Where Do I Start?
A Lay Person’s Guide for Planning a Ministry to Single Moms in the Church
Has the Lord shown you a need or burdened your heart to start a class or ministry for single
mothers? Feeling overwhelmed? Wondering where to start? There’s good news – He already
has the plan and is waiting to reveal it to you. As we started Hearts In Action, we learned that as
we obeyed Him with each step, He revealed the next step. His constant reminder was 1
Thessalonians 5:24 “The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it.”
This guide was created to help you pray through and plan a course of action. Use the parts that
are helpful and don’t worry about the rest. Just as the Lord has created us all as unique
individuals, His ministries are also unique. Look at what others are doing and have done, but
keep seeking God’s specific direction for what He desires to do through you and your church.
Follow Jesus’ example. He came to do the Father’s will – no more, no less. He wasn’t
overwhelmed by anything the Father asked Him to do, nor did he hesitate.
Jesus said “By myself I can do nothing…for I seek not to please myself but him who sent me.”
John 5:30
“Jesus knew where he had come from, why he was here, and what he was supposed to accomplish.
He came down from heaven not to do his own will, but the will of the Father. That determination controlled
every decision he made.
As a result, he was not distracted with trivia. He was never in a hurry, for he knew his Father would not
give a task without the time to do it. Christ was not driven by crises, feeling he must heal everyone in
Israel. He could say, “It is finished,” even when many people were still bound by demons and twisted by
disease. What mattered ultimately was not the number of people healed or fed, but whether the Father’s
will was being done. His clearly defined goals simplified his decisions.” Erwin W. Lutzer
Remember:
1.
“The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
The Lord already has the plan, the timing and the victory! Your job is to seek,
trust and obey.
Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but not with God; all
things are possible with God." Mark 10:27
Start with Prayer.
Ask the Lord to guide your steps, thoughts and plans. Ask Him to make His plan clear to
you. “I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and
watch over you.” Psalm 32:8 Also Ps 143:8-10, Proverbs 19:21
Ask the Lord to send you a partner, “Calling the Twelve to him, he sent them out two by
two...” Mark 6:7
Engage others to pray with you and for you. If your church has a prayer ministry, submit
a prayer request.
Ask the Lord for direction in His Word. Ask Him to show you specific scriptures to pray
for this ministry.
Ask the Lord to prepare the hearts of your leaders by revealing this need to them.
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2.
Examine and Prepare Yourself.
Do you have a prayer partner? If not, seek out a godly woman who walks closely with the
Lord, tell her you’re looking for a prayer partner and ask her if she would prayerfully consider it.
Do you have an accountability partner? An accountability partner is a trusted, godly, woman
that you meet with regularly who has your permission to ask you anything and your commitment
to answer honestly. This person needs to be someone who will not hesitate to confront you in
love when needed and challenge you to be all that God has created you to be.
Do you have a mentor?
A mentor is a godly woman who is more mature spiritually, perhaps who serves, or has served, in
ministry who is committed to helping you grow spiritually. I tried to find one on my own, but was
unsuccessful. I went to my Pastor and asked him to recommend someone. My mentor has
poured so much wisdom and love into me that it spills out onto others. Now I get the privilege of
giving out what’s been poured into me.
“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” Proverbs 15:22
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs
from his earnest counsel.” Proverbs 27:9
Do you spend time daily in God’s Word?
What are your priorities? Do they line up with God’s Word?
Pray Psalms 139:23-24 before you go to sleep each night. Replay the day in your mind and
ask the Lord to show you any unconfessed sin, ask for forgiveness and ask Him to show you
any action you need to take and be willing to obey.
Leaders are held to a higher standard. We are responsible to God for the examples we set.
then, each of us will give an account of himself to God.” Romans 14:12
“Do not cause anyone to stumble…“ 1 Corinthians 10:32
“So
Know what the Bible says about marriage, divorce, remarriage, and sex. Ask your Pastor what his
stand is on divorce and remarriage. These are issues that will come up and you need to know how
God wants you to respond. Picture a fellowship where the moms begin to discuss dating and
relationships – you hear things that aren’t honoring to God. One of the moms turns and asks for
your input – how are you going to respond? Be ready. Study and pray in advance asking God to
help you clearly understand His will and to help you to always respond in ways that honor Him and
point others to Him.
