Yesh li rav v. Yesh li kol
In this week's parsha Yaakov meets Esav. The Torah describes their conversation
when they met. Eisav says to Yaakov, “Yeshi li rav,” “I have plenty” (Bereishis 33,9).
Later on, Yaakov responds, “v'yesh li kol,” “and I have everything.” Rashi noticed the
difference, and Rashi writes[i] as follows:
I have everything, all that I require. But Esav spoke with haughty language, and
he said 'I have plenty' which implies much more than I have need of.
That is one approach to the difference of “yesh li rav” and “yesh li kol;” the Chofetz
Chaim, however, offers a different approach. The Chofetz Chaim explains as follows.
Esav says I have rav, I have an abundance. However, this implies that he does not
have everything that he needs. He does not say he has everything. Yaakov, on the
other hand, says “yesh li kol,” I have everything. Yaakov was sameach b’chelko. He
was fully satisfied with what he had, and therefore he had a full simcha. Esav, despite
all of his fabulous wealth, was not really happy; he was not fully satisfied. And that is
the difference between rav and kol.[ii]
This is a major yesod in life, trying to be sameach b’chelko and thanking Hashem for
what we have. The person who has a lot of hakaras hatov is more likely to be
sameach b’chelko. It is a wonderful midah to develop of having a constant gratitude
to Hashem for whatever He gives us.
There is a fabulous little book called Thank You, by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin shli”ta. The
theme of the book is hakaras hatov, thanking Hashem for what He gives us, as well as
thanking others for whatever they gives us. I wanted to share some ideas from his
book. Rabbi Pliskin writes[iii],
The words you speak program and condition your mind. When you speak words
of gratitude, you are programming and conditioning your brain and mind to
experience more and more gratitude. Speaking words of negativity and
ingratitude program and condition your brain and mind to experience less and
less gratitude and more and more misery. Even if you don’t spontaneously feel
like verbally expressing gratitude, you will still be wise to speak this way. Your
words create you [my italics]. Each time you express gratitude, your words
change you into a grateful human being. You create your habits, and your
habits create you [my italics]. By speaking words of gratitude regularly, you
develop the habit of speaking words of gratitude. The more you keep up this
habit, the easier it becomes to say even more words of gratitude. As you
continue to speak words of gratitude, thoughts of gratitude are integrated into
your mind, and you will spontaneously speak this way.
Rav Pliskin discusses[iv] the idea of thank you notes and thank you telephone calls.
When a child receives a gift for example, he explains how a parent should discuss a
thank you note.
Parents should use positive wording to get this point across. ‘This is such a nice
gift, you will be able to use it as soon as you write a thank you note or make a
thank you telephone call.’ This is much better than saying ‘You can’t use this
until you write a thank you note or make a thank you telephone call.’ With a
positively worded presentation, the thank you is what enables a child to use the
gift. With a negatively worded presentation, the thank you is what prevents the
child from using the gift until it is taking care of. Let gratitude be associated
with good feelings, not the opposite.
I shared the above idea with someone, who later wrote to tell me that he thought
of writing a gratitude letter to Hashem each morning for a week. This is the first
gratitude letter he wrote.
Dear Hashem,
Right now I am writing this gratitude letter to You on my computer. I thank
You for the computer to write this on, and I thank You for the energy to move
my fingers to be able to type this. And I thank You for the eyes to see what I am
writing. And I thank You for the chair that I am sitting on and the desk that
holds the computer. I thank You for the oxygen that You are giving me to be
able to breathe to keep alive, and I am grateful to You for my being alive. I
really should have mentioned this first, but I am writing this in the order of my
thinking of these ideas. I thank You for my family, and I thank You for my
friends. I thank You for the electricity that enables me to be cool when it is hot
outside, and I thank You for the electricity so I can drink cold water, and I thank
You for the water. I thank You for giving me so much for which to be grateful. I
pray to You to help me remember to write a thank you letter each morning. This
way I will be thank You before I can reap anything from Your kindness
throughout the day.
Thank You,
Your grateful child and servant
This is fabulous; the entire book is fabulous. I highly recommend reading Rabbi
Pliskin’s book. It will help a person develop hakaros hatov, and really help in one’s
general connection with Hakadosh Baruch Hu.
The Sfas Emes points out that the letters in the word “b’simcha” are the same letters
as the word “machshava.” The lesson is that very often, whether one is b’simcha
depends on one’s machshava. It depends on how one views the situation. This is a
very beautiful idea. I once heard a mashal along these lines[v].
