Parent Guidebook
A hundred years from now
It will not matter
What my bank account was,
The sort of house I lived in
Or the kind of car I drove…
But the world may be different
Because I was important
In the life of a child.
Dear Parents,
Welcome to Camp WeLoKi (We Love Kids)! We are very grateful for your trust and faith in our
staff. We know how much you love and cherish your kids, and we really do feel honored to be
able to spend a weekend at camp with them.
Anne and I founded Camp Weloki for kids and teens in 1991. Our intention is to provide a safe,
nurturing environment for kids to come to relax, be themselves, express their thoughts and
feelings and work through any issues that might be causing them stress or grief. We didn’t
want a camp for troubled kids, nor gifted kids, nor kids with ADHD, nor kids of divorce, or poor
or rich kids. We want a camp for kids from all walks of life could come together to learn from
each other, about each other, and about themselves. We want them to learn to form close
relationships with different types of kids and to learn how to create a sense of community.
We don’t profess to have all the answers about how to best guide and love children. But, we’ve
learned a lot over the years about creating a safe, respectful, loving environment that allows
kids to be themselves, stretch past old limits, take charge of their lives, and create closeness
with people. If you have questions, consult your kids. I think you’ll be surprised at how much
they can learn in a weekend of camp. And, they’ll love sharing their newfound knowledge. Thanks
again for allowing us to play and learn with your kids. We hope this guidebook gives you a slice
of camp and ideas to help you create what we know your kids want too; a safe, peaceful loving
home and relationship with their family.
For more parenting information and family support, go to www.weloki.com or call the office at:
636-530-1883 to order Dr. Jordan’s books, CD’s, or videos, make a private counseling
appointment, or to enroll your child in a future camp weekend or summer session. For further
resources, see attached.
Hope you enjoy this guidebook.
With appreciation,
Tim and Anne Jordan, Gretchen Long
and the entire camp staff
Immediately After Camp
After camp, your kids may not want to share a lot about their weekend camp experience. As
you can probably gather, it is a full, intense experience for everyone. Campers may be drained
emotionally from the many introspective topics we discussed. Campers are saying good-bye to
new, close friends that they have shared so much of themselves with. Parents’ arrival is
exciting and we exercised physically outside during the weekend which may tire them out.
So, ask your camper when it is a good time to talk about the camp weekend over the next few
days. Give them space and allow what they learned to reveal itself in the many ways over the
next weeks and beyond. You’ll be surprised at how much they absorb in a weekend.
And, remember: don’t expect too much. Lives are rarely changed in a weekend. The “real” world
can be a little overwhelming from a camper’s perspective as they try so hard to change and grow
and understand so much, only to walk back into the same world and same patterns of behavior of
others. Be patient and allow them to process this. Our campers come back to a weekend retreat
and sign up for camp year after year to continue the personal growth process. It’s a journey!
Courseroom
Kids Camp Themes:
1. Self calming - practice different methods such as visualizations, repeating a mantra,
breathing, meditation
2. Friendships - including yourself, handling teasing and peer pressure, listening skills, peaceful
conflict resolution, developing a mind trust; how to create safe, nurturing, and close
relationships with friends
3. Family - sibling rivalry, divorce, creating closeness, talking with your parents, asking for
what you want
4. Feelings - awareness of feelings and expressing them appropriately, healthy
outlets such
as journaling, art work, poetry, letter writing, music; handling anger, overcoming fears
5. Competition vs. Team work - personal best and empowering others; leader or follower;
cooperation vs. sabotage; making everyone successful; investment in team goals and success
6. Arrows out - interest in self vs. interest in others; being valuable and of service, random
acts of kindness
7. Self Awareness - identify strengths, drop your labels and limits; self- love and acceptance,
what you put out to others, feelings, listening to your inner voice/gut and internal alarm
system, goals and dreams
We discuss important, relevant issues with campers who share their thoughts, feelings, and
experiences in these different areas. Kids allow themselves to be vulnerable, very honest and
real, and they find that when they are real, peers and staff to feel closer to them. They
connect with each other at much deeper levels than they do at school or in their neighborhood.
