Discussion Questions for The Distance Between Us
1. This book affirmatively shows that immigration is not just a political issue,
but a personal one as well. What are your understandings of current
immigration policies in the United States? Consider your knowledge of
immigration issues before and after you have read Reyna’s memoir. How
have they changed? What do you believe Reyna wants those reading her
story to take away about the subject of immigration? How do Reyna and her
family try to assimilate in the United States? Is assimilation a benefit to
them? To others like them?
a. Reyna’s father expresses their need for green cards so that they will
not have to” dream the American dream in the shadows”. What does it
mean to dream the American dream in the shadows? What rights do
Reyna and her family gain with green cards?
2. “When you’re poor, no matter how close things are, everything is far away.”
(Pg. 9) Reyna’s family combats poverty throughout the book in both Mexico
and the United States. What injustices did they suffer because of poverty in
Mexico? How do these injustices compare to those that they faced in the
United States? Are there any similarities to the situations? How did poverty
in Mexico and the United States shape her family’s actions and decisionmaking?
a. The Universal Declaration of Human Rights states: Everyone has the
right to a standard of living adequate for the health and well-being of
himself and of his family, including food, clothing, housing and
medical care and necessary social services and the right to security in
the event of unemployment, sickness, disability, widowhood, old age
or other lack of livelihood in circumstances beyond his control. (Art.
25) What instances in the memoir do not live up to this standard?
What do you think can be done to try and fix some of the major
failures that are evident in the book?
b. According to Reyna, poverty is one of the major issues that contribute
to the vicious circle of leaving children behind. What can be done
about this situation in the future?
c. While living with Abuela Evila, Mago complains, “what’s the point of
our parents being in El Otro Lado if we are going to eat like beggars?”
(Pg. 19) What are some of the food issues that they encounter in
Mexico, both at Abuela Evila’s house and Abuela Chinta’s? What about
in the United States?
3. What role does the American dream play in the story that Grande tells in her
memoir? What circumstances caused Reyna’s family to yearn for the
"something better" that El Otro Lado represents? What or who stands in the
way of them achieving their version of the American dream at home? Does
Grande celebrate the impact of the American dream on her family? Or does
she, instead, lament it? Is her representation of the American dream in fact
ambiguous rather than uniformly positive or negative?
a. What is Reyna’s understanding/feeling/perspective about the
American dream? Does that perspective change throughout the book?
What indicators would show this? Is this depiction of the American
dream expected? Is Reyna’s version the same as her parents? Her
siblings?
b. Reyna eventually has both parents living in the United States
separately. How are Papi and Mami’s situations similar and different?
Is one household better for Reyna and her siblings?
4. Reyna, Mago, and Carlos have an addition to their family that happens
thousands of miles away. Betty is born in America and therefore is an
American citizen. How does Mago react to the news, and why does she react
this way? Does this factor into Reyna’s, Mago’s, and Carlos’s perception of
Betty? How do the siblings treat her when she comes to Mexico? How is their
relationship different in America? Why do Papi and Mami have an ongoing
fight over Betty? What possibly contributes to Betty’s circumstances at the
end of the book?
5. Papi transforms from the Man Behind the Glass to a real person battling
severe problems, including addiction, anger, and depression, over the course
of the memoir. In what ways does he hurt Reyna and her siblings in both
instances: first as only a figment of her imagination, and then as a direct force
in her life? Does one have a more lasting impact than the other?
a. Reyna strives to capture her father’s attention and approval
throughout the book. Was this a benefit or detriment to her? In what
ways?
b. Why does Reyna return to her father at the end of the book?
c. Consider Papi’s relationship to all four of the Grande children at the
end of the book. Where do they stand and what tensions are there
between each child and their father?
6. Mago and Reyna have an incredibly strong bond between them due to the
circumstances of their upbringing in which Mago had to serve as a maternal
figure for the majority of Reyna’s childhood. That bond suffers some terrible
blows on their trip back to Iguala to visit their family and friends still present
there. What is the root of the conflict and why does it erupt in the violent
outburst that is does?
a. During the trip, Mago and Reyna both react to the circumstances of
their friends and family in Iguala differently. How do Mago and Reyna
view Iguala during the trip? What do these dissimilar reactions say
about Mago and Reyna? About the different effects that the United
States has had on each of them?
b. When Tia Emperatriz explains to Reyna why people are drawn to the
United States, she states that it is because the United States is a
beautiful place, so different from Iguala. Reyna questions Tia
Emperatriz in return, asking, “don’t you think there’s beauty here,
too?” (Pg. 65) Is this just her interpretation through the eyes of a child,
or does Reyna see something that others do not?
7. The UDHR declares that everyone has the right to education, and education
shall be directed to the full development of the human personality and to the
strengthening of respect for human rights and fundamental freedoms. (Art.
26) It further states that it shall promote understanding, tolerance, and
friendship among the nations, racial or religious groups, and shall further the
activities of the United Nations for the maintenance of peace. Does Reyna and
her siblings’ experiences in school in the United States express this?
a. Where could the situation have been improved?
b. What should educators in the United States, and in schools around the
world, take from this?
8. Reyna searches for a mother figure from the moment that her mother leaves
Iguala for the first time to go meet Reyna’s father in the United States. Who
are some of the successful female role models that come into Reyna’s life and
what are some of the beneficial things that they do to help Reyna?
a. Reyna describes her and her siblings relationship with their mother as
being like Hansel and Gretel: “no matter how many times we were
abandoned and left to fend for ourselves, we would always follow the
crumbs back to Mami.” (pg. 134) How does this affect Reyna and her
siblings?
9. Reyna’s father expresses his strong feelings regarding his children’s
education throughout the book. “I brought you to this country to get an
education and to take advantage of all the opportunities this country has to
offer. The minute you walk through the door with anything less than As, I’m
sending you straight back to my mother’s house.” (Pg. 166) Papi considers
that one of the best things that the United States can offer his children is an
education, and in this way they will have the ability to better their situation
in El Otro Lado. Is he correct? Consider Mago, Carlos, and Reyna’s situations
throughout the book. What instances in their separate lives demonstrate this
possibility, especially in Reyna’s?
10. A glaring theme throughout the book is abandonment. Reyna is first
abandoned at the age of 2 when her father leaves for America the first time.
From that point on, her parents float in and out of her and her sibling’s lives.
In what ways does she deal with this issue? Do her siblings deal with it
differently? How does the abandonment affect the sibling’s relationship with
each other? Do they ever fully understand their parent’s abandonment of
them for the United States?
a. “If she hadn’t returned from El Otro Lado, Mago said I would have
already forgotten her, the way I’d forgotten Papi. Little children are
blessed with short memories. But my mother’s constant comings and
goings wouldn’t let me forget her. Instead, they increased my longing
for her even more.” (Pg. 131) Discuss Mami’s abandonment versus
Papi’s. Are there any significant differences? Can one be considered
worse than the other? Why?
b. How did Mago’s story about the umbilical cord help Reyna? (Pg. 21)