If you are a single mom, do you have clearly defined boundaries in dating and in relationships with
men? Have you determined in advance how to respond to various situations that can occur in
dating? What are the boundaries you’ve set concerning your children and dating?
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to
the full. John 10:10. Satan will not like the fact that you are serving God. He will discredit you if he
can. Don’t let him convince you you aren’t worthy to serve God if you have a less than perfect past
(all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God). If you have confessed and repented of your past,
all things are made new. Also, don’t let him bring you down with temptation – be prepared to stand
strong in the Lord. This is one reason why an accountability partner and mentor are so important.
Another reason is that you’ll be pouring yourself out into the lives of others. You need people who
will be pouring into you.
God wants to use you – let Him use you to the fullest by being prepared.
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3.
Church Leadership
The Lord will not instruct you to start a ministry in your church apart from the support of
the leadership He has established over you, though you may need to respectfully
present evidence of the need for such a ministry. Do your homework. Know what the
need is. Be able to anticipate and answer their questions. You may want to work
through this worksheet before your first meeting with your church leaders.
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority
except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established
by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God
has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. Romans 13:1-2
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who
must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that
would be of no advantage to you. Hebrews 13:17
Talk to your church leadership. Explain the ideas or plans you have and ask them to
pray with you. Ask for their guidance.
Ask and trust God to guide you through the leaders He has established over you.
If your leaders say no to any of your suggestions or ideas, accept it, thank God for His
direction through them, and continue to pray for Him to make His plan clear to you.
Let your leaders know you are working on a detailed plan for what this ministry will look
like and how to implement it. When you have it all down on paper, make an appointment
to meet with them again.
Some questions to answer before meeting with church leadership:
How are single moms currently being ministered to in your church?
What Sunday School class or Life Group are they welcome and comfortable in?
How many single moms currently attend your church?
What percentage of church membership do they represent?
How does that compare with the general population in your community?
Some concerns your church leadership may have:
Finances. There is a misconception that single moms will be a drain on benevolence
resources. This has not been the case at NWBC. Though the church has assisted a
few at times, it hasn’t been out of proportion to other church members. God is our
Provider and will provide in ways we can’t imagine when we pray, trust and believe.
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them
close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. Isaiah 40:11
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4.
Identify the Need and Clarify the Goal
Hearts In Action’s goal is the same as our churches goal “To reach people for Christ and
walk with them to maturity.”
Jeremiah 32:38-41 They will be my people, and I will be their God. I will give them
singleness of heart and action, so that they will always fear me for their own good and
the good of their children after them. I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will
never stop doing good to them, and I will inspire them to fear me, so that they will never
turn away from me. I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this
land with all my heart and soul.
What burden has the Lord laid on your heart regarding single moms?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
What needs has the Lord brought to your attention?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
What unmet needs have you experienced as a single mom (if you’re not a single mom,
what unmet needs are you aware of)?
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Ask the Lord to help you identify the specific need(s) He desires to meet through this
ministry – this will define your goal and help you prepare a clear plan:
□ reach the lost
□ teach God’s Word
□ provide encouragement
□ equip parents
□ provide a support system
□ mentoring from older godly women
□ reach an unreached people group (single moms) for the Lord
□ provide a place for single moms to connect
□ provide an entry point into the church for single mom families
□ meet physical needs (food, utilities, car care, etc.)
□ provide a safe place for hurting hearts to mend
□ share what the Lord has taught you as you experience single parenting
□ let single moms know God is mindful of them & has good plans for them
______________________________________________________________________
______________________________________________________________________
Ask other single moms how the church can minister to them.
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5.
