POSTHUMOUS MEMORIAL
TEN-MINUTE PLAY
By Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
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Heuer Publishing LLC, Cedar Rapids, Iowa
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Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
POSTHUMOUS MEMORIAL
By Robert Mattson
OP
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SYNOPSIS: What's in a name, and what do we leave behind when we're
gone? This short comedy takes a humorous look at the history of words,
murder, death, infidelity and crime. Set at the grave site of a man named
Posthumous where you’ll hear the story of Fabulous told to a man called
Fictitious. Oh yeah...it's set in ancient Rome. Intrigued?
FABULOUS (m)
FICTITIOUS (m)
CACOPHONOUS (m)
TC
CAST OF CHARACTERS
(3 MEN)
DO
NO
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as necessary, as long as that substitution does not alter the meaning of the
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-2THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
OP
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AT RISE:
As the lights come up, we see a young man standing somberly stage
center looking down as if to a grave or urn of ashes. The time is 100
B.C. and the place is ancient Rome. The man is dressed in a simple
toga as are all the characters in the play. He is valiantly holding back
tears. After a few seconds to set the scene, a second, slightly older
man enters and moves next to the first man and looks somberly down
toward the same space.
DO
NO
TC
FICTITIOUS: Did you know him well?
FABULOUS: Yes.
FICTITIOUS: Very well?
FABULOUS: Well enough.
FICTITIOUS: Business?
FABULOUS: No. You?
FICTITIOUS: Didn’t know him until after he was dead.
FABULOUS: Morbid.
FICTITIOUS: Yes.
FABULOUS: Mortician?
FICTITIOUS: I work for the Senate.
FABULOUS: I don’t understand.
FICTITIOUS: He was killed.
FABULOUS: No!
FICTITIOUS: Did you know him better now?
FABULOUS: It was a heart attack. Everyone says so.
FICTITIOUS: I don’t. You didn’t answer my question. How well did
you really know him?
FABULOUS: We were...friends. How do I know you work for the
Senate? What’s your name?
FICTITIOUS: I’m not at liberty to say. For now you can just call me...
Ficticious. And you’re...
FABULOUS: A friend of his. Just a friend.
FICTITIOUS: How long had you been friends?
FABULOUS: About 12 years or so.
FICTITIOUS: So you were close.
FABULOUS: Yes.
-3THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
DO
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TC
OP
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FICTITIOUS: Very close?
FABULOUS: I suppose so.
FICTITIOUS: Did you know his family? His wife?
FABULOUS: Yes. They’ve only been married for about 7 years. I’ve
been with him longer than she had.
FICTITIOUS: Interesting way of phrasing it. He love her?
FABULOUS: She was his wife.
FICTITIOUS: I’ll take that as a no.
FABULOUS: He was very good to her.
FICTITIOUS: I’m sure he was. Why do you think he married her?
Money?
FABULOUS: No.
FICTITIOUS: Fame?
FABULOUS: No.
FICTITIOUS: She was hot under the toga?
FABULOUS: I doubt it. He wanted children, so he had to marry
someone.
FICTITIOUS: Someone. Not you.
FABULOUS: What?
FICTITIOUS: He could have married you, except that there would be
no children. No children means no marriage.
FABULOUS: That’s ridiculous.
FICTITIOUS: I agree. You could adopt.
FABULOUS: We were just friends.
FICTITIOUS: I’m not buying it, Fabulous.
FABULOUS: How do you know who I am?
FICTITIOUS: I’ve been following you. I know just what kind of friends
you and Posthumous were. I don’t have a problem with it in
general. A person finds love where they find it, I say. But, a
romantic triangle is a triangle, no matter who is at the corners, and
that spells jealousy and trouble.
FABULOUS: Even though they don’t have the same letters?
FICTITIOUS: Even though they don’t have the same letters.
FABULOUS: He was a good man.
FICTITIOUS: I’m sure he was.
FABULOUS: I loved him.
-4THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
DO
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TC
OP
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FICTITIOUS: When was the last time you saw him?
FABULOUS: The day before it happened.
FICTITIOUS: Did he seem worried or distracted?
FABULOUS: No, not really. He was talking about going to the games
and seeing his favorite Gladiator.
FICTITIOUS: Gaius (Pronounced Guy-us.) Maximus?
FABULOUS: Yes. How did you - FICTITIOUS: Just a guess. Did he mention any problems at home?
Any arguments with the family or servants?
FABULOUS: No, nothing.
FICTITIOUS: Was he tired?
FABULOUS: Is that important?
FICTITIOUS: It could be. Did he seem listless, out of breath, run
down?
FABULOUS: Well...
FICTITIOUS: What?
FABULOUS: Do you mean before or after?
FICTITIOUS: Before or after what?
FABULOUS: Uh...you know...
FICTITIOUS: Oh. (Cautiously.) Before?
FABULOUS: No.
FICTITIOUS: (More cautiously.) After?
FABULOUS: Yes.
FICTITIOUS: Hmmmm.
FABULOUS: You don’t think I killed him?!?! That he died of…over
stimulation?
