Seinfeld Episode Guide
Legend :
+++ Whole Show (95)
xxx Excerpt (12)
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Pilot Summer 1989 (series is titled The Seinfeld Chronicles)
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1. "Good News, Bad News" 7/5/1989
+++
In this episode, Jerry refers to Kramer as Kessler, because we later learn in "The Betrayal" this was the
name on the buzzer for Kramer's apartment. This also discounts the fact that Kramer has sublet the
apartment from Paul Buchman from Mad About You in an episode of that series that aired after "The
Virgin." A girl Jerry met on the road wants to stay with him when she comes to New York. George thinks
that she is just using Jerry as contingency plan. Hoffman (Kramer) comes by to borrow a couple of pieces
of meat. The girl calls and asks Jerry if she can stay at his apartment for the night, when she arrives she
asks to stay for another night. Jerry is disappointed when he finds out she is engaged.
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1st Season Spring 1990 (series is re-titled Seinfeld)
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2. "The Stakeout" 5/31/1990
Elaine brings Jerry to a birthday party where he meets a woman who fascinates him. Jerry doesn't know
her name and wants to meet her again, so on some advice from his father, he and George stakeout the
lobby of the building she works in. This is the first episode that George uses the name Art Vandelay.
3. "The Robbery" 6/7/1990
While out of town Jerry's apartment gets robbed (Kramer left the door open); so he considers moving.
However, the apartment that George shows him is also an apartment that he wants, so they try to decide
who will get it. Whoever wins, Elaine wants their apartment. Kramer searches for the stolen property.
4. "Male Unbonding" 6/14/1990
+++
Jerry ponders a few courses of action when he sees that he no longer has anything in common with a
clingy and obnoxious childhood friend. George has trouble with his latest relationship. Kramer has the idea
to open a chain of make-your-own-pizza parlors and is looking for investors.
5. "The Stock Tip" 6/21/1990
Jerry and George get some inside information that gives them hope for a new stock. Elaine has trouble with
her boyfriend's cats. She's allergic to them. Jerry plans his first weekend trip with Vanessa. George says
they are "relationship killers." Kramer has an idea for a roll-out tie dispenser and warns Jerry about the
market. Jerry becomes worried when the stock drops and they have trouble locating the broker who has
information on when to sell their stock. They find out he's in the hospital. Jerry confronts his dry cleaner
about his shirt. Elaine considers the cat problem. Anxious Jerry sells; George plans to go down with the
ship. Jerry's trip is a disaster, but the stock turns okay for George.
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2nd Season Winter 1991
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6. "The Ex-Girlfriend" 1/23/1991
George has doubts about his current relationship that he broke off. Elaine is curious about a relationship
that she has with a guy in her building that has degenerated over the past two years. Jerry is reluctantly
drawn into George's ex-relationship when he picks up some books left at her apartment. Although he wants
to break it off with her, she has this "psycho-sexual" hold over him and he becomes worried about what
George might think if he lets this relationship develop. Elaine confronts the guy in her building and Jerry's
relationship maybe in jeopardy when his girlfriend sees his act.
7. "The Pony Remark" 1/30/1991
Jerry's parents come to town for a 50th anniversary party. Jerry bets Kramer that he won't complete his
plans to renovate his apartment with levels in a month. Jerry takes Elaine to the dinner and he makes an
observation about children who have ponies, this remark offends the guest of honor. When she dies soon
afterwards, Jerry wonders if he should go to the funeral or go to his championship softball game. Elaine
wonders about the fate of the apartment, when she hears the widower is moving to Arizona. George
wonders if it will ever be possible for him to have sex again.
8. "The Jacket" 2/6/1991
Jerry buys a real expensive new suede jacket with a colorful inner lining. George has a song from Les
Miserables that he just can't get out of his mind. Kramer is supposed pickup a magician friend's doves, and
needs someone to help him for two minutes; Elaine takes on the job. Kramer promises she'll get "a lift" to
the hotel where Jerry and George are meeting her and her father, Alton Benes, an author cut from
Hemingway cloth. Jerry and George suffer while waiting with Elaine's father. When it begins to snow, Jerry
turns his new jacket inside out, to protect it, but Alton Benes doesn't want to be seen on the street with him.
9. "The Phone Message" 2/13/1991
George blows an invitation upstairs with his latest girlfriend and then when he tries to make restitution he
leaves progressively nastier messages on her answering machine. He gets the chance to prevent her from
hearing her messages by having Jerry switch the tape out of her machine, while he distracts her. Jerry and
his girlfriend have a disagreement about TV commercial for pants commercial and his telling his friends
about their conflict.
10. "The Apartment" 4/4/1991
Kramer tries mousse in his hair. Jerry gets Elaine an opportunity to get the apartment right above him,
before he realizes the possible implications. George tests the "wedding band" theory of meeting women.
11. "The Statue" 4/11/1991
xxx
Jerry has a box of stuff his grandfather left him. Inside is an interesting looking statue that could replace
one George's parents had years ago, but he broke. George plans to pick the statue up later but in the
meantime he tells his parents about the replacement statue. Meanwhile the boyfriend of a bitter Finnish
author (whose latest work Elaine is going to edit) is going to clean Jerry's apartment. When Jerry returns to
his apartment it is cleaned beyond reason. Later when Jerry and Elaine are at the author's apartment, they
see the statue on her mantelpiece. Getting it back may jeopardize Elaine's chance at being an editor, but
save George from his parent's wrath.
12. "The Revenge" 4/18/1991
+++
George quits his job in a huff after he is demoted to using the regular bathroom. Newman tells Kramer that
he plans to jump off the building. Jerry suggests that George just go back into work next Monday morning
and pretend like nothing happened; however, that doesn't work. Newman jumps, from the second floor.
George plots revenge, and with Elaine's help, tries to slip his boss "a Mickey." Jerry suspects that his
launderer is a larcenist after he discovers that $1500 he had stashed in his laundry bag is missing. Kramer
helps Jerry get revenge by bringing a bag of concrete in to put into one of the wash machines.
13. "The Heart Attack" 4/25/1991
+++
George thinks he's had a heart attack. The doctor tells him otherwise, but he might want to get his tonsils
and adenoids removed. Elaine is interested in the doctor and he is interested in her tongue. George not
wanting to deal with the cost, follows Kramer's suggestion of going to a holistic healer. The healer's cure
turns George purple and the ride to the hospital is delayed over a Chuckle.
14. "The Deal" 5/2/1991
Jerry and Elaine are watching TV late at night and stumble across "naked people" and that gets them both
discussing whether they could have a relationship and not jeopardize their friendship. George says it can't
be done, but Jerry and Elaine devise "a system". Idevelops a little trouble when her birthday comes along.
15. "The Baby Shower" 5/16/1991
+++
Elaine needs to use Jerry's apartment to hold a baby shower for a woman that once dated George. George
reflects that she was "unequivocally the worst date of my life." Jerry has to go out of town for a show, so he
lets Elaine use the apartment. Kramer sells Jerry on the idea on getting an illegal cable hookup. The party
begins. The cable guys come to install the hookup. Jerry's show gets canceled, so he returns to the
apartment with George who's prepared to confront the bad date. Jerry is the victim of his own confrontation.
16. "The Chinese Restaurant" 5/23/1991
+++
Jerry, Elaine and George stop for a quick Chinese dinner before a showing of Plan 9 From Outer Space on
the big screen. However, while waiting a really long time to get a table, Jerry sees a woman whose name
he can't recall; George needs to use a phone. Elaine needs food, more than those seated ahead of them.
17. "The Busboy" 6/26/1991
George inadvertently meddles in the life of a busboy, by getting him fired. He tries to rectify things;
however, he winds up compounding them by losing the busboy's cat. Elaine discovers that a week is much
too long to have a house guest. She does everything in her power to get him out. The busboy's life is saved
and made for the better after his involvement with George, until he meets Elaine's house guest.
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3rd Season 1991
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18. "The Note" 9/18/1991
Physical therapy proves painful for Jerry when his small talk with his therapist leads to a misunderstanding.
Jerry uses his dentist friend, Roy, to write a note so that insurance will cover therapy for George and
Elaine. Then, George's paranoia about men comes into play when he gets a massage from a man and later
says "I think it moved." Kramer thinks he has seen DiMaggio in Dinky Donuts. The notes may cause Roy to
lose his license in an insurance fraud investigation.
19. "The Truth" 9/25/1991
George's relationship with a former IRS worker may ease Jerry's tax audit worries- until she becomes his
former girlfriend. She wants to know why, so he tells her the truth, this was after he gave her Jerry's tax
records. Elaine sees far too much of Kramer, he's dating her roommate; in return he saw far too much of
her. George tries to get Jerry's tax records back, but he finds she gone into a depression clinic.
20. "The Pen" 10/2/1991
Elaine regrets accompanying Jerry on a trip to Florida to visit his parents. There are temperature control
problems in the condo, a back breaking sofa bed, a slight overdose of muscle relaxants and the disposition
of a pen that writes upside down.
21. "The Dog" 10/9/1991
Jerry is watching an unruly dog, for a fellow airline passenger who's sick in a hospital somewhere in
Chicago. Jerry, can't leave his apartment, that leaves George and Elaine alone together. They find they
have little to say to each other without their conversational third, Jerry; so they talk about him. Kramer tries
breaking up with his girlfriend. Jerry can't locate the dog’s owner, who was released from the hospital.
22. "The Library" 10/16/1991
+++
The library asks Jerry about a book he checked out in 1971 and never returned, so Jerry looks up an old
girlfriend for his defense against a library cop. George thinks the homeless man he'd seen outside the
library is a former gym high school gym teacher that he got fired. Kramer has his eye on a librarian. Elaine
worries about her career when her boss hates the recommendations she made.
23. "The Parking Garage" 10/30/1991
+++
Everyone separates to try to find the car in a huge parking garage. Jerry needs the use of a bathroom so
he finds a place to go and gets busted. Elaine tries to get help from people passing by. George joins Jerry
in getting busted. Kramer is wearing "the jacket," and forgets where he put down the air conditioner he was
carrying and causes George to be real late for his parent's 47th anniversary.
24. "The Cafe" 11/6/1991
Jerry tries helping the owner of a small restaurant attract customers by giving him a suggestion. George
must take an IQ test for his latest girlfriend, so Elaine helps him in "a caper" where she takes the test for
him. Kramer tries to keep his mother's ex-boyfriend's jacket, because it helps him meet women; however
the ex-boyfriend comes looking for it.
25. "The Tape" 11/13/1991
+++
George is excited about a new potential baldness cure that was discovered in China. While listening to a
tape of his previous nights show, Jerry hears the voice of a mysterious woman who talks dirty into his tape
recorder and everyone becomes excited by the voice. Elaine shines in an entirely new light for George
when he is let in on her secret. He is later driven crazy when she plays around with him while goofing
around in front of Kramer's new video recorder. George tries the bald cure. Kramer searches for the jacket.
26. "The Nose Job" 11/20/1991
+++
Jerry's brain and penis play chess against one another to decide whether he should keep dating a vacuous
model with whom the "sex is great" but not anything else. George is dating a woman with a big nose,
Kramer tells her it like it is and she gets a nose job; however, there is a complication. Kramer gets Elaine to
help him retrieve the jacket.
27. "The Stranded" 11/27/1991
xxx
Jerry & Elaine go to a party with George, while there they send signals to each other to get out of bad party
conversations. Afterward, George abandons them there, when he leaves with a co-worker he has a chance
with. Jerry & Elaine keeping the hosts up real late, while waiting for Kramer to come and pick them up. The
host later takes Jerry up on his offer to drop by when he is in the city, just as Jerry is leaving. He stays in
Jerry's apartment for the evening and parties with Kramer and a lady of the evening. Later George pays the
price for his romance in the workplace (he must quit) and he tries to shoplift at the drug store where he
says they still owe him ten dollars.
28. "The Alternate Side" 12/4/1991
+++
Jerry's car is stolen and the criminal picks up his car phone. George decides to take a fill-in job moving cars
from one side of the street to the other; this turns into a disaster for local traffic flow. Kramer gets a chance
to do a line in a Woody Allen film; "these pretzels are making me thirsty." Elaine gets tired of her 66-yearold boyfriend and when she is about to break up with him, he has a heart attack or something.
29. "The Red Dot" 12/11/1991
+++
Jerry is the unwitting cause of Elaine's boyfriend falling off the wagon. Elaine gets George a job, so he buys
her a gift, an $85 cashmere sweater. The sweater has a little red dot on it; hence the price. Elaine gives it
back, then George gives it to the cleaning woman, to keep her quiet about them having sex on his desk.
George gets fired.
30. "The Subway" 1/8/1992
+++
Everyone has an uncommon experience while going their separate ways on the subway. George meets a
beautiful woman who distracts him from his intended destination, a job interview. Jerry falls asleep and
then wakes up across from a fat naked man and winds up discussing with him, the New York Mets &
Coney Island. Elaine's train stops in the middle of a tunnel on her way to be best man at a lesbian wedding.
Kramer overhears a hot tip on a horse on his way to pay $600 in traffic violations.
31. "The Pez Dispenser" 1/15/1992
Kramer joins the "Polar Bear Club." Jerry gets one of Kramer's Pez dispensers which makes Elaine laugh
during a piano recital of George's girlfriend, and that puts their relationship in jeopardy. Kramer has an idea
for a cologne that smells like the beach and suggests that George make a preemptive breakup with his
girlfriend, that will give him the "upper hand." The Pez dispenser has a remarkable effect during a drug
confrontation.
32. "The Suicide" 1/29/1992
+++
Elaine needs to fast before an x-ray, so she tries stuffing herself three days before the test. After his
neighbor Martin tries suicide, Jerry is hit on by his girlfriend, Gina, while at the hospital. A psychic warns
George to cancel his vacation to the Cayman Islands, but never can tell George why. Jerry becomes
worried when Newman (a friend of Martins) sees him with Gina. Elaine starts hallucinating from hunger.
Everything hinges on a Drake's coffee cake.
33. "The Fix-Up" 2/5/1992
+++
After selling each other on the idea, Jerry and Elaine sell George and Elaine's friend on a blind date, then
they await the results. They promise to keep each other updated with "full disclosure," though that doesn't
happen. There also may be a problem with a defective condom. "My boys can swim!"
34. "The Boyfriend Part 1" 2/12/1992
+++
Jerry meets Keith Hernandez and wants to make a good impression. Meanwhile, George is out of time on
his unemployment and he works harder than ever on his scheme to get a 13 week extension. He tells the
unemployment office he was really close on Vandelay Industries, a company that makes latex products and
whose main office is Jerry's apartment. Kramer and Newman hate Hernandez back to a time when they
were allegedly spit on by him; however, Jerry supports the "second-spitter theory." Keith asks Jerry about
Elaine's status. Keith makes a date with her and breaks a date with Jerry.
35. "The Boyfriend Part 2” 2/12/1992
+++
George tries two more approaches with the unemployment officer. Kramer gets Jerry to accompany him to
see a former neighbors' new baby, "you got to see the baby." Though he's gone out with Keith once, does
that mean he must help him move. Elaine and Keith are hitting it off until he pulls out a cigarette. George
wants to sleep with a really tall woman. Keith supports the "second spitter theory." Jerry and Elaine both
breakup with Keith and George might get his wish.
36. "The Limo" 2/26/1992
+++
On a whim, Jerry and George take a limo from a passenger that Jerry knows never made it on the plane.
While taking the limo they call Elaine & Kramer to join them for an event at Madison Square Garden, but it
isn't the type of event they were hoping for.
37. "The Good Samaritan" 3/4/1992
+++
Jerry tracks down a hit-and-run driver, then he wants to date her, after dating her he finds out she hit
another woman he's always wanted to date. George has an affair with Elaine's friend. Kramer has violent
reactions to Mary Hart's voice.
38. "The Letter" 3/25/1992
+++
Kramer poses for a painting, that an elderly couple becomes just crazy about. George feels obligated to
buy something when he accompanies Jerry to his new girlfriend's art studio. Elaine wears an Orioles
baseball cap in the owner's box at Yankee Stadium and refuses to remove it. Jerry finds out his new
girlfriend is a plagiarist after he hears the words she wrote in a letter, on television. Elaine gets a chance to
return to Yankee Stadium.
39. "The Parking Space" 4/22/1992
+++
Kramer tells Jerry about something his friend Mike said about Jerry being "a phony." After borrowing Jerry's
car, Elaine comes up with a wild story, because the car is now making a strange clanking noise. George
gets into a confrontation with Mike about a parking space in front of Jerry's apartment. Everyone one the
street debates about parking etiquette.
40. "The Keys" 5/6/1992
+++
Kramer invades Jerry's life too much, so Jerry revokes his spare key privileges. Realizing that he has
broken the "covenant of the keys" gives Kramer the realization he is now free to come out of the shadows.
Kramer takes off for California to follow his acting dream. Jerry gave his spare keys to Elaine, then when he
needs them, he goes with George to Elaine's (who has her keys) to search for his spare set. What they find
is Elaine's show-biz project. Kramer finds adventure as he journeys across the country to LA where he gets
a famous bit part on Murphy Brown.
