Family Ministry: an Overview and Proposal
The Movement to Family Ministry
In response to increasing numbers of kids who grow up in church but walk away from their faith as young adults,
many churches have begun to rethink how ministry to children and youth is done. This began in the mid ‘90s
with just a couple of church leaders pioneering different approaches to family ministry. Mark DeVries, in FamilyBased Youth Ministry (1994), did not advocate dramatic structural changes, but called for a shift toward
supporting the family and involving parents more intentionally in the discipleship of students.
At about the same time, Reggie Joiner (on staff with Andy Stanley in Atlanta) took more radical programmatic
steps to bring parents and kids together. Interestingly, his quest was prompted by the film The Lion King. As they
drove home, the whole family was engaged in a significant discussion about the essence of family, personal
identity and sacrificing for others (remember Simba and Mufasah?). Reggie began to wonder why they weren’t
driving home from church having the same kinds of discussions, and concluded that the reason was that every
family member was having a different experience each Sunday! It was the shared experience of the movie that
brought them together and gave them a platform for meaningful dialogue. Why couldn’t the church provide a
high quality shared experience that would bring parents and kids together on a regular basis? And so, KidStuf
was born – a weekly 45 minute production for the whole family. Today, thousands of churches around the world
use 252Basics curriculum and run a KidStuf-style program.
What started at isolated churches, like pebbles tumbling downhill, began to impact other churches and soon
after the start of the new millennium an identifiable family ministry movement was underway. Supported by
research from Barna, Lifeway and others like Ken Ham of the Creation Museum (Already Gone, 2009), old
methods of age-segregated programming were called into question. I still remember Barna’s chilling observation
after more than 20 years watching the American church: “We are not even reaching our children!”1 The facts are
these: roughly 60% of 60 year olds attend church, and 50% of 50 year olds and so on down to only 20% of 20
year olds regularly attend any church! Today’s young adults are far less interested in “doing church” than the
generations preceding them2. This data does not mean that church-based, age-segregated programs have been
the cause of the problem. But it does mean that 40+ years of church-based programs have contributed to an
epidemic of parental failure to effectively train children to be “spiritual champions” (to use the term from
Barna’s ’03 book).
1
This quote is commonplace, but I was unable to find the original source (everyone just attributes it to George Barna). The
full quote says, “in the past 50 years evangelicals have failed to gain an additional 2% of the population,” (this reference
gives credit for that part of the quote to Chip Arn)
http://www.centerforusmissions.com/Portals/0/pdfs/articles/who%20reach-Behnken.pdf
The following study in 2007 shows the unchurched population in the U.S. remains steady at 33%, roughly the same as it was
in 1994 – a total number of nearly 100 million people! http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/12-faithspirituality/107unchurched-population-nears-100-million-in-the-us?q=evangelicals+gain
2
These estimates came from the EFCA church planting bootcamp materials. This Barna Group article confirms that “church
attendance is declining by generation, regardless of childhood church experience. However, the decline is steeper among
adults who did not go to church as a child.” http://www.barna.org/barna-update/article/5-barna-update/62-adults-whoattended-church-as-children-show-lifelong-effects?q=church+attendance
God’s Way: Parents as the primary disciple-makers of their children
God has always placed the responsibility for spiritual training squarely on the shoulders of parents (Deut. 6:4-9),
so the majority of the blame for kids abandoning the spiritual heritage of their family must fall on parents. But
the church has enabled this parental disengagement by regularly communicating that the primary duty of
parents is just to “get the kids to church!” The time has long since come for the church to reverse this pattern of
tacitly encouraging parental negligence and to sound the trumpet call for parental responsibility!
The Bible is crystal clear about how the faith is to be passed on from one generation to the next: through
parents. First, the word of God and the love of God must be “upon the hearts” of the parents (Deut. 6:6).
