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Breanna Lundquist
Professor Dursema
English 1010
10 April 2011
“’Til Death do us Part”
This day in age it seems as though the human race has become obsessed with the
game of picking up new partners with no intentions of keeping them. It has made many
people question the true possibility of monogamy in any relationship. There are,
however, still many couples living happily married lives today. Having only one partner
at a time does not only make you happier, but it is also the healthier choice. Marriage is a
very serious choice that has very serious consequences if you choose to make wrong
choices. A healthy happy marriage should be the ultimate goal to achieve in anyone’s
life.
WebMD conducted a poll of 1,010 people shows that sixty-four percent of
married people rated themselves as happy with the way their personal life was going.
From this same poll only forty three percent of single people rated themselves equally as
happy (Warner). Being in a committed relationship is a more fulfilling way to live. When
one has a constant partner there is always someone they can count on to stand by their
side through the thick and the thin. They are never alone. It is a support system to help
you in any situation life can throw at you. This forms a love for another individual that
can be very rewarding. Loving someone else with all your heart can make you a happier
person in all aspects of your life. Just the fact of knowing that another human being
cares about your safety and is waiting for you when you get home can change
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dramatically what you do while you are out. Professor Sheldon Cohen found that people
who are particularly happy and positive are less likely to become ill when exposed to a
virus (Carnegie Mellon University). This happiness can improve your job performance
and even your grades at school. Happy people are more likely to graduate from college,
get job interviews, be productive, handle managerial positions better, and tend to have
higher incomes (Taylor). Your spouse or significant other is your cheerleader cheering
you on from the sidelines motivating you to do your best.
People that are in monogamous relationships are going to be healthier
emotionally and physically because of it. When you are in a committed monogamous
marriage and someone cheats the cheater will obviously feel guilty for what has
happened. Sometimes this leads to regret and anger which are very dangerous emotions.
When the person who has been cheated on finds out they go through a variety of
emotions such as confusion, denial, minimization, obsession, distraction, numbness,
anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, disgust, guilt, and shame (Potter-Efron 28-33). None of
these emotions are healthy to be feeling for long periods of time. Physical reactions can
be sleep problems, muscle aches and pains, headaches, vulnerability to illness, and sexual
desire problems (Potter-Efron 35-36).
When you are in a committed relationship you have someone else that cares about
your health. This in return will cause you to think twice before eating that second or third
jelly doughnut or taking the elevator instead of the stairs. According to the Office of
National Statistics married couples live longer and enjoy better health throughout their
lives (Doughty). If you know that someone loves you and is waiting for you to come
home at night and wants to spend the rest of their life with you without becoming a
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widow it helps motivate you to be healthy; statistics don’t lie. If you are in the process of
changing your lifestyle that just gives you that extra push to be better and motivate you.
When you are not in a monogamous relationship you are more likely to
participate in more casual and promiscuous sex. Seventy-one percent of sexually active
Americans consider themselves sexually adventurous or have had sex on the first
date(Langer). In our world today sex is pretty much a prerequisite for marriage or even
taking relationships to the next level (Jayson). Sex before marriage has become the norm
in our society. This leads to a higher risk of catching sexual transmitted diseases and
infections. The more times you have casual sex your risk and probability of getting
infected increases. Thus, being in a monogamous relationship takes out that risk factor of
catching unknown sexually transmitted diseases or infections because you and your
partner will know exactly what you are dealing with. In some cases, if neither partner has
a sexually transmitted disease from premarital sex, the only reason for safe sex would be
birth control. There would be no concern of transferring harmful diseases and infections.
This is a contributing factor to why married couples live longer (Doughty).
Experts on relationships and human sexuality said that while it may not be in our
nature to stay faithful to one partner for a lifetime we can make a conscious decision to
do so. This is a choice that still comes with powerful emotional, biological and economic
benefits (Pawlowski 3). Marriage is something that needs to be constantly worked on. It
does not come easily. People that get divorced for “loss of love” just haven’t been
nurturing their marriage the way it needs to be nurtured. Every relationship needs to be
taken care of so it can continue to grow throughout the many years. A relationship is like
a plant. It starts out as a small seed then continues to grow as long as it is watered and
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gets plenty of sunlight. Money problems, disagreements, or other issues may come along
just like a hail storm and rip up or even break off some leaves. In the end all that matters
is that now you’re not all alone to try to fix it yourself. There is a person that you chose to
be there right by your side on this path of life that can help you make it through anything.
This is why fifty six percent of married people in the lowest income category reported
being very happy while only fifty percent of single people in the highest income bracket
reported being very happy (Warner).
In answer to the question, “How do you prevent infidelity?” Thomas Bradbury, a
professor of psychology at the University of California, answers, “First, have a great
marriage, and then maintain it as best you can.” These really are true words of wisdom.