Identify the Single Moms in Your Community (mark all that apply)
Has the Lord given you a specific group or category of single moms to minister to (for
example unwed teens, moms of preschoolers, divorced, widowed), or the broad range of
all single moms? What is your target group?
Are the single moms in your target group:
□ divorced
□ never married
□ widowed
□ singles who have adopted
□ grandmothers raising a grandchild
□ any single moms
□ separated
□ temporary single moms – women whose military husbands are deployed
What are their ages?
□ teens
□ 20s
□ 30s
What are the ages of their children?
□ expectant moms
□ babies
□ elementary age
□ tweens
□ 40s
□ preschoolers
□ teens
What kind of support systems do they currently have?
Who currently invests time and energy to encourage and support them?
□ family
□ church family
□ community support
□ friends
What level of spiritual maturity do you anticipate the moms will have?
At Hearts in Action, we have had moms from every one of these categories. It’s been a mixed
group, and it’s been amazing how God has made it work.
How many single moms are in your community?
If you’re not sure of the answers to these questions, try some of the following:
Ask if your church has ever done a demographic study and to see the results
If your church is part of a Church Association, see if they have demographics
Call your local schools and ask the percentage of their students being raised by
single moms/parents. Ask how many of their students (middle & high school)
experience unwed pregnancies.
Note: 65% of the students in the middle school across the street from
our church are being raised by single moms.
Ask your local WIC office how many single moms they serve each month
Visit a local evangelical crisis pregnancy center – ask how many clients they see
each month and how many are single moms and what the average age is. Ask if
they have churches to refer them to that have single parent ministries. Ask what
they consider the greatest need churches can meet for their clients.
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6.
What Type of Ministry are You Considering?
Has the Lord already given you a specific vision for what this ministry should look like?
If not, begin asking Him.
□ Sunday school class
□ Sunday evening class
□ home group
□ Bible study class – is it for a predetermined number of weeks?
□ one time event
□ a ministry to meet physical needs
□ an encouragement/fellowship group
□ ____________________________________________________________________
If it’s a class, who will teach? ______________________________________________
What curriculum will be used?
Has the Lord already pointed you toward a particular study?
There is wisdom in counsel – talk to your church leadership, women’s ministry
leaders, other women teachers. What resources does your church already
have? The Women’s Ministry at the Baptist General Convention of Oklahoma
has a resource room that member churches can borrow from.
Points to keep in mind:
Stand alone lessons are a good idea, class attendance may not be regular,
studies with lessons that build upon each other may be difficult for single moms
to keep up with.
Will you be teaching previously unchurched moms, new believers, young
believers, mature believers, or a combination? This may be a question you can’t
answer until the ministry has started.
What is the average income level for single moms in your community? Will there
be registration fees? Book fees? Any financial obligations that could prevent
some moms from participating? Will the church, or church members, provide
scholarships to cover book costs if needed?
Will childcare or children’s activities be available during class time?
If you’re planning a class – an event is a great way to get the word out. But not necessarily
necessary. Has the Lord already drawn your attention to a few moms who need this class? If
He has, starting with those few may be your first step.
If you’re planning an event – what kind of follow up do you plan? Is there a class for the moms
to come back to? A place where they can connect with each other and the church?
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7.
Promotion
Word of mouth and personal invitation bring the best results but advertisement is also
needed. Pray. The Lord knows who He desires to bring, where they are and how they
can be reached.
Ideas for promoting your ministry:
Church bulletins
Church newsletters
PowerPoint slides
Local newspapers
Crisis pregnancy centers
Local radio stations
Church marques
Ask local schools if you can send home flyers with their students
Think about places single moms may frequent that have public bulletin boards:
Libraries, grocery stores, laundromats, day care centers, apartment complexes
30% or more who have attended Hearts In Action events were invited by a friend or
family member.
Involve the women in your church, let them know what you are doing. Ask them to invite
their single mom family members, friends, neighbors, and co-workers. Encourage them
to attend with those they invite.
8.
Develop a Proposal or Plan
With each new idea the Lord planted, we put it on paper in way of a proposal or plan and
submitted it to our church leadership.
