Maintaining Ties With Kinship
(Based on Khutba by Sheik Saalih Ibn Humaid and Riyadh-us-Saliheen – Chapter 40 –
Establishment of the Ties of Blood Relationship by Imam an-Nawawi)
‫قال هللا تعالى‬
Allah swt says in Surah an-Nisa 4 v1: “O mankind, fear Your
Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate
and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear
Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed
Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.”
Ali (ra) said: “With your tribe you fight and gain dignity, they are
your support at times of hardship. Therefore honour and dignify
them. Visit the sick of them. Help the one who is in need. Let not
your family get the worst treatment from you”.
Brothers in Islam: Allah swt created us from one soul (i.e. Adam
pbuh). Our soul is one and our origin is one – we are one family
from which many men and women came about and we all belong
to the same family. From this starting point came the obligation of
maintaining solidarity, and being merciful with one another. The
family of a person and his relatives are his strength and support.
Allah swt says in Surah an-Nisa 4 v36: “Worship Allah and
associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to
relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbour, the neighbour
farther away, the companion at your side, the traveller, and those
whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those
who are self-deluding and boastful”.
Allah has commanded us to believe in His Oneness and has
prohibited us from associating others with Him. After this Allah swt
has commanded us to be dutiful to our parents. We are also
required to maintain very strong relationship with our relatives who
are related to us through blood and marriage.
Allah also swt says in Surah al-Isra 1 v26: And give the relative
his right, and (also) the poor and the traveller, and do not spend
wastefully.
From the greatest favours that Allah has bestowed upon a married
couple (i.e. husband and wife) who are the core of a family is that
He put between them affection and mercy. Allah swt says in
Surah ar-Room 30: v 21: " And of His signs is that He created for
you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them;
and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are
signs for a people who give thought."
Allah swt also says in Surah ar-Rad 13: v25: " But for those who
break the covenant of Allah after contracting it and sever that
which Allah has ordered to be joined and spread corruption on
earth - for them is the curse, and they will have the worst home”.
Mercy and affection towards each other is the basis of good
relationship and strong family bond. If this mercy is lost then it will
break all bonds. Corruption will spread and people will become
worthy of Allah swt’s punishment.
Maintaining good relations and ties with kinship brings blessing to
the provisions and success in life. Allah grants strength and
provides support because of it and fills people’s hearts with honour
and respect for the one who maintains good relationships.
Imam Ahmad has recorded from Aisha (ra) that: the Prophet
(pbuh) said: "Maintaining good ties with kinship, good manners,
and being kind to neighbours brings blessings to the house hold
and increases their life span".
Imam Al Bazaar has recorded on the authority of Ali (ra): that the
Prophet (pbuh) said "He who desires that his life be prolonged and
he be granted more provisions and be protected from the evil end,
then let him fear Allah and maintain good ties with kinship".
By maintaining good ties with kinship, love increases and harmony
and the bond between relatives are strengthened. It removes
enmity and creates sympathy between the relatives.
Maintaining good ties with kinship and being kind to relatives could
be done in many ways and means, for example being cheerful and
smiling when meeting them and being soft when treating them,
talking to them kindly, approaching them with a happy face, visiting
them when they are not well, calling them regularly to find out their
wellbeing, comforting them when they are in distress, inviting them
for meals, giving them gifts on occasions, overlooking their
mistakes, forgiving their faults, ignoring shortcomings, being fair
and just and asking Allah to make them righteous and successful.
Being kind to those who are kind to you makes you equal in
returning their kindness. The most sincere and greater in
maintaining ties, is the one who keeps good relations when he is
abandoned. He takes the initiative and forgives their mistakes. He
is kind to his relatives who abandon him.
The reality of maintaining good ties and relationship with kinship is
as explained by Prophet (pbuh) in Sahih Bukhari as reported by
Abdullah Ibn Amar (ra). The messenger of Allah (pbuh) said "The
person who perfectly maintains the ties of kinship is not the one
who does it because he gets recompensed by his relatives but the
one who truly maintains the bond of kinship is the one who persists
in doing so, even though others have severed ties with him and
abandoned him".
‫أيها المؤمنون‬:, after all these Commandments from Allah and Ahadith
from our beloved Prophet (pbuh), some people will still remain
insensitive in this matter. They stay away from guidance and insist
on abandoning their relatives and kinships. It is a shame that for
those whom Allah has granted esteem, honour and increased
provisions, they abandon and denounce their relatives and kinship.
Severing ties with kinship is destructive and a reason for being
‘deaf’, ‘blind’ and cursed. Allah (swt) says in Surah Muhammad
verses 22 & 23: "Would you then if you were given the authority, do
mischief in the land and sever your ties with kinship? Such are they
whom Allah has cursed so that he has made them deaf and
blinded their sight".
Severing relations with kinship is one of the major sins and its
punishment takes place in this life and in the hereafter. Imam
Ahmad has recorded from Abu Huraira (ra): that the messenger of
Allah (pbuh) said "The deeds of the son of Adam are presented
every Thursday night and the deeds for the one who severs ties
with kinship are rejected".
Ibn Masood (ra) was sitting one morning in a circle with a group
when he said: "By Allah I ask him who has severed ties with his
kinship to leave us, for we want to supplicate and call upon our
Lord and the gates of heavens are blocked and sealed against the
one who severed ties with kinship".
Brothers in Islam: The good deed that is rewarded the quickest is
maintaining good ties with kinship and being kind to them and the
quickest punishment is for oppression and severing ties with
kinship. Yet we see some people hastening in severing ties with
their kinships for simple reasons. Maybe for something he heard or
for something minor that he saw, not knowing the complete truth.
The person brings to himself and his family, enmity and
abandonment. They finally become worthy of the curse of Allah
and Allah swt withholds His blessings resulting in an evil
consequence.
It has been recorded that Zain-ul Abideen the grandson of Al
Hussein (ra) advised his son saying "Don’t accompany one who
severs ties with kinship for I found him to be cursed in the book of
Allah in three different places". So fear Allah and maintain good
ties with kinship and blood relations. Be kind to relatives even if
they abandon and neglect you, maintain ties with them even if they
sever ties with you, this will result in Allah swt continue to bless you
and increase your life span”.
In conclusion: maintaining good ties with kinship means being kind
to the needy, supporting the oppressed and helping him obtain his
right. It is not dutifulness to kinship when you help him or support
him when he (the relative) is oppressing others. This is an act of
falsehood and a hated act. It causes enmity and corruption to
spread and results in severing ties between kinship. Oppression,
transgression and enmity will never be a way leading to the truth
nor leading to goodness and justice.
Please recognise the importance and obligation of maintaining the
ties with your family members and your relatives. Also maintain
your ties with your friends, your colleagues, your local community
and Ummah in general.
Help them when they need your help. Feed them when they are
hungry. Greet them with a smile when you meet them.
Let us maintain ties with every one of them and pray to Allah swt to
help us to give us patience, strength and resources to maintain the
ties and vice versa.
May Allah swt accept our Dua, help us to maintain our ties and
admit us into His paradise. Ameen
References:
Khutba by Sheik Saalih Ibn Humaid from Al-Minbar.com
Riyadh-us-Saliheen – Chapter 40 - Establishment of the Ties of
Blood Relationship by Imam an-Nawawi