They like this feeling of closeness, safety, and community. Kids feel this safe enough to open
up their hearts and get real and get honest feedback in a loving environment.
Mind Trust
We ask campers and staff to make two commitments for this trust:
1. I will not talk negatively about someone else behind his/her back. If I have a problem with
someone, or am angry, frustrated, or hurt by them, I’ll handle it directly with that person.
2. If someone forgets the trust, and starts talking about someone not present, I’ll remind them
of the trust and ask them to please handle the issue with that person.
Benefits:
Mind trust eliminates the back-stabbing and gossip that are so detrimental to teams/families.
People feel safer to be open and to express their thoughts and feelings without fear that
others will talk about them later. Everyone learns to be honest with each other and handle
things right away and up front, so that nothing gets in the way of friendships and fun and
closeness. It also raises the energy and morale of a team. The kids love this because they are
so sick of all the gossiping at school.
Giving Kids Say-So
All week long, and with our guidance, we turn over control and decision-making to the kids. The
more say-so kids have in how their day and world operates, the more they drop their resistance
to cooperation. This is no different than what is needed by co-workers at your job. Everyone
likes and needs to have input into their job or camp experience; and, the more choice, the
better.
We strive to create real win-win situations because we know that we have already made
agreements and that those are the agreements everyone will follow. We make agreements with
the campers or they make them with each other. So, the staff offers suggestions and the
campers see staff create a win-win solution, just like the campers. Have your kids teach you
how to create win-wins, and model this for them with your spouse. That is the best way for
them to really internalize these lessons.
Family Meeting & Guidelines
Family Meetings are a great atmosphere to acknowledge family members, work through current
problems at home, work together to create solutions that work for everyone, and create fun
activities together. Family Meetings contain lots of processes that we teach at camp. We
strongly recommend that you incorporate regular, weekly family meetings into your schedule.
1. Hold the meeting once a week at a time when everyone in the family can attend. Keep this
time sacred - don’t keep changing it at everyone’s convenience. Mark the time on everyone’s
calendar and make it as important as a business meeting.
2. Take the phone off the hook or put cell phones on silent so there are no interruptions, and
your children will see how valuable these meetings are to you.
3. Decisions should be made by family consensus, not majority vote. If an agreement cannot
be reached after a discussion, table the decision until the next meeting.
4. Elect a new leader and secretary at each meeting. The leader runs the meeting and calls
on members. The leadership should rotate every meeting. Other members should be
encouraged to support the leader. The secretary can take notes on what was discussed and
what decisions were reached.
5. Begin the meeting with compliments to each family member. Use words like, “I love you
because,” or “I’m grateful for you because.....” Teach children to say thank you after they
receive a compliment.
6. Keep an “agenda” list on the refrigerator and discuss it at each family meeting time. As
problems come up during the week, write them down to be discussed at family meetings.
7. Next, move to problem solving. Does anyone have a problem they would like to bring up?
Teach your children that if she complains, it is helpful to think of a solution. A person who is
not a part of the solution is part of the problem.
8. Plan for the next week’s meeting and some family activities.
9. Sit at a cleared table and chairs. Do not have your meeting during meals.
10. Always end the meeting by allowing the leader to pick a fun way to close it. Suggestions
are choosing a bedtime snack for everyone, playing a game, etc.
*Adapted by Tim and Anne Jordan from Positive Parenting by Jane Nelson
Peaceful Conflict Resolution
Use this format for handling disagreements at home and for expressing your feelings, especially
anger, hurt, or fear. It creates safety in your relationship so that both you and your child feel
free to be honest with each other. It allows you to handle issues now before things build up and
for you to feel heard and validated. Let your kids teach you about conflict resolution. They’ve
had a lot of practice at camp!
“Con-Res” allows everyone to handle conflicts at camp, home, school, and anywhere else:
1. Ask permission to talk to someone that you have a disagreement or issue with- don’t just
blast them - ask them if it’s okay to talk about something that’s bothering you and give that
person the respect to say not right now. Set a time for when they are willing to talk.
2. State how you feel; ex: “I feel hurt and rejected.” People usually are open to hearing how
someone feels. If you complain, they might get defensive or tune you out .