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4th Season 1992
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41. The Tip Part 1 8/12/1992
+++
With Elaine in Europe, Jerry asks George to accompany him on a trip to LA and The Tonight Show; while
there they will try to locate Kramer. While auditioning, Kramer must deal with the advances of an older
female landlord (an actress who hasn't worked since 1934) and get someone in Hollywood to read his
script treatment. A body is discovered; the victim, a young woman, was strangled. Kramer meets a woman
at an audition and he gives her a copy of his script. Jerry loses the correct phrasing for some new jokes
and George tries to get Lupe, the chambermaid, to make his bed just right. At The Tonight Show, George
disturbs the guests and Jerry bombs. The woman Kramer gave the script to is strangled and his script is
found in her possession. Kramer's face is shown on the news as the prime suspect for the "Smog
Strangler," a serial-killer.
42. "The Trip Part 2" 8/19/1992
+++
Jerry and George try to contact the police to tell them Kramer is innocent. Kramer still doesn't know he's
wanted. Jerry and George get a ride in a police car and while en route the officers pick up a possible 519.
The 519 suspect is put in the back of the car with George and Jerry and they ask him tipping advice. Then
all units are called in on Kramer's building, Jerry and George leave the police car door open and the 519
suspect escapes. While Kramer is in for questioning, another victim is found. He is let go and Jerry and
George want to know what he is going to do, he is going to stay in LA. Jerry and George are back in New
York and Kramer turns up like nothings changed.
43. "The Pitch" 9/16/1992
+++
NBC executives ask Jerry to come up with an idea for a TV series. George decides he can be a sitcom
writer and comes up with "nothing." Kramer trades a radar detector for a helmet, later Newman gets a
speeding ticket. While waiting to meet the NBC executives, George and Jerry meet Joe Davola, a writer
and "a total nut" who goes to the same shrink as Elaine. Jerry searching for conversation, mentions
Kramer's party, whereto Joe wasn't invited. While discussing the disaster of the meeting with NBC, George
focuses on starting a relationship with the female NBC executive. Kramer shows his approval by throwing
up on her. The helmet saves Kramer from an attack by "Crazy" Joe Davola. While all this is going on Elaine
is in Europe with her shrink.
44. "The Ticket" 9/16/1992
+++
Kramer suffers side effects from his head injury. NBC gives Jerry and George another meeting and on the
way, Jerry throws out a watch his parents gave him. He then meets his Uncle Leo, who picks the watch out
of the garbage. Kramer agrees to be an alibi for Newman's trial on a speeding ticket. George and Jerry
meet with NBC executives and they give the go ahead for a pilot. Later they hide in the coffee shop, afraid
of an attack from "Crazy" Joe. Elaine's shrink realizes that he didn't leave an extra prescription for Joe
Davola, for the time while he's on vacation.
45. "The Wallet Part 1" 9/23/1992
xxx
Jerry's parents come to town to see a back specialist, they hear about "Crazy" Joe not liking Jerry and ask
about the watch they gave him. George "negotiates" the deal with the NBC and gets a box of cigars from
Susan's father. While at the doctor's office Morty's wallet is "stolen". Elaine returns from her trip and tries to
end her relationship with her shrink. The deal with NBC is lost.
46. "The Watch Part 2" 9/30/1992
xxx
Jerry has dinner with his parents and Uncle Leo. Women, who's paying and the watch are all discussed.
Elaine uses Kramer as "her boyfriend" in trying to fool her shrink. George gets Russell's address and tries
to get the pilot reinstated. Jerry tries to buy back the watch. Outside her shrink's office, Elaine meets
"Crazy" Joe, whom she begins to date.
47. "The Bubble Boy" 10/7/1992
+++
Jerry's girlfriend, Naomi has a laugh that sounds like "Elmer Fudd sitting on a juicer," and when she hears
George's message to Jerry, she breaks up with him. So instead, Jerry asks Elaine to accompany him on a
trip to a cabin in the mountain with George and Susan. Kramer isn't invited. Jerry agrees to a side trip to
visit a sick fan, a "Bubble Boy." George gets into a fight with the "Bubble Boy" over the correct answer to a
Trivial Pursuit question. Kramer and Naomi also make the trip to the cabin and get the fire started.
48. "The Cheever Letters" 10/28/1992
+++
Jerry and George begin to work on the pilot for the series they pitched to NBC. Jerry says the wrong thing
while "messing" around with one of Elaine's co-workers. George & Susan tell her father about the cabin
fire, he becomes distraught and letters saved from the fire soon explain why. Kramer goes to the Cuban
Embassy in search of cigars and makes a deal.
49. "The Opera" 11/4/1992
"Crazy" Joe leaves Jerry a message saying he will put the "kibosh" on him. Kramer has tickets for the
opera, Pagliacci, and everyone is going including Elaine and her boyfriend "Crazy" Joe. Elaine drops in on
Joe's apartment and is she surprised by what she discovers, so she maces him with cherry Binaca and
ends their relationship. Susan can't attend, so George tries to scalp her ticket. Joe, a big fan of Pagliacci,
comes to the opera in clown garb; Elaine and Jerry attend together not realizing their different estranged
relationships with Joe.
50. "The Virgin" 11/11/1992
After much procrastination, George and Jerry strain to think of an idea for their TV series a few hours
before a meeting with NBC executives. Jerry finds out a girl he once met is still a virgin, and later Elaine
educates her about men after sex. George wants to end his relationship with Susan so he can exploit his
writing profession as a pick-up line. Elaine runs into a Chinese delivery boy. Kramer watches too much
television.
51. "The Contest" 11/18/1992
+++
George's mother throws her back out when she falls down after catching him doing "you know." When
George says he'll never do it again, Jerry challenges him to a contest of self-denial, when he accepts,
Elaine and Kramer want in on the action, or rather the lack of it.
52. "The Airport" 11/25/1992
When their flight home gets canceled, Jerry & Elaine gets on another flight, the latter gets cramped into
coach and Jerry parties in 1st class with a model. George and Kramer go between JFK and La Guardia to
pick them up. When they settle on an airport George meets a convict and Kramer sees a man who owes
him $240 from years ago.
53. "The Pick" 12/16/1992
+++
Elaine is humiliated when she accidentally shows a bit too much on her Christmas card photo, that she has
sent out to everyone she knows. Jerry has a date with the model from the plane, she later dumps Jerry
because of "The Pick." George tries to reunite with Susan, but realizes it's a mistake, and uses "The Pick".
Kramer goes to Calvin Klein to complain about "The Ocean," a fragrance they stole from him, and is asked
to pose for a risqué underwear advertisement.
54. "The Movie" 1/6/1993
+++
Jerry tries to make two show dates and afterwards go to the movie theater to meet everyone. George gets
in the wrong line for tickets. George, Elaine & Kramer decide to go to another theater to see the movie.
Kramer waits outside for Jerry but also wants a hot dog. Jerry misses his first show, then goes to movie
theater to tell everyone he won't make the movie, but no one is there. Through a comedy of errors,
everyone (but Kramer) misses the movie, they were originally going to see.
55. "The Visa" 1/27/1993
+++
George meets a Chinese female lawyer who thinks he is real funny; so he tells Jerry not to be funny around
her, but she becomes attracted to this. Kramer returns early from baseball fantasy camp, where he
accidentally punched Mickey Mantle. A mix-up with Jerry's mail causes Babu to be arrested for not
renewing his visa. Jerry tries to get the lawyer to help Babu, but George's honesty when his relationship is
threatened causes Babu to be deported and Elaine to still be sued by the delivery boy she hit.
56. "The Shoes" 2/4/1993
Jerry and George struggle to keep their idea for a TV series alive, one of their problems is they don't know
how to do the Elaine character. Jerry meets an old girlfriend he never could kiss, later Kramer gets the
opportunity. The ex-girlfriend talks about Elaine's shoes, mainly because she wants them. George is caught
staring at the cleavage of the daughter of the NBC executive who is approving their script. Elaine's
cleavage provides a means to turn the tables on him.
57. "The Outing" 2/11/1993
+++
No thanks to Elaine, Jerry must work hard to prove he is straight when a college reporter mistakenly
reports that he and George are gay, "not that there is anything wrong with that." Things really get out of
hand when the article is picked up by the New York Post.
58. "The Old Man" 2/18/1993
+++
Jerry, Elaine & George volunteer to help the elderly. Jerry gets assigned to a nasty old man. Elaine is
repulsed by the goiter problems of hers and George depresses his charge. Kramer and Newman try the
business of selling old records to a used record store. Jerry loses track of his man when they try to take
him to the dentist to repair his dentures, after the man had bitten Kramer's arm.
59. "The Implant" 2/25/1993
Jerry dumps his girlfriend after Elaine says her figure is the result of implants. Kramer claims to have seen
Salman Rushdie at the health club. By accident Elaine later discovers the breasts are real. George
accompanies his current girlfriend to Detroit for her aunt's wake. While there he tries to get a copy of her
death certificate so he can get a 50% discount on the airfare.
60. "The Junior Mint" 3/18/1993
+++
Jerry has a date with a woman whose name he has forgotten, but it "rhymes with a female body part."
Could it be "Mulva"? Elaine visits an old boyfriend who's in the hospital for an operation; he was once fat,
thin she's interested again. Kramer gets an opportunity to witness the operation and he drags Jerry along,
while watching they have an accident with a "Junior Mint."
61. "The Smelly Car" 4/18/1993
The strong body odor of a valet is left in Jerry's car. George can't believe it when he spots Susan holding
hands with another woman. Elaine loses her current boyfriend and Jerry is forced to try to sell the car,
because the odor has taken a life of its own and permeated everything. George is turned by Susan's new
outlook on life. Susan's friend is swayed to heterosexuality by Kramer, though later turned back off by a
whiff of a jacket that Kramer borrowed from Jerry. When the car can't be sold, Jerry winds up leaving it and
the keys out on the street.
62. "The Handicap Spot" 5/13/1993
+++
Going out to buy an engagement party present for "The Drake," George parks his father's car in a handicap
parking spot, after taking Kramer's advice. An angry mob trashes the vehicle when a disabled woman gets
injured, because of the illegal parking. While visiting the woman at the hospital, Kramer falls in love and
feels compelled to replace the wheelchair. George becomes his father's butler after his father gets arrested
for parking in the spot.
63. "The Pilot Part 1" 5/20/1993
Jerry and George get the green light to produce Jerry, the pilot for the series based on their "nothing" lives.
Russell Dalrimple, the president at NBC behind the pilot, is obsessed with Elaine. George is obsessed with
a white spot on his lip and a box of raisins taken by actor playing Kramer. The real Kramer has an internal
plumbing problem and on his way to fix it, he gets delayed and is caused to "miss his chance." Jerry has an
audition with the new "Elaine," a method actress interested in being Elaine in every way. The real Elaine
has a problem with the coffee shop, they appear to be only hiring buxom waitresses, so she tries to get
hired and files a report.
64. "The Pilot Part 2" 5/20/1993
Rehearsals for the pilot begin. Russell's obsession with Elaine begins to affect his work. George asks TV
Kramer about the raisins. The real Kramer might be forced to work on his plumbing problem by using the
"dreaded apparatus." Elaine gets an investigation started on the owner of the diner. George gets the results
of the biopsy of his white spot. At the taping of the pilot, Elaine sneaks in disguised and "Crazy" Joe jumps
out of the audience. Elaine finds Morty's wallet in Jerry's couch. Everyone from the past season comments
on the pilot as it's broadcast, they all think it's great. When Russell disappears, the fate of the pilot is in the
hands of the new president, a person convinced that Jerry can't act.
____________________________________________________________________________________
5th Season 1993
____________________________________________________________________________________
65. "The Mango" 9/16/1993
George tells Jerry about his lack of confidence below "the equator." Jerry begs Elaine for another chance
when he finds out she faked her orgasms. Kramer gets banned from his favorite fruit shop.
66. "The Puffy Shirt" 9/23/1993
+++
George is forced to move in with his parents. He gets a job as a hand model and becomes obsessed with
keeping his hands safe. Kramer's girlfriend whom design clothes and talks with a real low voice asks Jerry
a question that he politely answers yes to. He agrees to wear one of her new puffy pirate shirts on a Today
Show appearance he is making.
67. "The Glasses" 9/30/1993
+++
George's glasses are stolen and he needs a new pair, so he goes to see Kramer's friend to get a thirty
percent discount; all Elaine gets is bitten by a dog and then she becomes afraid of them. While not wearing
his glasses, George thinks he sees Jerry's girlfriend kissing Jerry's cousin. Jerry tries to figure if it's true.
68. "The Sniffing Accountant" 10/7/1993
xxx
George's father gets him an interview as a bra salesman. Evidence points to Jerry's accountant being a
drug user. So Jerry, Kramer and Newman set out to find out the truth. Elaine's new boyfriend is perfect
except for his use of an exclamation point.
69. "The Bris" 10/14/1993
+++
George gets a great parking spot that becomes a target. Kramer thinks that he has stumbled on the
product of a genetic engineering experiment, a "pig man". Elaine and Jerry are nervous about the religious
duties they must do when they agree to become godparents to a couple's newborn, including getting the
Mohel and holding the baby for the circumcision.
70. "The Lip Reader" 10/28/1993
+++
Jerry is smitten with a line judge at the US Open, but after he gets her attention, he finds out she is deaf.
Elaine has a problem not communicating with a limo driver. George wants to use Jerry's girlfriend to read
the lips of his ex-girlfriend to find out what she is saying about him. While she is reading the lips, Kramer
does the translation, that gets George in more trouble. Kramer becomes a ball man at the Open, when
Monica Seles returns to tennis.
71. "The Non-Fat Yogurt" 11/4/1993
When they begin to gain weight, Jerry and Elaine suspect that Kramer has made a bad investment in a
non-fat yogurt shop. Jerry inadvertently uses the "F" word, as a result so does Maryedith's son Matthew, a
lot. George meets an old childhood friend whom he is convinced is trying to humiliate him. Elaine begins
dating this friend and gives him an idea for his mayoral candidate's campaign. Kramer's date with a lab
technician results in strange test results for the future mayor of New York City.
72. “The Barber" 11/11/1993
+++
George is uncertain about whether his job interview was successful or not, so he decides to go into the
office and act like an employee while the boss is on vacation. Jerry is reluctant to dump his old barber even
when he is given a real bad haircut. Kramer arranges to get him a clandestine haircut at the apartment of
his barber. Newman is charged by Jerry's barber to get a sample of Jerry's hair when he suspects foul play.
73. "The Masseuse" 11/18/1993
Elaine meets a man who's perfect except his name is the same as a notorious serial killer. Jerry is
frustrated when he can't get his girlfriend, who's a masseuse, to give him a massage, even Kramer is a
customer. George is obsessed when Jerry's girlfriend doesn't like him, so he tries extra hard to get her to
like him, much to his own girlfriend's dismay.
74. "The Cigar Store Indian" 12/9/1993
+++
Jerry helps George out with a coffee stable stain and makes Elaine take the subway home and gives her
Mr. Costanza's TV Guide to read. While on the train Elaine meets a strange man obsessed with television.
George meets a woman at a refinishing store who he brings back to his parent's home and passes it off as
his. A female Native American that he is interested in, thinks Jerry is racially insensitive when he presents
Elaine with a cigar-store Indian as a peace offering. George gets grounded when his parents return from
vacation and find an unused prophylactic in their bed and a missing TV Guide. Kramer has an idea for a
coffee table book on coffee tables that Elaine doesn't like but Mr. Lippman does.
75. "The Conversion" 12/16/1993
+++
George changes his religion to Latvian Orthodox to keep his girlfriend who must break up with him for
religious reasons. Jerry finds a tube of fungus cream in his girlfriend's medicine cabinet and fakes an illness
until he can figure out what the cream is used for. He asks Elaine to ask her current boyfriend who's a
podiatrist. Kramer meets a sister at George's new church who becomes infatuated with him.
76. "The Stall" 1/6/1994
While in a bathroom stall, Elaine needs some toilet paper, but the woman in the next stall refuses to give
her a piece. The woman is Jerry's girlfriend whose voice Kramer recognizes from a telephone sex line.
Elaine's boyfriend, whose face she just loves, takes George & Kramer rock climbing. After his accident,
Elaine isn't sure his face will be the same.
77. "The Dinner Party" 2/3/1994
+++
The gang struggles to find gifts for a dinner party. Jerry and Elaine stop at a bakery to get a cake, but they
forget to take a number and lose the chocolate pastry and the one they get has a hair on it. Kramer and
George try to wine but must get change for a 100 dollar bill and wait for a double-parker to return to his car.
78. "The Marine Biologist" 2/10/1994
+++
Jerry meets an old college classmate who asked about George, whom Jerry says is now a "marine
biologist." An infuriated Russian writer tosses an electronic organizer belonging to Elaine out of a limousine
that hits a passerby on the head. Kramer struggles with his golf swing and sand. While walking along the
beach, George is called on to use his marine biology skills to save a whale.
79. "The Pie" 2/17/1994
+++
Jerry can't believe that his girlfriend won't share a piece of pie with him. There is a mannequin at a store
that looks like Elaine and she wants to know where it came from. George is interested in a suit that he
makes an enemy over. Kramer has an itch. George's new suit makes a noise.
80. "The Stand-In" 2/24/1994
+++
Kramer talks his stand-in friend, a "little person" into getting lifts, to keep his job. Jerry visits a sick friend,
who's in need of a good laugh, at the hospital. George and his latest girlfriend have nothing to say to each
other, he wants to break up, but won't when he finds out she is being urged to break it off. One of Jerry's
friends "takes it out" while on his first date with Elaine. Jerry's friend takes a turn for the worse after his first
visit, so he tries again.
