Negotiating
Consent in
Relationships
Presented by:
Rose Gagliardi &
Amy Jamieson
Sexual Health and Family Planning ACT
(SHFPACT)
www.shfpact.org.au
Clinical services for everyone
Sexual health checks
Pap smears
Menopause clinic
Pregnancy counselling
Comprehensive library &
resource centre
Education and training
Sexual Rights
The responsible exercise of human rights requires that all persons respect the
rights of others.
Declaration of Sexual Rights
Include the right of all persons, free of coercion, discrimination and violence, to:
The right to sexual freedom
The right to sexual autonomy, sexual integrity, and safety of the sexual body
The right to sexual privacy
The right to sexual equity
The right to sexual pleasure
The right to emotional sexual expression
The right to sexually associate freely
The right to make free and responsible reproductive choices
The right to sexual information based upon scientific inquiry
The right to comprehensive sexuality education
The right to sexual health care
Taken from the World Association of Sexual Health – www.worldsexology.org
Consent
(2) Meaning of consent A person "consents" to sexual intercourse if the person freely and
voluntarily agrees to the sexual intercourse.
(3) Knowledge about consent A person who has sexual intercourse with another person
without the consent of the other person knows that the other person does not consent to
the sexual intercourse if:
(a) the person knows that the other person does not consent to the sexual intercourse, or
(b) the person is reckless as to whether the other person consents to the sexual intercourse, or
(c) the person has no reasonable grounds for believing that the other person consents to the sexual
intercourse. For the purpose of making any such finding, the trier of fact must have regard to all the
circumstances of the case:
(d) including any steps taken by the person to ascertain whether the other person consents to the
sexual intercourse, but
(e) not including any self-induced intoxication of the person.
CRIMES ACT 1900 - SECT 61HA
Consent
Is consent given for individual acts or steps in the
interaction?
How is it given?
In what order do these events take place?
Do people sometimes say no when they mean yes?
Context
Gender
50 Cent ft. Olivia
“Candy Shop”
“I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot
(woah)”
“I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor”
“Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm trying to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)”
Negotiating consent
Life Behaviours of a Sexually Healthy
Adult
Knowledge about sex
Appreciate one’s own body
Seek further information about reproduction as
needed
Affirm that human development includes sexual
development which may or may not include
reproduction or sexual experience
Interact with all genders in respectful and
appropriate ways
Make informed choices about family options and
relationships
Exhibit skills that enhance personal relationships
Identify and live according to ones’ values
Take responsibility for one’s own behaviour
Practice effective decision-making
Develop critical-thinking skills
Affirm one’s own sexual orientation and respect
the sexual orientation of others
Communicate effectively with family, peers and
romantic partners
Affirm one’s own gender identities and respect
the gender identities of others
Express one’s sexuality in ways that are congruent
with one’s values
Express love and intimacy in appropriate ways
Enjoy sexual feelings without necessarily acting on
them
Develop and maintain meaningful relationships
Avoid exploitative or manipulative relationships
Enjoy and express one’s sexuality throughout life
SIECUS (2004) Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education p.16
Myths about sexuality and people
with intellectual disability
Parents and carers feel that their children have “so much to
cope with” that they don’t need the added “burden” of sexuality
People with a disability are over sexed or promiscuous.
People with a disability are not attractive therefore not sexually
active
People with a disability are childlike and asexual
Disability breeds disability
People with a disability are unable to understand concepts like
love and what is involved in having and taking care of a baby
Physical contact for a
client WITHOUT a disability
student
mother & father
siblings
members of extended family
teacher or caregiver
sports coach on rare occasions
family doctor on rare occasions
dentist on rare occasions
Physical contact for a client WITH a disability
teachers
client with
a disability
social workers
speech therapists
hearing specialists
educational psychologists
dentists & dental nurses
mother / father
siblings
extended family
family doctor
physiotherapists
occupational therapists
care assistants
taxi and bus drivers
ambulance drivers
ENT audiological and other consultants
SoSAFE! : Visual & Conceptual Tools
for Promoting Social Safety
A set of visual and conceptual tools designed to promote
social safety through:
Provision of a simplified ‘rule governed’ model of social reality
Teaching type and degree of verbal and physical intimacy
appropriate for different categories of people
Teaching strategies for moving into and out of intimate
relationships in a safe and measured manner
Community Worker I Know
Community Workers I Know are in
a job that helps other people. I
know them, which means I have
met them, I know their name, and
I see them a lot.
