Roxanne Gorospe
Shamanism
Learning Portfolio
Dr. R. Mann
Summer 2011
The Enlightenment
To merely state that I’ve learned something in these past two weeks would be an understatement. In
10 days, my 31 years of training and cultivation have been challenged; and in a positive way. Many of
my thought processes have been either challenged or reinforced which was a refreshing eye-opener.
Being raised in a Catholic, God-fearing family, it was a struggle for me to open up and take in all that is
kept hidden or frowned upon within the Catholic religion. Things that I’ve read, comments I’ve heard,
and feelings I’ve felt have cemented the idea that there is much more to be learned than just what is
handed to us. Sometimes life gives us the answers to the questions she poses, but it doesn’t mean it is
the ultimate truth. Dr. Bruce embodies this idea best when she asks “Do we believe what we see, or do
we see what we believe?” (Bruce 26)
I went to a Catholic school in the Philippines during my formative, elementary school years so while
all my American counterparts were learning about Christopher Columbus, slavery and the Native
Americans, my history classes consisted of Ferdinand Magellan, Jose Rizal, and the 7100 islands of the
archipelago. My first exposure to the Native Americans history was during my middle school years, with
at best, a few hand-drawn images of a wild Indian riding on a horseback with a rifle in his hand, and few
statistics of their population before and after the infiltration of the US government on to their territory;
Such bare information for any young mind to form an individual, educated concept for his/her self. This
was obviously the version the US government wanted the public have when the department of
Education approved this in the textbooks designated for public schools. I have found this a great
disservice to our youth.
Aaron Huey’s TED video, America’s Native Prisoners of War
(Huey) is a cold hard look at the truth the US government
refuses to acknowledge. Statistics cannot hold against the
truth, the history, and the pictures of the aftermath. The
trauma suffered by the Native Americans at the deceitful hand
of the US government is undeniable. The horrific pictures and
the time line of deceit presented by Huey during his 15
minutes created a lasting impression but his comment “the last
chapter of any genocide…the oppressor steps back and judges
the victims…why are they killing themselves?” (Huey)
connected with Herman’s comment “The conflict between the
will to deny horrible events…is the central dialectic of
psychological trauma” (Herman 5). To a very small degree, I
have come to learned that although the Native Americans have suffered a great deal of from the hands
of those who should have protected them as citizens of the land, I believe that the US is traumatized as
well. Between Herman and Huey, I have come to the conclusion that our denial of the ill treatment of
the Native Americans stems from the shock that we, the almost perfect Americans, are capable of doing
this to people of the same land. After all, isn’t that why we intervene in civil wars of foreign countries?
To fight against the oppression of one side of the nation at the hands of the other?
As a nation, we will never be able to heal from the self-destruction if we continue to ignore the truth.
Like a 1950s housewife who has just discovered her travelling husband is cheating on her, we choose to
sweep it under the rug in hopes of it going away or fixing itself. We have heard many times from
different authors over the course of the 10 days, including from Dr. Mann herself, trauma cannot begin
to heal if we don’t tell its story. “The ordinary human response to atrocities is to banish them from
consciousness. Certain violations…are too terrible to utter aloud” (Herman 4). This is just as true for the
perpetrator as it is for the victim. Between Herman and Immaculee Ilibagiza, I believe that both victim
and perpetrator suffer at the act of violence but the difference is that the victim is aware of his/her
trauma, while the perpetrators’ traumas are still at the subconscious.
Immaculee Ilibagiza is a brave woman, not just because she
survived the Hutus attacks on the Tutsis, but because she
found the strength to forgive those who tried to wipe Rwanda
clear of her people. As she had her conversations with God in
the cramped bathroom she shared with 7 other women, she
learned how to forgive and pray for the perpetrators (Ilibagiza
94). I believe that even though the violence continued around
her, this is where her healing process began. The act of
atrocity does not have to be over for a victim to begin the
healing process. The act of forgiveness from the victim towards the oppressor is the hardest step to
take but is the biggest step towards one’s own healing. Not every victim can be ready to forgive
immediately, and they should not, not until they are ready. Every victim has the right to be angry and
stay angry at his/her perpetrator for as long as they need to but in order to start healing, a victim must
first come face-to-face with the truth, the story of the violence imposed on them. This step alone is
traumatic on its own, and must be taken when a victim is ready to confront it.
The entire process of my healing is one that I will NEVER forget. With
every day that has passed since, I feel a slight change. I cannot explain
exactly what the change is, but if I had to pick one word, it would be light.
My heart feels lighter, as if the ball chain that has been attached to my
chest was taken off. For years, I have felt like I have lived in an opaque
luminous bubble. Everything had a dark light to it, regardless of what
aspect it had to do with my life. As I laid on the table, I tried to listen to
my Shaman’s direction and breathe in healing qualities. I struggled with
this directive. I panicked. And then I saw her, the White Buffalo Calf
Woman. She was Native American wearing all white, but unlike all the
images I had previously seen before, she was not holding a peace pipe, or on a buffalo. It felt like she
was there purely for me. I envisioned breathing her in through my nostrils, like she was an image made
of a cloud, but after every inhalation, she reappeared in front of me.
I did not realize the connection between my healing session and the reason for her presence until the
day after. I come from a long lineage of incredibly strong women, so naturally there is incredible
pressure to uphold that same level of strength. The hardest thing I was asked to do by my shaman while
on that table was to let go; let go of the responsibility and strength that I had spent years holding on so
tightly to. I truly believe the White Buffalo Calf Woman came to me during my healing to take the
responsibility of being strong and responsible for those few minutes so that I can let go, so I can fully
receive my healing. Her story is one of great strength and responsibility, having to pass on a message
and instrument directly from Wakan Tanka that ultimately would become the Native American’s
“portable altar…a strong catalyst to import a powerful feeling for our Mother Earth and all living things”
(McGAA 51). After Dr. Mann’s explanation, I truly believe her appearing during my healing was no
mistake. My life has been allowed to start the healing process because of the great White Buffalo Calf
Woman and for that I am eternally grateful.
Grandmother Mary Duty embodies everything I believe Mother Earth would be if she was a twolegged. As she began to talk, I felt an incredibly positive and loving power radiating from her.
Grandmother Mary is loving, accepting, forgiving, kind-hearted, and a gentle soul. Like Mother Earth,
she takes care of those who come to seek her help, and those who don’t but still need it. Grandmother
Mary’s nurturing nature and unbiased love for all things, two- or four-legged gives me such hope that
there is still pure love and good in the world. Grandmother Mary has taught me that love should always
be unconditional, that it is the secret to a happy life. It was an honor to be in her presence if only for an
hour.
Never did I expect anything life changing to come out of a 10 day class but I stand corrected. Thanks
to Dr. Mann and 9 other people, I have transformed into a hopeful believer. The teachings brought by
the tears, the laughs, and the conversations, light and heated, will stay with me always. I walked in as
one person on that Tuesday, but left that last Friday as a better person. Words will not do justice to just
how thankful I am to this special group of people.
Citations
Herman, J. (1996). Trauma and Self. Lanham, MD: Rowman & Littlefield Publishers
Huey, A. (2010, Sept) . Americas Native Prisoners of War. Retrieved from
http://www.ted.com/talks/aaron_huey.html
Ilibagiza, Immaculee. (2006). Left To Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. USA: Hay
House.
McGAA, E.E.M., (1990). Mother Earth Spirituality: Native American Paths To Healing Ourselves And Our
World. New York, NY:HarperCollins