Connecting
Larry Crabb
“When two people connect, when their beings intersect as closely as two bodies
during intercourse, something is poured out of one and into the other that has the
power to heal the soul of its deepest wounds and restore it to health.” (xi.)
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Maybe the center of Christian community is connecting with a few.
“CONNECTING is a kind of relating that happens when the powerful life of Christ in
one person meets the good life of Christ in another.” (66)
1. Kep’s Story – release, not control; invite, not demand  “Nothing is stronger
than grace. Satan doesn’t have any. God is defined by it.” (6)
2. Three Ingredients of Healing Community: beyond “fix-what’s-wrong”
[treatment/repair] and “do-what’s-right,” [exhortation/accountability] therapy.
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God’s way: He helps us change by revealing Himself to us and pouring His
life into us.
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He becomes such a part of us that we want to resist what he doesn’t
like and release the good things he has aroused within us (10).
“Good urges are created in us when we’re forgiven. Good urges will completely rule
in us when we see him and the belief of faith gives way to the excitement of sight.
And good urges are released in us now as we get to know him better.” (14)
1. He provides a taste of Christ delighting in us: acceptance and vision.
2. He searches for the good He has placed within us: affirming exposure.
- any evidence of God’s Spirit in the midst of problems.
3. He engagingly exposes what is bad and painful: disruptive exposure and
experience of grace.
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“I am that good. I will still take you back, though I know all the bad.”
3. Restored through Reconnecting: usually we retreat, reprove or refer… what
Nouwen needed was someone who pulled Henri’s head to his chest and let him
weep.
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Fear: I’m insecure, weak, needy.
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Power: What kind of person is strong enough to hold another?
4. Designed to Connect: “Ordinary people have the power to change other people’s
lives.” (31).
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At the center of the human personality is a capacity to give and receive in
relationship… (35)
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The impulses that energized Jesus’ life on earth are actually in us. (36)
“The question is not how the Christian can realize the good by his own power, but
how he is to realize himself by the power of the good… which is already there.”
(37)
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Ultimate source of pain = Disconnected Soul; not stubborn will or psych.
damage.
5. Connecting: The Center of Life- the opposite is separation from God, disconnection
for others and self. Ouch. God’s plan is reconciliation – connection.
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Confidence in forgiveness through the gospel – a guaranteed future – and
freedom to follow our hearts.
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The Center of God’s plan is the creation of a connected community, in
which believers see one another as fundamentally acceptable.
6. Connection and Vision: “Believing in each other because of the gospel.” (53)
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The Trinity: God’s design to connect – “We were fashioned by a God
whose deepest joy is connection with himself.” (55)
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Vision: a sense of what God is up to; a dream of what we could become.
7. Vision in the Highest: Triune Connecting. Three shouts from heaven celebrating
Jesus: his baptism, transfiguration and prayer in the garden.
 The Power: “It is the actual life of God, the energy with which the Father and
Son relate to each other, a set of inclinations put in our hearts by the Spirit
and kept alive by his presence. It is a power that is most fully released as we
develop a compelling and awe-inspiring vision of who another person is and what
he or she could become because of the gospel.” (66)
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Conversion  forgiveness & indwelling power.
“Our hearts are enlivened with the same passions that rules unopposed in Jesus’ life,
motives and desires and ambitions that were perfectly expressed in every choice he
made, every word he spoke, every emotion he felt… We are alive in Christ.” (68)
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The power has competition in the flesh  discernment is required.
8. What’s GOOD about Us?
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Our Root Problem = unreleased goodness  vivify the good.
“We are now defined by something terrific no matter how severely we have been
hurt or how badly we fail.” (79)
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Central Obstacle = already released badness  mortify the bad.
“The only reason why an unregenerate man is not under the perpetual pursuit of
some lust is because he is distracted by so many more of them.” John Owen (74)
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Self-centered, independence and lack of trust in God’s goodness.
9. The Enemy Within: the world, the flesh, the devil.
“We live out the gospel by killing an already defeated enemy and surrendering
ourselves to the energy and prompting of the Holy Spirit in our new hearts.” (86)
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Foolishness, the product of deception  Spiritual Warfare: a fight-tillsomeone-dies conflict! (90)
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Sin is any effort to make life work without absolute dependence on God.