81. "The Wife" 3/17/1994
A girlfriend poses as Jerry's wife so she can get a dry cleaning discount. George uses the shower at the
health club as a bathroom and is afraid of being turned in after being seen. Elaine is getting mixed signals
from a male friend who may be interested. Kramer's getting ready to impress his girlfriend's parents.
82. "The Raincoats Part 1" 4/28/1994
+++
Jerry's parents are staying with him while they wait to take their trip to Paris and he's just returned from
three weeks on the road can't get anytime alone with his girlfriend. George tries to get out of the big brother
program, just after he gets talked into it. The Seinfelds avoid the Costanza's dinner invitation. Elaine's latest
boyfriend, who's a "close talker," becomes unusually fixated on Jerry's parents and shows them New York
City. Kramer makes a deal with Jerry's father to sell belt-less raincoats to a secondhand shop and George
sells his father's moth-ridden cabana style clothing, right before they plan a cruise.
83. "The Raincoats Part 2" 4/28/1994
+++
Jerry and his girlfriend get some time alone with each other at a movie, Schindler's List, they don't see it;
however, Newman sees it and them. A delay in the shipment of the raincoats will make the Seinfelds miss
their flight to France, George uses this as an opportunity to get his "little" brother back to his father. The
Seinfelds manage to avoid meeting the Costanzas in New York City.
84. "The Fire" 5/5/1994
+++
Kramer is dating one of Elaine's co-workers, a woman who drives her crazy. Kramer brings her to one of
Jerry's shows, where she heckles him relentlessly; unfortunately there is a national magazine critic in the
audience. George panics when there is a fire at his girlfriend's apartment, during her son's birthday party.
Jerry decides to get revenge by heckling the woman where she works. She runs out of the office onto the
street and loses her pinkie toe. Kramer finds the toe, takes a bus to the hospital and saves the passengers
from a gunman. Inspired by Kramer's tale, George tries to confront his feelings of cowardice.
85. "The Hamptons" 5/12/1994
+++
Everyone makes a trip to the Hamptons to "see the baby" and enjoy the weekend. George's girlfriend goes
topless and everyone sees her chest before he does. "The baby" is the most hideous thing they've ever
seen. Elaine is confused when a handsome doctor refers to her as "breathtaking" - the same term he later
uses to describe the baby. Kramer finds a filled lobster trap. Jerry's girlfriend sees George naked, after he's
just gotten out of the pool, so something isn't as it should be.
86. "The Opposite" 5/19/1994
+++
George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck
changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and
moving out of his parents house. Things begin to be unlucky for Elaine after she buys a box of "Jujyfruits."
Kramer appears on Regis & Kathie Lee to promote his coffee table book. Rachel wants to break up with
Jerry and he readily agrees, because his luck has been "even Steven." Elaine's eating of "Jujyfruits"
causes Pendant Publishing to go under, and later she realizes that she and George have traded places.
____________________________________________________________________________________
6th Season 1994
____________________________________________________________________________________
87. "The Chaperone" 9/22/1994
Jerry gets a date with Miss Rhode Island, a Miss America contestant; when they need a chaperone Kramer
is available. On the date, Kramer gives her advice and becomes her personal coach. Elaine tries to get a
job at Doubleday, filling in the shoes once filled by Jackie Onassis; instead she gets a job being the
personal assistant of a top executive who likes white socks. Meanwhile, George decides that the Yankees
need to change their uniforms from polyester to cotton.
88. "The Big Salad" 9/29/1994
xxx
Elaine's boss wants a special mechanical pencil, so Elaine tries to get one from a stationary store where
the clerk has a thing for her. George and his girlfriend pick up a "big salad" for Elaine, that his girlfriend
gives to Elaine and she thanks her. Later, George points out that he bought the "big salad." Jerry discovers
that his current girlfriend once dated Newman, who broke off his relationship with her. Kramer plays golf
with an ex-ball player who breaks a rule of golf, they have a fight, and later the ball player is wanted for
questioning in the murder of a dry cleaner, where a golf tee was involved. Kramer later helps him evade the
police in a white Ford Bronco.
89. "The Pledge Drive" 10/6/1994
+++
Jerry comments that a friend was hitting on him and Elaine tries to find out if what was true, but gets the
voice of the woman and her current boyfriend confused. Elaine's boss eats his Snickers bar with a knife
and fork and idea that soon catches on. George thinks a waitress gave him the finger. Jerry gets caught
throwing away a thank you card. Jerry cashes some old birthday checks from his grandmother. Jerry's
working a PBS pledge drive and gets George to bring a Yankee to appear with him, while en-route to the
studio, someone gives George the finger.
90. "The Chinese Woman" 10/13/1994
Jerry and Elaine see George's father with a man with a cape but don't say hello. Jerry discovers a Chinese
woman on George's phone line after the wires get crossed and he gets a date with her. Kramer gets
worried about his sperm count, so he goes to a fertility clinic and then makes a change in his choice of
undergarments. Elaine ruins her friend Noreen's latest romance with a long talker. The Chinese woman
turns out to be Jewish and from Long Island. Estelle gets relationship advice from the Chinese woman, but
discounts it when she meets her. George's life is made miserable when his parent's separate.
91. "The Couch" 10/27/1994
+++
Elaine begins to date the guy who delivers Jerry's new couch. Kramer plans to start the pizza business he
thought of back in "Male Unbonding" with Poppie. George joins a book club, but tries to rent the movie so
he can bluff his way through the meeting. George spends the evening with the family that rented it. Jerry
and Elaine's discussion of the abortion issue causes trouble for Poppie and Jerry’s new couch.
92. "The Gymnast" 11/3/1994
+++
George and Kramer convince Jerry he'll be missing out on something if he stops dating a Rumanian
Olympic gymnast. Jerry and Kramer find out about one of George's bathroom habits. Kramer must pass a
kidney stone. The mother of George's girlfriend sees him eat something out of a trash bin, later cleaning a
windshield & one of his bathroom habits. Elaine's boss becomes obsessed with finding the image in a 3-D
painting, so he sends her to represent him in a huge merger deal.
93. "The Soup" 11/10/1994
Elaine brings over a man she met in England and he turns out to be a real bounder. Jerry accepts an
Armani suit from an obnoxious comedian, the only condition, he must treat him to a meal at a restaurant;
however, what makes up a meal. George goes for a walk with a waitress from Monk's and manure in the
path sums up his relationship with her. After his kidney stone, Kramer decides to eat only fresh foods.
94. "The Mom & Pop Store" 11/17/1994
A salesman convinces George to buy a convertible once owned by "Jon Voight." Kramer tries to save a
small shoe-repair business, but his good intentions affect Jerry in a big way. Elaine wins tickets for Mr. Pitt,
who's always wanted to participate in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
95. "The Secretary" 12/8/1994
Jerry confronts his dry cleaner, whom he spotted wearing a jacket that he brought in for cleaning. George
passes over hiring an attractive secretary for a less attractive one, he thinks he'll be able to get some work
done; however, the secretary's efficiency turns him on, so he gets her a raise and then she makes more
than he does. Kramer gets Uma Thurman's phone number and sells Bania his suit at a women's clothing
store then he hides in a dressing room until he can get some clothing. At this same store, Elaine tries to
buy a dress, but is unsatisfied with the size of the mirrors in the store.
96. "The Race" 12/15/1994
+++
Through his current girlfriend, Lois, Jerry meets an old rival, who suspects that he cheated in a high school
race and he wants a rematch with Jerry to prove he was faster. Elaine is put on a "blacklist" for Chinese
food delivery and finds out her boyfriend is a Communist. George responds to a personal ad in a
Communist newspaper while at work, when Steinbrenner hears about it, he wants to see George in his
office. Through his friend Mickey, Kramer becomes a department store Santa, who later spouts out
Communist propaganda.
97. "The Switch" 1/5/1995
Elaine lets a potential employer borrow Mr. Pitt's tennis racket, but the injury suffered may ruin her
chances, especially when she must get his racket back. Jerry's girlfriend never laughs, but he meets her
roommate who does, so Jerry decides he would like to make "the switch." George's model girlfriend may be
bulimic. He needs proof, so he meets Kramer's mother, who's a bathroom matron. While there he finds out
Kramer's first name, Cosmo. Kramer decides it is time to be himself and begins to use his first name.
George has the perfect plan for "the switch," a menage a trois.
98. "The Label Maker" 1/5/1995
+++
Elaine and Jerry are suspicious of a friend's gift, when a gift Elaine gave him, a label maker, is given to
Jerry in return for some Superbowl tickets Jerry has but can't use because "The Drake" is getting married
on Superbowl Sunday and he is in the wedding party. George convinces his girlfriend to get her male
roommate to move out, that he soon regrets. Kramer takes playing a game of Risk against Newman
seriously. The Superbowl tickets pass through several hands before Jerry gets one again.
99. "The Scofflaw" 1/26/1995
+++
George meets an old friend who's spent the last few months undergoing chemotherapy, that everyone new
except him. Kramer calls a litterbug "a pig" near a cop who's on a quest to catch a longtime parking ticket
scofflaw. Kramer wanting to change his image, asks Elaine where her old boyfriend got his glasses. He
goes to see him at a book signing and says hi for Elaine, that means that she has lost the "upper hand" in
their breakup, so she confronts him and then gets even by getting a copy of his glasses. George finds out
from Gary, that he lied about his cancer and has been taking advantage of Jerry's kindness. Kramer
discovers the identity of "the scofflaw." George gets a toupee.
100. "Highlights of a Hundred Part 1" 2/2/1995
Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a "show about nothing."
101. "Highlights of a Hundred Part 2" 2/2/1995
Jerry introduces a program that shows highlights from the first 99 episodes of a "show about nothing."
102. “The Beard" 2/9/1995
Elaine tries to convert a gay man to heterosexuality. George, who's wearing now wearing his toupee,
discovers that the woman Kramer has set him up with, is bald. Kramer gives a homeless man some
Chinese food and begins standing in police lineups for $50 a lineup. Jerry begins to date a cop, but she
wants him to take a lie detector test, she thinks he is lying about NOT watching Melrose Place.
103. “The Kiss Hello" 2/16/1995
+++
Elaine's friend, a physical therapist, whom Jerry must "kiss hello," has an old style hairdo, that Jerry and
Elaine want Kramer to comment on. Jerry's grandmother wants him to open a ketchup bottle and she tells a
story about some money that Uncle Leo was supposed to give his sister. Jerry's father is anxious to collect
the money and interest Leo owes. Kramer puts tenant pictures up in the lobby and soon Jerry is giving
every woman in the building, the "kiss hello"; however, when he stops, he becomes unpopular. George
gets his arm looked at, misses a follow up appointment and must pay for that visit. The therapist skips out
on her patients, including George, and goes skiing with Elaine. After their trip, she drops Elaine off 3 blocks
from her apartment. Elaine injures her shoulder carrying her equipment home, and can't get any
complementary treatment. Jerry gets proof of his uncle's dishonesty.
104. “The Doorman" 2/23/1995
+++
The doorman in Mr. Pitt's building, cause's trouble for Jerry who was only trying to be nice. Kramer robs
George on the street for some German tourists. George's father is living with him and when he removes his
shirt, George and Kramer see that he has breasts. Kramer develops a new undergarment for males that
will alleviate this problem. Jerry offers his couch to replace the one that was stolen while he was "on duty."
105. “The Jimmy" 3/16/1995
+++
The guys play a game of basketball with "the Jimmy," a man who talks about himself in the third person.
Jimmy sells odd shaped training shoes and George is an interested investor. Fresh from the gym, he
attends a Yankees meeting about thefts, during which he sweats profusely. Jerry goes to the dental office
and discovers they now carry Penthouse in the waiting room. Elaine gets tickets to a benefit for the AMCA
(Able Mentally Challenged Adults) featuring Mel Torme, the "Velvet Fog." Elaine tries to meet a handsome
guy at the gym, but instead talks with "the Jimmy," who makes the date for himself. On a follow-up visit to
the dental office, Jerry feels the dentist and his hygienist may have lived out a fantasy during his time in the
chair, the type of thing you might read in Penthouse. Kramer visits the dentist complete with Novocain, later
while wearing a pair of Jimmy's shoes, winds up getting a him a seat at the main table of the benefit.
106. “The Doodle" 4/6/1995
Jerry is disgusted when he finds out he was eating pecans that were just in his girlfriend's mouth. George
finds a doodle that his girlfriend drew of him. Kramer is eating some tasty peaches that come in season for
two weeks every year. Fleas force Jerry and his visiting parents out his apartment. Elaine has an interview
with a publisher that has suite of rooms at a fancy hotel and that is where Jerry parents get to stay. Jerry
stays with his girlfriend. Elaine must go into Jerry's fumigated apartment to get an unpublished manuscript
that she is supposed to read for her interview and she can't find it, but Kramer read it in Jerry's apartment
and the gas causes him to lose his sense of taste. George finds out that his girlfriend really doesn't care
what he looks like. Jerry figures out that Newman gave him the fleas. Meanwhile, Jerry's parents, Uncle
Leo and Nana live high on the hog at the hotel.
107. “The Fusilli Jerry" 4/27/1995
Estelle is getting an eye job. Kramer gets his new license plates from the DMV, but the plates say
"ASSMAN." Jerry is disturbed when he finds out his mechanic used his "move" on Elaine while making love
to her. Kramer makes a statue of Jerry out of fusilli pasta and he makes the most of his new license plates.
Jerry confronts his mechanic and later requires his services. Frank becomes the unwitting victim of one of
those "freak" accidents proctologists are always telling stories about.
108. “The Diplomat's Club" 5/4/1995
After his quick trip to Ithaca, Jerry plans to meet a super model at an airport club, but his assistant, Katie,
makes the trip a nightmare. Elaine says she will quit working for Mr. Pitt, but finds out that she's going to be
in his will. She becomes a suspect when he overdoses his medication. George tries to prove to his boss
that he is not a racist, when he says his boss looks like "Sugar" Ray Leonard. To prove it, he tries to find
anyone who's black that will be his friend. While at the airport club, Kramer meets a rich Texan with whom
he starts making bets. Kramer hasn't gambled in three years and when he begins to lose, he calls in
Newman for reinforcement.
109. “The Face Painter" 5/11/1995
+++
George and his girlfriend discuss toilet paper and he is in love. Elaine's boyfriend paints his face and his
behavior at a hockey game, disturbs Jerry, Elaine and a passing priest. A monkey throws a banana peel at
Kramer, when he throws it back, the monkey becomes depressed and the zoo demands an apology.
George tries to tell his girlfriend that he loves her, but her reaction surprises him. Jerry refuses to give the
"necessary" follow-up courtesy thank you for the hockey tickets and Kramer is outraged.
110. “The Understudy" 5/18/1995
+++
George and Jerry are suspected, by the cast and Kramer, of deliberately injuring Bette Midler during a
softball game, giving Jerry's girlfriend, Bette's understudy, a chance to perform. Kramer becomes Bette's
personal assistant. Elaine gets George's father to translate for her when she suspects that her manicurist
has made some obvious snide remarks in a foreign tongue. While crying about losing her manicurists,
Elaine meets the owner of a catalog, J. Peterman, and gets herself a new job.
____________________________________________________________________________________
7th Season 1995
____________________________________________________________________________________
111. “The Engagement" 9/21/1995
+++
Jerry and George reevaluate their relationships with women, so they make "a pact" to change their ways,
though Jerry doesn't know it. Elaine has a problem sleeping in her new apartment because of a nearby
constantly barking dog; Kramer recommends a solution. George gets back with Susan, his former girlfriend
from NBC; he asks her to marry him, and after a couple hours of convincing she says yes. Kramer, his
solution (Newman) and Elaine commit a dognapping and take the dog far out of the city. Jerry breaks up
with his girlfriend again; however, George is now trapped in his relationship with Susan, almost to the point
where he is married already. Elaine almost gets a good night of sleep.
112. “The Postponement" 9/28/1995
+++
Elaine's dog problem is solved by a neighborly rabbi with a cable show. Kramer's involvement in the
dognapping worries him when he finds out about its impact on his permanent record. Overwhelmed with it
all, George decides he wants to postpone the engagement. Elaine isn't "concerned" with George's
intentions, but is really jealous that he's the first of the group to get engaged. The neighborly rabbi offers
advice on her problem, that he later relates to Jerry and anyone else who'll listen. Kramer and Jerry try to
see Plan 9 From Outer Space; however, Kramer "tries" to sneak in a gourmet coffee, spills it and his lawyer
says he has a case.
113. “The Maestro" 10/5/1995
George is feeling the pressures of his relationship with Susan and decides that he needs to help a security
guard that works at her uncle's store. Kramer's friend "Maestro", makes a comment about getting a rental
property in Tuscany that makes Jerry decide to do some research. Elaine begins dating the "Maestro."
Kramer's out of court settlement in his lawsuit against the coffee house, free coffee at any location around
the world, gets him "hopped up on the caffeine." Jerry asks Poppy about Tuscany and is referred to
Poppy's cousin, who makes him an offer he can't refuse.
114. “The Wink" 10/12/1995
Elaine gets a blind date with the guy from her wake-up service; however, he likes dogs. A bit of grapefruit
pulp, from Jerry's healthy breakfast, gets into George's eye and causes problems for him when his winks
keep getting misinterpreted. Jerry's healthy diet conflicts with his dating of Elaine's cousin. Kramer
promises a sick boy that Yankee Paul O'Neill will hit two home runs for him, so he can get back a birthday
card that he sold based on George's wink.