FICTITIOUS: (Looking at him seriously and letting him sweat a few
seconds.) Not really, no. But, you were one of the last people to
see him alive. I need to understand what he was thinking about. I
need to find the killer before the Chief Prosecutor of the Senate
has my head.
FABULOUS: Litigious?
FICTITIOUS: Yes.
FABULOUS: I hear he’s a real lying bastard.
FICTITIOUS: That’s slanderous.
FABULOUS: It is?
-5THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
FICTITIOUS: Yes. Slanderous is the lying bastard. Litigious is just
doing his job. But it doesn’t matter. I have to find out who killed
him.
Y
Enter CACOPHONOUS. He can be any age but must be loud as Hell.
DO
NO
TC
OP
CACOPHONOUS: FICTITIOUS! FICTITIOUS! THANK GODS I
FOUND YOU!
FICTITIOUS: What is it, Cacophonous?
CACOPHONOUS: I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE - FICTITIOUS: Quiet down, Cacophonous!
CACOPHONOUS:
Sorry. I JUST GOT BACK FROM THE
POSTHUMOUS’ HOUSE. I GOT THE OLD MAN TO FINALLY
TALK.
FICTITIOUS: Which old man?
CACOPHONOUS: THE ORNERY ONE.
FICTITIOUS: Cantankerous?
CACOPHONOUS: THAT’S HIM. HE TOLD ME THAT THE ONLY
THING POSTHUMOUS ATE OR DRANK BEFORE HE DIED
WAS SOME WINE FROM THE FIRST BATCH FROM HIS
FARMS IN GERMANIA.
FABULOUS: He loved that wine. He waited for the first shipment
each year.
FICTITIOUS: So anyone in the house would have known that he’d
have some as soon as it was delivered?
FABULOUS: Yes.
FICTITIOUS: Interesting. Cacophonous. I want you to find out if the
container that he drank from was poisoned. And if it wasn’t, I want
you to find the goblet he drank from and check if it was poisoned.
CACOPHONOUS: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FIGURE OUT IF IT
WAS POISONED?
FICTITIOUS: Drink some.
CACOPHONOUS: OH. OK.
Exit CACOPHONOUS.
-6THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
DO
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TC
OP
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FABULOUS: He won’t really drink it, will he?
FICTITIOUS: Only if I’m lucky. I don’t think he died of natural causes.
He went too quickly for a man as healthy as he apparently was.
FABULOUS: Yes.
FICTITIOUS: Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so thoughtless.
FABULOUS: It’s alright. You’re just doing your job. What do you
think really killed him?
FICTITIOUS: Anorexia.
FABULOUS: That’s ridiculous!
FICTITIOUS: I know. You never expect the wife. But I’m betting she
knew about your relationship, and with a woman like that, anything
could happen. If it is, I just feel bad for the children.
FABULOUS: What will happen to them?
FICTITIOUS: There’s an uncle in Britannia. Genus and Phylum
would most likely go to him.
FABULOUS: I’ve met him. He’s a woodworker. He made them a
wooden giraffe that they love.
FICTITIOUS: Yes. I’ve heard Toysarus (Pronounced Toys-R-US, but
quickly.) is a good man. But it will take him time to get here.
FABULOUS: They could stay with me. I’ve known them since they
were babies. It wouldn’t be a problem.
FICTITIOUS: Not with you, but I don’t think the Senate will allow it.
You’re not a relative, and they won’t recognize your relationship
with Posthumous.
FABULOUS: It’s not fair.
FICTITIOUS: No. It’s not. But there’s not a lot we can do about it
right now. All you can do is keep his memory with you.
FABULOUS: Is that all?
FICTITIOUS: That’s all any of us leave behind.
FABULOUS: That’s cynical.
FICTITIOUS: No, just realistic. Marble crumbles, writing fades,
buildings fall to dust. The only thing that keeps us alive after we’re
gone is others remembering us and hopefully smiling as they do it.
FABULOUS: I can do that.
FICTITIOUS: I know you can. And I bet someone will do that for you
some day. You’ll be alright.
-7THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.
Posthumous Memorial by Robert Mattson
Copyright © MMIV by Robert Mattson
Thanks.
And, Fabulous?
Yes?
I think you would have made a great father.
Or mother.
Yes.
Y
FABULOUS:
FICTITIOUS:
FABULOUS:
FICTITIOUS:
FABULOUS:
FICTITIOUS:
OP
FABULOUS exits.
FICTITIOUS: And if you can’t leave behind children, what do you
leave behind? (Pauses briefly to mull over the thought.) I guess all
we can do is hope that some day our names mean something.
TC
Enter CACOPHONOUS.
CACOPHONOUS:
FICTITIOUS! I CHECKED THE WINE. HE
WASN’T POISONED - CACOPHONOUS falls to the ground, dead.
NO
FICTITIOUS: Case closed.
BLACKOUT.
DO
THE END
-8THIS SCRIPT IS PROVIDED AS A COURTESY FOR INTERNET READING.
NO PERFORMANCE RIGHTS CONVEYED.