How to write a FUNNY opinion article So, you want to write a funny and entertaining opinion article eh? People say that there is no guideline to write funny stuff, but they are wrong. If you wish to write funny, please continue, because there ARE ways to do so. The most important part of the opinion article is the LEDE. Nobody wants to read an opinion article if the intro is boring whatsoever. Ways to start a compelling LEDE - Always start with an action occurring. Ie. (While waiting in line for my school lunch…) - Make sure to include lots of vivid adjectives and interesting stuff. Ie. (The smell of delicious grease permeated through the air…) - The ledes don’t have to be true. You can make up anything to make it sound funny to keep it interesting. Ie. (While debating to eat a hamburger or salad… a talking magical unicorn came to console me…) - End a lede with a “cliff-hanger”, to keep the reader enticed to read more. Ie. (With a flick of his magical wand, the magical unicorn then told me to…) Everything else is free to write your thoughts. Things to keep in mind: - Be creative in what you are going to talk about. Nobody wants to hear about the same old things. Ie. (Recycling, disgust for homework and President Bush, etc.) Think of something original or something that is happening recently (a really annoying fad or something else). - Controversial things are always fun to write about. People want to read about them and hear your opinion on such subjects like alcoholism, freaking, stealing, speeding, clubbing, graffiti…etc. o Suggestions: Smoking, cutting, dating younger girls/boys, superficial people, people who fall into fads, people who try too hard to be different, people who hate the government but don’t know what they are talking about, know-it-alls…etc. - Don’t be afraid to rant a little…but make sure not to be too bigoted and try to touch on both sides of the subject to make yourself not look so bigoted. - SIMILES AND METAPHORS ARE FUNNY! Make sure to include at least several of these to back up your personal thoughts about something. Ie.(I was almost as angry at the unicorn for telling me to eat slaughtered meat as when my mom told me topick up my diahrrea medicine on the loudspeaker at school). - Don’t be afraid to make fun of yourself. People always think this is funny. Ie (refer to example before this one). Things NOT to include in an opinion article - Don’t be afraid to be funny, but stop at that certain thin line between funny and obscene. Use your common sense and morals. Ask Mr. J if doubtful. - Do not lie about your experiences. Don’t be tempted to make up stories even if you’re all out of ideas, it’ll damage your reputation and no one will a) take you seriously b) laugh with you c) trust you anymore, not even Mr. J’s dog. - Quotes > Story. Make sure you don’t put in too much quotes into your opinion article, remember that this article is your opinion and yours alone. It’s nice to put in a quote that’ll help validate your rash statements or support whatever crazy idea you have, but don’t make it into a biased news report. - Don’t throw in too much jokes to the point where you opinion article is just a list of pick-up lines. Overcoming the writer’s block Most writers have a difficult time starting a funny opinion article, in fact an opinion article itself is hard enough let alone the humor, but all the more reason why Mr. J should give this project an A. Although we do not have the experience of confronting the writer’s block, listed below are solutions for you to pull off the greatest of feats. - Use the media. The media is your greatest resource, perhaps even your only resource of getting popular and more friends. Learn the latest slnags, know what genre of music is popular, pretty much to sum it all up, know “what’s the in.” - Go online like everyone else. There are many websites (preferably blogs) dedicated to humoring its audience members. Ie (http://www.ekizz.org) Grab ideas/inspiration but don’t copy them or claim their stories as your own. Remember, that these resources are there for you to get that little nudge you needed. - Refer back to 2005-2006 Olympian issues and check for Eric Kim’s and Justin Lee’s opinion articles. Examples: LEDES Ex1) As I was cruising down the freeway going 80 on the fast lane, I lived every driver’s nightmare. The infamous red and blue lights from hell appeared out of thin air and were locked right behind me. I cursed the cop for targeting me instead of the other speeders, but I prayed to my non-denominational god that it wasn’t me that he was following. As I pulled over the shoulder of the freeway, the red and blue were still gazing down upon me, and officer approached me and asked for my license and registration. Ex2) With the bass bumping and the lights blaring, I approached a member of the other sex from behind. Suddenly the song: "Baby got back" turned on and I let my hormones and testosterone get the best of me. Just when I started to get my groove on, I saw "the light." I was caught groin-in-booty handed. Ex3) On a fantastic sunny Monday afternoon, I strutted down town in my brand new Casperwhite suit, headed to get my favorite 9-dollar cup of coffee at Starbucks. On my way there, I stuck my pimp cane in one of the spokes of a kid who was passing me on a bicycle, and laughed hysterically as he fell off his bike. A few seconds later, Arnold Schwarshennager zoomed past me in his brand new hummer and splashed oil, dirt, and debris onto my brand- spanking new suit. Out of the blue, two of my friends jumped out of a bush and yelled “KARMA!” Ex4) During my freshmen year, I stumbled upon a nice looking wallet in the mall. It was about $30, it was made of 100 percent leather, it had a nice smell to it, and it was mine. Quickly ripping off the tag and looking inside for the sensor, I managed to find the petty device that would’ve caught me and threw it into the nearest trash can. I walked outside the store with the wallet in my pocket feeling $30 richer. An arm grabbed me on my shoulder, chuckling I brushed it off presuming it was my friend’s, but I’ve never been so wrong. Two securities with a bunch of rent-a-cops surrounded me, asking me to quietly cooperate with them. What choice did I have? At that point, everything fell to pieces. Ex5) It doesn’t even have to be long or complex I asked my friend James why he looks so exhausted, and he replies back with a blank look that he almost went to jail the other night for graffiti. Body Paragraphs Ex1) I wholeheartedly agree at times where graffiti have destroyed properties through malicious contents, etc. but I see even vandalism as somewhat justifiable; real estate agents come into town buying and charging the rent up, and it’s because of these vandalists and their vandalism that lower house costs and make it affordable for us to live in (and by no means am I in any position to complain). Ex2) I sat still while reality hit me like a cool glass of water thrown at my face including the glass. The security guards weren’t very friendly, actually they were assholes for rewinding and fast-forwarding my mistakes and key to my failure in succeeding. Ex3) Traffic tickets have always been a problem for me. Everywhere I went, bad luck seemed to follow me. I’m not sure if it was because I broke five mirrors in my lifetime, or danced around inside a building with an umbrella, but bad luck has always been present. I have to admit, a few times it was truly my fault, and at other times, it wasn’t. 35 in a 25? It was my first week driving. Unsafe lane change that made me almost hit a cop car? Possibly my fault. Hitting a little girl on a bicycle? Well, kind of. Ex4) This one night I was at a sober-party, and I was amazed at what I saw; a white guy with a black girl, a Mexican guy with a white girl, and an Asian with glow sticks. I was flabbergasted at how this seemingly "horrible" form of dancing could break all social and racial boundaries. It was the most beautiful and unifying thing I have ever seen, even more unifying than the unity bracelets at school. People say that freaking is basically sex with clothes on (which is kind of true), and promotes sex to teenagers. I agree with the first part, however the second one is wrong. Teenagers are able to release their hormones and sexual tensions without the complications of babies or STD's. Its sex minus drama, leaving just pure fun. Ex5) Clubbing is an experience like no other. Try to imagine a high school dance with good music, a popping dance floor, and no shy people (possibly a little too friendly). Although I wouldn’t say the atmosphere is the most “morally right”, its sort of a sinful type of pleasure that must be experienced in ones life at least once. You feel like you’re a celebrity, out to impress others. It’s a little shallow, but since when does shallowness get in the way of fun?