115. “The Hot Tub" 10/19/1995
George picks up a bad habit from some visiting baseball officials. During the time of the New York City
Marathon, Elaine has an out of country runner as her house guest. The runner had overslept and missed
the big race at the last Olympics and Jerry obsesses with ensuring that it doesn't happen again. Kramer
gets a hot tub from his friend Lomez and Elaine has writer's block.
116. “The Soup Nazi" 11/2/1995
+++
While on their way to the "soup place" Elaine finds an antique cabinet she wants. George makes a mistake
while trying to get his soup from the "Soup Nazi." Elaine isn't allowed to move her cabinet into her building,
so Kramer offers to watch it for her, out on the street. George and Elaine discuss how annoyed they are by
Jerry's sweet-talking with his current girlfriend. Elaine makes an ordering error in front of the "Soup Nazi,"
gets on his bad side and is banned for a year. In broad daylight and in Kramer's presence, two guys come
along and take the cabinet. Kramer relates the story of the cabinet to the "Soup Nazi," who says he has a
cabinet in the basement that Kramer can have. Jerry's girlfriend makes a faux pas in the "soup place" and
Jerry disavows any knowledge of her. George confronts Jerry and reminds him about their pact. George
and Susan see Jerry and his girlfriend at the diner and they begin to compete against each other. Susan
appreciates that George is showing his feelings in public. Kramer gives Elaine the cabinet and tells her
where he got it. Elaine goes to thank the "Soup Nazi" but gets even further on his bad side. Jerry discovers
the cabinet contains the "Soup Nazi's" recipes and Elaine takes them for the final confrontation.
117. “The Secret Code" 11/9/1995
+++
George tries to keep his ATM code a secret from Susan. Elaine is puzzled by a man she once met at a
party and talked to for ten minutes, doesn't remember her, but he does remember other party details.
Leapin' Larry, a one-legged man, wants Jerry to do spots for his store, but he is angered when he thinks
Jerry is doing an impression of him. Kramer gets an emergency band scanner and decides to help
reorganize operations at the NYFD. Elaine doesn't want to go on a date with her boss, the storyteller, so
she leaves Jerry and George at the restaurant. Jerry escapes, but George isn't as lucky. He is forced to
accompany Peterman to his Momma's house, where he winds up staying all night and tells her his secret
code before she dies. That is her last word. George's code is needed in a life or death situation.
118. “The Pool Guy" 11/16/1995
xxx
Elaine has tickets for a historical clothing exhibit and realizes that she has no female friends, Jerry
suggests that she ask Susan. Kramer suggests that is the wrong move and that George's worlds will
collide. Jerry meets his pool guy outside a movie, then he can't get rid of him. George is worried by Elaine
wanting to get to know Susan, then he finds out it was Jerry's idea. Kramer's new phone number is similar
to a film information line. He keeps getting wrong numbers, so he begins giving out the information.
119. “The Sponge" 12/7/1995
Jerry finds the number of girl he wants to contact on Kramer's AIDS walk sponsor list. After finding out that
her preferred method of birth control is only available in a limited supply, Elaine must decided whether her
current boyfriend is worthy. George tells Susan the secret of the size of Jerry's jeans and that leads to a
fight about all secrets, he tells her another of Jerry's secrets when they make up. Jerry finds out that
George told Susan one of his secrets a now he's "out of the loop." Elaine adjusts her screening process to
find worthy candidates. Kramer causes a disturbance at the AIDS walk when he won't "wear the ribbon."
120. “The Gum" 12/14/1995
xxx
Kramer is active in the re-opening of an old movie theater. He also is keeping an eye on a friend, Lloyd,
who's recovering from a nervous breakdown. Lloyd has a pack of Chinese gum, that Kramer insists
everyone tries. George thinks the cashier short-changed him and meets a former neighbor (who's had a
breakdown) and his daughter, Deena. George lets his former neighbor look at his car. Elaine tries to avoid
interacting with Lloyd, loses a button from her blouse and reveals herself to Lloyd and Kramer. Because of
Elaine's lie, Jerry must wear glasses while around Lloyd. Deena tells George that she thinks he is showing
signs of being on the verge of a breakdown. George's car, once owned by "Jon Voight" in "The Mom & Pop
Store", catches fire. Elaine shows more to Lloyd. Jerry gets more gum. George keeps trying to convince
Deena he's not crazy.
121. “The Rye" 1/4/1996
+++
Elaine is dating a jazz saxophonist who's sponge-worthy but "he doesn't really like to do everything." Jerry
tells one of the members of his band that the saxophonist and Elaine are "hot and heavy." Kramer stocks
up on supplies, including 50 cans of "Beef-A-Reeno.". Susan's parents meet and have dinner with the
Costanzas for the first time. Both families obsess over a loaf of rye bread that wasn't served with the meal,
which Frank takes back home. Elaine's boyfriend writes a song about "their relationship," which later has a
big impact on his career. Kramer takes over a friend's horse-drawn carriage for a week and helps George
out with his scheme to replace the rye bread. Unfortunately, he feeds the horse a can of "Beef-A-Reeno"
right before giving the Ross's their ride. Jerry manages to get his hands on a loaf of marble rye.
122. “The Caddy" 1/25/1996
+++
Kramer befriends a caddy, who helps him to improve his golf game and offer his other advice. George's
bosses consider him for a promotion when they think he is so dedicated to his work that he is there in the
morning before everyone else and still there after they all leave. They don't know that he's just been leaving
his car in the parking lot waiting for his free visit from a locksmith. Taking advantage of the situation, he and
Susan go up north to her parent's rebuilt cabin. Elaine meets an old rival who's heir to the Oh Henry! candy
bar fortune and has never worn a bra. She wears the bra as a top and cause Kramer and Jerry to have an
accident with George's car. With George's damaged car in the parking lot, the Yankees think he's dead.
Steinbrenner breaks the news to the Costanza's. Kramer and Elaine take her rival to court and only Jerry
may stand in the way.
123. “The Seven" 2/1/1996
Elaine sees a girl's bike she wants, but she strains her neck trying to getting the bike down from the wall. In
pain she promises the bike to whoever fixes her neck. Kramer saves the day and wants the bike. George is
angry when Susan's cousin chooses to name her baby with the name he planned to give his first offspring.
He desperately tries to convince them to use another name. Kramer works out an arrangement with Jerry
to keep track of what he takes from Jerry's kitchen. Jerry is curious when his girlfriend is always wearing
the same dress, every time they go out.
124. “The Cadillac Part 1" 2/8/1996
xxx
Jerry surprises his parents by buying them a new Cadillac, when his last job really pays well. Kramer who
now knows about what Jerry makes says it will change their relationship. It certainly changes his
relationship with Elaine, she's interested again. George reconsiders his engagement when one of Elaine's
friends tells him that she could have set him up with Oscar winning actress, Marisa Tomei. The cable
company wants to see Kramer and he takes the opportunity to get revenge on them. George wants to meet
Marisa for a cup of coffee, even when Elaine's friend is in the hospital with a heart condition. Jack Klompus
accuses Morty of embezzling funds to pay for his new Cadillac.
125. “The Cadillac Part 2" 2/8/1996
Kramer continues to play with the cable guy. George's obsession with Marisa makes Susan suspicious.
Elaine calls Jerry in Florida and tells him she wants to come and join him. Elaine gets George Marisa's
phone number and now he needs her for an alibi (which involves her "boyfriend" Art Vandelay, an importer/
exporter). Morty's ace in the hole, to keep him from impeachment, is the woman Jerry stole the marble rye
from, but she doesn't remember him, at least at first. The cable guy zeros in on Kramer, but he gets away.
George's meeting with Marisa doesn't go as well as planned and Susan thinks he he's having an affair with
Elaine. The cable guy concedes defeat.
126. “The Shower Head" 2/15/1996
+++
Elaine gets a physical for a pending trip with Peterman to Africa. Her physical test results show positive for
opium, so Peterman fires her. Jerry parent's are in seclusion in New York while biding time until they can
move back to Florida. George tries to convince his parents to move to Florida. The shower heads in Jerry's
building are being replaced with a new low-flow model; Newman finds a source for black market shower
heads. The Seinfelds tell the Costanzas that there is no room for them in Florida, that gives Frank all the
incentive he needs to move. George is delighted. Elaine finds the cause of her opium addiction and finds a
donor for her next physical. Jerry makes a joke on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno at the expense of
Uncle Leo and he pays the price for making fun of the family.
127. “The Doll" 2/22/1996
Susan's old roommate from college, Sally Weaver, gives Jerry a package that she wants him to be careful
with; which he is, but he loses his own package in the process. Frank tells George he is turning his room
into a billiard room. Elaine tells Frank about a man she saw in Tuscany who looks just like him, Frank
thinks it may be the cousin who stayed behind. Kramer challenges him to a game where the space is a bit
tight. Jerry is enthusiastic about a new toothbrush, which he is convinced Elaine must have. Susan has a
doll that looks uncannily like George's mother; she doesn't believe it, but he does and it affects his
performance. Jerry is going to be on Charles Grodin's show with one of the Three Tenors, not Pavarotti or
Domingo, but "the other guy." Elaine goes with him the studio, to replace an autographed picture of "the
other guy," for "the Maestro" that was damaged while they were in Tuscany. "The Maestro" provides a new
fashion for Kramer and Frank while playing pool, and his baton is an answer to the space problem in the
billiard room. Susan's roommate comes to town. She tries to help Jerry out by bringing him back a better
barbecue sauce and bringing a doll to the studio for Jerry, which in her opinion, is much funnier than the
one Jerry wanted. Jerry has no material for his appearance.
128. “The Friars Club" 3/7/1996
+++
George is happy because he has a three-month reprieve. The wedding is delayed until June (just in time
for the end of the May sweeps and a cliffhanger!). Meanwhile he is also excited because Jerry is going to
go out with Susan's best friend. He envisions their friendship in the future as being "Gatsby"-like. Jerry is
trying to get into the Friars Club, but loses a jacket he "borrowed" for dinner there, at a performance of
comedic jugglers that was "worked on" by Susan's friend. Kramer tries to duplicate the sleeping patterns of
Da Vinci and falls asleep at some inopportune moments; one of which puts him put in the Hudson River.
Peterman hires a deaf employee and Elaine suffers the consequences, when she gets loaded with some of
his work. Trying to see how deaf he really is, Elaine comes on to him, which Peterman overhears and tries
to help out their budding relationship.
129. “The Wig Master" 4/4/1996
+++
Jerry uses Elaine to prove that a sales clerk is wrong about his looking at an expensive jacket. Elaine is
picked up by the clerk. George has an unwanted house guest, a wig master for the touring company of
"Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." He also has found a parking lot that charges $75
dollars a month; Kramer decides to put his car there. Unfortunately, he leaves his apartment key there.
When he can't get his key, he is allowed to borrow a pink Cadillac. Jerry is convinced the clerk is working
Elaine. George discovers why the lot is so cheap, he finds a used condom in his car and is asking a
prostitute for information, just as Susan approaches. George discovers that he may have an out with
Susan; she says she must be able to trust him and have no doubts. Kramer stays at Jerry's apartment.
Elaine has a walking stick she lets Kramer have. Jerry tries to return his jacket, but discovers that "spite"
isn't a viable reason. Kramer is allowed to borrow the back up "Electric Color Dreamcoat." Jerry is put out,
when both sexes assume he isn't in a relationship with the person he is with (Elaine in one instance, the
Wig Master in the other). Kramer finds a fuzzy white hat. With all the parts put together, his new ensemble
is a sight to behold, just ask the NYPD after he is caught pulling a prostitute out of his borrowed car.
130. “The Calzone" 4/25/1996
George becomes Steinbrenner's pet, when he shares an eggplant calzone with him. Kramer is raving about
wearing clothes "straight out of the dryer." Jerry thinks that Elaine's boyfriend is dating her without really
ever asking her out. He offers to bring Jerry some Cuban cigars from Canada. Jerry takes advantage of his
girlfriend's ability to get anything she wants. Kramer searches for quarters for the dryer; when he can't find
anymore, he starts using an oven. George gets into tip trouble with the counter guy at the calzone shop
and he works out an arrangement with Newman. That is unless of course it's raining (Newman doesn't
deliver mail in the rain); Kramer helps out.
131. “The Bottle Deposit Part 1" 5/2/1996
+++
George doesn't hear the details on an important project that Wilhelm wants him to champion. Peterman
wants Elaine to bid on a set of golf clubs at the Kennedy auction, her ceiling is $10,000; however, she gets
into a bidding war with Sue Ellen, the Oh Henry! candy heiress. Consequently, she spends a bit more than
she was authorized. Newman finds the missing ingredient to make it cost effective in Kramer's scheme to
collect used pop bottles and cans and take them to Michigan where the refund is doubled. Jerry takes his
car to a mechanic, who's fanatical about car care. Elaine meets Jerry to get the golf clubs out of his car, but
the mechanic, distraught over Jerry's negligence, steals it. Kramer and Newman collect their bottles and
cans and hit the road in a mail truck.
132. “The Bottle Deposit Part 2" 5/2/1996
+++
Wilhelm is delighted with the job George did on the project; however, he has no idea what he did or how he
did it. The detective on the case thinks he's found Jerry's car, damaged beyond recognition. It's not, and
later Jerry's mechanic calls him from the car. Kramer spots Jerry's car in Ohio. Steinbrenner calls George
into his office about the project report and has him committed. Kramer ditches the cans, bottles, mailbags
and Newman in pursuit of Jerry's car. Newman finds a farmer's house, complete with the proverbial
daughter. The mechanic throws the clubs and bag at Kramer's truck, allowing him to get away. Deena is
happy to see that George is getting the help he needs. Peterman is stunned when he finally gets the clubs,
"Elaine, I never knew Kennedy had such a temper."
133. “The Wait Out" 5/9/1996
+++
After George makes an off-hand remark to a married couple with a rocky relationship, Jerry and Elaine wait
in anticipation of their inevitable separation. Elaine sports a new hairstyle, starts driving again and almost
makes Jerry car sick. Kramer starts wearing jeans again. The jeans are much too tight, so tight in fact, that
he can't get them off when he really needs to. Elaine and Jerry make plans to move in on the separated
couple, which they do. George feels guilty about breaking up the marriage and wishes to undo the damage.
Jerry and Elaine physically oppose this action. David returns the off-hand remark to George in the
presence of Susan. She tells George she has to think about some things- he thinks it is his ticket out.
134. “The Invitations" 5/16/1996
+++
As the big day grows nearer, George and Susan order their invitations. Susan lets him choose the cheap
ones. George tries to think of a way out. Elaine suggests smoking and Kramer suggests a pre-nuptial
agreement. Jerry, thinking of a single future with Kramer, nearly gets hit by a car but is saved by his female
equivalent, Jeannie. Jerry thinks he is in love with Jeannie. Kramer tries to cash in on a bank's offer of a
$100 if one of their tellers doesn't say hello. Is "Hey," hello? George tries the suggestions and strikes out.
Susan begins preparing the invitations. Jerry makes a decision. Susan passes out while licking envelopes.
Jerry proposes marriage; later he has second thoughts. George finds Susan and the gang meets him over
at the hospital, where George gets the news, he's out. George makes another attempt at Marisa Tomei.
____________________________________________________________________________________
8th Season 1996
____________________________________________________________________________________
135. “The Foundation" 9/19/1996
+++
Months after her death, George is ready to move on, but Susan's parents want to keep her memory alive.
Kramer becomes a karate master, where his opponents are equals in his skill level, but are lacking in size.
Jerry runs into Dolores, you remember "her name rhymed with a female body part" in "The Junior Mint",
she suggests that they get together again. Peterman has a breakdown and goes to Burma leaving Elaine in
charge; a position she is reluctant to assume. Kramer makes a speech that inspires Elaine to go and take
charge of J. Peterman. Inspired by a comment that Jerry made, a foundation is established in Susan's
name, which will take up all of George's free time. Jerry and Dolores do get together; however, when she
hears why Jerry's engagement was broken off, she leaves commenting that he still hasn't matured. Elaine
sees Kramer's opponents, vents her frustration and takes him down in front of the class. Jerry decides to
research breakups and the effect on future relationships. Kramer's classmates meet him after class.
George discovers everything he lost when he lost Susan.
136. “The Soul Mate" 9/26/1996
George thinks the foundation lawyer thinks he might have killed Susan, Jerry suggests using a method
employed by Jerry Lewis to find out. Kramer falls for Jerry's girlfriend and he consults Newman for advice.
Elaine's friends insist that she have a baby, she'd rather not and meets a man who shares her ideals.
George leaves a running tape recorder in his brief case at the next board meeting and leaves the room. He
returns to find the briefcase damaged and the tape stopped. Newman gets in the middle of Jerry and
Kramer's relationship with Pam; he bribes Jerry in hopes to find out more about his obsession, Elaine.
Meanwhile, her new boyfriend gets a vasectomy to show her how committed he is to not having children.
The guys find out Pam isn't interested in having children and they line up for their own vasectomies.
George gets to the bottom of what happened to his briefcase.
137. “The Bizarro Jerry" 10/3/1996
Kramer uses a bathroom in an office building and just begins working there. He is "TCB." Elaine sets Jerry
up with a friend who is very beautiful, but she has "man hands." George uses a picture of her and passes
her off as his dead finance Susan; that gets him into the "Forbidden City" where high priced models hang
out. Elaine meets Kevin and some of his friends; they are the exact opposite of Jerry, George and Kramer.
With Kramer working, George inside the walls & Elaine hanging out with Kevin, Jerry begins to feel alone.
