Conflict Resolution
Managing Emotions
Managing Emotions
Identifying Motions and their Effects
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Think of a recent conflict in which you felt
intense emotion.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Now think about what part of your body
you experienced them with. These may
included things such as:
Butterflies and churning in the stomach.
Stiffness or tight muscles and even
tension in your neck, shoulders, jaw or
chest.
Possibly even a headache.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Emotions effect the progress and outcome
of a conflict such as:
It may impede it by causing attention to
shift from the issue to the emotion.
It inhibits listening and expression of
concerns.
It can lead to suppression and avoidance
of the issue because it is to uncomfortable.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
When emotions become overwhelming,
you may face:
Emotions taking over the situation.
It may result in screaming, crying, physical
and/or verbal abuse.
There may be complete avoidance of the
issue due to fear of repeating the scene.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
There are some emotions that are more
significant than others in regard to conflict.
These are:
Anger
Resentment
Hurt
Guilt
Regret
Fear
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Anger
When appropriately expressed, anger can be a
fire for change. When it is misdirected or
inappropriately expressed it can be destructive.
Recognizing and accepting our own anger will
provide the driving force for change.
Offloading it onto others, gives away our power
an often leaves us stuck with the problem.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Resentment
This is like frozen anger and is a feeling that
blames others for a situation or a hurt we feel.
It’s a way of holding others apart from us, to
maintain a position of being right, superior or self
righteous.
It is often easier to feel resentment rather than
take responsibility for other feelings, or for
changing the situation.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Hurt
Underneath resentment and anger there is often hurt.
Acknowledging that you feel hurt is empowering.
The alternatives are to withdraw, to seek revenge or to
feel resentment; all of which contribute to the escalation
of conflict.
Often it is easier for others to acknowledge our hurt
rather than our anger. When talking about our anger we
may be better received if we also talk about our hurt.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Guilt
Guilt can be very destructive when we allow it to
gnaw away at us.
It can be very productive when we allow
ourselves to feel it fully, and than move on by
seeking to understand its source.
It is then that we can move on to resolve it,
either by refraining from the action that produced
it or maybe finding a different behavior.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Regret
Often we show anger or resentment we are also hiding
regret.
We have great difficulty in expressing the pain and
sorrow under anger and resentment.
Fear, anxiety and embarrassment block the expression
of regret.
It is a huge feeling that is the acknowledgement of the
unfilled potential of a situation.
It is often the last emotion before we let go of the “if
only’s” and reach a place of acceptance.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Fear
We often experience this when we feel out
of control of a situation.
Fear arises from our interpretation of what
the outcome will be: Physical or emotional
hurt, or consequences that will diminish us
or our circumstances in some way.
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Fear
Fantasy
Experienced
As
Reality
Or
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Fear
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Managing Emotions
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Identifying Motions and their Effects
Fear
By separating the interpretation from the
reality and becoming centered within
ourselves; it will allow us to choose an
appropriate action.
Managing Emotions
Expressing Our Emotions
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
There are two categories when we look at
techniques for expressing or dealing with
our emotions:
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Short Term – Useful when we are unable
to deal with the emotion at the time, such
as in a meeting, or at a social function or
other setting where it is inappropriate.
Or
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Long Term – Those techniques which we
build into our daily lives to release tension.
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Some examples of short term techniques are:
Taking deep breaths
Taking time out
Doodling
Stamping your feet
Snapping a pencil
Having a cup of tea
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Some examples of long term techniques are:
Exercising
Talking
Listening
Meditating
Cuddling
Keeping a journal
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
It is always important to deal with our
emotions in some way as they are
recognized. Failure to respond in an
appropriate manner can result in:
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Poor Health
Stress
Withdrawal
Explosion
Diminished capacity to experience
pleasure and happiness.
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
When a person suppresses (does not
express) emotions properly it will
eventually build to an explosive state.
Suppression
Explosion
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Explosion is usually unproductive and
often misdirected.
Suppression
Explosion
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
A small incident can often be a trigger for
discharging suppressed feelings.
Suppression
Explosion
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
We may dump these feelings
inappropriately, for example, on a shop
assistant processing a sale more slowly
than we would like.
Suppression
Explosion
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Some of the reasons we may not be able
to express emotions properly could be:
Cultural expectations
Family Background
Workplace and social decorum
Self image
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
There is an alternative to this scenario
however:
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
In Suppressing our feelings we:
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
May feel tense, and stressful.
may avoid dealing with the conflict.
May be fearful of the emotion and try to
sidestep it.
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Containment on the other hand:
Is releasing some tension through
acknowledging the feeling and putting it on
hold temporarily.
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Containment on the other hand:
Is breathing deeply
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Containment on the other hand:
Leads to confidence to deal with conflict,
less stress, empowerment and better
health.
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
Containment on the other hand:
Is holding the emotion, feeling it and
choosing not to make it public.
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
On the end result side, Exploding:
Feels like losing control.
Suppression
Explosion
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
On the end result side, Exploding:
May result in residual tension from guilt.
Suppression
Explosion
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
We can then view expression as:
A letting go, a release of stored tension.
Suppression
Explosion
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
We can then view expression as:
Leading to feelings of relief and
completion.
Suppression
Explosion
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Expressing Our Emotions
We can then view expression as:
Finally, it is a component of the
constructive resolution of conflict.
Suppression
Explosion
Containment
Expression
Managing Emotions
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Handling Difficult Emotions in Others
When confronted by a person with difficult
emotions you should try:
Managing your own reaction, by not
becoming inflamed, defensive, etc.
Making “I” statements
Focusing on the issue not the person.
Managing Emotions
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Handling Difficult Emotions in Others
When confronted by a person with difficult
emotions you should try:
Asking open-ended, clarifying questions.
Negotiating a solution that takes account
of both your needs and theirs.
Expressing support and reassurance.
Managing Emotions
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Conclusion
We experience emotions in our bodies and
in our minds, so we need to deal with them
in a variety of ways.
We need to accept our emotions, not deny
or indulge them. We just need to know
that they exist and to use them to build
richer relationships.
Managing Emotions
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Conclusion
We need ways of safely releasing and
appropriately expressing our emotions for
our well being and the well being of our
relationships.
Managing Emotions
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Conclusion
We need to practice ways of handling
difficult emotions in others by:
Active listening
Giving support and reassurance
Redirecting statements that create or
inflame conflict, towards positive
possibilities in the situation.
Credit
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We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for
their generous donation of materials used in the
creation of this presentation.
Conflict Resolution Network
PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057
Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500
Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148
Email: crn@crnhq.org
Website: www.crnhq.org
Credit
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This course was created by AMFA Local 11 to
assist in the education of its Professional
Standards Committee members.
Permission to use this material is granted to any
AMFA Local.
This course was created using materials provided
by The Conflict Resolution Network.
Permission has been extended to use this
material providing credit remains intact on all
modules.