10. Dying Together to Live Together: killing, again and again, everything that hinders
the free expression of our new life (96). We do this together.
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Confession: the practice of coming clean with someone whose gaze we invite,
of dying to ourselves in the presence of another… (98)
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The commitment to stay no matter what we find.
11. Urges to be Killed: any perversion (however slight) of something good.
 City Building Adequacy: depending on my resources to make life work.
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This world is not our home. We long for shalom.
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Fear of failure, weakness, inadequacy… {the desert.}
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Am I adequate?  What can I give?
 Fire Lighting Confidence: reducing the mystery of life into manageable
categories and plans.
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Is our stronger impulse to trust God or figure out what to do?
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Agreement, conformity, fear of confusion… {darkness.}
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Am I right?  Whom do I trust?
 Wall Whitewashing Safety: minimizing risky exposure to protect myself.
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Fear of uncertainty and pain… {unexpected difficulties.}
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Am I safe?  Am I in good enough hands to move into life?
 Well Digging Satisfaction: insisting on feeling good now, on my terms.
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God’s well contains our only hope for soul satisfaction.
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Fear of emptiness… {seeing the damage selfishness inflicts on others.}
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Am I fulfilled?  How can I bless?
13. Connecting in the Heat of Battle: fighting side by side to kill our bad urges.
“When we recognize what is already true, that our old self is powerless to control us
and that there is no value (and great damage) in letting it do so, then, when we
choose to resist bad urges, we are mortifying the flesh.” (137)
14. It’s Time to Connect: pouring out the life of Christ.
15. Entering the Real Battle: soul hospitals – higher priority is placed on identifying
the battle raging in our bodies than on preserving our right to privacy.
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Hope: confidence that the battle can be won.
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The Battle is to develop a good relationship with God – when He doesn’t
appear trustworthy, faithful or good. (147)
“The core battle in everyone’s life is to relate well to God, to worship him, enjoy
him, experience his presence, hear his voice, trust him in everything, always call him
good, obey every command (even the hard ones), and hope in him when he seems to
disappear. That’s the battle the community of God is called to enter in each other’s
lives.” (150-1).
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Spiritual bandaids suggest the real battle is elsewhere… self-help or
psychology…
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Redefine vulnerability = a willingness to discuss whatever is getting in the
way of our relationship with God for the purpose of deepening that
relationship, not necessarily removing the problem (151).
16. Developing a Vision: see the positive, God-given potential, not the problems.
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Determine your destination before setting out on your trip. (161)
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“A vision we give to others of who and what they could become has power
when it echoes what the Spirit has already spoken into their souls.” (165).
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Matters of the heart (becoming) more than doing.
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Creates anguish in the heart of the visionary; desiring their highest good.
“It’s easier to want less for people we love. Good visions hurt.” (167).
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Discernment required: Spirit inspired, lest we become self-serving…
17. Releasing the Energy: praying that God would heal our souls.
“The energy that fills a truly qualified helper includes far more than “mere”
compassion, it involves engagement that goes miles beyond listening skills; it offers
probing wisdom and life-giving words that provide more than the promise to pray,
gestures of support, and bits of advice.” (175).
 The deepest reality within our being is the life of Christ 
Identify that life, nourish it until it becomes our strongest urge…
(176)
 The energy of Christ is released most fully when we most
completely come to an end of ourselves. (179)
 Disturbing truth  not an effective response… but Discovery of
God; mystery, battle, trust. Speak genuinely, not skillfully.
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Study, pray, serve and worship.
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Think through Biblical categories for understanding people, problems and
solutions.
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Learn fundamentals of soul care speaking, then follow the Spirit.
 Words of Sensitive, Caring Involvement in response to
 Words of Honestly Shared Pain.
“The community of God can be back in the business as a major provider of soul
care.” (202)
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Healing community: a group of people who place connecting at the exact
center of their purpose and passion… - connecting with God (worship),
others (loving service), and ourselves (personal wholeness). (206)
- built on friendship
spiritual direction.
- formed by shepherding
- guided by