(1) In the passage entitled “The Pedestrian” by Ray Bradbury, the author uses
diction and sentence structure to engage the reader in the story. (2)First, Bradbury’s diction
is a combination of informal, succinct dialogue and more formal descriptions. (3)For
example, when the main character speaks to the robotic car, Bradbury uses succinct terms
such as “No profession,” “Not married” and monosyllabic responses such as the repeated
“Yes” and “No.” However, Bradbury uses more formal language and precise vocabulary in
his descriptions: “Sudden gray phantoms seemed to manifest upon inner room walls where
a curtain was still undrawn against the night, or there were whisperings and murmurs where
a window in a tomblike building was still open.” (4)These examples show how the author’s
use of diction engages the reader because the informal succinct speech is realistic and
Critical Analysis of Author’s Style
Scoring Criteria
Score Point 3
 Provides a critical analysis of the author’s style
 Presents a fully-developed, insightful paragraph
 Supports the analysis with clear and insightful evidence from the text
 Uses template successfully to organize paragraph
 Uses language which is precise and engaging, with a notable sense of voice
and audience
 Varies structure and length of sentences to enhance meaning
 Demonstrates control of the convention with essentially no errors
captures the mood of the conversation. The automated police car speaks like a
computerized device would speak, and Leonard Mead responds to the questions as a person
being interrogated would actually respond. As a result, the reader can actually hear the
conversation as they read; moreover, the reader can feel the tension as Mr. Mead is being
accosted by the police automaton. In addition, the formal, precise language in the
descriptions engages the reader’s imagination; consequently, the reader can visualize the
scene as Mr. Mead makes his way down the street. The reader can also feel the gloomy,
ominous mood as he/she reads due to words such as “phantoms,” “whisperings,” and
“tomblike.” (5)Secondly, Bradbury uses a variety of sentence structures to control the pace
of the reading. (6)For instance, he uses direct, simple sentences to describe the action and
to capture the reader’s attention: “He got in. The door shut with a soft thud.” In addition,
he uses longer, more complex sentence structures in his descriptions: “The car moved
down the empty riverbed streets and off away, leaving empty streets with empty sidewalks
and no sound and no motion all the rest of the chill November night.” (7)These examples
demonstrate how Bradbury’s skillful use of varying sentence structures engages the reader
in the story because the short, direct sentences capture the reader’s attention, and they make
Score Point 2
 Provides a reasonable analysis of the author’s style
 Presents a well-developed paragraph
 Supports the analysis with clear and appropriate evidence from the text
 Uses template to organize paragraph
 Uses language which is appropriate
 Makes occasional use of effective structure or length of sentences
 Demonstrates occasional errors in conventions that do not hinder
comprehension
Score Point 1
 Provides an explanation of the author’s style
 Presents an incomplete or undeveloped paragraph
 Hints at ideas but references to text are vague, irrelevant, repetitive, or
unjustified
 Attempts to use template to organize paragraph but with little success or
does not use template
 Uses language which may be imprecise, unsuitable, or inappropriate
 Reveals little awareness of how to use sentences to achieve an effect
 Exhibits errors in conventions that hinder comprehension
the reader read faster through the action in the story. However, when Bradbury follows the
short, direct sentences with the longer, more detailed sentences, the reader slows down.
This allows the reader to pay attention to the details in the descriptions and to actually feel
what the main character, Leonard Mead feels: emptiness and lifelessness. Therefore, the
reader is engaged in both the action of the story and the descriptions. (8)Clearly, the
reader’s imagination and attention are engaged in the story as a result of Bradbury’s expert
use of diction and sentence structure.
*A response totally unrelated to the topic, illegible, incoherent, or blank should
be given a zero.
*A response totally copied from the text with no original student writing should
be scored a zero
(1) In the passage entitled “The Pedestrian,” Ray Bradbury’s precise diction and
use of varied sentence structures establish an ominous, tense mood in the story. (2)First,
Bradbury’s diction evokes images of death and lifelessness which create a dark, foreboding
mood. (3)For example, Bradbury uses formal language and precise vocabulary in his
descriptions: “Sudden gray phantoms seemed to manifest upon inner room walls where a
curtain was still undrawn against the night, or there were whisperings and murmurs where a
window in a tomblike building was still open.” (4)The words “phantoms” and tomblike”
make the reader picture ghosts and receptacles of death rather than people in houses.
These images evoke a dark, unsettling feeling within the reader. Furthermore, by referring
Critical Analysis of Author’s Style
Scoring Criteria
Score Point 3
 Provides a critical analysis of the author’s style
 Presents a fully-developed, insightful paragraph
 Supports the analysis with clear and insightful evidence from the text
 Uses template successfully to organize paragraph
 Uses language which is precise and engaging, with a notable sense of voice
and audience
 Varies structure and length of sentences to enhance meaning
 Demonstrates control of the convention with essentially no errors
to the people as “phantoms” and the sounds emanating from these figures as “whisperings
and murmurings,” an aura of mystery is established which puts the reader on edge.
(5)Secondly, Bradbury uses a variety of sentence structures to control the pace of the
reading. (6)For instance, he uses direct, simple sentences to describe the action and to
capture the reader’s attention: “He got in. The door shut with a soft thud.” In addition, he
uses longer, more complex sentence structures in his descriptions: “The car moved down
the empty riverbed streets and off away, leaving empty streets with empty sidewalks and no
sound and no motion all the rest of the chill November night.” (7)These examples
Score Point 2
 Provides a reasonable analysis of the author’s style
 Presents a well-developed paragraph
 Supports the analysis with clear and appropriate evidence from the text
 Uses template to organize paragraph
 Uses language which is appropriate
 Makes occasional use of effective structure or length of sentences
 Demonstrates occasional errors in conventions that do not hinder
comprehension
demonstrate how Bradbury’s skillful use of varying sentence structures establishes the
mood in the story because the short, direct sentences make the reader read faster through
the action in the story, thus putting the reader on edge. This captures the tense mood of
the story, for the events actually happen rather quickly; Leonard Mead is stopped,
questioned, and arrested in a matter of minutes. However, when Bradbury follows the
short, direct sentences with the longer, more detailed sentences, the reader slows down.
This allows the reader to pay attention to the details in the descriptions and to actually feel
the gloom and portentousness of the situation. These descriptions also enable the reader to
feel what the main character, Leonard Mead feels: emptiness and lifelessness. Therefore,
Score Point 1
 Provides an explanation of the author’s style
 Presents an incomplete or undeveloped paragraph
 Hints at ideas but references to text are vague, irrelevant, repetitive, or
unjustified
 Attempts to use template to organize paragraph but with little success or
does not use template
 Uses language which may be imprecise, unsuitable, or inappropriate
 Reveals little awareness of how to use sentences to achieve an effect
 Exhibits errors in conventions that hinder comprehension
the reader is engaged in both the action of the story and the descriptions. (8)Clearly, the
reader’s the tense, ominous mood in the story is intensified for and conveyed to the reader
as a result of Bradbury’s expert use of diction and sentence structure.
*A response totally unrelated to the topic, illegible, incoherent, or blank should
be given a zero.
*A response totally copied from the text with no original student writing should
be scored a zero