“My name is Amy and I am a
Community Worker I know”.
Resource: Talk Touch Triangle
Resource:
Steps to Relationships
Sexy Touch vs. Private Helpers
“Sexy Touch happens when I masturbate or
when I am feeling sexy and touch another
person’s private parts”
“Sexy Touch happens when another person is
feeling sexy and touches my private parts”
whereas…
“Private Helpers help me keep my private
parts clean and help me when my private
parts are hurting”
Private parts of the body
Penis/Testicles -
for going to the toilet, for being sexy,
for creating babies
Vagina/Vulva -
for going to the toilet, for being sexy,
for menstrual periods, for creating
babies, and for giving birth to babies
Bottom -
for sitting, for going to the toilet, for
being sexy
Mouth -
for eating & drinking, for talking, for
being sexy
Breasts -
for feeding babies, for being sexy
SoSAFE! : Consent
“Consent means I ask, you say yes. You ask, I say yes”
Consent
Law
I ask, you say yes.
You ask, I say yes.
It is ok to say yes.
School rules/work rules
Family rules
Age
NO CONSENT
Relationship
I ask, you say no
Public/private place
You ask, I say no
Being intoxicated
I say yes, you say yes
and it is not ok to say
yes
Coercion
Asleep
50 Cent ft. Olivia
“Candy Shop”
“I'll take you to the candy shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Go 'head girl, don't you stop
Keep going 'til you hit the spot
(woah)”
“I'll break it down for you now, baby it's simple
If you be a nympho, I'll be a nympho
In the hotel or in the back of the rental
On the beach or in the park, it's whatever you into
Got the magic stick, I'm the love doctor”
“Get on top then get to bouncing round like a low rider
I'm a seasons vet when it come to this shit
After you work up a sweat you can play with the stick
I'm trying to explain baby the best way I can
I melt in your mouth girl, not in your hands (ha ha)”
References
Beres, M.A., Herold, E., & Maitland, S. (2004). Sexual consent behaviours in same-sex relationships. Archives of Sexual Behaviour¸ 33(5), 475486.
Dukes, E. & McGuire, B.E. (2009). Enhancing capacity to sexuality related decisions in people with an intellectual disability. Journal of
Intellectual Disability Research. 53(8), 727-734.
Dune, T.M. & Shuttleworth, R.P. (2009). “It’s just supposed to happen”: the myth of sexual spontaneity and the sexually marginalized. Sexuality
and Disability, 27, 97-108.
Eastgate, G. (2005). Sex, consent and intellectual disability. Australian Family Physician, 34(3), 163-166.
Eastgate, G. (2011). Women with intellectual disabilities: A study of sexuality, sexual abuse and protection skills. Australian Family Physician,
40(4), 226-230.
Graydon, C. (2007). Protection or paternalism? A critical evaluation of Australian legislation relating to sexual acts involving persons with
intellectual disability. Retrieved 7 August 2012 from http://researchrepository.murdoch.edu.au/705/2/02Whole.pdf.
Hall, D.S. (1998). Consent for sexual behaviour in a college student population. Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality, 1, retrieved on 8
September 2012 from http://www.ejhs.org/volume1/consent1.htm
Hickman, S.E., & Muehlenhard, C.L. (1999). “By the semi-mystical appearance of a condom”: How young women and men negotiate sexual
consent in heterosexual situations. The Journal of Sex Research, 36(3), 258-272.
Higgins, D. (2010). Sexuality, human rights and safety for people with disabilities: the challenge of intersecting identities. Sexual and
Relationship Therapy, 25(3), 245-257.
Humphreys, T. (2007). Perceptions of sexual consent: The impact of relationship history and gender. Journal of Sex Research, 44(4), 307-315.
McCabe, M.P. (1999). Sexual knowledge, experience and feelings among people with disability. Sexuality and Disability, 17(2), 157-170.
Murphy, G. & O’Callaghan, A. (2004). Capacity of adults with intellectual disabilities to consent to sexual relationships. Psychological Medicine,
34, 1347-1357.
Servais, L. (2006). Sexual health care in persons with intellectual disabilities. Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities, 12, 48-56
SEICUS (2004). Guidelines for Comprehensive Sexuality Education (3rd ed.). Retrieved on 20th September 2012 from
http://www.siecus.org/_data/global/images/guidelines.pdf
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