Training children cannot succeed unless parents model the vibrant, joyful faith they want their children to
develop. Second, parents must impress the truth of God’s word on their children – they must “engrave” His law
on their hearts and lives. This should happen both formally, through planned Bible studies, and informally,
through the day-to-day interactions of life (Deut. 6:7-9). It is significant to note that in the Biblical context, the
primary responsibility for training children fell upon fathers (Eph. 6:4). Yet many Christian families today are led
by mothers, since so many fathers have failed to take leadership in their homes, or are not led at all.
3 Models of Family Ministry
To implement this principle of empowering parents, three models of family ministry have emerged. On one
extreme are Family-Integrated churches that have eliminated all age-segregated programs and keep families
together virtually all of the time, focusing on equipping parents (especially fathers) to train their children at
home. On the other side is what DeVries calls Family-Based churches that have continued most of their ageorganized ministries but have built the philosophy of supporting families and engaging parents in everything the
church does. Seeking to balance these two approaches are what Dr. Timothy Paul Jones (Southern Seminary) has
called Family-Equipping churches that keep some age-based programs but structure the overall ministry around
training and supporting parents as the primary disciple-makers of their children.
Programmatic
Churches
Family-Based
Churches
FamilyEquipping
Churches
FamilyIntegrated
Churches
Adapted from Perspectives p. 45
As this graphic shows, there is some overlap between these models of ministry, but the extremes of an agesegregated, progammatic church and a fully integrated church are dramatically different. Most churches today
are shifting from a program-based philosophy to at least a Family-Based or “Family-Friendly” approach. But
many are going even further to communicate to parents, both verbally and structurally, that raising kids to know
and love Jesus is the job of mom and dad – with the church moving into a support role.
An Epidemic of Parental Disengagement
This is a major paradigm shift for those of us who grew up with age-segregated structures like AWANA clubs,
youth group, Bible camps and conferences. Research supports the hunch of many pastors today that, “most
parents are perfectly content to sit back and allow the church to assume the role of primary spiritual caregiver in
their children’s lives” (Perspectives p. 129). The Barna Research Group concluded in 2003 that 85% of Christian
parents recognized that they are responsible for their children’s spiritual development – but “the vast majority
were not personally engaged in any activities that might guide their children to spiritual maturity” (“Parents
Accept Responsibility,” ch. 2 n. 6). “In a typical week, fewer than 10 percent of parents who regularly attend
church with their kids read the Bible together, pray together (other than at meal times) or participate in an act
of service as a family” (Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions, p. 78). When the church seems to be
doing such a good job – with fun activities, stage-production teaching, and full-color-glossy Bible class
worksheets – parents often mistakenly conclude that the work is being done. This is how most of us handle
education and training for sports and other hobbies – leaving the teaching and coaching to trained specialists –
why shouldn’t we simply find the best spiritual trainers and bring our kids to them?
The answer is that God has already made it very clear that professionals in the church are not primarily
responsible for the spiritual training of children – parents are. Family Pastor Brian Haynes wrote about how,
over the last 50 years, the church moved away from the historic parent-driven approach: “The church growth
movement redefined success… from an emphasis on spiritual formation to an emphasis on numeric growth…
We developed children’s ministries and youth ministries and gave hired professionals the responsibility for
mentoring too many children. In short, we did it our way” (Shift – What it takes to finally reach families today, p.
37). The results of raising children “our way” instead of God’s way are now unmistakable – you can’t ignore
them any more than you can ignore a burst pipe over your living room. Kids who grew up going to church, a solid
majority of them, will quit church altogether by their second year of college3.
