College Essay
Workshop
Created by Ms. Rudder
Room 307
What should a college
know about me? What
do I like about myself?
What do my teachers,
parents, and friends
like?
Essays? WHY????
Algebra I – A- English I – B
Computers – B+ Introduction to
Christianity – A Theatre – B- Spanish
I – C+ Algebra I – B English I – AHealth – A Old Testament – B+
Theatre – B Spanish I – B English II –
C Geometry – B Biology – C+ New
Testament – A Physical Education – B
Spanish II – B World History – C
English II – B- Geometry – B+
Biology – B- Church History – BWorld History – B Spanish II – BAmerican History – A American
Literature – B- Chemistry – C Algebra
II – C Spanish III – C Social Justice –
A American History – B+ American
Literature – A Chemistry – B- Algebra
II – C Spanish III – B Morality – A
British Literature – B+ Yearbook – A
Average SAT
ULTIMATE
GOAL: Depth,
not range
The University of California
website says…
“Your personal statement should be
exactly that — personal. This is your
opportunity to tell us about yourself —
your hopes, ambitions, life
experiences, inspirations. We
encourage you to take your time on
this assignment. Be open. Be
reflective. Find your individual voice
and express it honestly.”
Basic Directions
 Answer
words.

the two prompts in a total of 1000
Shortest recommended essay: 250 words
 (The
other would be 750)
______ showed me that….
______ forced me to realize…
_______ encouraged me to…
______ taught me…
_____ helped me become…
Describe the world
youme
come
_____ made
want to…
_____ set your
an example
of…
from — for example,
family,
Prompt 1
community or school — and tell
us how your world has shaped
your dreams and aspirations.
Ultimately, the prompt is
about YOU—who you are and
what you dream because of or
in spite of your world.
Prompt 2
Brainstorming
Chart!
Tell us about a personal quality,
talent, accomplishment, contribution
or experience that is important to
you. What about this quality or
accomplishment makes you proud
and how does it relate to the person
you are?
Shows your
character,
identity, goals…
Shows what
you value
Both prompts are about YOU!
YOU!
Key Strategies –
Organize!
Introduction
Conclusion
I wrote a 4,391-word
“sentence” in my
most celebrated
novel.
I coined
hundreds—
some say
thousands—
of new
words.
I gave myself the
lowercase pen name
“bell hooks” to honor
my grandmother and
emphasize the
importance of text
over author.
Thesis Statements
Weak
My father made me
the person I am
today.
Answers “How”:
How dad made...
How speaker is.
Strong
By persevering even
in the most difficult
times, my father
showed me the type
of man I want to be:
strong, hardworking,
and patient—even in
moments of crisis.
Key Strategies – Show and Tell
Show
 This is the evidence
or concrete detail
 Tell
short stories or
describe situations.

(What makes you
interested in things
you read?)
Tell

This is the
interpretation or
commentary

What does the story
or description tell us
about you?



Lessons you learned
Values you hold
Qualities you have
Put on a good show.
Weak Show
I worked really hard
to make the varsity
basketball team.
Strong Show
When I didn’t make the varsity
basketball team my junior year, I
was determined to prove myself. I
remember waking up at five each
day to make optional morning
practices, fighting both my fatigue
and my feelings of
discouragement. As we ran laps—
the drill I most dreaded—I would
constantly push myself to run
faster, to pass just the player in
front of me and then the next, until
one day I finished first.
Good show, strong tell
Show
When I didn’t make the varsity
basketball team my junior
year, I was determined to
prove myself. I remember
waking up at five each day to
make optional morning
practices, fighting both my
fatigue and my feelings of
discouragement. As we ran
laps—the drill I most
dreaded—I would constantly
push myself to run faster, to
pass just the player in front of
me and then the next, until
one day I finished first.
Tell
After I finally made the varsity team, I
realized that, with hard work, I could
achieve my goals. While I may not
initially stand out as the strongest
player or the smartest student, I can
and will develop my strengths and
improve in my areas of weakness by
making sacrifices, putting in extra
time, keeping a positive attitude
amidst setbacks, and setting
reasonable short term goals for
myself. The lesson I learned from
basketball applies to all areas of my
life: the best way to face a challenge
is with consistent effort and
unwavering determination.
Dos and Don’ts
Do
 Proofread
 Ask
your essays aloud
a friend, teacher, parent, counselor,
or mentor to read and edit your essays.
Don’t
 Make
your essay sound as if you ate a
thesaurus.

The admissions committee wants to get to
know a real person, not a polysyllabic
robot.
Do
 Write
a positive, honest essay focused on
who you are.
Don’t
 Try
to write what you think the admissions
committee wants to hear.

(It will likely be cliché and boring.)
Do
 Establish
a clear focus and include
examples to support it.
Don’t
 Use
generalizations to support your thesis.
Do
 Write
with energetic verbs and vivid
details
Don’t
 Use

passive voice:
“The award was given to me…”


“I received an award”
Show that YOU are the primary actor in your
life.
Do
 Work
toward depth rather than breadth.
 Focus
on one or two main ideas that you
want to convey about yourself.
Don’t
 Rehash
things that are in other parts of
your application.
Do
 Make
sure that each of your two essays
cover two different aspects of your
life/character
Don’t


Let this red font or writing task
intimidate you. You know
about yourself and you know
what makes you special.
If you have trouble starting,
write an informal journal entry
about yourself, or a note to a
friend, or have someone
interview you. Then work from
there.