Chapter 8
Interpersonal
Attraction
Social Needs


Around the world and across agegroups, most people spend about 3/4s
of their time with other people.
People want not merely the presence of
others but close ties to people who care
about them.
Infant Attachment

Attachment means that an infant
responds positively to specific others,
feels better when they are close, and
seeks them out when frightened.
Infant Attachment

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Attachment provides a sense of security
Attachment provides information about
the environment via social referencing
Infant Attachment

Mary Ainsworth (1978) identified three
major attachment styles
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Secure
Avoidant
Anxious/ambivalent
Infant Attachment

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Attachment is adaptive
Attachment suggests that the tendency
to form relationships is at least partly
biologically based.
Benefits of Social Relations

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Attachment (comfort & security)
Social integration (shared interests & attitudes)
Reassurance of Worth
Sense of Reliable Alliance (help in times of need)
Guidance
Opportunity for Nurturance
Weiss (1974)
Benefits of Social Relations

No single relationship can fulfill all our
social needs
Loneliness

The subjective discomfort we feel when
our social relations lack some important
feature
Loneliness


Different from aloneness, or the
objective state of being apart from
others
People are somewhat more likely to feel
lonely when they are alone

Especially if social norms dictate that one
“should” be with others (e.g., Saturday
night)
Loneliness

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
About 1 in 4 Americans reports feeling
very lonely in the past 2 weeks
Situational loneliness occurs due to life
changes
Chronic loneliness occurs for about 10%
of Americans regardless of the situation


Possible biological basis
Associated with depression, substance abuse,
and illness
Loneliness

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No segment of society is immune
Children of divorced parents, shy
people, people with lower self-esteem,
poor people, and single people are
more at risk
Loneliness

Contrary to stereotype, teenagers and
young adults are more at risk than the
elderly

Not clear if this is a “generation gap” in
willingness to report feelings, a function of
greater life transitions among the young, or
greater social skills and more realistic
expectations among the elderly
Basic Principles of
Attraction
Basic principles
In general…
 We like people who like us.
 We like people who satisfy our needs.
 We like people when the rewards they
provide outweigh the costs (social
exchange theory)
Basic principles
Specific Determinants of Liking…
 Proximity
 Familiarity
 Similarity
 Personal Qualities of the Other
Proximity

The best single predictor of whether
two people will be friends is how far
apart they live
Proximity

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Festinger, Schachter, & Back’s (1950)
Westgate West study
Residents were randomly assigned to
apartments within the building.
The closer people lived, the more
friendly they became with each other.
Proximity

Why does proximity have an effect?
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Ease of availability
Lower cost in terms of time, money,
forethought
Cognitive dissonance pressures to like
those with whom we must associate
The mere anticipation of interaction
increases liking
Familiarity

The mere exposure effect : simply
being exposed to a person (or other
stimulus) tends to increase liking for it
Familiarity
4
Liking
3.5
3
2.5
2
Participants were
shown photos of
different faces. The
number of times each
face was seen was
varied. The more
people saw a face,
the more they liked it
5 10 25 (Zajonc, 1968).

0
1
2
Frequency
Familiarity

Why does familiarity promote liking?
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Evolutionarily adaptive
Improved recognition is a 1st step to liking
Familiar is more predictable
Familiar is assumed to be similar to self
Familiarity

Limits to Mere Exposure
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Most effective if stimulus is initially viewed
as positive or neutral
Pre-existing conflicts between people will
get intensified, not decrease, with
exposure
There is an optimal level of exposure: too
much can lead to boredom and satiation
Similarity

We like others who are similar to us in
attitudes, interests, values, background
& personality
Similarity

Newcomb (1961) assigned roommates
to be either very similar or very
dissimilar and measured liking at the
end of the semester. Those who were
similar liked each other while those who
were dissimilar disliked each other
Similarity


Much research on similarity uses the
phantom-other technique, where the
so-called other person is really a
carefully scripted set of answers to a
questionnaire.
Many studies using this technique show
the high relationship between similarity
& liking
Similarity

In romantic relationships, the tendency
to choose similar others is called the
matching principle.

People tend to match their partners on
a wide variety of attributes

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age, intelligence, education, religion,
attractiveness, height
But friendship and love can transcend
differences in background
Similarity

Why do people prefer similar others?
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Similar others are more rewarding.
Interacting with similar others minimizes
the possibility of cognitive dissonance
We expect to be more successful with
similar others.
Similarity

What mechanisms foster similarity in
close relationships?
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Selective attraction
Social influence
Shared environmental factors
As people interact with similar others,
they tend to become even more similar
Similarity

Limits to Similarity
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Differences can be rewarding
Differences allow people to pool-shared
knowledge and skills to mutual benefit
Similarity can be threatening when
someone similar to us experiences an
unfortunate fate
Desirable Personal Attributes


There are large individual and crosscultural differences in the characteristics
that are preferred.
Within the U.S., the most-liked
characteristics are those related to
trustworthiness.