3. Tell them what is bothering you; ex: “I felt hurt and rejected yesterday when you didn’t
want me to eat at your table at lunch.”
4. The other person mirrors back to you what they heard; ex: “What I heard you say is ....”
They paraphrase what they heard so the sender knows they were heard correctly.
5. The listener checks out if they got it right by saying, “Did I get that right?” If they were
right, then they say, “Tell me more about that” or “Is there more about that?”
6. The sender usually then un-layers with more feelings or gets to what the experience really
means to them; ex: “It reminded me of what happens to me at school, and it really hurt because
I thought it would be different here at camp.”
7. The listener keeps mirroring until the sender has said what they meant they feel heard.
8. The sender tells what they want different in the future; ex: “What I want is for you to be
my friend and let it be okay if I sit with you at meals.”
9. Listener mirrors this back.
10. The listener may want to validate the senders feelings; ex: “I can see how hurt and left
out you’ve felt at your school, so when I asked you not to sit at my table because we were
having an evening activities meeting, I can see why you felt so hurt.”
11. The listener tells the first sender how they feel and the first sender mirrors.
12. Bothe sides are heard and come up with a win-win solution, using what both sides want.
13. They make sure they are both clear about the win-win.
14. Finally, they make a commitment to each other, “You can count on me to ...”
It is also important to think about why this issue bothered the sender. We all have things that
may hurt us more due to past experiences. If you can figure out how past experiences shaped
how you felt about this incident and can express this to each other, everyone involved will have
a better understanding which will solidify the win-win solution and deepen the relationship.
Self Calming
We spend a little time introducing the campers to various kinds of self calming techniques. Kids
need ways to get themselves calmed down when they are anxious or angry, refocused if their
attention wanders, calm their bodies down if they are too wound up, quiet themselves so they
can fall asleep at night or pay attention in class.
Examples of self- calming techniques practiced at camp:
1. Visualizations - guided imagery allows kids to focus on the visualization and then the object
of their concern, worry, or anger is resolved and they can refocus. You can purchase
visualization CD’s and tapes.
2. Mantra - a word or short phrase each child picks that is calming for them; ex: I am
peaceful; I can do it; Everything is going to be alright; I am lovable. Kids repeat the phrase
slowly and quietly to themselves to prevent from losing it or to calm themselves down. It also
replaces negative thoughts.
3. Breath - relaxation exercises used to tighten and release muscles with the focusing on slow
–deep breathing.
4. Meditation - sitting and trying to still the busy brain, focusing on no thoughts to intervene.
5. Channeling emotions - journaling, writing letters or poetry, art work, playing music, writing
songs.
6. Establishing a quiet, safe place to go to calm (a spot in their room, or a place in nature is
even better).
Being able to get refocused and to self-calm is a process and a skill that needs to be developed
over time. If practiced on a regular basis, during times when you are really stressed or
confused or anxious, the process is much more effective because the self-calming is a habit.
It’s also great if parents can model this for their kids, so have them teach you what they’ve
learned and practice with them.
Ways of Responding to Teasing
Here are three techniques used in responding to teasing. Always start with the first technique
and then work down if the teasing continues.
Technique 1) Power I
This technique is meant to help your child get into the habit of assertively expressing
what they want and what they feel. The Power I is simply using the word “I” in a clear,
confident manner to express desires and feelings in confrontational situations: “I want
you to stop doing that,” “I want you to leave me alone,” “I want you to stop teasing me.”
Technique 2) Mighty Might
This technique is a deflective verbal technique that can empower children to respond to
any tough verbal situation. It’s especially good to use when people are blaming or teasing.
The Mighty Might is implemented simply by using a statement such as “You might be
right” or “Maybe”; if need be repeat it a 2nd time if the teasing continues. Then smile and
walk away. It tends to disarm the other person and shows them you are not allowing their
teasing to get to you. And that you are not needing to or going to fight back.
Technique 3) But Twist
This technique is used when there are feelings of helplessness. Sometimes kids will pick
on others and try to make them feel different about things they cannot change. Using
the But Twist helps turn these things around. If a child is called “Four-Eyes” because he
wears glasses, the child can respond with “I do wear glasses, but…they help me to see”.
