Dear Dr. x,
I have reviewed the comments on the Southeastern draft. My paper was about comparing
Beowulf to Katniss from The Hunger Games series. There are a few suggestions brought up that
I am confused about.
First, I agree that I did not have a specific thesis that was spot on for the essay; but "though there
are many traits of a hero that Beowulf and Katniss, the three traits of courage, pride, and
leadership are the three main points of the two characters" was not my thesis. It was only the
concluding sentence to my comparison paragraph.
I set up my essay in the following format:
1. Introduction
2. Comparison paragraph (only heroic traits)
3. Contrasting paragraph (different heroic traits)
4. Beowulf's cons (that are atypical to a hero)
5. Katniss' cons (that are atypical to a hero)
6. A conclusion
Now, the essay's prompt was to compare and contrast Beowulf to a modern day hero; so all I felt
needed to be brought up were the character's heroic traits. My character was from a novel, so my
main sources were the books. Whenever I brought up examples from the series, you commented
and told me to explain more. I feel like if I were to go into more detail about the event, it would
drag me away from the prompt and weaken my essay. I brought up a trait (leadership, pride,
courage, etc ), gave an example and briefly explained it (Katniss saving her friend Gale, wearing
the Mockingjay pin, Beowulf's battles, etc.), told how the example is pertinent to the trait
(protected the Danes, using wit to destroy the Careers' supplies, etc.), and then cited the page
numbers or location to find the examples. If i went into detail about explaining who Unferth was
and why he called out Beowulf or who Madge was in the series, that would lose focus of the topic;
and there are citations for both of these characters in their respective novels.
For the example I brought up for Katniss' cleverness, I used the scene in the Hunger Games
novel where Katniss was in the bushes thinking of a way to destroy the Careers' supplies. At the
very end of my quote and briefly explaining the scene, I gave a citation about where it can be
found. I did not need to explain who Foxface or the Careers are or why there were landmines
around the supplies. It was an example I brought up and BRIEFLY explained to make my point
about Katniss creating preconceived plans. If I explained all the characters and set up to that
point of the scene, I would lose focus of the prompt.
Another concern I have is only having to explain The Hunger Games series. The only time I was
asked to explain a scene was from Collin's series; but when I explained Beowulf, there were
probably one or two scenes where I had to explain (again, which were both cited and would lose
focus if they were explained). I wrote it in a way that the reader did not read Beowulf or The
Hunger Games series, so I briefly explained scenes that I used as an example. They are both
major novels that have been read by a majority today and have been discussed in many places,
so I would expect the reader to at least understand the plots from hearing it around. If the
reader/professor has only read one novel, I do not find it fair how that person would request to
have the latter of the two they are not familiar with explained -- but I did not write the paper
expecting the reader to know both the novels cover-to-cover, but did not want to go into full detail
about the stories.
Another tiny issues was in the conclusion. I said that Katniss models a modern hero for self
composure and intelligence, but both the tutor and you wanted me to include the fact that she
was a female leader. From the time I started brainstorming, I did not want to use that as an
example. If I were to do that, I would have to bring up something similar to a "if a guy can do it, a
girl can do it, too" discussion. I do not agree with that. I think everyone is equal disregarding
gender. I stated both Beowulf and Katniss were heroes -- NOT a hero and a heroine.
I am in no way trying to criticize your grading methods or perceptive of reading an essay; I am
bringing up points I am confused about and asking why it was corrected. Thank you for the time
reading my concerns and please write back so I can know what I can improve and the insights
about your thoughts.
Thank you,
Y
Y,
Thank you for your email. Yes, a major part of the problem with the essay is the lack of a clear,
coherent thesis statement that outlines or explains the points you will be making in the paper.
With that said, I know of no college level instructor or professor who would give this kind of paper
a higher grade. The lack of a thesis alone is enough in most cases for grades to be in the 70s
range.
However, your paper had so many good things going for it, I thought it was one of the best in the
class and gave it an 89. Just so you know, I'm extremely partial to the books by Suzanne Collins
and have repeatedly read not only her Hunger Games books, but every other book she has
written. I especially enjoyed the 5 books in her Gregor series. As an English teacher the movies
based on the books were great, but could not compare to the power of her writing.
I have gone back in your essay and added comments (highlighted in green) to help model or
explain some of the points you mention in your email. I hope this will help you improve your
writing and give you a clearer understanding of what I was looking for! Also, please review the
Freshman Grading Rubric in both your Little, Brown Handbook and on the last page of the Early
Start Information Sheet posted as a File on your MCL home page.
After careful consideration and after reading your essay again, I've changed your grade for the
assignment to a 90. In 15 years I have rarely done this, but your email was so well written and I
was impressed by the amount of time and consideration you put into it I've made an exception. A
key trait of a good writer is the willingness to analyze his own writing and realize where he can
make improvements. You have proven your dedication to your writing.
Hope this info is helpful.
Thanks,
Dr. X