Lecture 12: Introduction to Love

PSY 180: Lecture 12, Theories of Positive Interpersonal Relationships
What does it mean to like someone or something?
Many ways to measure it
Who we chose to _____________________
To _____________________
I like the 49ers over the Cowboys
Emotional warmth or kindness
Based on characteristics
More distant than affection
Different types of liking
Found that in groups those that are best liked are _____________________
_____________________that are seen as having the best idea
Maybe one can either be respected or receive affection, but it is very rare when they
have both
What does it mean to like someone?
Non verbal signs of liking
Many exist
__________________________________________in the face or hands
Movements of the _____________________
Variations in the _____________________of voice
Regardless of what is being said
Played a vocal track with the words removed leaving only the tone
Seemed to be a stronger predictor of liking than the words
that were actually said
More signs
Increased response found around groups we don’t like
Racist _____________________when in contact with _____________________
Pupil dilation
Men’s pupils widen when shown female _____________________
Women’s pupils widen when shown male pinups or babies
Pupils constrict when shown pictures of cross-eyed or
Homosexuals have the same patterns but for same-sex pinups
Very controversial research
What after the theories for why relationships work?
1) _____________________theory
People look for relationships where both sides are giving equally
Interpersonal resources
_____________________, information, love, money, services,
Social support
How others help with coping to stressful events
Appraisal support: _____________________, affirmation, social
Emotional support: empathy, trust
Informational support: _____________________, suggestions,
Instrumental support: aid and service
Support for the equity theory
Couples often pair up according to attractiveness _____________________
_____________________friends do the same (more often with male friend groups
than female)
When mismatched in one dimension, another dimension may be used to account for the
_____________________woman with _____________________man
Evolution theories
Men focus on youth and physical characteristics
Women focus on potential and resources
This is an exchange that could have an equity component to it
The equity theory has limits
Volunteer work is correlated with high _____________________and
How would equity theory handle this?
Ignores the feelings side of relationships
Theories about social relationships
2) __________________________________________theory
Bowlby noticed that children in orphanages that had been neglected displayed
pathological behaviors
Lorenz and his _____________________studies
Harlow and his bonding studies in _____________________
Attachment must serve to enhance survival by regulating an infant’s relationship and
proximity to his caregiver
Attachment stages
Very early on, no stranger anxiety or separation problems
Within a few months, responds differently to _____________________people
More easily comforted and smiling and vocalizing more with them
6-7 months
Strong attachment to a __________________________________________
Ainsworth’s Strange Situation Experiment
Ainsworth’s Study: The Strange Situation
Parent enters playroom with child- then _____________________
Watch how the child responds
A _____________________is also present throughout
Watch how the child responds when the parent returns as well
Classified four groups of children
_____________________attachment – cry but are easily comforted
Avoidant attachment – barely seems to notice the parent leave or return
_____________________attachment – cry and not comforted at all
Disorganized / disoriented – doesn’t seem to grasp parent has left or returns
Secure children
More persistent at __________________________________________
More willing to _____________________ if needed
Do better _____________________
Which there are many factors associated with
Possibly the “single most important source of life satisfaction and well being” (Reis
and Gable, 2003)
May predict secure attachment as adults
Securely attached adults
More supportive of partners in joint problem solving tasks
More likely to practice _____________________
Less upset after stressful events
More likely to seek _____________________when needed
More likely to compromise with others
Less likely to be depressed
More likely to have __________________________________________
Less likely to abuse their spouse
Less likely to divorce
Types of relationships
_____________________ with others
Specific identity of other person is not important
Usually done to compare ourselves with others
_____________________loves company idea
When told they are getting shocked, people are more likely to want to wait
for them with others than by themselves
Anxious people prefer to be around other anxious people as well
Types of relationships
Certain factors predispose positive attitudes towards others
_____________________, similarity, complementary of needs, high ability,
attractiveness, and _____________________
_____________________perception of similarity and expectations of reciprocity and
Facts about friendship
Close friends
The number one has is usually small
_____________________for toddlers
_____________________for schoolchildren
_____________________for newlyweds
Most adults have around _____________________friends
Decreases throughout life
Old friends are more likely to be kept than new ones made
Amount of time spent changes throughout life
Teenagers typically spend about 1/3 of their time with friends
Adults spend less than _____________________
Friends and satisfaction
Having friends is correlated with life satisfaction and _____________________
Unsure of whether it is about quantity or quality though
Bad friends can undercut satisfaction though
Violate _____________________- no equity in the friendship
Best friends
Can be either _____________________ (although same sex is more common)
Typically around the _____________________
Reciprocate the relationship
Support both equity theory and attachment theory
“brings out the best in me”
Gender differences with liking
Women seem to get more of the _____________________liking
Men seem to get more of the _____________________liking
Both sexes disclose intimate things to women more than to men
Both sexes touch _____________________more than men
Found very young
Six month old girls are _____________________by their mothers more than six
month old boys
In public, men initiate touching of girlfriends more than women initiate the touching of
This provides support that there is more affection for women than men
Why are women touched more?
Possibly because of dominance structures
It is ok for the person of higher _____________________ to touch the person of
lower status
Since men get more respect than women, they are able to initiate touch
more than women are
When you go from higher to lower status, the liking resembles
When you go from lower to higher status, the liking resembles
One interesting implication
Women and oppressed racial groups learned that they would receive more affection if they
didn’t know as much as the man
“if you __________________________________________every once in a while,
they like you more”
Random facts about love
Love and marriage were considered _____________________historically
Many wrote that love was only possible when two people were not married
Love at first sight
Extremely _____________________
Only 5% of women and 8% of men admitted to being extremely attracted to
their mates when they first met
How to measure these things?
How do the scales relate to each other?
Research suggests scores are similar but not the same
Correlation for men’s scores of their girlfriends was _____________________
Correlation for women’s scores of their boyfriends was _____________________
Women tended to love their __________________________________________more than
men did
More research: strong lovers
Couples that scored high on the scale
More likely to engage the other in _____________________
Not just one looking at the other, but they spent more time with
_____________________eye contact than weak love couples
Non couples that both are strong lovers (but with someone else) do not show high amounts
of simultaneous eye contact
So it can’t be that these people are just more likely to gaze into someone’s eyes
Found no relation between strength of love and
__________________________________________ or