There were two women sharing a hospital room. One complained to the other,
Oy, I have a difficult life. My children do not treat me properly. I have three
children, one lives in this city but she barely ever sees me. She sees me only
once a week. One lives across the country, and she finds time only once every
few months to come by and say hello. One lives overseas, and out of sight and
out of mind, she is only rarely in touch. Once in a while I receive an email from
her.
The other woman said,
Baruch Hashem, I have a wonderful life. I have three caring children. One lives
in the neighborhood, in this city. She has a very large family, and she is very,
very busy. Despite the fact that she is so busy, she makes it her business to
come and see me once a week. I have another child who lives in a different
state, across the country. She started a business recently is extraordinarily busy.
But you know what she does? She goes out of the way to plan a business trip
that comes through our city here. That way she is able to see me once every few
months despite her hectic schedule. And I have a third child who lives overseas,
but out of sight and not out of mind. Even though she is so far away, she still
makes it her business to email me every now and them. Baruch Hashem, I have
a wonderful life.
These two women have exactly the same life, and one is happy and one is sad. And
the main reason why one is happy and one is sad is due to their machshava, due to
how they view and think about their respective situations. This is an excellent
example of the Sfas Emes’s vort that b’simcha has the same letters as machshava.
Finally, I wanted to share with you a beautiful poem from one of Rabbi Dr. Twersky
shli”ta’s books[vi].
He has a book titled From Pulpit to Couch. At the end of the book he reproduces a
poem from an unknown author, and I think this poem can also help us develop the
ideas of hakaras hatov and sameach b’chelko.
The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read
beneath the long, stragly branches of an old
willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
for the world was intent on dragging me down.
And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
a young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down,
and said with great excitement, “Look at what I found.”
In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight
with its petals all worn, not enough rain or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.
But instead of retracting he sat next to my side
and placed the flower to his nose and declared with overacted surprise,
“It sure smells pretty and it’s beautiful too,
that's why I picked it. Here it's for you.”
The leaf before me was dying or dead,
not vibrant of colors orange, yellow, or red.
But I knew I must take it or he might never leave,
so I reached for the flower and replied, “Just what I need.”
But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
he held it midair without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time,
that weed toting boy could not see. He was blind.
I heard my voice quiver, tears shone like the sun,
as I thanked him for picking the very best one.
“You're welcome,” he smiled and ran off to play,
unaware of the impact he had had on my day.
I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
a self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulgent plight?
Perhaps from his heart he was blessed with true sight.
Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
and for all of those times I myself had been blind,
the problem was not with the world, the problem was me.
I vowed to see the beauty in life and appreciate every second that is mine.
And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
and breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose.
And smiled as I watched the young boy with another weed in his hand
about to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.
Rabbi Twerski concludes, “We need only to be reminded of our blessings to find
happiness within our reach and everyday experiences if we are not blind to them.”
This is the difference between “yesh li rav” and “yesh li kol.”
Good Shabbos,
B. Ginsburg
[i]
Rashi 33,11 quoting the Midrash Tanchuma.
[ii]
This approach to the difference between “rav” and “kol” is already found in the Kli Yakar. The
p'shat was popularized through the sefer 'Chofetz Chaim al haTorah.'
It is interesting to note that this idea that a person should be sameach b'chelko has other far reaching
ramifications. The Gemara (Nedarim 38a) writes that Hashem brings nevuah only to a person who is
“gibor v'ashir v'chacham v'anav,” “mighty and wealthy and wise and humble.” The simple p'shat of
the Gemara is that this is referring to actual physical might, actual wealth, etc. This is how the Drashos
haRan, in the fifth drasha, explains the Gemara.
The Rambam, however, understands this Gemara to be referring to moral and intellectual qualities.
The Rambam writes that “ashir” refers to one who is “sameach b'chelko,” and “gibor” is referring to
one who is “kovesh es yitzro,” based on the mishna in Avos 4,1. Therefore, according to the Rambam,
the idea that one is sameach b'chelko is not only an important rule and an important yesod for life, it
also affects the possibility of becoming a navi. Again, based on the simple reading of the Gemara, the
Ran argues on this approach of the Rambam.
These mekoros are taken from the sefer 'Imrei Baruch,' Parshas Vayishlach, ma'amar 3.
See the Artscroll Gemara (Nedarim 38a), footnote 9 for a presentation of this machlokes.
[iii]
p. 142
[iv]
p. 156-157
[v]
I think I heard this mashal form Rav Yaakov Neuberger shli”ta during a shiur regarding developing
an ayin tov.
[vi]
Rabbi Dr. Twersky has written many, many books. Rabbi Twersky deals a lot with addiction. In one
of his books he writes, “I am not addicted to anything (except for writing)...” He has written dozens of
books. They are very good, very useful, and they are highly recommended.