Laying the Foundation Early
Youth ministry has been compared to a river rescue mission, pulling students out of a fast-flowing, dangerous
current. The shift to family ministry is a move upstream to keep the teens from falling into the river in the first
place by strengthening the family and equipping parents while the kids are still young. Barna’s book,
Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions (2003), revealed that, “the moral foundations of children are
generally determined by… age nine” (p. 47), and that a child’s core beliefs and spiritual identity are largely in
place by age 13 (pp. 34, 37). Parents can mistakenly assume that preschool age children are not learning
3
Statistics vary from 60% to as high as 93% of young adults who went to church as kids but no longer attend (70% - Lifeway’s 2007 study,
Perspectives p. 103). The higher rates include Catholic and mainline protestant church attendance (Lifeway included all protestants). Ken
Ham’s study focused on children raised in evangelical homes and found that of the 20 year olds who used to attend church but no longer
do, 90% of them were “already gone” before they got out of high school, 40% of them had checked out of their faith before even getting
into high school (Already Gone, 2009, p. 31). To balance this, however, an informal study showed that evangelical churches with
“dynamic youth ministries” have a retention rate of 88% of students that were actively involved (Perspectives, p. 105). There is no doubt
that millions of American young people are disengaging from traditional church life in their 20s, and fewer than ever are coming back.
Stronger, evangelical churches with active youth and family ministries most likely do retain a higher percentage of their young adults –
but the nationwide epidemic is very real and calls for serious reflection and prayer!
significant spiritual lessons, but the truth is that the first five years lay the foundation for what a person is likely
to believe about God, family, the church and what is important for the rest of his or her life (p. 58)!
The chart below portrays the practical reality of parenting that as kids get older they become increasingly
independent. When children are young, parental involvement and influence are total. Through the teen years
and into young adulthood, the role of parents changes from one of direct control to more of a coaching
relationship and then into a trusted friendship. It is very natural for parents to give their kids more and more
freedom as the maturing young people show more and more responsibility in their decision making.
Parents can stray from this healthy movement in either of two ways. Some give young children too much
freedom, too soon, causing insecurity and confusion. Other parents hang on to their authority too long, causing
resentment and rebellion. Parenting never follows a smooth and predictable course, but this general pattern of
raising wise, responsible, independent young men and women should certainly provide a guiding line for parents
to follow. Through this 18-20 year process, recognizing the reality of the temptations and pressures in the world
today, the church must come alongside parents to support and equip them to effectively raise God-loving,
Christ-following, Spirit-filled children.
The world, the flesh & the devil
Parental
Involvement
& Influence
PRAYER
Family
Ministry
Student
Ministry
Christian
Education
Age: 0
25
5
10
Independence
15
20
A Strategic Approach to Family Ministry
In the early years, the Family Ministry should focus on encouraging and exhorting parents to model a healthy
marriage, passionate faith and godly values. Young children are always picking up on the things that are truly
important, not only in what we say, but especially in what we do. A comprehensive plan for Christian Education
can provide helpful guidance, resources and mile markers to assist parents in shaping a Biblical worldview and
positive habits of spiritual living. Then, through the teen years, the church can provide additional leaders as
“Assistant Coaches” (the parents are the Head Coaches) to further build up and mobilize students as sold-out
followers of Jesus. The greatest support any church can provide for families is the ministry of prayer – pleading
with God on behalf of parents, kids and teens for His protection, blessing, wisdom and grace.
3 Commitments of a Parent-Equipping Church
In order to effectively equip parents to succeed in raising godly children, there are three commitments the
church must make: to provide consistent communication, practical training and an intentional process of
disciplemaking. First, the church must consistently communicate – both in words and in the structure of
ministry – that parents are the primary disciple-makers of their kids. This message must come through loud
and clear in the preaching and teaching ministry, the communication vehicles of the church and in the calendar
of events. If any of those things sends no message, or a conflicting message, parents will continue on what has
become the default path of letting the church make the disciples. This is why I believe some structural changes
are helpful and necessary in leading families through this paradigm shift. If the church continues to provide all
the same programs for reaching and training kids and teenagers then we are, in essence, saying that it is our job
and the parents’ role is just to bring the kids to us.
Second, the church must train and equip parents to be effective disciple-makers. “Parents are not so much
unwilling to provide more substantive training to their children as they are ill-equipped to do such work” (Barna,
“Parents Accept Responsibility,” quoted in Perspectives p. 25). No successful army sends untrained, ill-equipped
soldiers onto the battlefield. But in many ways that is precisely what we have done in the church by saying,
“parents, this is your job!” without providing regular, practical training and support. Parents need training,
encouragement and resources on how to do family devotions and discipleship. And they need to see leadership
level families modeling and talking about the priority of a weekly “family Bible time,” or “faith talk.”
