Marriage and Family Relations
INTRO
Maintenance vs. Major Repairs
Common sense tells us which should be our focus
 home maintenance
 auto maintenance
 health maintenance
 relationship maintenance ?
In all these areas that need to be maintained, most of us know key areas that can cost you dearly unless you regularly
check it out and check it up
 home = plumbing issues, roof issues, electrical issues, and termites
 auto = motor issues, transmission issues and alignment
 health = weight, exercise, cholesterol, and mental wellness, and good sleep…
 relationships………the devil and his schemes, Christ and his plan.
I.
Understand the wiles (plans) of the Devil
A. His Personality
1. II Corinthians 11:13-15 (angel of light, ministers of righteousness)
2. Genesis 3:1 (crafty)
3. Ezekiel 28:11-15 (full of wisdom, perfect with beauty, sinful)
B. His plans/purpose
1. Matt 13…seeks to remove God’s word from our heart
2. Matt 4:1-10, 16:13-19,21-23. Desires to tempt us out of the will of God.
3. Gen 3:1-5. Says…God’s word is good, but this is better
II.
Understand the consequences of our (mankind) disobedience. Gen 3:16-19
A. I will greatly multiply your sorrow
B. Thy desire shall be unto him, But
C. He shall rule
D. In essence, Man shall work, and work hard to provide
Understand God’s Plan. Gen 2:18-25
A. Togetherness/Oneness
1. Naming = headship or caretaker. God created all, and allowed man to
do the naming….including naming the woman, Eve.
2. leave/cleave
3. no secrets, total acceptance
B. God’s order/provision
1. Gives man a job, vs. 15
2. informs man what is right and wrong
3. it is inferred that man was to dwell with his wife according to
knowledge, as she was informed of the “forbidden fruit”
III.
IV.
Know That God has The Remedy-The Answer (not a remedy or an answer)
A. You must be born again!! (I John 5:4)
B. You must be spirit filled (under the spirit’s control) Gal 5:16-25, Eph 5:15-18
C. God’s Plan – A return to Eden
1. the privilege to love – Eph 5:25-28, Col 3:19, I Pet 3:7
2. the beauty of submission (of all the authorities we have to submit to, this
is one where you make the choice as to who you will submit to) I Pet
3:1, Col 3:18, Eph 5:22
V.
A Marriage Made in Heaven
A. A Picture of Christ- The Initiator (leader) – The ultimate submission, he DIED
B. A Picture of the Church – The responder (submit/obey) to HIS lead fully
For Discussion:
What makes God’s remedy seemingly so hard to follow?
A. The Obvious – SIN
B. The Obscure – (prior family dynamics) Our initial theology and other opinions about life
and “the family” are formulated in the home through verbal and non-verbal
communication. “that’s how my father did it…”, “that’s how mama was…”, “my father
made all the decisions…” “mama did all the beating and laying down the law, and daddy
was never around…”, or “I haven’t a clue because my dad was never there, and mama
slept around….”
A DIAGRAM OF WHAT MAKES US WHO WE ARE AS ONE FLESH
Religious Beliefs + Values (some or none) + marriage = Marriage Types :
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The Devitalized Marriage
The Conflict-habituated Marriage
Passive-Congenial Marriage
The Total Marriage
The Vital Marriage
A. The Devitalized Marriage –
1. placid, half-alive (half-dead)
2. devoid of emotional involvement. No conflict nor passion
3. Live as separate a life as possible and still be considered a marriage
4. basically “married singles”
5. just an exchange of services…”bed and board”
6. surface (shallow) communication
7. saturated with escape avenues- into the newspaper, T.V., sports, even children
and church activities is often used to avoid having to interact with your mate.
H
W
Diagram I (devitalized)
B. The Conflict-Habituated Marriage
1. Fighting Constantly
2. Enjoy the volatility, can’t seem to live without it
3. Seem to thrive in the combustible environment
4. Enjoy the adventure….the 1 hour of make-up makes the other 23 hours of fighting
worth it. In fact, there is no good making up without a good fight
first…..Pathological!
Diagram II (conflict-habituated)
C. The Passive-Congenial Marriage
1. Both are comfortable, very few ups and downs
2. very little excitement
3. once routines have been established, they vary little
4. the “humdrum syndrome”
5. Most often seen with elderly couples
HW
Diagram III (passive congenial)
D. The Total Marriage
1. Constant togetherness and mutual interest
2. every (and I mean every) experience of life is shared with each other
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Nothing (and I mean nothing) is done separately
The relationship is very intense on account of it’s closeness
fragile, any minor change or alteration can really rock the boat
Deceptive- because on the outside it may appear as the ideal relationship
in time, one or both may feel constricted or boxed in
often the root is extreme mutual insecurity and/or distrust
their identities as individuals is often lost and the personalities are smothered out.
H
W
Diagram IV (the total marriage)
E. The Vital Marriage
1. not locked into any restrictions of the total marriage
2. things are done together whenever possible and as much as possible
3. share roles within the marriage
4. not locked into “stereotyped roles” for male and female
5. thoughts and feelings are open to share with each other
6. communication is extensive; both shallow and deep chit-chat
7. much of the marriage is together, but each person brings to the union their own
uniqueness
8. husband and wife both run the home, rear the children, manage finances, and
value one another’s thoughts in the decision process
9. will to take risk and make changes that would better enhance the relationship,
hence they are adaptable and adjustable
H
Family
W
Diagram V (the vital marriage)