INVITATION TO A PASSIONATE MARRIAGE
SESSION ONE – COUPLE DISCUSSION GUIDE
PASSIONATE LOVING
“O
n the third day there was a wedding in Cana in
Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. Jesus and
his disciples were also invited to the wedding. When
The primary purpose
the wine ran short, the mother of Jesus said to him, “They have
of marriage is for the
no wine.” (And) Jesus said to her, “Woman, how does your
two of you to become
concern affect me? My hour has not yet come.” His mother said
one – One in flesh,
to the servers, “Do whatever he tells you.” Now there were six
one in mind, one in
stone water jars there for Jewish ceremonial washings, each
heart. In other
holding twenty to thirty gallons. Jesus told them, “Fill the jars
words, your primary
with water.” So they filled them to the brim. Then he told
purpose as a married
them, “Draw some out now and take it to the headwaiter.” So
couple is to live a
they took it. And when the headwaiter tasted the water that
passionate love
had become wine, without knowing where it came from
relationship
(although the servers who had drawn the water knew), the
everyday for the rest
headwaiter called the bridegroom and said to him, “Everyone
of your lives.
serves good wine first, and then when people have drunk
freely, an inferior one; but you have kept the good wine until now.” Jesus did this as the
beginning of his signs in Cana in Galilee and so revealed his glory, and his disciples began to
believe in him.”
(John 2: 1-11)
Points to consider:
- Our God is a loving God and will be with you every moment of your lives when you invite
him to be the center of your marriage.
- Call on Him every time things get difficult. He’ll never abandon you.
- As you live out your marriage, you’ll witness many miracles: the miracle of your
husband/wife loving you and forgiving you even when you’ve done something stupid – the
miracle of new life as your family grows through birth or adoption – the miracle of watching
your own ability to love grow and become kinder, caring and more compassionate as you
mature and grow old together.
- As Catholics, we believe that every human being is created in the image and likeness of God.
- Since it was out of love that God created human beings, and on purpose created them male
and female, your spousal love for each other can become an image of God’s love for each of
us.
- Our passionate, committed, wild and crazy love for each other is good, very good, in God’s
eyes.
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
1
LOVE IS A DECISION
1. Questions for Discussion
Spend some time together to answer the following questions. Feel free to ask questions
of one another to make sure you understand. If you don’t finish all of the questions in
the time allotted, please continue your discussion at home.
Go through the questions one at a time, allowing first one person and then the other to
share on the same question.
Points to consider:
1. My biggest goal in life is to..
2. I find satisfaction in..
3. Before I die I want to..
4. I am here because..
5. My dream is to someday..
-
6. I will be ready to die when I’ve..
7. The major issue I am most
concerned about right now is..
-
8. The thing I want most for you is..
-
9. My happiest memory of us is..
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
If love is a decision and not simply a
feeling, that means we’re in control
of the level of love in our home. We
can decide to love even when we
don’t feel like it – even when we’re
tired, irritable, or distracted by
many other demands.
We can act loving even when we
feel lazy and just want to relax. We
can choose to help with the
children, fix a meal, spend some
time together.
We can choose to forgive when
we’re hurt or angry.
Love is a decision means we’re in
charge of how our relationship will
grow through the years; we’re not
helpless victims. We can choose to
have the great marriage we want if
we’re willing to work at it.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
2
GIVING THE LOVE MY SPOUSE NEEDS
Gary Chapman has written in his book, “The Five Love Languages” that
we each have basic love needs.
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If these needs are not met by our spouse, we may always feel that something is missing
in our relationship or that we’re giving our best, but our spouse is not even trying.
We tend to give love the way we like to receive it. For example, if a woman likes to
receive gifts as a sign of affection, she may constantly be buying gifts for her husband as
a sign of her love. If gifts aren’t a basic love need for him, he may hardly even notice
them or even worse, lecture his wife for wasting money.
When we understand our own needs and the needs of our spouse, we can meet those
needs and both of us will feel fulfilled in the relationship.
The basic love needs are:
Time Together
Gifts
Works of Service
Word of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Being told, “I love you” everyday.
- Think about it! How do you like to show your love for another person?
A story:
Joe was a husband whose basic need was physical affection. He enjoyed hugging and
kissing his wife and snuggling close to her each night. Unfortunately, he took a job
that required him to travel a great deal, and he only saw his wife and children on a
few weekends each month.
Joe’s wife, Mary, had a basic love need to spend time with her husband. Seeing him,
enjoying his company, being able to share meals or life together was essential to her.
Because she was alone so much, she felt lonely and neglected and even considered
divorcing Joe because she decided he didn’t love her anymore. Neither of their basic
love needs were being met in their marriage.
Fortunately, they were able to reconnect. As they understood their basic love needs,
they realized that Joe’s job made it impossible for either of them to have their love
needs met. They decided their marriage was more important than the extra income
from his job. Eventually Joe was able to find another job and be home every evening.