Finally, the church must provide an intentional discipleship pathway that
parents can follow with their children. Many churches fail to present a clear
discipleship pathway for adults, so the process of maturing in Christ can be even
foggier when it comes to children and youth. This is why some churches are now
using Milestones to provide growth markers for parents and kids to measure
progress and celebrate the work God is doing. These Milestones include salvation,
worldview formation, coming of age and graduation. The church provides focused
training and resources to help parents move their children to the next growth
marker on the pathway.
A 7 Milestone Pathway to Parent-Driven Disciplemaking
These milestones were adapted from Brian Haynes’ Shift – What it takes to finally reach families today (2009).
2. Salvation
1. Dedication
ENGAGE
4. Holiness
3. Formation
ESTABLISH
6. Graduation
5. Maturity
EQUIP
7. Life in Christ
EXPAND
Milestone 1 – Dedication
Even before a baby is born the church can begin its ministry of equipping parents by offering a class on child
dedication. The purpose of this class is to teach parents the key principle that they are the primary disciplemakers for their child. The ceremony of dedication is both a public recognition of this Biblical truth and an
opportunity to remind all parents and the whole church of this fundamental concept. At this first milestone the
partnership between church and family is formally acknowledged as parents are commissioned to take
responsibility for shaping the faith of their child and the church is challenged to support the parents in this all
important task.
 Parents’ Responsibility: publicly commit to raising their child(ren) to love and follow Christ, reading a
prayer of blessing for the child(ren)
o Resources: The Five Love Languages of Children, Chapman & Campbell; The Power of a Praying
Parent, Stormie Omartian
 Church’s Role: celebrate the parents’ dedication and commit to prayerfully support them
o Parent Seminar: Child Dedication Class
o Church Event: Child Dedication Ceremony
Milestone 2 – Salvation (age 2-8)
The foundations for what a person will believe and how she will live are laid in the first few years of life. In many
ways the most strategic investment a church can make is in equipping parents to be intentional faith-shapers
during the preschool and early elementary years. This does not mean parents should seek to manipulate
children into making a profession of faith. But it does mean that parents should actively model faith-filled
prayer, the habit of Bible study and reading as a family, faithful church attendance and service to others. Much
more is caught than taught in the early years, but as language develops parents can begin to use picture Bibles,
books, music and fun activities to begin teaching core doctrines about God, Jesus, the Bible and salvation – in
simple words, of course.
Building on these early positive impressions, parents will have many opportunities to explain to their children
what it means to trust in Jesus, asking him to wash away their sins and become their leader. Supported by
Sunday School teachers and church programs that emphasize the gospel, parents should be able to guide their
children to a faith commitment. This momentous milestone should then be celebrated, both as a family and as a
church. If the child is old enough and the family desires to pursue baptism, that can be a memorable event in the
child’s life and a powerful encouragement to the church. If the child is younger, the parents may choose to
celebrate through a family banquet, a spiritual birthday party or some other joy-filled event, possibly along with
other families in a church setting.
 Parents’ Responsibility: lay the spiritual foundation of love for God, trust in Jesus and obedience to
God’s Word, leading to salvation in Christ
o Resources: Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Ted Tripp; Leading your child to Jesus, Michael Staal;
The New Dare to Discipline, James Dobson
 Church’s Role: provide resources and programs to support these foundations and celebrate faith
commitments (in baptism for older kids and teens)
o Parent Seminar: Laying Foundations of Faith
o Church Event: Gospel-centered Family Night (The Most Important Class of the Year); Celebration
of Salvation
Milestone 3 –Formation (age 8-12)
With a solid foundation in place – a positive view of God, a reverence for His Word, a heart for Jesus and a
commitment to the church – parents can help their children build a strong, Biblical worldview through the
elementary years. Continuing the habits of daily devotions and weekly “family Bible times,” parents can both
formally and informally teach their kids Biblical doctrines (salvation, the Trinity, the Bible, Jesus, the Holy Spirit,
people, etc.) and spiritual habits (prayer, Bible study, worship, service, etc.). Through regular parent-child
interaction kids will answer the critical questions: who am I? and whose am I? What better gift can parents give
their children than a Christ-centered identity at an early age?
