skill, join a group.
Be patient, use the support of family and friends; there is no hurry,
new relationships will develop.
Section 3
Communication
“Communications is to a relationship
what breathing is to maintaining life.”
Lesson 8
Communication Patterns
Terms: +conflict + withdrawal + escalation
+invalidation + impact + filters + intent
+ negative interpretation
Materials: Family Patterns wksh.
Types of Filters wksh.
Overheads:
* 4 Danger Signs * Escalation
* Negative Interpretation
* Withdrawal
Family Patterns
 The way family members communicate with each
other in large part influences how they interact in
relationships outside of the home.
 Identifies hidden family patterns
 Different patterns lead to misunderstandings and
conflict between people.
 Self-awareness is a key factor in both verbal and
nonverbal communication.
Four “Danger” Signs
Escalation
Invalidation
Negative Interpretations
Withdrawal
(Refer to Overheads)
Lesson 9
Dealing with Conflict
Terms: + Compromise + Paraphrase
Materials: Dealing with Conflict
wksh.
Dealing With Conflict
“If you want to have a great
marriage, the way you handle
differences matters more than what
those differences are.”
Fighting for Your Marriage
Practice Communication Styles
Using “Floor” model p.28
or
Using “Ear/Lips” model
Self access you conflict pattern –p27
Choose a partner
Turn to page 28 in the workbookPractice both methods using a conflict card
Lesson 10
Talking/ Listening
Terms: + body language + verbal + cues
+nonverbal
Materials: Let’s Talk wksh.
Listening wksh.
Communication: Guideline for
Listening (overhead)
Four Vertical Communication Pattern
Level Communication (both handouts)
Communication Activity
 5 Volunteers
 Apply “labels”
 Choose a topic
 Discuss topic 4-5 minutes
 Audience: communication patterns observed
 Participants: how did you feel?
 Positive/ Negative communication patterns??

**Review both handouts**
It’s Lunchtime!
 Back in 30 minuts.
Section 4
Marriage
“Coming together is a beginning;
keeping together is progress;
working together is success.
Anonymous
Lesson 11
What is Love?
Terms: + passion + genuine love + intimacy
+ imitation love
Materials: Components of Relationships wksh.
What is Love? wksh.
Components of Relationships
( overhead)
STAGES OF INTIMACY
 DELIGHT
 RECIPROCITY
 TRUST
 RESPECT
 MUTUAL CHOICE
 Overhead 11 a&b
If You Dream of Having a Happy,
Healthy, & Loving Marriage…p.34 wkbk
Imitations Love is:
Genuine Love is:
p. 35 wkbk
Select a Partner to Marry
*Partners must be willing to be “married” for the
next 6 lessons.
*Partners for this training must be within this room.
In the classroom students could choose someone
outside the classroom but would be able to work
with them on a daily basis.
Speaker/ Listener techniques should be practiced on
disagreements about important issues.
Lesson 12
Roadblocks to Relationships
Terms: + risk factors
+ cohabitation
Materials: Roadblocks to Relationships wksh.
Before you Marry wksh.
Influences on Marriage (overhead)
Facts About Marriage (overhead)
About Living Together Before Marriage
(overhead)
7 Most Prevalent Causes of
Faulty Mate Selection p. 38
1. Decision to get married made too quickly
2. Decision is made to young of an age
3. One or both person too eager to get married
4. One or both choosing to marry to please
someone else
5. Experience base is too narrow
6. Couple has unrealistic expectations
7. One or both have unaddressed significant
personality or behavior problems
10 Principles for a Great Marriage
1. Eliminate 7 primary causes for faulty mate
selection
2. Find a mate who is a lot like you
3. Get yourself emotionally healthy before
marriage
4. Develop a clear mental image of your
perfect person
5. Find a love you can feel deep in your heart
10 Principles for a Great Marriage cont.
6. Let passionate love mature before you
decide
7. Master the art of intimacy
8. Learn to clear conflict from the road of
love
9. Refuse to proceed until you are fully
committed
10.Celebrate you marriage with full support
of family and friends
CH 12 – INFLUENCES ON
MARRIAGE
 Difficult to Change
 Someone close has divorced
 Living together
 Married before
 Brief dating, engagement
Easier to Change
 Negative styles of