138. “The Little Kicks" 10/10/1996
+++
Elaine reluctantly lets George attend a party she is throwing at work. "Sweet fancy Moses" exclaims
George when he sees Elaine dance at a party she's holding for her employees. She wonders why they've
lost respect for her. Jerry gets 2 tickets to a premiere of a film. Kramer asks him to get an extra ticket for his
friend Brody. Elaine thinks the loss of respect might be due to George's influence, so she makes him off
limits to Anna, one of the women George talked to at the party. That "bad boy" image makes him all the
more desirable. Jerry and Kramer attend the film with Brody, who begins to make a bootleg tape. Brody
gets sick and has Kramer take him home, leaving Jerry to finish making the tape. Jerry worries about the
implications when Brody likes him camera work and asks him to do another film. However, he complains
about the quality of Kramer's work. Elaine finds out the truth about her dancing after she tapes herself.
Elaine apologizes to Anna and George, which suddenly makes him undesirable. Brody won't meet Jerry's
demands for equipment; George takes on the challenge, but gets arrested. Frank comes to bail him out.
Elaine lets him know the truth about his son. Elaine's dance becomes a big hit on the streets of New York.
139. “The Package" 10/17/1996
xxx
Elaine has a rash and looks for a doctor who will treat her; despite her doctor-patient relationship
reputation. Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his stereo that is two years out of warranty.
George discovers the woman at the photo store is looking at his pictures. Jerry refuses delivery of a
package with no return address. George thinks that the photo store clerk has stuck a revealing picture of
herself in with his pictures. Kramer convinces George to return the compliment and offers to take the
photos. Uncle Leo signs for Jerry's package. Elaine tries to lift her medical records. Jerry lets Uncle Leo
open the package and there is the sound of an explosion. Leo's stove has exploded but eventually Jerry
gets the package and opens it up. It contains his stereo in pieces. Kramer sent the package to him insured;
now all they must do is collect the insurance money from the post office. Elaine poses as Uncle Leo's nurse
to try a diagnosis for her condition. She then tries to get Kramer to lift her records. Newman grills Jerry on
suspicion of mail fraud. George drops off his film at the photo store and gets a surprising result.
140. “The Fatigues" 10/31/1996
+++
Jerry is intrigued by the concept of his girlfriend having a mentor. George prepares to give a lecture on risk
management by reading a book, but realizes that book on tape have spoiled him. Elaine prepares to fire an
employee, but when face to face with him, she promotes him. Kramer runs a Jewish singles night at
Frank's Knights of Columbus hall. Jerry meets his girlfriend's mentor, but she is dating Kenny Bania.
George discovers the blind can get any book on tape, so he plans to fail an eye test. Elaine's recently
promoted employee has some startling new ideas. She plans to promote him again. Kramer's party plans
go awry when he has to cook for over 150 plus people. He needs to get Frank's advice on cooking for the
masses, despite George's warning. Elaine's promotional plan backfires, when the rest of her staff quits.
Jerry's girlfriend sees Bania's act and loses respect for her mentor. Elaine tries working with her employee.
George figures out an angle to get his book read. Jerry finds himself becoming Bania's mentor. Jerry and
his now ex-girlfriend get their files mixed up; George speaks on Ovaltine and Bania on risk management.
Frank's cooking skills are reborn, until he sees someone choking.
141. “The Checks" 11/7/1996
Elaine's new boyfriend, Brett, is obsessed with designer furniture and the song "Desperado." Jerry spots an
umbrella salesman using the sales technique he invented. The salesman says it was someone else.
Hundreds of twelve cent royalty checks keep arriving from Jerry's brief appearance on a Japanese
television. Kramer warns George that the carpet cleaners he hired are actually a front for a religious cult.
Intrigued, George tries to be converted, but they're not interested. Kramer meets some Japanese
businessman and he takes them on the town and to the cleaners. He is a little confused about the
exchange rate. Brett delivers a large chest of drawers to Kramer and thinks that Jerry might be jealous.
Kramer thinks the TV pilot that Jerry and George did would be perfect for Japanese television. They pitch it
to a couple of Japanese TV executives. Elaine tries to find a song that she and Brett can share. Kramer
puts his Japanese friends up at his place. They're sleeping in the chest of drawers. Jerry caught in the rain
meets the man in the street who claims credit for the twirl. He also meets Brett who is convinced Jerry is
down on his luck. George gets the cleaners to do the offices at Yankee Stadium where they find a new
recruit. Kramer's guests get stuck in the chest. Jerry, with writers cramp from check signing, uses a fire ax
to open the chest. That scares the Japanese guests and injures Brett who passes out.
142. “The Chicken Roaster" 11/14/1996
+++
Kenny Rogers Roasters opens in the neighborhood and the large neon chicken sign beams right into
Kramer's apartment window. Jerry meets an old college buddy who he talks into missing a meeting that it
turns out was important enough to get him fired. Elaine makes liberal use of the Peterman expense
account; including a big hat for George that he tries leaving at the saleswoman's apartment in an attempt to
get a second date with her. Elaine tries to justify her expenses to the accounting department and needs the
hat. Jerry's college friend becomes "manager" of the chicken place. Kramer and Jerry switch apartments;
however, more than just the apartment gets switched. Newman gets Kramer hooked on Kenny's chicken.
Elaine brings George to the saleswoman's apartment, dragging George by the ear, in an attempt to retrieve
the hat. Jerry's "friend" Bob sells fake Russian hats, but it doesn't help Elaine. Jerry demands his apartment
back when he finds out Kramer is hooked. Elaine goes to Burma in search of Peterman to get her
expenses authorized. George keeps scheming to get that second date. The fake Russian hat has an
impact on the chicken business.
143. “The Abstinence" 11/21/1996
+++
George's girlfriend has mononucleosis and he can't have sex with her for six weeks. Elaine's met a doctor
who has almost gotten his license to practice. Jerry agrees to appear at career day at his former junior high
school, first he is bumped and then there is a fire drill. Kramer lights up a cigar in Monk's and is asked to
leave. He meets others on the street who face his dilemma so he opens up his apartment as a smoking
lounge. Jerry's agent gets him an assembly at the school. George's lack of sex makes his mind sharper.
Elaine learns how much her doctor boyfriend doesn't know about medicine. She uses George's technique
to help him study to get his license, but in the process she becomes an idiot. Jerry struggles to figure out
how to fill two hours in front of a junior high crowd. George uses his new found intellect to give batting
advice, speaks Portuguese and prepares a presentation for Jerry's assembly. Kramer sees his lawyer
about a case against the tobacco company, smoking has destroyed his looks. He gets a settlement without
Jackie's input. George calculates the odds of scoring with a Portuguese waitress. Elaine's boyfriend gets
his license and leaves her sexless.
144. “The Andrea Doria" 12/19/1996
George is excited about the new apartment he is going to move into. Elaine is on a blind date, now called a
"set-up." Jerry takes Kramer to his self-storage where they discover that Newman has been hiding bags of
mail. George finds out he can't get his apartment because the tenant association is going to give it to an
Andrea Doria survivor. Elaine is told her date won't be making it because he's been stabbed. She is
aroused by the situation. Kramer's cold is getting bad and he's not going to the doctor, they botched his
vasectomy, he's more potent now than ever. Jerry tries to get Newman to get rid of the mail; however, he's
not interested because he didn't get the transfer to Hawaii. Kramer finds a dog with a cold that he
volunteers to take to the vet, so he can get medicine for their colds. Elaine meets her blind date who gets
coffee thrown in his face from another ex-girlfriend. She discovers his problem is that he is a "bad breaker
upper." George confronts his rival for the apartment and decides to wage war. Elaine's blind date breaks up
with her and tells she has "a big head." From a suggestion by Jerry, George asks for a hearing with the
association and tells them the story of his life. Jerry forms "an alliance" with Newman that will hopefully get
him out of his life forever. Jerry tries to get Kramer to take his medication. He discovers that Kramer is
taking dog medication and beginning to exhibit the signs of being a dog. The big head comment begins to
hold true for Elaine and she makes a comment about jamming "a fork in his forehead." Jerry tries to take
Kramer to a real doctor. After Kramer bites Newman's ankle, Jerry offers to deliver the rest of his mail. He
is too efficient for the post office. Elaine meets up with her blind date and makes good on her promise.
Kramer saves the day. George and the survivor don't get the apartment.
145. “The Little Jerry" 1/9/1997
+++
Everyone makes a comment about a bad check of Jerry's that is on display at Marcelino's store. Through
the Foundation, George gets the opportunity to visit a women's prison. He is disappointed when the facility
doesn't meet his impression of what he thinks a women's prison is. He does however meet a convict that
he decides to ask out. He enjoys the liberation that dating a convict offers. Kramer gets a new pet, a
rooster that he names "Little Jerry Seinfeld"; of course he really wanted a hen for the eggs. Jerry's parents
find out about the check and offer to send money. Elaine finds out her bald boyfriend once had a fine head
of hair. She convinces him to start growing it back, but when he does he shows signs of hair-loss. He
begins to feel despondent. George's dream relationship hangs on the brink, Celia's up for parole. Kramer
enters "Little Jerry" in a cockfight that if he wins, Jerry's bad check will be taken down. George is a
character witness for Celia's parole hearing; he testifies to try keeping her in. Jerry's bad check doesn't
come down, because Marcelino wants Jerry to do something for him first. Kurt seeks hair-loss advice from
George that causes him to propose to Elaine. Jerry and Kramer train "Little Jerry" for the big cockfight.
George experiences "fugitive sex" when Celia breaks out after her parole was denied. Celia is tracked
down and Kurt is mistaken for George. Marcelino brings a ringer in for the big fight; Kramer tries to save
"Little Jerry" but pays the price.
146. “The Money" 1/16/1997
Jerry's parents sell the Cadillac to Jack Klompus for $6000 in order to give Jerry some money to help him
out. They along with Kramer suggest that Jerry might try a career move. Elaine talks about her Peterman
stock options and buys George's coffee. He thinks she is sticking it to him. Jerry and George talk about the
money their parents might have. This piques George's interest. Kramer seeks advice from Elaine about his
girlfriend's post-sex bed habits. Jerry flies to Florida to buy the Cadillac back. George seeks information on
his family's health history. Kramer works out a deal with his girlfriend. Jerry meets with Klompus and agrees
to pay $14,000 for it. George anticipating a big inheritance begins to spend money. Unfortunately for him,
so do his parents. Klompus has a problem with the car and Jerry returns to Florida. Jerry's parents are still
worried about him and wonder what to do. Morty decides to see Elaine about a job; she reluctantly agrees
to give him a job, just as Peterman returns. Kramer, fearing a prowler (Jerry's dad), decides he can no
longer sleep alone; unfortunately his girlfriend has decided she can. So he moves in with the Costanzas,
who tell George that they are moving to Florida. Elaine returns to her regular position at Peterman, with no
options. George and Elaine try to discuss their respective problems. Strapped for cash and credit, Jerry
sleeps in the Cadillac. Kramer and Emily spend the night as an old married couple in the Costanzas' house.
The Seinfelds make a change in their housing as the Costanzas try to settle into their new place.
147. “The Comeback" 1/30/1997
George has trouble thinking of a comeback to a comment made by Reilly; he does think of one, but it's a
little to late. Jerry buys a new tennis racket from a supposed professional. Elaine and Kramer discuss video
picks. Elaine prefers picks by Vincent. He prefers picks by Gene or his own. He watches his latest pick and
it makes him concerned about spending the rest of his life in a coma. Elaine is intrigued when she receives
a phone call from the mysterious Vincent. Jerry discovers that the tennis pro is a hack player. George
comes up with what he thinks is the perfect line and will listen to no one else's opinion. Kramer makes a
living will, with Elaine as the executor. The tennis pro, fearing he will be exposed, tries to bribe Jerry,
including a rendezvous with his wife. Elaine opts for another movie and makes Vincent angry. George finds
out that Reilly doesn't work for the Yankees anymore, so he tracks him down to Ohio, where he plans to
deliver his line. Kramer finishes the movie he rented and discovers it is possible to recover from a coma, he
decides to change his will. Milos' wife has no respect for him; he asks Jerry to let him beat him in tennis.
Elaine receives a phone call from Vincent and she convinces him to let her meet him. She is surprised by
his appearance. Kramer goes into a coma after being hit with tennis balls. Meanwhile, in Akron, George
delivers his line about "the jerk store."
148. “The Van Buren Boys" 2/6/1997
Jerry's girlfriend, Ellen, seems perfect in every way, but everyone else seems to have a problem with her.
George interviews candidates for the Foundation's first scholarship. The candidates seem over-qualified,
until one comes in who is a lot like he was. Elaine is going to ghost write Peterman's biography. Kramer
goes to Lorenzo's pizza, where he has an encounter with the Van Buren boys. He accidentally flashes their
gang sign and saves himself. Peterman wants his day to day life covered in his bio; the exotic adventures
are for the catalog. His day-to-day life is very boring. She tells him about Kramer's encounter with the gang
and he suggests buying the story for his biography. George's scholar makes a change in his plans that
causes George to disqualify him from the scholarship. Kramer sells Peterman all of his stories for $750
dollars. Elaine is put at his disposal. To Elaine, Kramer's stories aren't much more interesting. George and
Kramer perform an intervention on Jerry's relationship with Ellen. George's scholar joins the Van Buren
boys, who apply pressure on George to get the scholarship back. Elaine tells Kramer that he can no longer
tell his stories, since they now belong to Peterman. Elaine tries to embellish Kramer's stories, but Peterman
finds the rewrites "too clichéd and obvious." She tells him the real Kramer story that he finds much more
interesting. He tells Kramer he can have his stories back. George tries to save himself from the Van Buren
boys. Jerry flies his parents in to get their impression of Ellen. He begins to see the light.
149. “The Susie" 2/13/1997
+++
Kramer decides that daylight saving time isn't coming fast enough, so he sets his watch ahead an hour.
Mike, the guy who once referred to Jerry as "a phony," has become a bookie. Peggy, a co-worker of
Elaine's calls her "Susie." George is excited about Steinbrenner's ball. He hopes to show off his tall blonde
girlfriend with a grand entrance. Instead, she says she wants to talk. He runs away. "If she can't find me,
she can't break up with me." He really wants to make that big entrance at the ball. Kramer tells Jerry that he
owes Mike $100 for a bet he made on that night's Knicks game. Only Jerry never made the bet; Kramer did
it for him. In fact, Kramer attends the game and gets into a fight with a key player that causes Jerry to win
his bet. Peggy starts talking to "Susie" about Elaine's memo. Peterman hearing about the complaints
demands to see Elaine, Peggy and "Susie" in his office; first thing in the morning. Mike can't pay Jerry, so
he offers to help him with his trunk problem, but instead gets his thumbs broken for the trouble. Kramer
breaks up with George on behalf of Allison. Elaine makes it through the morning meeting. Mike gets
trapped in Jerry's trunk. Elaine and Jerry, in his car, decide it would be best to eliminate "Susie." George
reconciles with Kramer. Elaine delivers the eulogy at "Susie's" wake, much to the confusion of Peggy.
Kramer, with George, makes a spectacular entrance at the ball. Mike escapes from Jerry's trunk and
accuses him of murder. The same fate befalls Elaine that befell George; Peterman puts her in charge of a
foundation in "Susie's" honor.
150. “The Pothole" 2/20/1997
Jerry's girlfriend uses a toothbrush that he had just pulled out of the toilet. George shows of the new key
ring that Steinbrenner has given everyone in the organization, celebrating Phil Rizzuto's induction in the
hall of fame. Kramer complains about the failing highway infrastructure, so he adopts a one-mile piece of a
highway. Elaine tries to order a new Chinese dish, but she lives out of bounds. George loses his keys.
Jerry plans to secretly sterilize his girlfriend's mouth. Despite his attempts, he just can't get past the vision
of the toothbrush in the toilet. George theorizes that he may have lost his keys when he did a broad jump
over a pothole. Kramer works diligently to keep his part of the road clean. Elaine schemes to get her
Chinese food by moving into a janitor's closet, located in the building across the street. A woman who lives
in the building begins to complain to her about the cleaning up the building needs. Jenna finds out about
the toothbrush and sticks something of Jerry's in his toilet; only he doesn't know what. Kramer's plan to
improve his mile of road doesn't go as well as he had hoped. Elaine has the gang over for dinner in the
janitor closet she's moved into temporarily. George works to clear the pothole. Jerry breaks it off officially
when Jenna's toilet problem becomes to much to bear. Elaine brings the garbage to the dump in Jerry's
car. Kramer spills paint thinner on the highway. Sparks hit & Newman is at the heart of the resulting fireball.
151. “The English Patient" 3/13/1997
+++
A woman mistakes George for her boyfriend Neil, a guy who looks just like him. This intrigues George; he
wants to meet Neil. Jerry is going to Florida to help his parents move. Kramer asks him to pick up some
Cubans from his cigar guy and also gives him a T-shirt. Elaine and her boyfriend see "The English Patient";
she absolutely hates it and that makes her unpopular and dumped. Jerry's dad gets the T-shirt, #1 Dad,
that he is very proud to wear, despite its small size. At his parents' exercise room, Jerry meets Izzy, an 80year-old man who can't stand to lose; he challenges Jerry to a weightlifting competition; "It's go time!" He
throws his back out again and again. Kramer's Cubans arrive; they're real people and not the cigars that
Jerry thought he would be getting. George is overly obsessed with Neil, to the point where he is missing out
on Danielle. Jerry is back in New York, where Izzy has returned to see a back specialist. Though Kramer's
Cubans are really Dominicans he tries to pass them off as "Cubans" anyway; it doesn't work. Elaine's
dislike for the film alienates her from everyone. When she tells Peterman that she hasn't seen the film, he
immediately takes steps to correct the situation. Jerry meets the rest of Izzy's family all of who are fiercely
competitive. He finds work for Kramer's "Cubans." Elaine still hates the movie, but must go to the Tunisian
desert to live in a cave to save her job. Kramer thinks his unemployed Dominicans, whom he educated
about communism, are planning to revolt; later they do. George gets a last word on Neil when Danielle
makes a decision between the two of them.