To celebrate the completion of this milestone, the church can provide a spring retreat for 4th-5th graders and
their parents. This weekend away combines fun activities and memory-makers with more intentional teaching to
reinforce what parents have been teaching for the last several years. Many families may also choose to do a
family celebration, like a father-son camping trip or a mother-daughter overnight, to provide a setting for
discussion of the physical changes and other realities their child will soon face as he enters middle school.
 Parents’ Responsibility: model and teach a Biblical worldview related to God, sin, salvation, Jesus, the
Bible, the church and missions, fostering spiritual disciplines and the establishment of Christian identity
o Resources: Newlifediscipleship.com (13 lessons in basic discipleship, free downloads); Preparing
for Adolescence, James Dobson; Revolutionary Parenting, George Barna
o Family Celebration: Weekend Getaway – Father/Son, Mother/Daughter fun trip to discuss
worldview, identity and coming changes and challenges (suggested gift: compass / necklace –
symbol of identity in Christ)
 Church’s Role: provide resources and programs to support this worldview development
o Parent Seminar: Building a Biblical Worldview
o Church Event: 4th-5th grade parent-child retreat
Milestone 4 – Holiness (6th-8th grade)
It may be an elephant nobody wants to talk about, but it is definitely in the room whenever middle school
students are present: sex. Well meaning parents may be able to insulate their young teens for a while, but at
some point they have to prepare their kids for the realities of the world we live in. “Isolationism, though
appealing, isn’t the answer. Instead of protecting our children from the outside in, we need to strengthen them
from the inside out” (Shift, p. 68). The habit of weekly Bible Time as a family, along with an open parent-child
relationship, should provide many platforms to discuss how bodies change in adolescence and how to honor
God through a commitment to holiness. This milestone is clearly broader than sexuality, but it must include
deliberate study and discussion of God’s view of sex (Gen. 1:28; 2:24-25) and the blessed protection of purity
(e.g. Eph. 4:17-5:21).
Through late elementary school and middle school parents can engage not only Biblical holiness and sex, but
also healthy friendships, communication, and one-another ministry and outreach. Holiness is about being fully
set apart for God’s use, so movement toward this milestone should include discussions, programs and events
that challenge young teens to take ownership of their faith and yield their hearts and bodies to God (Rom. 12:12). As students make such commitments, baptism can serve as a powerful symbol of dying to self and rising to
life in Christ (Rom. 6:1-6). During these transitional years students begin to experience greater independence
from mom and dad, elevating the church’s role in providing godly mentors who can facilitate supplemental Bible
studies and build mentoring relationships. The church-family partnership may also result in special events like
Bible conferences and missions trips that further challenge students to take hold of their faith and live fully for
God.
 Parents’ Responsibility: intentionally and consistently teach and dialogue about Biblical holiness
including God’s view of relationships, marriage, love and sex, leading to a commitment to purity.
o Resources: Learning about Sex Series, Concordia Publishing (a 7 book progressive series starting
with 3-5 year old children); Age of Opportunity, Paul Tripp; The Bible Instruction Course (EFCA)
o Family Celebration: in response to the child’s commitment (and possibly baptism), host a party
and give a symbolic gift (e.g. a purity ring)
 Church’s Role: provide resources and programs to support this commitment to holiness
o Parent Seminar: Modeling and Teaching Biblical Holiness
o Church Event: 7th-8th grade parent-child retreat, encouraging a commitment to purity that is
celebrated publicly in a worship service
Milestone 5 – Maturity (9th-10th grade)
The teen years are often treated as a responsibility-free intermission for kids to “discover themselves,” and just
have fun (Perspectives pp. 27-30). In our increasingly secular culture, this introduces a dangerous array of
temptations for teens without solid Biblical moorings. Parents must refuse to passively step back from their
teens and allow other influences to take center stage4. “Schools, media, and peers are the ‘disciplers’ of
America’s children – discipling them in secular humanism and vague, self-centered spirituality” (Perspectives p.
