My Cousin's Wedding
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a small wedding because it wa:s in a small church in our town, so
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they couldn't invite many people. Still it was a neat day. On Saturday
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morning, I woke up early and ate breakfast as usual. My mom was
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all nervus. I was pretty calm. I got dressed. I showered. My mom
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didn't like they way i corned my hair over, and she kept trying to
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change it. I had to get dressed in my tux after we got to the church.
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My dad was just relaxing in the family room and wasn't too excited.
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Listening to the music in the church made me start to get a little
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nervus. I'll bet the groom was even worse. The bride looked pretty.
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Soon it was time for us to go out and watch her come down the isle.
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My cousin Jon looked pretty nervus too. She came down the isle he
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was looking at the minister and then at the bride the whole time. My
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aunt cried the most. He is her youngest she's going to miss him when
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he moves out.
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One day this past summer I was in my cousins wedding. It was
While I was standing up their. I really wanted to turn around
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and see who all was in the church, but I kept my back to them,
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because I didn't want my mom to get mad. I could hear my little
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brother once during the quiet parts. The woman who sang two songs
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was all right, but the song she sang while they lit the candle was way
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too sad it sounded more like a funeral song!
Write Source Assessments. Grade 9: Assessment
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Finally we were at the reception. My favorit part of a wedding.
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Because I like to eat. I also like dancing. There wasn't many girls
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their around my age, so I ended up dancing just one slow dance with
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my cousin, the bride. I payed a buck just to dance with her too. Which
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was ok except she's so short. I got tired stooping over that long. I
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danced all the fast songs. The DJ was great. Before I knew it, they
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were getting ready to throw the garter and take off. I tried to catch
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it, but this other grooms men got in front of me and won. Then they
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left on their honeymoon. I think they went to a resort in Florida
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somewhere. I'd probably go farther away, like to an island. The
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wedding cake ran out so my mom and Aunt Sue weren't too happy
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with that otherwise the day was great. I'll always remember being in
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the wedding.
Narrative Rubric Checklist
Title
My Cousins Wedding
_2_
Ideas
• Is the essay about an important accomplishment?
• Does it have enough specific details about the event?
• Does it show the event rather than tell about it?
_1_
Organization
• Does the beginn ing grab the reader?
• Does the middle part follow chronological order and increase the narrative··
tension?
• Does the ending work well?
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Voice
• Is the dialogue realistic?
• Is the narrative voice natural and consistent?
_2_
Word Choice
• Do the words have the right connotation?
• Are the nouns and verbs specific?
_1_
Sentence Fluency
• Is there a good variety of sentences?
• Do the sentences flow smoothly?
. _1_
Conventions
• Does the essay avoid errors in punctuation, spelling, and grammar?
• Is the dialogue punctuated correctly?
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Write Source Assessments, Grade 9: Assessment
OVERALL COMMENTS
My Cousin's wedding
• This experience was a good choice for a personal essay. However,
you skim through the whole day. It would have been more effective
to focus on one part of the day, such as the reception, and
develop it in detail. You could show readers what the reception
was like by including sensory details, dialogue, and your personal
thoughts.
• Your beginning does not grab the readers' attention. You do
attempt to describe the events in some order. However, more
transitions are needed to create a clear beginning, middle, and
ending. Also, you do not explain why this event is memorable.
• Your voice shows that you found the experience interesting
and enjoyable. Including dialogue would make your writing more
interesting to readers.
• Your writing contains words that are overused or too general
to paint a clear picture of what happened that day. You should
include stronger nouns, verbs, and specific modifiers.
• Your narrative contains many incomplete or short sentences that
make the writing choppy. A better variety of sentences is needed.
• Your narrative contains numerous errors in spelling, grammar, and
punctuation that make the narrative hard to read and confusing.
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