If someone calls you shorty, say “I am short, but…I’m really quick”. It helps if kids have
accepted the way they are (short, tall, glasses, Learning Disabilities, etc.) and so aren’t
sensitive about that part of them.
Tomato Words
It is important for kids to know that they are Always in charge of their feelings and
reaction to teasing. It’s not wrong to let comments hurt your feelings, but who wants to feel
sad and victimized?
When I ask kids if they would feel hurt if I called them a tomato, they always smile and
say of course not. When I ask why, they respond that it’s because they know they aren’t a
vegetable. It’s silly, and it would be easy to smile and walk away from someone calling them
that. The challenge is to make every word a “tomato word”. So no matter what name someone
calls you, in your head you can always have a conversation like the following: “Just relax Tim,
I’m not a tomato, I’m not stupid (fill in with whatever word they are called), I’m not going to let
it bother me, I’m not a tomato”. Then you could smile at the teaser and walk away. And you are
walking away feeling confident and fine. You are not letting the words hurt you and then
pretending they don’t bother you as you try to ignore them.
So there are no “mean” words, only words. We give meaning to words, and can keep our
power and not let any words hurt us. Learn to make every word a “tomato” word, and you are no
longer at the mercy of what other people say or do.
Rootbeer Feelings
If you pour a can of Rootbeer into a mug, you get the actual Rootbeer on the bottom of
the mug and rising foam on top. If you keep pouring, eventually the foam over flows the mug
and makes a mess.
Our feelings are kind of like this as well. I equate the foam as being like the Anger
Family of Feeling’s: mad, angry, upset, frustrated, annoyed. Like the foam, our anger is what
causes “messes” in our relationships if we yell at people or take our anger out on them (foam on
them).
The Rootbeer underneath the foam is what we really want to drink; it’s what is most
important. Our feelings work that way too. Underneath our anger there are always other
feeling’s that are more important than anger and which came before anger. They re the original
emotions we feel in situations, but we often just blow off anger because it’s harder to be
vulnerable and express our Rootbeer Feelings.
What are these Rootbeer Feeling’s? They are feelings like sad, hurt, confused, scared,
disappointed, embarrassed, disrespected, overpowered, controlled, worried, jealous, lonely,
anxious, betrayed, guilty, excluded, surprised, misunderstood, not important. If we just blow
off our anger, these more important feeling’s are still there and they tend to build up; they
often then find unhealthy ways to be expressed (stomach aches, headaches, depression,
anxiety, cutting, tired, lack of focus, difficulty sleeping, lash out at people).
Exercise: Think back to the last time you were angry at someone, especially if you expressed
that anger at the person. Then try to figure out what your “Rootbeer Feeling’s” were in that
experience. What were the feelings underneath the anger that actually caused the anger?
Why do you think you didn’t express your Rootbeer Feeling’s? What happened to those
Feeling’s? How could you have expressed them in healthy ways?
FOAM FEELINGS
ANGRY
MAD
UPSET
FRUSTRATED
ANNOYED
ENRAGED
ROOTBEER FEELINGS
SAD
DISRESPECTED
HURT
OVERPOWERED
SCARED
EMBARRASSED
GUILTY
DISAPPOINTED
USED
MISUNDERSTOOD
EXCLUDED
NOT IMPORTANT
POWERLESS
CONFUSED
WORRIED
BETRAYED
INSECURE
ALONE
JEALOUS
ANXIOUS
PANICKED
SURPRISED
CONTROLLED
LONELY
Goodwill Account
We believe that the most important factor in whether or not we reach kids, get cooperation,
and are able to hold kids accountable for agreements is the state of the relationship between
our staff and the campers. We call this the “Good Will Account” (GWA). If the “account” is
full, the relationship feels respectful, safe, close, accepting, loving, fun; we feel heard and
validated and special. If the “account” is low, the relationship feels unsafe, tense, angry,
disrespectful, distant, with lots of impatience and hurting.
