18.10.2006
Today at school I found out about competition. I have to write my diary
in English. It’s great idea! But i don’t know if I take a part, becouse
diary is very private business. I know, that many people will pretend,
write things, that never happened just becouse first prize is linguistic
course in London and more intresting diary wins. But for me it’s more
than writting something for show. I’ll free my mind and incidentally
polish up my English. I need it to make my dreams come true.
This is what’s all about... That’s just a dream. Sometimes I think, that
it will be a dream ‘till I die. Maybe I’m not good enough. I am what
I am and I should accept that. But I’m not the only one, who want to be
a singer and I’m not the only one who won’t be what wants to be. I’m
loosing my confidence. Maybe if I go sleep, I’ll be more optymistic
person...
I woke up two houers ago... I’m alright, but I want a music to make me
feel better. “So I’d pray. I could breakaway.”
Dreamming is something, that I’m good at. Is it wrong?
“Sometimes a dreamer is a loser... sometimes a loser wins!” Yeah...
I feel like a loser. Sadly, that losers wins SOMETIMES.
19.10.2006
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I’m better now.
I don’t understand myself. But I never did, so I could get used to this.
So: Two days ago I met a boy. He’s not like others. I think, that I’m
falling in love with him....slowly... It’s little bit stupid, I don’t even
know him... But I feel like we’re meant to be... I don’t know what to
do... He loves his ex-girlfiend, I tried to help him, becouse he was
heartbroken. Then he said, that I’m his friend. To me “FRIENDS” isn’t
only a word... It means so much to me. I hope, to him - too. That’s
strange, that I know that he loves another girl but I don’t care - it
doesn’t bother me. Maybe that’s the LOVE... I want him to be happy this is my only dream at the moment. I’m stupid, I’m stupid, I’m
stupid, I’m stupid, I’m stupid, I’m stupid, I’m stupid (...) !!!  that’s
all I know!!! But I like to be who I am...
I will love ‘till I die! And that is the one thing, that nobody can nix me.
I love people around me, I love what i do, I love even my stupid dog!
Everything’s changing but that’s the one thing, that will stay the same!
When I was little girl, dad went away...In all he didn’t... My mum and I
broke out. But i can’t still to dwell on it! CARPE DIEM
20.10.2006
Today is Friday. I invited my posse and we made something like
“bachelor party” (with any mans of course ). That’s all i needed. I
heaven’t such a fun long time ago. We didn’t even do something
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extraordinary. We just wtched some movies, ate ice-creams, clowned
around. No great shakes, but for me that was little more than spend
time with posse. I spend my time with FRIENDS!! It’s getting late, girls
are sleeping. I better go, too 
23.10.2006
This weekend I spent in Mielno. My mum’s friend has a pretty nice
cottage near the sea. My badroom was really wonderful, I’ve never
seen something like this one before. When my parents went out, I was
sittin on the rocking chair and writting some lyrics. Music is my passion.
I love if I can let my emotions run free. I had a wonderful view, so it
could be my inspiration.
Near place, that I lodged, live a girl with magnetic personallity. I was
watching her and I even wrote one lyric about her. One day she came
to me and we started meeting. She’s romantic. First and foremost: She
want to be a singer!!!  So, when she found out that I want to be a
singer, too - she was delighted. I layed my lyrics on her. She composed
music to this!!!  Then we could spend our all time singing. I hope that
somewhen our dreams come true. It would be nice if in the future we’ll
be superstars and we’ll meet during Video Musics Awards or
something!!  Did I wrote that I can dream like no one in this World? I
hope so, becouse it’s most important fact from my life!  I’m very
nutty person! One day I cry, becouse I think, That I have hopeless
dreams and I’m very demanding, but next day I think, that I’m able to
do this...
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In the evening I’m recording my songs onto a computer. I’m going to
give it someone, who is familiar with music. I just want to know what I
do wrong, or what I should do to have a better voice.
I love my town. People are nice and there’s such a beautiful scenery...
but it’s a little bit small to developing. I know, that if I lived in bigger
city (like Warsaw, or something) I would be a member of some band, I
think so... My parents can’t support me, because they don’t have clue
about music and they hate my idea about future. But it’s my life!!! So I
don’t care what people say, I don’t care what people want me to do!
It’s my bussiness! 
30.10.2006
I didn’t write anything such a long time... It took a week for me to get
myself... Thare’re so many thougts, voices on my mind.
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“You’re fat!”, “You’re hopeless”, “There is nothing you can do to be
smart/pretty/funny like your classmates!”, ‘You’re ugly!’, ‘You’re not
good enough to be loved’...i’ve heard it again and again...
Yesterday I thought, that my sadness’s done. Then I heard ‘You’re fat,
but it’s cool, you know.’!!!!! What a hell...!!!!!!! Whay people just
don’t understand, that i’ve got feelings too? Young girls sink into
anoreksia or bulimia becouse of people like that!!!!! My mum used to
say ‘Look is not important’, but now when I walk by her, she screams
‘Your ass is getting fat! You’re so fat!’  I really love her, but when I
hear her talking like that I just want to kill her! Where is the support?
Where is an unconditional love?
Ehh... They will see what I can do! They will regret, that they haven’t
as fat body as me, becouse that body can do everything! That body is
stronger than skinny ladies! AND I WANT TO SHOUT IT OUT!!
01.11.2006
Today is All Saints’ Day. I hate this one! If love is trully - people will
visited graves. There is no reason for that holiday to exist! Many people
are usually doing something only becouse it goes off well. That’s sick! I
don’t want to do what I just don’t feel! If I feel that I should go to the
cemetery, I will go! And nobody can forbit it... But now I live with
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parents and I must do what they want me to do... Sometimes they just
don’t understand my mind and think that i’m lazy and that’s why I
don’t want to go to the cementery... That’s not true... I’m not that
stupid. But they think that I’m 16 so I’m not as wise as they are... But
was hard to describe the nightmare i had live through, so I have a little
bit adulter view of the world than my peers. I could see it. Whatever...
I have been singing loudly two houers... My throat’s hurting me now.
But I’m feel satisfy  Have I ever wrote that I love music? I don’d
think so... Well... I LOVE MUSIC, I LOVE MUSIC, I LOVE MUSIC 
I want to scream!!! It makes me feel alive!!!!
I describe my feelings on a paper, but that’s not enough! I want to be a
singer!!! I want to tell World what is on my mind!! I’m not gonna be
another Britney Spears or Jessica Simpson! I have more to say than “I
love him and he loves me, becouse I’m so sexy”!!! I’m not that empty
inside! I want to be a millioner! But not becouse I want to buy Lipgloss
by Dior! 3/4 my salary will go to charity! Or maybe I will establish
something  That’s a great idea! 
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