67). A 2005 study revealed that the belief system of a large majority of American teens (including those raised in
the church) can be described as moral therapeutic deism: “religion is all about doing better and becoming
happier” (Christian Smith, quoted in Perspectives p. 141).
It is this context that parents must get back into the driver’s seat (still recognizing their teens are on a journey to
independence) and maintain an active, disciplemaking role as long as their kids are in the house. As beneficial as
youth pastors and other adult mentors are through middle school and high school, they should serve as a
supplement for, not a replacement of, parental engagement in Biblical training. In many ways training should
intensify during the later teen years as kids show more wisdom and can take on more responsibility. The church
should actively empower students who show a heart for the Lord and for ministry and provide opportunities to
serve and utilize their gifts to build up the church. Youth can often lead the way for the church in evangelism by
reaching out to their lost friends, helping to win whole families to Christ. Local service projects and overseas
missions trips can include mature teens, with the guidance and involvement of their parents (unless those
parents are absent or disengaged spiritually themselves).
The passage to adulthood should flow naturally from the four preceding milestones. A teenager with a
foundational love for God and commitment to Christ who has built a Biblical worldview and made a
commitment to holiness has already taken most of the steps necessary to become a godly man or woman.
(Think of how many adults you know that have not taken all of these steps and yet are often viewed as godly
4
In Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions, Barna describes three tiers of influence: 1) the media: music, movies,
TV, internet, books; laws and parents; 2) peers, schools, radio, mentors, college and siblings and; 3) churches, counseling,
extended family (p. 58).
leaders.) All that remains is for parents to teach their maturing teens about Biblical manhood and womanhood
and guide them into discovering their spiritual gifts and meaningful service. Instead of allowing teenagers to
drift through their teen years, parents should challenge them to take responsibility as committed followers of
Christ to live every day for him and him alone!
 Parents’ responsibility: model and teach Biblical manhood and womanhood, encouraging their teens to
step up as responsible, faithful young adults
o Resources: Spiritual Milestones, Weidmann, Ledbetter; Raising a Modern-Day Knight, Robert
Lewis; Shift – What it takes to finally reach families today, Brian Haynes
o Family Celebration: Rite of Passage – a gathering of significant adults in the life of the teen to
speak truth, encouragement hope into his or her life. Parents provide a gift symbolic of their
prayers and dreams for the young man or woman (e.g. sword, necklace, Study Bible).
 Church’s role: provide resources and encouragement for parents to facilitate this passage to adulthood.
o Parent Forum: a discussion of how to motivate teens to take responsibility and move into
Biblical manhood and womanhood.
Milestone 6 – Graduation (11th-12th grade)
As students finish high school and prepare for their next steps, “parents need to stay connected relationally and
continue to lead their children spiritually” (Shift p. 94). They need to actively prepare their kids to defend their
faith, answer objections, develop life skills like money management and continue the discussion on dating and
marriage. Teens should have at least one or two “Assistant Coaches” at the church who are also speaking truth
into their lives, offering encouragement and support. This additional scaffolding should help support the
students as they transition into college and young adulthood. But parents remain the primary architects and
truth-builders in the lives of their teens. What has been modeled and taught in the home has, without a doubt,
been caught through the preceding 17 or 18 years. This is the time to take advantage of the few remaining
moments that the kids are at home.