As a staff, we focus a lot of our energy adding deposits to our new Good Will Account with
campers. We spend as much special one-on-one time as we can with the kids (sit with them at
meals, hikes, take them with us to help gather firewood and start the campfire). We disregard
their “LABELS” like hyper, depressed, quiet, anti-social, and take them at face value, allowing
them to be at camp with a clean slate. We try to see them through their strengths, for who
they really are. We listen, give say-so as much as possible, and we walk our talk (no double
standards). When our GWA account fills up, everyone in camp relaxes and treats each other
with respect.
When you pick your kids up on the last day, this is why the kids seem so close to each other.
When the GWA is full, it allows time for fun and closeness and honest communications instead
of wasting time arguing, lying, controlling and manipulating each other. We suggest at home
that you, too, focus on your GWA with your kids. Ask your kids for suggestions on how you can
make deposits and remove any behaviors experienced as a “withdrawal” by kids (yelling,
spanking, disrespect, criticism, not listening to their side, etc.). Make it a conscious, family
effort (discuss at family meetings).
Upcoming Events:
Dates for Summer 2013:
Our summer camps offer a more in-depth learning experience and are a great way for campers
to stay in touch, involved, and to continue to build on the skills and tools they learned at the
weekend.
Session 1: June 9th – 16th
Kids Camp (coed)
Teen High School Camp (coed)
Session 2: June 23rd – 29th
Pre-Teen All Girl ages 10-12
Teen All Girl Camp ages 12-14
Session 3:July 7th – 13th
Middle School Camp (coed)
Teen High School Camp (coed)
Contact Gretchen for more information or to sign up. (636) 530-1883, Grechen@weloki.com
http://www.weloki.com/registration.htm
Resources
Products by Tim Jordan, M.D.
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Rise & Shine: A Parents’Guide for Redirecting Everyday PowerStruggles /CD
I Gotta Be Me: Helping Children Be All They Can Be /CD.
Teens Rock! Understanding and Loving Your Teenager /CD
Ain’t Misbehavin’: Understanding the Ups and Downs of Early Childhood /CD
If You Want to be Happy for the Rest of Your Life/CD

Food Fights and Bedtime Battles: Helping Working Parent’s to Negotiate Daily Power
Struggles/BOOK
Keeping Your Family Grounded When You’re Flying by the Seat of Your Pants/BOOK

ORDER: CD(s) $12.00 Books $14.95 each
By Phone: 636-530-1883 or Fax: 636-530-0039 or ONLINE at www.weloki.com
Coming Summer 2013 “Sleeping Beauties, Awakened Women” by Dr. Tim Jordan
For Your Own Personal Growth, we suggest:
The Remembrance Course - A Magnificence Experience
September 20-22, 2013
St. Louis, MO
November 1-3, 2013
St. Louis, MO
The Remembrance Course opens your heart and mind to an alternative view of how to accomplish
your goals and dreams. The course was developed to give you the opportunity to examine your
life in all areas, such as work/career, love/family & friendship. This course experience gives
you the chance to see how well you are doing in some areas and how to bring success to the
areas in which you are having challenges, as well as to see where else you want to contribute
your unique talents.
Dr. Tim and Anne Jordan are contributing founders of Global Relationship Centers, where they
helped to created and instruct courses for adults. Many of our staff have attended these
courses, as well. Some core components taught at Camp Weloki are derived from these courses.
We believe that by continuing our own personal growth as parents, counselors and instructors,
we are able to better serve the needs of children.
At The Remembrance Course, you will be given the time to focus on yourself, and discover
competencies and gifts within yourself that will assist you in getting what you most desire from
life. You will learn to take more risks by becoming aware of limiting beliefs you have been
operating from that have unknowingly been preventing you from challenging yourself toward
your greater vision. Once aware of the limiting beliefs, new ones are formed along with ideas
and choices to achieve your greater goals. The Remembrance Course provides accelerated
pathways to help you more easily and quickly gain positive insight, arrive at new conclusions, and
take new actions, leading to greater ease and effectiveness in achieving your goals.
Contact Pamela Dunn <info@yourinfinitelifeonline.com>
Your Infinite Life Training & Coaching Company
www.yourinfinitelifeonline.com