The base of a good marriage starts in the courtship years. The style of dating has greatly
changed in the last few decades. The idea of the men courting women to fall in love has
decresased. Feminism is a contributing factor to this as well as people becoming more
open about sex. Now women are not just around to wait on their husbands and take care
of the house. Now women want to have careers and be successful and independent before
getting married. This does not, however, prevent women from falling in love and moving
in together before marriage. This damages their chances of having a lasting marriage
(Pack).
Young adults now will postpone marriage until their late twenties or early thirties.
The reason behind doing this is to get their education and get themselves established in
their career (Pack). One might think this is a good logical decision right? This is wrong if
you are looking forward to having a successful marriage. David Pack, editor-in-chief of
The Real Truth, says postponing marriage leads to “sex without strings, relationships
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without rings” (Pack). Both of these things are very damaging to their future marriages.
The amount of time a person is sexually active before their first marriage has increased
immensley in the last one hundred years (Klein 7). Only fourteen percent of married
couples met their spouses in school or college (SavvySugar). Instead of just getting
married people end up living together with girlfriends and boyfriends or just plain
sleeping around and this hurts their chances of having a successful marriage (Pack).
When a couple is living together without being married it takes away any real thing
holding them together or keeping them from breaking up. Over half of first marriages are
preceeded by cohabitation (Pack). Marriage is not something to be taken lightly, but it is
one of the best things that can happen in your life if you go about it the right way.
Once a couple is married, if children are brought into the situation it can be the
biggest blessing of their life. Being a mother and father is the most amazing feeling in the
whole world. It can help the couple grow as people and in their relationship. Having a
family to spend the rest of your life with is so much more fulfilling than pointless one
night stands. Seeing the look on your child’s face as you take them to Disneyland or
hearing the first time they say they love you makes all the hard times worth it. The
divorce rate for couples with children is lower than the divorce rate for couples without
children (AboutDivorce). Being a single parent can be very stressful on the parent and
hard on the child as well. This is why one must understand the importance of responsible
dating and marriage. Do not get married for fun.
Monogamous marriage is the healthiest happy way to have a full life. We need to
preserve this way of life. Without family all we have is ourselves. If one chooses to enter
into matrimony that person should choose to be faithful and continue to work on that
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marriage no matter how hard times get. When couples fall out of love marriage is
something that keeps them together until they manage to fall back in.
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Works Cited
AboutDivorce. "Divorce Rate - U.S.A.: AboutDivorce.org." About Divorce Laws, Attorneys &
Family Laws: AboutDivorce.org. Web. 22 Apr. 2011.
Bradbury, Thomas. "Is Monogamy Possible? | This Emotional Life." PBS: Public Broadcasting
Service. 16 Apr. 2010. Web. 11 Apr. 2011.
Carnegie Mellon University. "Happy People Are Healthier, Psychologist Says." ScienceDaily, 8
Nov. 2006. Web. 21 Apr. 2011.
Doughty, Steve. "Married Couples Are Healthier and Live Longer - and so Do Their Children |
Mail Online." Home | Mail Online. 5 Oct. 2007. Web. 22 Apr. 2011.
Jayson, Sharon. "Most Americans Have Had Premarital Sex, Study Finds - USATODAY.com."
News, Travel, Weather, Entertainment, Sports, Technology, U.S. & World USATODAY.com. 19 Dec. 2006. Web. 22 Apr. 2011.
Klein, Marty. America's War on Sex: the Attack on Law, Lust and Liberty. Westport, CT:
Praeger, 2006. Print.
Langer, Gary. "POLL: American Sex Survey - ABC News." ABCNews.com: Breaking News,
Politics, World News, Good Morning America, Exclusive Interviews - ABC News. 21 Oct.
2004. Web. 22 Apr. 2011.
Pack, David C. "Why Marriage Goes Wrong Before It Even Begins." The Real Truth - A
Magazine Restoring Plain Understanding. 10 Aug. 2008. Web. 11 Apr. 2011.
Pawlowski, A. "Monogamy: Is It Realistic to Only Have One Partner? - Page 3 - CNN."
Featured Articles from CNN. 28 Oct. 2009. Web. 11 Apr. 2011.
Potter-Efron, Ronald T., and Patricia S. Potter-Efron. The Emotional Affair: How to Recognize
Emotional Infidelity and What to Do about It. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications,
2008. Print.
SavvySugar. "More Couples Meet at Work Than in College." Career & Money | SavvySugar. 1
Feb. 2008. Web. 22 Apr. 2011.
Taylor, Nevin. "Does Happiness Lead to Success? - Part 3." Nevin Taylor Mind Management. 19
Nov. 2009. Web. 21 Apr. 2011.
Warner, Jennifer. "Marriage Beats Money for Happiness." WebMD - Better Information. Better
Health. 4 Jan. 2007. Web. 11 Apr. 2011.