152. “The Nap" 4/10/1997
George is tired and needs to take a nap while at work; he finds the perfect place, under his desk. Kramer
has taken up swimming, but he finds the pool too constricting for his needs; he begins swimming in the
East River. Elaine's date is worried about his back and hers; he sends her a mattress and she gets the
wrong idea. She gives the mattress to Kramer. Jerry is getting new kitchen cabinets, but the contractor is
constantly asking him questions. George gets Jerry's contractor to make some modifications for his desk,
including space for an alarm clock. Steinbrenner is in George's office looking for him; he decides to wait for
George to return. George gets Jerry to phone in a bomb threat in an effort to get Steinbrenner out of his
office. After finding George under the desk, Steinbrenner thinks he has ESP and would be perfect to meet
the terrorist's demand of a fitted hat day. Meanwhile, Jerry's contractor, left on his own, has made a change
in Jerry's kitchen that no one likes. Elaine gets her mattress back when she gets the right idea; however,
Kramer has fouled it up with the stench of the East River. Elaine's boyfriend discovers the benefits of
swimming in the East River. Steinbrenner hears a ticking sound in George's office, thinks it's a bomb and
calls in the bomb squad. Jerry decides he needs his old kitchen back. Elaine throws her back out trying to
get rid of the mattress. Kramer's river gets crowded and George finds a new place to nap.
153. “The Yada Yada" 4/24/1997
George's girlfriend is big on using the phrase "yada yada"; Jerry says at least she is succinct. Jerry's dentist
just became Jewish and he is already making jokes that make Jerry uncomfortable. Kramer and Mickey
double date but they can't decide which of the women is right for them. Elaine is a character reference for a
couple who is trying to adopt; a story she tells during the interview destroys all hope of adoption. George
drops by Jerry's dental appointment. Mickey and Kramer continue to fight over Karen and Julie. George
determines that his girlfriend might be leaving out some significant details with her overuse of the phrase
"yada yada." He gets her to fill in the details and discovers more than he wants to know. Jerry confesses to
a priest about what he thinks about Tim's conversion. George drops by Jerry's confession. Kramer decides
on the right woman and Mickey also decides to make his a commitment. Tim hears about Jerry's dental
joke. After hearing Jerry's complaints about Tim, Kramer accuses Jerry of being an "anti-dentite." Elaine
lobbies on behalf of Beth and Arnie and makes a sacrifice to try getting them a child. Meanwhile, Beth
comes to Jerry for help when her marriage is falling apart. It does and she accompanies Jerry to Mickey's
wedding where she reveals an unknown side of her personality.
154. “The Millennium" 5/1/1997
Elaine gets bad service at a clothing store, so she begins shopping at another similar store. Jerry notices
that he is on his girlfriend's speed dial. Kramer plans for his millennium New Year's Eve party two years in
advance and he has some strange ideas about what life in that year will be like. George is "offered" a
position as director of scouting by the Mets. To get the position he must be fired by the Yankees. Elaine
flaunts her purchases in front of the store. Jerry obsesses about his position on the speed dial and then he
makes it to number 1. Kramer discovers that Newman is planning his own millennium party. George tries to
make a big exit from the Yankees organization; however, all his attempts make him look better in the
organization. The step-mother of Jerry's girlfriend's confronts him over his #1 position on the speed dial.
Newman compromises with Kramer about their respective parties, they will be combined; however, he only
has one condition, the next century must be "Jerry free." Elaine discovers the clothing store she began
frequenting is owned by the same woman who didn't help her at the other store. Kramer reluctantly agrees
but then has misgivings and gets Elaine to come back to his party. Elaine plans her revenge on the store
with Kramer's help. Jerry’s caught in the middle of a speed dial war between his girlfriend and step-mother.
155. “The Muffin Tops" 5/8/1997
George watches a bag for a tourist who never comes back, so he starts wearing some of the clothes.
Elaine tells Kramer that the stories he sold to Peterman were put into the book. Kramer goes to the book
signing, claiming he is the real "Peterman." George becomes a tourist from Arkansas when he meets a
beautiful woman from the tourist bureau on the street. Jerry shaves his chest and worries about it until he
discovers his girlfriend likes hairless dogs. Elaine eats only the tops of muffins and she says that it is a
million dollar idea, Mr. Lippman, her former boss, decides to start a business. Kramer starts conducting
"Peterman Reality Tours" for $37.50 a piece. When the muffin top business doesn't seem to be working,
Lippman asks Elaine for advice. She tells him that he must make the whole muffin and remove the top from
the stump, she also demands that he remove the exclamation point from his sign. The stumps can be given
to the homeless. Only they don't want them. In fact nobody wants them. Jerry continues to shave his chest
despite Kramer's warning about hair growth. George "moves" to New York and takes a job with the
Yankees. Steinbrenner is led to believe that George is holding down two jobs and makes a deal to trade
George for chicken. Elaine convinces Kramer to get rid of her stumps and he convinces Jerry and his
girlfriend to take his tour. Jerry's chest begins itching from hair growth. Elaine hires "a cleaner" to make the
muffin stump problem go away.
156. “The Summer of George" 5/15/1997
George discovers he has a severance package from the Yankees that should last him about 3 months. He
decides that he is going to take the summer off. Jerry is going to the Tony Awards and so is Kramer. Jerry
has a real seat; Kramer is a seat filler. Elaine critiques a co-worker who walks with no arm movements and
is accused of being "catty." Jerry's picks up his date, only to find out that she has a man living with her.
Kramer gets a Tony Award for a musical in which Raquel Welch is the star. Elaine tries to work things out
with her co-worker, to no avail. Kramer uses his Tony as a ticket into a place he really shouldn't be, Sardi's,
where the producers of "Scarsdale Surprise" have a proposition for him. Jerry's date decides to commit to
him. Elaine's complaints to men about her co-worker only seem to pique their interest in the possibility of a
cat fight. Jerry's girlfriend begins to wear him out; she is always on the go. George suggests that perhaps
they team up to handle Lanette. To keep his Tony award, Kramer must fire the non-arm swinging Raquel
Welch from the production. Jerry goes on a date and needs George to handle the invitations for Lanette's
party. He is not to skimp, this time. Kramer does his duty and pays a price. A mad Raquel walking down the
street gets into a cat fight with a woman who she thinks is making fun of her, Elaine. George gets distracted
and slips on an invitation. Twenty-two episodes later the gang is back where they were a year ago, only
this time George is the one in a hospital bed.
____________________________________________________________________________________
9th Season 1997
____________________________________________________________________________________
157. “The Butter Shave" 9/25/1997
xxx
Not fully recovered from "The Summer of George", George is using a cane to get around. Jerry might have
another shot at NBC, through an appearance on a NBC Showcase that might lead to another pilot. He is
also annoyed that lame comic Kenny Bania's act is working, only because he is following on Jerry's
coattails, a time-slot hit. Bania scores with big laughs and also gets one of Jerry's ex-girlfriends. George
gets a job interview. Elaine is on vacation for a month in Europe with David Puddy. If he's lucky he won't
"come back in a body bag." Kramer finds butter is a better protection for his skin after shaving. George is
hired for the job because of his use of the cane. They think he is handicapped and of course he takes full
advantage of the situation. Kramer's skin feels so good with butter, he takes to spreading it all over his
body. Unfortunately he lays out in the sun where he begins to cook. It's a long flight back for Elaine and
Puddy, who break up and get back together, only to break up again. Newman, reading the cannibalism
themed story Alive!, finds the smell of a cooked Kramer appealing. Jerry is informed that Bania is going to
follow him on the NBC showcase. George sprains his good leg and Jerry discovers that George is a closet
Bania fan. Kramer tries to keep his skin moist but the baked in smell of cooked meat is too much for
Newman. George manages to keep up his bluff until he tries to take on some old-timers. Jerry plans to
sabotage his own act, surmising that Kenny's act will also bomb, but Kenny gets the last laugh.
158. “The Voice" 10/2/1997
xxx
George's employer wants to get rid of him, since they now know he isn't really handicapped and they don't
like him. He has a one year contract with Play Now that he will make sure they honor by him showing up for
work every day. Jerry and George mock the sounds the Jerry's girlfriend Claire's stomach makes during the
night. Jerry envisions the belly button as the mouth and the sound the stomach makes its voice. Because
of the "bump into" Jerry tells Elaine that she is destined to backslide into her relationship with David Puddy,
she bets him $50 that she won't. The next day Jerry discovers that Elaine didn't go home last night, he
accuses her of seeing Puddy. She says the sex they had was an isolated incident. Jerry agrees but the
dinner they also had was more of a commitment, he demands that she pay up. Kramer is tired of seeing all
his ideas implemented, because all the little day to day incidental things keeps getting in his way and
keeping him realizing his ideas. He gets an intern from NYU to help him out with Kramerica Industries, the
corporation he had previously setup to develop some of his ideas. With this help he'll be freed from the day
to day activities and be able to develop his ideas, such as the oil tanker bladder. Meanwhile, George is
fighting the siege mentality that he is encountering at work and Elaine just can't get Puddy off her mind. No
matter what the obstacle, George endeavors to occupy his office. Jerry tells Claire about the voice and she
leaves him. The university takes Kramer's intern away from him. Claire says they can get back together if
he won't do the voice ever again, he decides the voice is worth it. Unfortunately, everyone is tired off the
voice. Elaine pays ups and they decided on a double or nothing bet. The intern comes back on his own
because he believes in Kramerica. Play Now tries to negotiate with George, but he won't give in. Later, he
offers his office and one of their rubber balls to allow Kramer to test his oil bladder idea. Jerry continues to
cash in on his bet with Elaine, who just can't seem to keep away from Puddy. The big test takes place at
George's workplace where Jerry plans to meet Claire. They try to warn her about the falling object, but all
she hears is the voice. Claire’s lawsuit puts Play Now out of business and George out of his contract.
159. “The Serenity Now" 10/9/1997
+++
Frank is supposed to say "serenity now" every time his blood pressure is in danger of going up. Jerry's
girlfriend gives his Knicks tickets away. She comments that she has never seen him get "real mad." George
gets Kramer to help him fix his parents' screen door. They remove the old door and Kramer takes it with
him. Frank is selling computers; he wants to bring George into his business. Lippman's boy tries taking
advantage of becoming a man at his bar mitzvah by using his tongue while kissing Elaine. Kramer installs
the screen door outside his apartment to give his apartment "the cool even breezes of Anytown, USA." His
initial instinct is to quit, but George decides it is finally time to take on his arch-nemesis, Lloyd Braun, whom
Frank has also hired to sell computers. When Jerry learns how to get mad, it releases all his other feelings,
including caring and another that results in a proposal. Kramer fights with the neighborhood kids of
"Anytown, USA." George tells Elaine she is attractive to the Lippman men because of her "shiksappeal."
The result gets her two Lippman "men" who want to denounce their religion. George hatches a scheme to
sell more computers; however, continual use of the phrase "serenity now" has an "impact" on computer
sales. The release of emotions from George has an impact on emotional Jerry. Elaine seeks help from a
"rabbi" to see if she can reduce her "shiksappeal."
160. “The Blood" 10/16/1997
+++
Jerry's parents are concerned about his lack of exercise. Elaine visits her friend Vivian and is disappointed
when Vivian implies that she isn't responsible enough to watch her son Jimmy. George's girlfriend lights
some vanilla scented incense. The overpowering scent makes him hungry. He decides he needs to add
food as a part of his sex life. His girlfriend tolerates some food items, but not the "salted cured meats." He
also comes up with a way to separate pudding skin from the pudding, creating pudding skin singles.
Kramer has been storing his blood at a blood bank that begins to raise their rates. In retaliation he decides
that he is going to store the blood himself. Jerry starts a purification program to improve his diet. Vivian
decides that Kramer would be a good choice for a baby-sitter; however, Elaine intercepts him en-route and
proves her responsibility. Jerry becomes the victim of an Exacto knife wound and winds up with three pints
of Kramer blood. Jerry is disturbed by the infusion of Kramer blood. Especially when Kramer calls him a
blood brother. George decides that adding television to his equation will make food and sex even better.
Jerry's parents buy him sessions with personal trainer, Izzy, who's going to help him work off his spare tire.
Elaine hates her new responsibility, so she tries to make herself appear irresponsible. George's girlfriend
doesn't like television in the equation, the "free love buffet" is over. Elaine tries to get out of being
responsible, by using George as a "pinch weasel"; however, he may have found the woman of his dreams.
Kramer borrows Jerry's air-conditioned car to return his blood to the bank. The car overheats because the
radiator is bone dry, but not for long. Jerry's last workout with Izzy results in another transfusion of blood,
only this time it's not Kramer's.
161. “The Junk Mail" 10/30/1997
+++
Jerry's childhood friend "Fragile" Frankie promises to get Jerry a new car because of a show he did for
Frankie's car dealership. George prepares for his weekly call to his parents. Kramer plans his revenge on a
company because of the over abundance of catalogs they've sent him in the past month. Elaine is back
with Puddy, but meets the man of her dreams at the diner and plans to keep Puddy in reserve until she
finds out if the new guy can "handle the workload." Kramer gets deluged with more catalogs and plans to
stop the mail. George's parents cut him short on his weekly phone call. Jerry gets a van and not the Saab
he'd hoped for. Frankie reminds him of the childhood dream they had where they got a van a toured the
country. George pops in on his parents and reminds his parent's they didn't call him back, but they have to
leave right away. Kramer bricks up his mail box, but that doesn't stop his mail from being delivered. Jerry
plans to sell the van, Kramer helps him out with the ad copy that cites interesting trades considered.
Kramer goes to the post office to permanently cancel his mail. Newman confesses to him that no-one really
needs their mail but that there is a greater conspiracy at work. George demands to know what's going on
with his parents; they tell him they are cutting him loose. George isn't ready for abandonment, he plans to
date his cousin as a means of getting his parents involved in his life. Jerry determines that the appeal
Elaine finds in her new boyfriend comes from some old commercial that he appeared in. Kramer wants
Jerry's van and offers Anthony Quinn's old tee-shirt as an interesting trade. Elaine wants Puddy back, but is
rejected by him. Kramer uses the van to launch his anti-postal campaign. George's cousin is into their
relationship; however, George schemes to have his parents catch him making out with her. Kramer is
captured and enlightened by the postmaster general. Elaine's boyfriend gets his second piece of good
news in one day, his TV career has been revitalized and she is taking him back. Jerry must sell the van
after seeing what they saw.
162. “The Merv Griffin Show" 11/6/1997
+++
Kramer discovers the set of the old Merv Griffin Show in a dumpster. George's girlfriend, Miranda, is
disgusted when George runs over some pigeons with his car. The pigeons have broken their deal with the
humans. Jerry is fascinated with his girlfriend's old toy collection that she won't let him near. Elaine's new
co-worker is a real sidler, he causes her to spill coffee that creates a stain that looks like Fidel Castro.
Kramer reconstructs the set in his apartment and begins to conduct interviews of everyone who enters his
apartment. Elaine schemes to out-sidle the sidler who might be sidling her out of a job. While George
swerves to avoid a pigeon, he hits a squirrel. Jerry schemes for an opportunity to play with the toys. Kramer
adds Newman as a co-host for his show to help relieve the pressure of being a host. Miranda insists that
George pay for the special surgery required to fix the squirrel. Elaine gives Tic Tacs to the sidler to make
him noisy, unfortunately the sound reminds Peterman of an old Haitian torture. Jerry and George execute a
turkey, wine and home movie scheme in an effort to play with the toys. Elaine is disgusted by this
unconscionable behavior, until she hears about the Easy-Bake Oven. Kramer decides to change the format
of the show, to "Scandals and Animals." On the show, Jerry's girlfriend finds out about the schemes and
animal expert Jim Fowler is there with a hawk. George brings the squirrel over to the set to get Jim Fowler's
opinion. Hawks like to eat squirrels.
163. “The Slicer" 11/13/1997
Elaine is having nightmares and sleepless nights due to her neighbor leaving the alarm clock set for 3:30
a.m.. George gets a dream job at a very badly run company, his new boss seems familiar to him, then a
photo in the boss's office reminds him of "the boom box incident." Fearing that he might lose his new
position, George listens to Kramer's advice and plots to get hold of the photograph and get it retouched.
Kramer's dissatisfied with the meat he is getting with his sandwiches, so he obtains a meat slicer. Kramer
suggests Elaine that she short circuit her neighbor's apartment and blow the circuit breaker. Jerry is going
to go out on a date with a doctor that Elaine recommended, but the date is annoying when the doctor can
only talk about saving lives. The photo lab screws up the retouching by eliminating the boss from the
photograph and not George. Jerry discovers the doctor is dermatologist. George recommends a carefully
orchestrated revenge date. Kramer uses the meat slicer to help Elaine feed the neighbor's cat; the power
outage shut off the automatic feeder. Jerry's revenge date goes well, until he is reminded of the phrase
"skin cancer." Elaine is still using the slicer and finds it very handy, until she tries to even her high heels.