Seeing it on paper shows your leadership that you have invested prayer and time into
the idea and are serious about and prepared to follow through.
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Ministering to Single Moms
Even as a single mom who has experienced many of the same things other single moms have
experienced, I have heard more stories and prayed for broken hearts of women who have
experienced more heartache than I can imagine. On my own, I do not know how to help them.
I do not know the words they need to hear. What the Lord taught me (through SCOPE
Ministries) was to pray for each one “Lord, show me how you’re at work in (name’s) life and
what you want me to do,” then pray however He prompts your heart to pray. If you are faithful
to study His Word, He will be faithful to bring to mind the scriptures that are needed when they
are needed.
Read the Affirming Prayer, available on this website. Women will come to you hurting and in
need of prayer. They may be too upset to remember any of your words. But God’s Words are
eternal – alive and active – and they never return void. Learn to pray God’s Word over women.
Is there a local evangelical crisis pregnancy center in your area? If there is, ask if you can
attend their next volunteer training session to help equip you in ministering to single moms.
Their training materials are full of insight.
Don’t be afraid to confront sin in love when needed. “Let your conversation be always full of
grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” Colossians 4:6.
“Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one's friend springs from his
earnest counsel.” Proverbs 27:9
People are hungry for truth and it’s truth that sets us free. If the Lord shows you something that
needs addressed He will hold you accountable if you turn a blind eye. Are you grateful to those the
Lord has used in your life to help you get back on track when they see you heading into danger?
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still
trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. “ Galatians 1:10
We’ve all heard the statement “hurt people, hurt people.” Expect some hurt moms. Expect to
encounter moms who have not learned how to receive love and acceptance. Do not take it
personally – it isn’t about you. Satan will try to convince you it is. Pray.
We all hurt others at times – sometimes we hurt our children. There have been times when I’ve
seen moms scream at their children and yank them around. Help them. Gently intervene when
necessary. After the mom has cooled off, ask how you can help, ask how you can pray, ask if you
can help them get help. You won’t have all the answers they need, but you can help them find them.
We can only help to the extent we’re allowed – not all will accept our help.
Divorce. Many have experienced the devastation of divorce. When a mom who is separated
from her husband comes to your class, encourage her and her husband to seek Biblical
marriage counseling. If her husband isn’t willing, encourage her to go on her own. If your
church does not provide it, help them find another resource. Unless you are a trained
counselor, don’t attempt it yourself. We never know how God is at work – He may be using you
to direct them to counseling so He can restore their marriage and family.
Whether or not you are a single mom, if this is a ministry the Lord has laid on your heart, He will
use you.
And remember “The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it.”
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Ideas and Suggestions
Talk to other churches in your area and see if they minister to single moms/parents. Consider
partnering together on events.
Set aside your expectations – yield them to God. At our last event, we hoped for 100 moms.
About 25 attended. That was Gods plan. We had NWBC ladies hosting each table, each mom
that came was showered with attention. Our NWBC ladies were blessed by being able to invest
love and care into a few lives instead of trying to meet the needs of many.
Raise Awareness – let people in your church and community know what you’re doing – 30%
attending each of our events came by personal invitation
Resources
The Hidden Mission Field: Caring for Single Parent Families in the 21st Century
by Theresa McKenna
Available on Amazon.com
SCOPE Ministries
http://www.scopeministries.org/
700 NE 63rd Street
Oklahoma City, OK 73105-6487
405 843-7778
SCOPE offers classes in Biblical counseling.
SCOPE has a 10 week Bible study called Be Transformed that teaches how our belief systems
are formed (why we believe the way we do) and how to compare what we believe to what the
Bible teaches, and how to choose to believe the Bible. (Replace the lies we believe with truth
and be set free). It also addresses identifying root problems and how we view God as our
Father.
This is an excellent study for every Christian, especially those who minister to others.
It’s also a great study for single moms. You must attend a Be Transformed study for yourself
before you can lead one.
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