 Parents’ Responsibility: teach and discuss critical life skills like apologetics, love and marriage, money
management and vocational calling; prepare a written blessing expressing their prayer for their child
o Resources: Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis; Letters from Dad, Greg Vaughn; The Reason for God,
Tim Keller
 Church’s Role: encourage parents to remain engaged and support them in equipping their teens for life
o Parent Seminar: Preparing my Teen for Life
o Church Event: Senior Send-off – formal dinner for seniors and parents to celebrate God’s work in
the students’ lives
Milestone 7 – Life in Christ (everyone)
This milestone applies to all believers and thus serves as a catch-all for those who enter the Milestone process
part way. The church’s teaching and equipping environments such as worship services, small groups and adult
classes all support growth toward this milestone. True, we will not fully experience life in Christ until we die or
he returns, but we should still make it our goal to seek him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength! This
milestone, then, represents the church’s adult discipleship pathway – how everyone is expected to continually
grow in their faith and obedience to Christ. When students graduate from high school they should be well
trained and prepared to love and follow Jesus for the rest of their lives. This is the greatest gift and legacy any
parents can hope to pass on to their children, so it should be the passionate, prayerful focus of the church to
equip parents to give this all-important gift!
 Resources: A Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster; Victory Over the Darkness, Neil Anderson; The
Master Plan of Evangelism, Robert Coleman
Summary & Implications:
“Let me ‘splain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”
-- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Most churches, Christian leaders and parents today see the need to adjust how youth and children’s ministry are
done in order to better empower and equip parents. The Bible is clear that parents are responsible for the
spiritual training of their children (Deut. 6:4-9; Eph. 6:1-4), but many Christian parents struggle to find practical
ways to consistently invest in the discipleship of their kids and teenagers. It seems much easier to just enroll the
kids in a fun, Bible-teaching program or find a strong youth ministry for your teens. Plus, that seems to be what
the kids themselves want. But more and more research is revealing that this time-tested strategy is contributing
to an epidemic of young adults walking away from the faith they grew up in. It is time to rethink how we do
family ministry.
In response to this cultural reality and the Biblical charge to parents, some churches are abandoning agesegregated ministries altogether: no Sunday School, no children’s church, no youth group. They are focusing all
of their efforts on exhorting and equipping parents, primarily dads, to effectively train their own kids. Other
churches have not gone this far structurally, keeping some age-graded programs like Sunday School, but have
totally reworked the discipleship pathway and overall message of the whole church to emphasize the role of
parents in training their own children. It is my proposal, as described in this paper, that we follow this second
approach.
Practically, this would have several implications:
 Our communication and overall message would frequently (at least monthly) include the direct
encouragement and exhortation of parents to be the primary disciple-makers of their children. For
example, FUSION (our monthly program for parents and kids together, see gracefusion.weebly.com)
would be presented as a parent-equipping program and as our central strategy for supporting
parents.
 Parents should be encouraged and challenged to have a weekly Family Bible Time – a structured,
Bible-based discussion, tailored to the ages of the kids where they read together, pray together, sing
together and play together. We should elevate this expectation through preaching, teaching and
small groups and facilitate the public sharing of stories of God’s work in kids’ hearts and lives –
celebrating the parents that are getting it.
 An evaluation and revision of scheduled programs and events to prioritize the equipping of parents
and the movement of children through a strategic discipleship pathway (e.g. instead of just a
campout/canoe trip for the whole church, we run a 3rd-5th grade retreat for kids and their parents).
See the 7 Milestones above for details on this pathway.
 Our youth ministry is parent-directed. We recently formed a Parents Council (including the
Associate Pastor and current youth volunteers) that meets at least quarterly to prayerfully plan and
implement programs and events for the youth and their families. This does not mean parents will be
involved in all youth programs, but that they will take responsibility for setting the goals and
direction of the ministry.
“May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through…
The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24
Family Ministry Resources
Barna, George. Revolutionary Parenting. Carol Stream, IL: Tyndale House Publshers, 2007.
Barna, George. Transforming Children into Spiritual Champions. Ventura, CA: Regal Books, 2003.
Baucham, Voddie Jr. Family Driven Faith. Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2007.
Byrdsong, Ricky. Coaching Your Kids in the Game of Life. Minneapolis, MN: Bethany House Publishers, 2000.
Chapman, Gary and Campbell, Ross. The Five Love Languages of Children. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing,
1997.
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