They now make it a point to meet the needs of one another – physical affection and
time together!
If you understand the basic love needs of each other, you’ll know how to make your
husband/wife feel loved every day. The following Exercise will help you figure that out.
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
3
2. Questions for Discussion:
When do you feel most loved by your fiancé?
(Although you may say, “I like all of the following ideas”, put a checkmark next to the one
that most closely describes you. In other words, choose the one that draws the strongest
response from you).
____
I feel most loved when you compliment me, say kind words or praise me. I feel noticed
and special to you when you show your respect for me.
____
I feel most loved when we spend quality time together – when it’s just the two of us
and we can talk or enjoy each other’s company or do things together.
____
I feel most loved when I receive gifts from you, when you remember special days or
even remember me on days that are not so special.
____
I feel most loved when you do things for me, big and little acts of service that make it
clear to me that you notice that I’m tired or don’t feel well or could use a helping hand
with house, yard or the children.
___
I feel most loved when I receive lots of physical touch. Hugs, kisses, pats, caresses,
snuggling up together, holding hands, all make me feel special to you.
___
I feel most loved when you tell me, “I love you” every day. I feel reassured of your
caring and your commitment to us.
Talk about your answers with each other. Be sure to mention specific examples of times when you
felt most loved by your fiancé so you’ll each know exactly what you need to do to help each other
feel loved.
Points to Consider:
The Differences Between Men and Women:
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There will be times when your spouse says or does something you don’t understand.
Try to find out what’s going on before you get angry.
Men and women have obvious physical differences.
Men’s brains are very different from women’s brains.
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While still in their mother’s womb, the brains of male babies are washed
with a chemical bath that leaves them with greater access to their left brain
where thoughts and logical processes reside and less access to their right
brain, where their emotions reside.
Because of this, most men tend to approach problems logically and rationally
and without much emotion. Men tend to also focus on one thing at a time.
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
4
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One marriage educator, Mark Gungor, who wrote “Laugh Your Way to a Better
Marriage” describes men’s brains as a series of compartmentalized boxes. A man
may have a “work box”, a “wife box”, a “hobby box”, a “sports box”, a “friends
box”, a “money box”, etc. None of the boxes talk to each other. A man’s favorite
box is his “nothing box”. When a man’s in his “nothing box”, he’s in heaven.
He’s thinking about nothing at all. Women often find it amazing that anyone can
be thinking of nothing.
Women have four times as many brain cells connecting the right and left side of
their brains. This allows women to continually go back and forth between right
and left brain, accessing both thoughts and feelings. Women’s brains have no
“nothing box”. One side of the brain is continually talking to the other side.
This unique characteristic enables a woman to multi-task. She can be doing her
job at work and still worry about a baby at home, plan what she’ll fix for dinner,
and decide what she’ll say to her mother when she talks to her. Men often find it
amazing that women can seem to do three things at once and keep a running
conversation going at the same time.
Most women can easily remember things that carry emotional importance for
them.
Men often go off by themselves to think about problems and come out only when
they have worked them out. Women who go after their husbands and keep
asking, “What’s wrong? Talk to me!” may find that he shuts her out.
Men feel closer to their wives through shared activities. This might include sports
competition, outdoor activities or making love.
Women feel closer to their husbands through talking to each other and deep
sharing of feelings and experiences.
The relationships between men and women are not impossible or difficult.
Problems arise when we expect our husband/wife to think, feel or act just as we
do.
The following Exercise will give you a chance to understand yourself and your fiancé better. To be
totally known by your beloved and still be loved is one of life’s great gifts.
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
5
3. Questions for Discussion:
WHO I AM
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My biggest fears in life are …
My most frequent mood is …
The thing I hate most is…
The thing I worry about most is …
Three things I want to change about
myself are …
 Three things I really like about myself
are …
 My most common daydream is …
 My overall opinion about myself is …
 I think my greatest personality asset is …
 I think my greatest personality weakness
is …
 I find the greatest enjoyment in …
 The sin I struggle most with is …
 I’m most ashamed about …
 Someone I greatly admire is …
 The things I find the most fun are …
 My favorite sport is …
 Playing sports or watching sports on TV
is (on a scale of 1-10) important to me…
 The best (and worst) thing about life is…
Share your answers with one another. The
speaker should share as honestly as
possible. The listener can encourage the
speaker with a statement like: “Tell me
more…” or “I would like to hear more about
that…”.
[Answer one question at a time, with first
one person and then the other person
sharing answers to the same question.]
WHO WE ARE

What single change would I like you to
make before we are married?
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What single change to build our
relationship am I going to make before
we’re married?
INVITATION TO PASSIONATE MARRIAGE SESSION ONE
FAMILY LIFE EDUCATION - DIOCESE OF SYRACUSE
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
5/2011
6