Interpersonal Communication Competence Reflection
Communication is the basic interaction that exists between persons in the
society. It has been defined as the underpinning factor of man’s dealings while going
about the usual business on a daily basis (DeVito, 1995). Through interpersonal
communication, we are able to exchange feelings, information and meaning both
verbally and non-verbally. By understanding this, it becomes possible to understand
exactly what interpersonal communication competence is – the disciple required in
communication. According to Knapp, communication competence is one’s ability to
choose the communication behavior that is both effective and appropriate in its use
under a specific circumstance. This paper gains an extensive insight on technical
aspect of communication and its aspects that are mostly overlooked by many.
It would be a lie if I stated my communication competence is of high
standards. However, it can be termed as a sufficiently effective one as per the
outcome that has been noticed over the course of time. According to my selfassessment on “Intercultural sensitivity”, I noticed that U had high communication
competence skill on interaction engagement, interaction confidence and lack
competency on interaction enjoyment. By completing this assessment, I realized
that I am able to engage in conversation with another individual and have this
confidence in what I am saying or to whom I am communicating with. It also came to
my attention that I have high communication competence while interacting in
situations where persons are debating or arguing on a certain issue but lack
interaction enjoyment when interacting with an individual, I learned that why I lack
this ability is due to my lack of concentrating on the topic been discussed or I get
distracted easily when an individual is trying to communicate with me. I learned
that to be a good communicator, I need to improve on my interaction skills when it
comes to enjoying the conversation and pay close attention to what is been said to
me, I can do so by getting rid of outside distractions that can easily distract me. Also,
my assessment on “how interpersonal are your relationship”, I realized that my
relationship is interpersonal in different ways and how effectiveness and
appropriateness is important in the way I communicate with individuals. Also, I
learned that I have the ability to change my goals and motives to meet the needs of
the people am communicating with, I also understood that in the way I
communicate with people, I use verbal and non verbal cues to show my
understanding to what an individual is saying to me. After the completion of this
assessment, I realized that effectiveness and appropriateness both contributes in
making me a good communicator and I had to learn on how to improve more on the
way I communicate effectively and appropriately. When I completed the listening
response, I learnt that in the way I listen and respond to individuals is different from
what I thought, I used to think I am the supportive kind of listener whereby I show
solidarity with the speaker’s situation but I realized that realized that I am the
questioning type of listener. I use more of this skill when I listen to mostly my
friends when they relate information to me; I like to clarify meanings, to learn about
their thoughts, feelings and wants. I encourage them to elaborate more; I gather
more facts and information in order to come up with a solution to their problems
and also be the effective listener they want me to be.
I managed to gain insight on the underlying factor that prompts me to exhibit
this particular communication trait I have. It was somewhat surprising to know that
each individual have different ways they view my communication skills, most
people think I am the best communicator while most think I lack communication
skills and I was able to learn that as individuals, we do have different ways we
communicate with each other, I can define mine as very detailed, precise in the way
I communicate with other individuals and tend to be an effective listener. In the
course of time, I have been able to work more on the skills I was lacking as a
competent communicator and most people have told me that they have seen a lot of
changes with the way I communicate with people especially with people from a
different culture. At the beginning of this course, I had three main goals that I hoped
to achieve; the first goal was to improve my skills on my conversation management,
my effectiveness and appropriateness. Conversation management: my goal was to
be able to reflect my ability to regulate conversation through controlling the topic,
adjusting to a change in topic, interrupting and asking questions, effectiveness: My
ability to achieve the objectives during conversations and Appropriateness: this
reflects my ability to uphold the expectations for a given situation by behaving in
ways other people expects of me.
Perception, active listening and the use of conflict management skills are
concepts that have been found to be vital in relation to interpersonal
communication. In interpersonal competence, perception checking has been helpful
in improving my communication competence skills. Perception checking is a tool to
help us understand others accurately instead of assuming that our first
interpretation is correct. Perception checking is a cooperative approach to
communication (Interplay, 131). By understanding perception checking, I have been
able to make accurate assumptions without leaping to wrong conclusions. By using
and understanding perception checking, I have been able to decode message more
accurately, be able to understand the other party without much confrontation and
also be able to avoid conflicts. It has helped my communication competence skill
because I have been able to identify and describe the behavior I have noticed in an
individual, provide interpretations of that behavior and get clarification of the
behavior I have noticed. Listening is an important tool in communication
competence. Listening is the process of receiving and responding to other’s
messages (Interplay, 211). By understanding the act of active listening, I have been
able to identify my poor listening habits and learn on how to improve on them. I
understood reasons why I have these poor listening habits. It has helped in my
communication skills because I have been able to apply the listening rule and it
proved to people on how I have improve to be a better listener. Also, I found conflict
management to be really interesting because I was able to learn more about
conflicts, what leads to conflict, the different conflict styles and ways on how to
manage these conflicts in our relationships. Been able to read and understand this
concept, I have been able to improve more on how I resolve conflicts in my life
especially in my personal relationships and it has helped in improving my
communication competency skills with my husband because instead of just argue
about making decisions, we just apply the rules and come up with solutions that
best work with our needs.