 Previous children
 Younger than 20

 Different religious or
philosophical beliefs
 Personality or behavior
problems
 Narrow life experience base


talking/fighting
Difficulty
communicating
Unrealistic beliefs &
expectations
Different attitudes
Low level of
commitment
Commitment Quiz
True or False?
Living together improves one’s
chances for a successful marriage
Answer:
 FALSE…Couples who cohabit have
higher divorce rates than couples
that do not
 Couples who live together have a 50%
higher divorce rate.
The National Marriage Project
Moving In – Moving On?
 Living together does not improve the chances of
the couple staying together.
 These couples have less commitment, more
conflict, and higher divorce rates if they do marry.
 Most cohabiting couples have broken up within
two years of the birth of a baby.
Lesson 13
The Marriage
Terms: +priorities + commitment + constraint
+ personal dedication
Materials: Making the Decision wksh
Priorities wksh.
Household Duties: wksh
The Wedding wksh.
Marriage License wksh.
Commitment….Choices (overhead)
The Goal
 Working together for the common
good.
The true strength of a marriage relationship
will become evident when new challenges
impact the couple.
Lesson 14
The Family
Terms: +flexibility + responsibility
Materials: A Portrait wksh.
Family Album wksh.
Children – game cards
Create-a-Kid p.68
 Determine the sex of your first born by flip of a coin.
 Follow procedures on p. 68 of lesson 14.
 Record the gene contributions on the data sheet &
describe the facial characteristics of the offspring
 Assign students to sketch the child
It’s
10 MINUTE
BREAK TIME
Lesson 15
Finances
Materials: Finances wksh.
The Family Budget wksh.
The Family Budget
(overhead)
The Family Budget
 Different spending habits often lead to
conflict between the partners
 Many people do not know how to establish
and live within a family budget
 Most females must work outside of the home
in order to help meet financial needs of the
family.
The Family Budget - $$$
Couples will draw their occupation
Begin by paying your taxes – 22% up to $ 30,000.
40% over $30,000.
Record your answer on wksh. p. 47
Refer to The Family Budget (overhead 15-1)
Calculate your Family Budget on wksh. p. 48
Adjustments may have to be made for daycare(young
children) or car insurance cost(teens)
Use the last blank on page 78 to write your budget
Where did all the $ go?
 Over 100 occupation game cards are provided
for this lesson.
 Participants quickly learn that money matters
when providing for a family.
 Differences in income and capability become
evident and are a reflection of the greater
society as a whole
 They develop a deeper appreciation for what
their parents deal with in real life.
Lesson 16
Crisis
Terms + crisis + teamwork + coping skills
+forgiveness
Materials: Our Crisis wksh.
Problem Solving (overhead)
Forgiveness (overhead)
Crisis: How to handle the tough issues.
 This lesson encourages resiliency skills and
problem solving together.
 The participants become aware of their current
abilities to handle difficulties.
 They learn the purpose of forgiveness
and the importance of moving forward.
Dealing with crisis:
 Phase 1
 Phase 2
 Phase 3
 Phase 4
Crisis
Confusion
Working through
New beginning
Family Crisis
Problem Solving
Forgiveness
Is: Canceling a past debt
 Agenda Setting
Give up getting even
 Brainstorming
Give up “you owe me”
Do Not hold other down
 Agreement &
Is Not: Forgetting the situation
Compromise
Ignoring grief or pain
Avoiding consequences
 Follow-up on a Trial
or responsibility
Solution
Trusting Blindly Guaranteeing reconciliation
Lesson 17
Family Fun
Terms: + stress
Materials: Family Vacation wksh.
Planning a Family Vacation
(overhead)
Having Fun Together
 Spending enjoyable time away from daily routines
can reduce stress and develop relationship.
 Families should build on one another’s strengths
and interests to plan and implement quality time
together.
Lesson 18
Marriage Evaluation
Marriage when it is right, fulfills the deepest of all
human needs.
It is the desire of Char Kamper, the author that students
who complete this unit will have a better chance of
experiencing a happy and successful life-long
marriage.
Curricula Available
Games
 The Pocket Ungame
& Teen Relationships
Relationality Game

Let’s review the Grant Information:
 Share and enjoy your new curriculum
 As federal grant, requirements are to:
teach the curriculum to 20 students
a minimum of 8 classroom hours
Report data to: Natalie Middleton
natalie.middleton@publicstrategies.com
phone – 405-848-2078
For Further Information
Contact:
Need help? Have questions? Offer comments.
Nancy Lenk
The Dibble Institute
Outreach Educator
Nancy@DibbleInstitute.org
636-528-4550
Please take a moment to complete the evaluation.
Thank You.
Have a safe
trip home.