Parenting An Athlete Newsletter
March 5, 2007
Tom Burgdorf
Our Goal - A great situation for the athletes, the coaches and the parents.
Accomplishments
The key to a lot of what we want for our kids. Self confidence builds when the kids work hard and
then accomplish something. They gain confidence in their ability to make things happen. Sports
gives them extra chances in their early life to try to accomplish things.
Accomplishments are also measured when compared to others. We may try to keep from
comparing but it is part of life. No, we don't want our children to always compare themselves and
what they do to others but it is an area that we also don't want to ignore. No "American Idol" with
people getting "voted off" but it is part of life later on. To shield, completely, our children from
what they do and what others do could be a mistake.
We are looking to put our children, our athletes, into situations where they can accomplish things
that they think are important. The more they accomplish the more they build confidence in their
talents and abilities.
Degrees of Accomplishments
There are degrees of accomplishments. To compete is an accomplishment. To try is an
accomplishment. To excel is different To do pretty good is better than an "okay"
accomplishment. We can take this idea to their bedrooms. Give 4 kids an hour to clean
each of their rooms and you will probably get 4 degrees of accomplishment. One child
will do great, another pretty good, a third "passable" and a 4th "better than it was" but not
good enough to stop and say "good job." I wonder if we aren't saying "good job" too
much with our kids and athletes today?
A "B" in a class is a good accomplishment. But if the student was capable of an "A",
should we be excited for them? In some ways, I think our society has moved into a belief
that we should reward even lesser accomplishments. "At least they tried" so we take them
out to dinner to celebrate. This is okay occasionally, especially when the child needs a
pick me up, but to reward partial accomplishments could be sending the wrong signal.
So the challenge is to know your child and their capabilities and then reward great
accomplishments for them. This teaches going for the gusto rather than accepting "okay."
We don't want okay, do we? Is it okay for us to tell our child that they tried pretty good
but that they can do better when we know they can? I say yes. As the children grow we
should set standards of "expectations" so that they can measure themselves and then gain
confidence when they EARN our respect and admiration.
Quite different than "at least you tried."
I have this theory - kids can do more than what we expect.
Do the Coaches Know?
One of the most important pieces of information a coach learns about your athlete is what they
are capable of. So when your athlete does pretty good and gets a smile from her coach but then
a "we could have done a little better", applaud your coach. They want more. They want the
athlete challenged. They aren't going to accept "okay." Applaud the coach.
We can't accept mediocre. The child isn't going to do well when they are older and away from us
doing mediocre. Of course we want the coach to be reasonable and not extreme in their desires.
Most coaches have a good handle on what the kids can accomplish.
I wonder if we have a good feel for the same as parents?
Reflecting On Parents
Do the actions of the kids reflect on the parents? Of course. Bad behavior reflects on the parents
as well as good behavior. When the teacher compliments our child on being very well behaved,
we are proud of what they have done and also that we helped train them. Yes, train them.
So how does that translate to the field of play? The gymnast falls off the balance beam 4 times
so that reflects on her parents? Did my Mom and Dad hide their faces when I tried to steal home
in the last inning with our best hitter at bat and got thrown out by 10 feet? (they didn't want me to
walk to the car with them after the game) (just kidding) (actually they made me hitch hike a ride
home) (again, just kidding) I wonder what they were actually thinking though?
We can't be responsible for every little thing they do. Let's be responsible for just the good stuff.
Doesn't work that way. Will other parents point their fingers at us if our athlete doesn't make the
last second shot? I don't think so. But we may have an empty feeling in our stomach. Interesting
situation.
Flitting
Try this, try that. Look for something that they are good at. Try something, have a slight problem
and flit to another activity. This can be dangerous.
Do we want them to flit "colleges?" Flit jobs? Flit marriages? There comes a time when you have
to settle down and make something work. There comes a time when you have to "suck it up" and
make the best of it.
We see some families start a session or a season and not finish it because the child, athlete,
doesn't want to finish. They have lost interest. It isn't as much fun. Start it - finish it, is my motto
for just about everything. Especially for kids. Start an 8 week session of gymnastics, finish it. Get
promoted to team, you finish the season. You owe that to your teammates and the coaches.
What The Kids Learn
When:
They are allowed to quit 1/2 way through - commitment is only good when I like what I am doing.
They are allowed to quit 1/2 way through - the money their parents paid for the session isn't
important.
They are allowed to quit 1/2 way through - their teammates and coaches don't mean much.
Weekly Words To The Kids
This is going to be an area that is included in most newsletters. These are my words to your kids.
Share them with them if you want. Tell them "Tom" said this or that. Use me to your advantage. (I
don't mind being the bad guy sometimes)
Hey kids - think about this – "Your teachers care about your success. Your coaches care about
your success. Your parents work hard to help you be happy and successful. Help them. Work
hard and pay attention."
Fitness
I sometimes think that the fitness benefit of sports gets pushed aside and not talked about
enough. We all hear plenty about the overweight problem we have with children but do we hear
enough about the great fitness level of our athletes? We certainly hear about "too thin" and "too
fat", what about all of the rest?
Sports do a great service for us by helping to make our athletes more fit. Is this important to you?
Of course it is important. Kids can be more fit practicing 1 day a week and playing a game once a
week. The coaches talk to them about running better and being stronger hopefully planting the
seed that the kids do more exercising at home. Not to an extreme, but moderate exercise. This is
good.
Let's not ignore one of the best benefits of our sports involvement, fitness now for the kids and
hopefully fitness later. How much is that worth to us?
Would You Do It Again?
If you could go back a few years, would you have kids? I haven't met too many parents who
would say no. We talk about challenging the kids and overcoming difficult situations to be
successful in sports, parenting is the same. No one said it would be easy. No one said it would be
without challenges. No one said we wouldn't want to pull our hair out once in a while.
But the benefits? The joy? The feeling of pride? Priceless.
If raising children was easy we might not have as much fun and satisfaction. At least "us good
parents" feel that way. Can you imagine what it must be like for a parent with poor parenting
skills?
Passing On To A Friend
Since this newsletter is FREE and I want to "touch" as many families as possible, please feel
free to pass this newsletter on to your friends. If they would like to have the newsletter sent
directly to them they just need to send me their e-mail address and what state they are from to
tomgymnet@aol.com. The more people we can get involved the better. I want this newsletter to
have an impact.
Have a great week,
Tom B.
Newsletter Publisher
Tom Burgdorf/Former Gymnastics Club Owner/Former Gymnastics Club Head Coach
Current National Lecturer for the gymnastics industry/Lecturer at 9 USAG National
Congresses
CO-Director of 3 Region 4 Gymnastics Training Congresses - 2000/2002/2004
Lecturer to gym owners, gymnastics staff, team gymnasts and team parents in over 40
cities in EACH of the past 3 years.
Owner GYMNET Sports/Organizer and 1 of 4 National Committee persons in charge
of Amerikids Gymnastics
Meet Director of 6 gymnastics meets per year for the past 20 years.
GYMNET Sports 112 Donnie Lane St. Peters, MO. 63376 tomgymnet@aol.com
www.gymnetsports.com
Phone & Fax 1 636 980 1903