Personally, I have been incorporating perception checking, conflicts
management and the “I” statements in any interaction process that is of importance.
Nonetheless, perfection makes perfect and the more one gets accustomed to using
the concepts, the better he or she becomes an effective and competent
communicator. In my case, I have used the three steps of perception checking in my
everyday activities. The three steps I have used are: a description of the behavior I
noticed, two possible interpretations of the behavior and a request for clarification.
Example of a situation where I practiced this skill was at the office. I got to work and
greeted my director, she didn’t respond, she seemed upset about something, she had
a call and I transferred it to her as the client wants to speak with her urgently, she
got all upset with me and yelled, I tried explaining to her but she wouldn’t listen to
whatever I had to say to her. I walked away angrily and refused to even speak to
anybody in the office. After sometime, I went to speak with her. I approached her
calmly by stating her behavior I noticed, gave her two interpretations of her
behavior and requested for clarification. She apologized and told me she was upset
about something else and she was really having a bad day. By using this skill, it
made the environment conducive for all of us. “I” statements- this is a statement I
have learned how to use in my life and I will continue to use this because it provides
a more accurate and less provocative way to express how I feel. I use this statement
in expressing my thoughts, feelings and wants. Example: Each time my husband and
I hang out with our friends, he usually embarrass me in front of them, I don’t know if
he does it out of fun or just intentionally and it irritates me a lot. Most of the time, I
feel like not going out with him because of they way he acts around our friends. I
was able to express how I felt by using the three parts of the “I” statement to
describe how I was feeling. First, I described his behavior, my feelings and
consequences of his behavior towards me. Also, conflict management was an
interesting topic because it explains how conflicts generates, the different conflict
styles and ways n how to manage conflicts. I have tried the conflict management
skills and I have found it to be very useful in resolving conflicts in my relationship
with people around me. Example of using this skill was when I was faced with a
situation resulting from my husband and I not deciding on where to take the kids. It
brought so much disagreement between us that we had to just stay way from each
other for couple of hours. When the situation became calm, I used the seven-conflict
management in practice skills. Firstly, we both define our needs with each other,
evaluate the solutions we came up with, implement it and follow up with it. Right
now, we are still using this skill and it has really improved the way we communicate
with each other.
According to the feedback that I have received from my friends, I have a high
chance of facing many challenges in my communication due to my self-concept that
is often too strong. This means that I have to work on it and reduce the rate and
manner in which I incorporate the “I” factor in my communication. What I also find
difficult is been able to apply the rule of silent listening because I tend to interrupt
people and ask questions while communicating or interacting with people which
appears to be rude and shows lack of competency in my communication skills.
Interaction confidence will also be difficult because I don’t know how to be so
confident in interacting with people especially people I hardly know and people
from different cultures. I don’t fell so confident speaking with people from different
culture due to the way I speak (my accents), I feel they won’t be able to understand
me. Communication is important and beneficial to man, effective communication is
even better. This is due to the numerous benefits that it has in the workplace,
schools and the society at large. Its main benefit is the improved understanding that
will exist between the two persons interacting. As a result, issues can be run
smoothly without much misleading or misconceptions. , There will also be a mutual
respect among those who communicate effectively. With effective communication,
persons in a relationship are able to avoid uncalled arguments that eventually lead
to detrimental effects.
Conclusively, the main lessons that I have depicted from the teachings on
effective communication are that it is essentially an art that ought to be approached
and dealt with artistically. It is beneficial to incorporate each of the concepts and
aspects that contribute to making one a competent communicator. A brief advice to
all is that communication is the only way that we can get along well; it is beneficial
when we are effective and competent in its regard.
Reference
DeVito, J. (1995). Interpersonal Communication. New York: Hasper and Rew.
Knapp, M & Daly, J. (2002). Handbook of Interpersonal communication. Sage.
Ronald, B. Alder. Interplay: The process of Interpersonal Communication