George goes back to the photo shop to find they put the boss back in the photograph as a cartoon. He now
needs to obtain a new bare-chested photo of his boss or find a new job, perhaps the Coast Guard. Jerry's
doctor date would provide the perfect opportunity for him as she does skin cancer screenings. Elaine keeps
the slicer problem from Kramer by threatening him with seeing some circus clowns. Later, Kramer goes to
her apartment to pick up the slicer; she fixes it and quickly shoves it out the door. Kramer sees the dinged
up blade and tries to get back into her apartment, but he takes the knob of the door. Jerry has developed
an allergic reaction to something as hives have broken out on his neck. Elaine discovers she is trapped
inside her apartment. Jerry goes down to George's workplace and confronts the doctor about his hives.
She leaves and Kramer, in his white meat slicing coat, steps in as the skin cancer doctor and spots a
growth on George's boss. George gets his bare-chested photo. Kramer wants to come clean about the
growth; George tells him he will tell his boss to see another doctor. George's boss doesn't think it is a
problem, a ten-year-old photo of him shows the mole, it hasn't changed. He also relates to George the story
about the dumb guy on the beach with the boom box. He mentions to George (as others have) that he sure
has lost a lot of hair in the past ten years. Despite all of that, he gets to keep the job. Later, the guys keep
Elaine company as they wait for the locksmith to come and open her apartment.
164. “The Betrayal" 11/20/1997
+++
Jerry, George and Elaine return from their trip to India that they don't want to talk about. Sue Ellen calls the
wedding off and Nina doesn't want George or Jerry. George finds out that Jerry slept with Nina and Elaine
slept with the groom. Kramer and FDR settle their score, a snowball with something extra. Jerry "schnapps"
Elaine to find out why George is so bitter with him. Kramer tries to out wish FDR. Elaine, Jerry, George and
Nina arrive in India, where Elaine discovers that the groom is someone she slept with and that they are the
only people from the U.S. who are attending the ceremony. Kramer is angry with Newman because he
didn't use his birthday wish to save Kramer from FDR. George "schnapps" Elaine to find out the secret
Elaine is keeping about Jerry and Nina. Elaine buys tickets to India to spite Sue Ellen by showing up at her
wedding. Kramer tries to get Newman to use his birthday wish to protect Kramer from FDR. Elaine finds
that Jerry and Nina have just slept together. Elaine meets the parents of Sue Ellen's fiancé who try to
convince her not to go to India for the wedding; after all they aren't even going. Jerry and Nina suffer an
awkward pause in their conversation. Kramer confronts FDR about his birthday wish. Elaine's mail from
India is an "unvitation" to Sue Ellen's wedding in India to someone whose name seems familiar to her.
George asks Jerry to call Nina about setting them up on a date and realizes he must where his
Timberlands every time he sees her. Jerry and George are walking down the street and they run into Nina
and old girlfriend of Jerry's whom he never slept with. Kramer attends FDR's birthday and FDR gives him
an evil eye right before blowing out the candles on his cake. Elaine receives an item in the mail from India.
Two years earlier, Jerry tells George and Susan that Nina might be the one; Kramer nails FDR in the back
of the head with a snowball; Elaine is dating an Indian man named Peter (Pinter). Eleven years earlier, new
resident Jerry tells his neighbor across the hall, whom he calls Kessler (it's the name on the mailbox), that
“what's mine is yours”.
165. “The Apology" 12/11/1997
Jerry's girlfriend walks around his apartment naked; she even eats breakfast and plays Scrabble naked. An
old friend of the gang named Jason is going through Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and is currently working
on step 9, where you make amends to individuals for past wrongs. George is anxious to receive Jason's
apology for the humiliating neck-hole incident. Elaine is offended when her co-worker, Peggy, can't tolerate
Elaine's germs, but easily tolerates the germs of other people. Kramer discovers he's been taking too long
in the shower, so he tries to make some changes to his shower routine. Jerry comes to realize there is
good naked and bad naked, when he sees his girlfriend coughing. Jason stops by the restaurant to
apologize to Jerry, but fails to apologize to George. George confronts him later, only to be humiliated some
more. Kramer changes don't work out, so he asks for advice from Jerry and observes the men in the
shower at a health club. Elaine confronts Peggy and gives her some germs. George tells Jerry how he can
show his girlfriend the concept of bad naked using a belt sander. Kramer decides to live in the shower.
George talks to Jason's sponsor, who recommends that he attend a meeting, only it's not AA, it's Rageoholics Anonymous (RA). Jerry executes George's plan. After doing his dishes in the shower, Kramer
decides he needs to add a garbage disposal to bathtub. Kramer calls on Puddy for installation advice.
Elaine tells Jerry one of the problems with his body and why a naked male body isn't attractive. Puddy tells
Elaine why her co-worker doesn't like her germs, she's a "germ-o-phobe," like he used to be ten years ago.
He accompanies Elaine on a visit to Peggy to prove his theory. Jerry convinces his girlfriend to put on her
clothes; however, he can only picture her naked and unfortunately she can only do the same with him.
Kramer cooks up a meal that he serves to Elaine, Puddy and the recovering Peggy, only they all react
badly when they find out the kitchen was in the shower. Jason tries to apologize to George, but it isn't quite
what George had in mind so they both go into a rage.
166. “The Strike" 12/18/1997
+++
George, Elaine and Jerry attend Tim Whatley's Hanukkah party. Jerry meets an attractive woman with
whom he sets up a date. Elaine meets a man in a bad denim vest and gives him her fake number. George
is offended by Whatley's gift to him, a donation in his name to a charity. George is also reminded of the
Festivus holiday his father created many years ago. Elaine's quest to become a submarine captain and get
her free sub sandwich is ruined when she realizes she used her punch card at the party to give her fake
number to the denim vested guy. Kramer gets word he can return to his job at the bagel place, it seems he
has been on strike for the past 12 years. Elaine goes to the place, an off-track betting parlor, that her fake
number reaches. She wanted to give them her real number, so when the denim vest guy calls, she can
connect with him. The men at the parlor are interested in connecting with her, so she gives the number for
the bagel shop where Kramer is working. Jerry meets his date, Gwen, at a restaurant, but it turns out she is
two-faced. Sometimes Gwen looks great, other times she's plain; it all depends on the viewer's angle and
the lighting. George decides to use the Whatley approach when giving out Christmas gifts at Krugers;
however, he makes up his own charity called the "Human Fund." Kramer is intrigued by the concept of the
Festivus holiday and contacts Frank, who becomes excited at the prospect of rekindling "Festivus for the
rest-of-us." Kramer asks to get the 23rd of December off, when he can't get it, he resumes the strike;
meanwhile Elaine waits at the bagel place for a phone call from the denim vest guy. The look of Jerry's
girlfriend keeps changing. Jerry decides that Gwen looks best in the back booth at Monk's, something she
grows to dislike. George passes out his gifts at Krugers and reaps great rewards. Kramer warns Elaine
about the sabotage he committed, the bagel place becomes very steamy and makes Elaine look ugly.
Kruger gives George a check for donates $20,000 to the "Human Fund" and later accounting informs him
the charity doesn't exist. Gwen finds out from Kramer that Jerry is seeing another woman, Kramer has seen
her and she's not Gwen. Gwen thinks Jerry is two timing her with an ugly woman. George tries to convince
Kruger that he passed out the fake gift cards because he didn't want to be ridiculed for the holiday his
family traditionally celebrates, Festivus. To prove it, George brings Kruger to his father's Festivus dinner,
where everyone comes together.
167. “The Dealership" 1/8/1998
Jerry plans to buy a car with an insider deal from Puddy, who's been promoted to a car salesman. George
warns Jerry to watch out for car dealers. Kramer takes the car Jerry is planning to buy for a test drive with
another salesman. Elaine returns from a lunch with Puddy at Arby's. Puddy offers Jerry a "high five."
Kramer misses the turn to go back to the dealership; instead, he plans to give the car a full test of a Kramer
daily routine. Hungry, George seeks out something to eat and must settle for a vending machine candy bar.
Only he can't get one from the machine with a crinkled dollar so he asks a mechanic (who he knows has a
crisp dollar) for assistance and is refused service. Finally, when he gets the correct change, the Twix bar
hangs. With his errands run, Kramer's next test is to take the car to the limits of its fuel tank. Irritated (when
isn't he), George seeks assistance from a salesman. When they return to the machine, the Twix bar
George had hanging and the one behind it are gone. George suspects the mechanic. Elaine and Puddy
have a fight and break up. Jerry's insider deal is off. George confronts the mechanic. Jerry wants George to
help him get a good deal; however, George is only interested in getting back at the mechanic. The car
salesman riding with Kramer really gets into driving below empty. George tries to complain about the
mechanic, but gets into a debate about candy bars. In an attempt to get a great deal on his car, Jerry tries
to put Elaine and Puddy "in a relationship today." George sets up a candy bar lineup, to implicate the
mechanic, only to find his lineup being eaten. Elaine and Puddy get back together and Jerry is going to get
his deal, until Puddy says "high five me" to Jerry, one time too many. Kramer and the salesman, with the
dealership in sight, decide instead to go for it.
168. “The Reverse Peephole" 1/15/1998
+++
Puddy is wearing what can only be described as a "man fur." Jerry and Elaine leave it to George to sniff
them out a deal on a massage chair, for an apartment warming gift for their friend Joe Mayo. Elaine doesn't
like Joe's parties, because he always gives his guests an assignment. Kramer and Newman are going to
reverse the peepholes on their doors. The landlord wants to evict Newman, because he is an agitator. Jerry
decides to go wallet-less. George is opposed to the idea, he keeps everything in his wallet. Jerry, George,
Elaine and "man furred" Puddy go to the party and get their assignments. Elaine, who is in charge of the
coats, decides to throw "Dr. Zauis" (Puddy's coat) out the window. Kramer comes to Newman's defense
with the landlord. Joe Mayo has the same kind of coat that Puddy had, so he wants Elaine to replace the
coat, after all she was in charge. George complains about back problems that Jerry attributes to the size of
his wallet. The massage chair gets delivered to George's apartment. Wallet-less Jerry must carry all his
girlfriend's stuff, when they go out on their date. Newman admits to Kramer that he is sleeping with the
landlord's wife. Kramer and Newman find Puddy's coat hanging in a tree. Jerry complains about carrying
all his girlfriend's stuff and Elaine tells him about Peterman's small men's carryall. "It's not a purse, it's
European." Elaine decides she is out of the gift, if she has to replace the coat. George is enjoying the new
chair and lies about getting the chair. Elaine finds out that Newman has Puddy's coat and she invites
Newman to her apartment. Despite Elaine's come-ons, Newman won't give up the coat, he has given it to
the landlord's wife. The landlord confronts Kramer, when he discovers the fur coat. Kramer says that it
belongs to Jerry, because he is one of those insecure entertainers. Kramer convinces Jerry to wear the
coat in front of the landlord. George continues to lie about the receiving the gift. Jerry drops out of the gift,
when he finds out that Joe Mayo didn't like the music he provided at last year's party. Kramer was never in
the gift, he just thought it was a good idea for a gift, he doesn't even know Joe Mayo. George will be able to
return the chair, after he has the receipt in his wallet. Out on the street, George's wallet explodes. Jerry
goes out on the street in the fur coat, where his "purse" is stolen and the landlord finds out the truth about
the coat. Puddy gets a new coat.
169. “The Cartoon" 1/29/1998
+++
Kramer's brutal honesty, gets Jerry in trouble with Susan's old college roommate, Sally Weaver. Elaine
obsesses over the meaning of a cartoon that appears in The New Yorker. Elaine and later Kramer
comments that George's new girlfriend looks a lot like Jerry. In fact Kramer says "just because they look-alike, that doesn't mean you're (George) secretly in love with Jerry." Jerry confronts Kramer's frankness.
Sally claims that Jerry has ruined her life, she's quitting the business, Jerry can't have that on his
conscience, he talks her back into the business. Kramer makes an important life decision, the only way to
keep his mouth shut, is to stop talking. Before he finally stops talking, Kramer's constant references to the
looks of George's girlfriend, drives George out of Jerry's apartment. Elaine goes to The New Yorker to seek
an explanation for the cartoon. Discovering that the editor didn't understand the cartoon either, he liked the
kitty. Sally opens her new one woman show about "Jerry Seinfeld- the Devil." Elaine's complaint, gets her
the opportunity to do her own cartoon for the magazine. Jerry confronts Sally about the content of her
show. Newman is her biggest fan; finally, he can see a "show that is about something." Kramer discovers
the disadvantages of not talking. George worries about why he really likes his girlfriend. A clip of Sally's
show appears on channel 9 news, it features Jerry's latest confrontation with her. Elaine works all-night on
her first cartoon, it is okay, but it is not the gem that Elaine thinks it is. Jerry calls Sally and the message he
leaves on her answering machine appears in her show as well. Later the lawsuit he filed appears in her
cable special. Jerry decides to cut off all communication with Sally. Elaine's first comic appears in The New
Yorker. Peterman thinks it is a great cartoon, until he realizes it is a Ziggy and he can prove it -- "Quick
Elaine, to my archives." George and his girlfriend discuss their relationship, until she gets gum in her hair.
Sally starts talking to the silent Kramer, until he can't take it anymore. He tells her to shut-up, then he
apologizes and says that he hasn't spoken for days. Sally tells him to lay it on her. To remove the gum from
her hair, George's girlfriend cuts her hair, her new hairstyle looks exactly like Jerry's. George runs out of the
apartment screaming. Elaine tells Jerry about the Ziggy incident. Ziggy responds to The New Yorker.
Sally's new cable show is about to come on and Jerry is convinced she'll have nothing to talk about. He
was so wrong. George decides to take a few days off from his relationship with Jerry.
170. “The Strongbox" 2/5/1998
George tries to break up with his girlfriend, Maura, only she doesn't agree. Jerry has purchased cuff links
worn by Jerry Lewis in Cinderfella. He plans to use them as a conversation starter with Lewis when he
goes to an upcoming roast at the Friar's Club. Having the same first name isn't enough. A man of mystery
that she has met intrigues Elaine. Jerry suggests that perhaps he is a super-hero. With robberies occurring
in the building, Kramer has obtained a strongbox to hold his valuables. He needs to find a place to hide his
key. A place that no one knows, except him. His first place doesn't work. George lays out all of the reasons
that they should be officially broken up, Maura still doesn't agree "to turn the key." Elaine gives up on her
mystery man when he runs from a woman that Elaine deduces is his wife. She returns to Jerry's apartment
to find that his intercom is broken. So she shouts to him from the street, about the mystery man, while she
waits for the opportunity to get into his building. Jerry inspects his intercom, only to find Kramer's strongbox
key hidden inside. Kramer hides his key again. Jerry finds the key again and decides to go down to let
George in. While downstairs, a neighbor who's forgotten his key and is unknown to Jerry asks to be let in.
Jerry denies him entry. Elaine goes to the mystery man's shabby apartment and discovers he is poor and
on welfare. The woman he ran from is his welfare caseworker. Jerry discovers the keyless neighbor, does
in fact live in his building, on the 5th floor in apartment 5E (!) right next door to Kramer. Elaine tells Jerry
about her mystery man's super powers. George decides that cheating on Maura might be his ticket out.
Kramer lets Phil, Jerry's "new" neighbor, keep his parrot in the hallway. Kramer also hides his key at Phil's.
Glenn, the mystery man, takes Elaine on a date in the alley. Jerry needs his cufflinks for the roast, only to
find out that Kramer has locked them in his strongbox. The key to the strongbox was hidden in the parrot's
food dish, only now the parrot is dead (from food poisoning) and buried in a pet cemetery. George tries
getting caught with the other woman, only both women agree that they can work with George through this
incident. Elaine discovers that Glenn is, in fact, married. Kramer and Jerry go to the pet cemetery to
exhume the key, his neighbor catches only Jerry. George asks what's in the cooler (strongbox) as he easily
opens it up.
171. “The Wizard" 2/26/1998
Jerry buys his dad a $200 Wizard organizer for a birthday present. George receives a message from
Susan's parents, the Rosses. Jerry and George debate about the race of Elaine's new boyfriend and that
intrigues her (is he black?). George returns the call from the Rosses; the Foundation is having an event this
weekend, but George can't attend, he has to close on his house in the Hamptons. Kramer announces his
retirement, a Hollywood big shot has optioned his coffee table book about coffee tables. Elaine finds
evidence that leads her to believe her boyfriend is black. Susan's parents see George on the street in the
city, during the time he is supposed to be in the Hamptons. Jerry is woken up early in the morning at his
parent's house and gives his father the "$50" organizer that has many features besides a tip calculator.
Later he discovers that Kramer has moved down there, to join the other retirees. Elaine laughs when
Susan's parents ask her about George's house in the Hamptons. Of course, George just builds on the lie.
Morty, who can't run for president of the condo association, decides that Kramer should run for condo
board president of Del Boca Vista phase III. Once Kramer is elected, Morty will run things from behind the
scenes. Elaine schemes to try to determine her boyfriend's race. George finds out the Rosses knew that he
lied. He decides to take them to the Hamptons, to "see who'll blink first." Kramer begins his campaign and
the Boca Breeze has good things to say about him. When Elaine's boyfriend says they are an interracial
couple, she is convinced he is black. George keeps building on his lie, as he picks up the Rosses and
takes them on their ride to the Hamptons. Kramer receives some bad press from the Boca Breeze; it's
damage control time. Kramer suggests buying each member of the board one of those Wizard tip
calculators. Jerry knows he can't get the deal he told his father he'd received, but Kramer says not to worry,
Bob Saccamando's father lives down here and can help them out. Elaine and her boyfriend discover that
each is not the race they thought the other was. Saccamando's father comes through with knock-off tip
calculators called Willard, they are defective and the election is lost. George and the Rosses reach the
Hamptons, where the truth wins out.
172. “The Burning" 3/19/1998
Because of the presets she discovers on his car radio, Elaine thinks that Puddy is religious. The first idea
George presents at a Kruger project meeting goes over great, his follow up suggestion isn't as well
received. Jerry suggests that George use the old showmanship trick of leaving on a high note. Elaine tells
George and Jerry about her suspicions; George suggests that she reset his radio presets as a test. Kramer
and Mickey get an acting gig playing sick for some medical students. Jerry's girlfriend, Sophie, calls him
with the familiar "it's me" greeting only he doesn't recognize her voice. George leaves a Kruger meeting on
a high note. For their acting job, Mickey gets bacterial meningitis and Kramer has gonorrhea. Elaine
confirms that Puddy is religious. Kramer picks up on the showmanship idea and really plays up his
gonorrhea part. Sophie leaves an "it's me" message on Jerry's answering machine. George suggest he call
her back with the "it's me" greeting. Sophie doesn't recognize Jerry's voice and thinks he is someone else;
Jerry discovers that she hasn't told him about the tractor story. Puddy doesn't have a problem with Elaine
not being religious, after all he is not the one who's "going to hell." George and Jerry speculate on what the
tractor story is. Elaine begins to worry about going to hell. Kruger throws everyone off the project because
they are boring, so now George is the only other member of the project team. Kramer receives rave
reviews for his portrayal of gonorrhea, but now he feels he has been typecast. Jerry sees a scar on
Sophie's leg and assumes it was from a tractor accident. George finds that he has to do all the actual work
on the project as Kruger keeps making excuses and doesn't do any actual work. Puddy wants Elaine to
steal a paper, after all she is already going to hell and he doesn't seem to care. Kramer takes Mickey's
ailment. Elaine and Puddy seek the advice of a priest about where their relationship is going. Sophie tries
to tell Jerry the tractor story, but he tells her not to worry about it. Kramer and Mickey come in arguing
about getting gonorrhea and Sophie clears it up for both of them. With that, Jerry leaves on a high note.
Meanwhile, back at the project meeting, Kruger decides to leave George on a high note.
173. “The Bookstore" 4/9/1998
Kramer "hangs-out" more than usual at Jerry's place. Jerry and George are at a bookstore where George
hopes to meet women and Jerry spots Uncle Leo shoplifting. George takes a large book into the bathroom
with him. Elaine is at the annual Peterman party, where everyone is anxious to know if she is going to
dance again and when. The bookstore makes George buy the book that he took into the bathroom. Elaine
didn't dance at the party instead she and a man named Zach got drunk and made out at their table. George
suggests that she tell everyone that she and Zach are dating, that way she won't be known as the "office
skank." Kramer and Newman plan to implement Kramer's idea for running a rickshaw service in the city.
They are getting a rickshaw from Hong Kong, now they need to find someone to pull it. Jerry confronts
Uncle Leo about the stolen book. Uncle Leo claims it is a right as a senior citizen. Elaine catches her man
with another woman. Kramer and Newman attempt to interview potential rickshaw pullers from a collection
of homeless men; however, their first candidate takes off with the rickshaw. George tries to return his book,
but is told the book has been flagged as having been in the bathroom. Jerry rats out Uncle Leo at the
bookstore. Jerry talks with his parents about Uncle Leo's theft and finds out about his prior, the crime of
passion of which his mother will not tell him the details. His parents also inform him of the senior approach;
it is not stealing if you need it. Elaine plans to use the cheating angle to protect her reputation. Jerry tries to
talk with Uncle Leo, but the only thing Uncle Leo tells him is that he never forgets when he's been betrayed.
George discovers his book has been flagged in all the databases as a bathroom book. Elaine's plan goes
awry when Peterman demands that she help Zach get off the "yam yam" by helping him to quit cold turkey.
Jerry has a nightmare about Uncle Leo. Newman and Kramer discover where the rickshaw is and Kramer
loses the contest to determine who will pull the other. George tries to donate his book to charity, but even
they won't take the marked book. When Kramer gets tired pulling Newman in the rickshaw up a hill and lets
it go, the results are disastrous for Elaine's recovered "boyfriend" Zach. George plans to steal a good copy
of the book, so he can return it to get his money back. Just as Jerry finds out from the manager that the
manager has been told that the store needs to make a good example out of a shoplifter, any shoplifter, as
long as they catch him in the act.
174. “The Frogger" 4/23/1998
+++
Elaine is confronted with cake from two separate birthday celebrations. She is tired of the forced
socializing, so she calls in the sick the following day. Jerry & George are going to their old high-school
hangout for one last slice of pizza. Kramer was at the police station where he obtained some caution tape
used for crime scenes and also hears about a serial killer that is on the loose in the Riverside Park area. At
the pizza parlor, George discovers he still has the high score on the old Frogger video game. Elaine's coworkers give her a cake to celebrate her return to work from being sick, she refuses to take part in any
future celebrations. Jerry goes out with Elaine's friend Lisi, but she is a "sentence finisher, it's like dating
Mad-Libs." George decides to by the Frogger machine, but Jerry asks him how he is going to move it and
keep it plugged in to preserve the high score. (This pizza parlor has never had a blackout in all that time?
Sometimes with sitcoms, we must suspend reality. Kramer discovers the last victim of the serial killer
looked a lot like Jerry. George works to find a solution to his Frogger problem and Kramer volunteers the
help of a man he knows named "Slippery Pete." Elaine misses the 4 o'clock sugar rush she had gotten
used to from all the celebrations, so she decides to raid Peterman's refrigerator, where she finds a piece of
cake. She finds out from Peterman that the piece of cake he has in his refrigerator is worth $29,000
because of its historical significance. The cake comes from the 1937 wedding of King Edward VIII. Jerry is
looking to breakup with Lisi, but discovers that she lives in Riverside Park area. To avoid the serial killer, he
takes Lisi back to his place where she finishes one of his thoughts that takes their relationship to the next
level. Elaine tells Jerry and George about the cake and she also tells Jerry that Lisi is planning a weekend
trip for them to Pennsylvania Dutch country. Jerry fears that Lisi received the wrong message as that kind
of a trip is for a serious relationship. Elaine tries to even out Peterman's slice of cake, but gets swept up in
the moment and finishes it off. George tries to coordinate the movement of Frogger machine. Elaine looks
for a replacement for Peterman's cake, Kramer suggests an Entemann's cake. Jerry goes to Lisi's
apartment, where he tries to break up with her. It goes on for ten hours, when he is ready to leave he
discovers it is dark out. After exiting her apartment, he sees a man whom he fears is the serial killer and
pleads to be let back in. Peterman has his piece of cake appraised at $2.19. When George finds "Slippery
Pete" playing his Frogger game on battery power; it is discovered there only about three minutes of power
remaining. The only available power source is across the busy street and Kramer has run out of caution
tape. It's up to George to get the Frogger machine across the street; however there is no chance of a high
score in this game. Later, Peterman shows Elaine surveillance videotape of her eating and "dancing" with
the slice of cake; he is convinced that the age of the cake and its effect on her digestive system are all the
punishment she needs.
175. “The Maid" 4/30/1998
George searches for a nickname and decides on "T-bone". Jerry has hired a maid to clean his apartment.
Elaine suspects there is more than cleaning going on. Kramer's girlfriend is moving downtown (10 minutes
by subway) to a different way of life. Kramer tells Elaine he is having a fax sent to her apartment, only
Elaine informs him that she doesn't have a fax machine. George makes a play for being called "T-bone" at
work, but a coworker gets the honor. Elaine gets home to find 57 messages waiting for her, most of them
the fax machine trying to deliver Kramer's fax. Elaine catches Jerry kissing the maid. Jerry confesses that
he has a personal and work relationship with his maid named Cindy. Kramer's girlfriend is gone and he tells
Elaine that he signed up for a food delivery service. They're going to fax him menus for all the restaurants
for the next year. Elaine gets a new number and with it a new area code, she really wanted a "changed"
number. Kramer and his girlfriend have a relationship by phone. George finds out about Jerry and his maid.
Elaine tries to give out her new number to a guy, but the new area code scares him off. George wants his
nickname and confronts his coworker, Kruger sees George's gestures through a window and it reminds him
of "Koko the Monkey." Elaine finds out a woman in her building has died, she had a telephone number with
a 212 area code. When Cindy takes her fee but leaves without cleaning anything, Jerry wonders what he's
paid for. Kramer calls him "a john". George and Jerry swap information on their respective situations at
Monk's counter. Kramer returns from visiting his girlfriend and reports the oddities he saw there. The gang
tries to communicate while sitting at Monk's counter. Jerry's maid tells George that there is woman at the
cleaning service named Coco. George sees this as an opportunity to get out from under this nickname.
Jerry breaks up with and fires Cindy. Elaine gets the dead woman's number and receives her first phone
call from the woman's grandson who hasn't been told she's dead. Kramer breaks up with his girlfriend and
she throws him out. He gets lost downtown and calls on Jerry for help. While going to rescue Kramer, Jerry
is confronted by his Cindy's pimp-like boss. He says that Jerry must pay Cindy. Elaine convinces the
grandson that his grandma is dying, the boy calls 911. Jerry spots Cindy walking down the street and tries
to pay her but gets busted by the police. Elaine's door is broken down by the fire department. Cindy's boss
picks up Kramer and it might lead to a new career in cleaning. George gets out from under being "Koko,"
only to get another nickname, "Gammy."
176. “The Puerto Rican Day" 5/7/1998
The gang tries to get back into town after leaving the Mets game early in the 8th inning, the Mets are down
8 - 0. On the highway they run into trouble with a maroon Volkswagen Golf. George comments on a new
movie he saw about the Hindenburg disaster and the clever comment he made during a quiet moment after
the explosion. As they approach 5th Avenue traffic slows down and music can be heard, they realize they
have forgotten about the Puerto Rican day parade. Elaine worries about getting home and seeing 60
Minutes as part of her weekend wind down. Kramer spots a way out if Jerry can worm his way over to the
right. They almost make it over until they reencounter the maroon Golf. Elaine bails out of the car to find
alternate transportation. George bails out of the car when he spots a theater screening the Hindenburg
movie; he decides he wants to repeat his glory. Elaine decides the cab she hired isn't working, so she bails
out of the cab, only to have it start moving again and again. George's attempt to be funny at the movie is
undermined by a guy with one of those funny laser pointers. Kramer suggests that he and Jerry abandon
his car. The laser pointer guy (a lousy prop comic) gets all the laughs as George's line bombs and he is
humiliated. Kramer cuts a deal with the maroon Golf they are go to get access to the short cut when Jerry
makes an apology wave. George returns to the car with the red dot of a laser pointer appearing all over
parts of his body. Jerry rescinds his apology wave just as he is about to pull in the alley; Elaine arrives back
at the same spot in her cab. Jerry's apartment is seen, but no one is home. Elaine seeks an alternate way
home. Kramer seeks a bathroom. Elaine works her way over to the parade route and looks for a way
across. She leads a group of people on an escape route underneath a reviewing stand ala The Poseidon
Adventure. Kramer spots an apartment for sale and poses as H.E. Pennypacker, a wealthy industrialist, to
get access to a bathroom. When he gets back he tells Jerry about the Mets game. Soon after, Kal Varnsen
(Jerry's alias), is looking at the television in the apartment. George spots the laser guy and plans a sneak
attack. Elaine's route leads to a dead end. George grabs what he thinks is the laser pointer and gets ink all
over his hands. Kramer accidentally sets the Puerto Rican flag on fire and a mob of people, led by the
armoire stealing tough guys. Art Vandelay seeks the use of a bathroom to clean the ink off his hands and
runs into Varnsen. Pennypacker joins them on the run from the mob. Varnsen wants know who's watching
the Saab factory. The mob is watching it; however, they leave it in a precarious position.
177. “The Clip Show Part 1" 5/14/1998
Jerry, Elaine, George & Kramer plan to go to the movie, but Jerry takes out a little time to look at nine years
of memories. Featuring relationships (getting in & out), etc.
178. “The Clip Show Part 2" 5/14/1998
More clips are seen and finally the closing minutes feature a series of bloopers and a musical montage that
features the song "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)" by the band Green Day, from their 1997 album
Nimrod.
179. “The Finale Part 1" 5/14/1998
+++
Jerry and George discuss the movies and George's desire to get his fifteen minutes of fame. Kramer is off
to the beach. Elaine calls a friend, whose father is in the hospital, with her cell phone; Jerry and George tell
her that is a social faux pas. Jerry gets a message from NBC that they want to talk about the pilot. So Jerry
and George go to meet with the new vice president of programming, who is interested in turning their pilot
into a 13 episode series. Jerry and George begin to make plans to move to California. Jerry interrupts
Elaine's phone call to her friend to tell her about the NBC deal. When he finds out what she did, he tells her
that was an even greater faux pas than the cell phone. Jerry and George's parents are excited by the news
about the NBC deal. NBC offers Jerry & George a perk, free use of one of their private jets to anywhere
they want. Kramer returns from the beach, but has a little bit of water trapped in his ear. Kramer warns
they'll never come back from LA, "she's a seductress". Hey! He did. The foursome decides where they
want to take the private jet. They finally decide on Paris. As they are ready to leave, Elaine plans to call her
friend again; Jerry tells her it is not right to rush that kind of phone call. Elaine avoids a faux pas. Newman
begs to be brought along, when Jerry denies him, he vows to be there at Jerry's day of reckoning. The
private jet, except for George who wanted the one Ted Danson would have gotten impresses everyone.
With water still in his ear, Kramer tries to get it out mid-flight. He stumbles into the cockpit and the plane
starts going into a crash dive. During the descent, George confesses he cheated during "the contest" and
Elaine and Jerry are about to tell each other something important, when the plane corrects itself. The plane
puts down in the small town of Latham, Massachusetts for a checkup. The foursome goes into town and
debates about if they are going to get back on the plane. They witness the robbery of a fat guy, which they
all mock and Kramer videotapes. They are arrested under the Good Samaritan law established by the
town. They are looking at a fine of a maximum of $85,000 and up to five years in prison. The guard
assumes they are going to be prosecuted since this is the first offense of this kind in the country. Jackie
Chiles is called in for their defense. The prosecution decides to look into the past of these four and build a
case that will destroy their characters. Rivera Live covers the trial. Jerry and George's parents prepare to
go to Latham for the trial. Newman (who's absolutely delighted), Uncle Leo, Peterman, Puddy, Mickey,
Bania, Mr. & Mrs. Ross, Rabbi Glickman, Keith Hernandez and George Steinbrenner also make their way
to Latham. Jackie tries to give George a moral compass. The judge, Arthur Vandelay, begins the trial.
George thinks the name might be a good sign. The trial begins with opening arguments.
180. “The Finale Part 2" 5/14/1998
+++
The videotape Kramer made is played for the jury. When the NBC executives arrive, George forgets about
the trial for a moment and complains loudly about the plane. The prosecution begins to call their witnesses
and each will do more to break down the characters of the foursome. First, the arresting officer is called to
the stand, followed by the victim. Then the prosecution begins to call a variety of familiar faces. Starting
with the elderly woman that Jerry stole the marble rye from. The virgin, Marla, is called to the stand and she
tells the court about the foursome's contest. Further testimony is given by the bubble boy. The woman who
needed a handicapped spot. The doctor who was on duty the night Susan died. Sidra, the woman with no
implants. Mr. Bookman, the library cop. George's former girlfriend Robin, whose apartment caught on fire.
The security guard from the parking garage. A detective from when Kramer was dressed like a pimp. The
low-talker tries to testify (only she can't be heard). Steinbrenner talks about calzone and George's
communism. The man who runs the cockfights. The pharmacist who sold Elaine a case of contraceptive
sponges. A co-worker tells about Elaine's Christmas card. Mr. Pitt tells about when Elaine tried to kill him
with a pillow. The soup nazi takes the stand and finally Babu Bhatt returns to the US to tell about the cafe
and his deportation. They are "very, very, bad." Rivera Live reports that the jury is in deliberation.
Meanwhile, the foursome speculates on life in prison. Estelle tries to bribe the judge to be lenient on
George if he's found guilty. A montage of activity is shown while the jury is in deliberation, that includes
people we didn't see testifying like the Rabbi, Wilhelm, Keith Hernandez, Bania, Peterman, Puddy,
Newman, Mr. Lippman, Poppie, Mr. Ross browsing for a handgun and ends with Jackie Chiles "crossexamining" Sidra outside the courtroom. The jury comes back. Jerry asks Elaine what she was going to say
to him on the plane as it was crashing. She responds, "I always loved U-United Airlines". The jury returns a
verdict of guilty. The foursome shows no remorse as they are sentenced to a year in jail, for doing
"nothing." Jackie testifies to Jerry about Sidra's lack of implants. As the foursome sits in a prison cell, Jerry
comments about the second button on George's shirt. A conversation they had nine years earlier on the 5th
of July 1989. Jerry closes with a prison-based monologue.
____________________________________________________________________________________