Two other much-liked attributes are
personal warmth and competence.
Desirable Personal Attributes

Warmth

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People appear warm when they have a
positive attitude and express liking, praise,
and approval
Nonverbal behaviors such as smiling,
attentiveness, and expressing emotions
also contribute to perceptions of warmth
Desirable Personal Attributes

Competence

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We like people who are socially skilled,
intelligent, and competent.
The type of competence that matters most
depends on the nature of the relationship.

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E.g., social skills for friends, knowledge for profs
However, being “too perfect” can be offputting
Desirable Personal Attributes

The personal qualities that initially
attract us to someone can sometimes
turn out to be fatal flaws to a
relationship

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E.g., the “fun-loving” boyfriend who is later
dismissed as “immature”
About 30% of breakups fit this description.
Physical Attractiveness

Other things being equal, we tend to
like attractive people more.
Physical Attractiveness

One reason we like more attractive
people is that they are believed to
possess other good qualities.

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In fact, more attractive people may be
more socially skilled.
They are also believed to be more
intelligent, dominant, & mentally healthy.
Physical Attractiveness

In a classic study on the
importance of physical
attractiveness, college
students were randomly
assigned to each other
as dates for an evening.
People who were more
attractive were better
liked by their date
(Walster et al., 1966).
Physical Attractiveness

Other Effects of Attractiveness
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Physically attractive people are more likely
to receive help, job recommendations, and
more lenient punishments
People who are disabled are stereotyped as
unattractive.
Physical Attractiveness

People who are obese are stigmatized
and face discrimination in the
workplace.

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The negative view occurs because people
are seen as responsible for their weight.
Anti-fat prejudice is strongest in
individualistic cultures (Crandall et al.,
2001).
Physical Attractiveness

Who is Attractive?
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Culture plays a large role in standards of
attractiveness.
However, people do tend to agree on some
features that are seen as more attractive:
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Statistically “average” faces
Symmetrical or balanced faces
Physical Attractiveness

Why does attractiveness matter?

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People believe attractiveness is correlated
with other positive characteristics
Being associated with an attractive other
leads a person to be seen as more
attractive him or herself
According to evolutionary theory,
attractiveness may provide a clue to health
and reproductive fitness
Sex Differences in Mate
Selection
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For both sexes, characteristics such as
dependability, maturity, and
pleasantness are most important.
Men rank physical attractiveness higher.
Women rank financial resources higher.
Men prefer younger partners, while
women prefer older partners.
Love

Most people in the United States today
believe that love is essential for a
successful marriage.


In the U.S., love is seen as more important
today than it was in the 1960s.
Romantic love is seen as more important in
individualistic cultures than it is in
collectivist cultures.
Love

The experience of romantic love differs
from person to person, culture to
culture, and over historical time.

Most of the studies have been done on young
white middle-class adults in the U.S., so we
need to be cautious about generalizing.
Love: Feelings
Strong feeling of well-being
Difficulty concentrating
“Floating on a cloud”
“Wanted to run, jump, & scream”
“Nervous before dates”
“Giddy & carefree”
Strong physical sensations (e.g.,
butterflies in the stomach)
Insomnia
% reporting
79
37
29
22
22
20
20
12
Love: Thoughts
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Three basic themes:
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Attachment
Caring
Trust & Self-Disclosure
Rubin (1970, 1973)
Love: Behaviors
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Verbal expressions, e.g., “I love you.”
Physical expression, e.g., hug & kiss
Verbal self-disclosure
Nonverbal display of happiness near other
Material signs, e.g., presents, helping
Nonmaterial signs, e.g., encouragement,
interest, respect
Making sacrifices to maintain the relationship
Love
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Passionate Love
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Wildly emotional
Uncontrollable
Physiological arousal
Preoccupation with
other
Idealization of other
Strikes suddenly,
fades quickly
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Companionate Love
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Affection we feel for
those w/whom our
lives are intertwined
Trust
Caring
Tolerance
Develops slowly,
basis for enduring
relationship
Love

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
INTIMACY
Romantic
Love
Infatuation
PASSION
Liking
Companionate
Love
Consummate
Love
Fatuous Love
Empty Love
COMMITMENT
Jealousy

a reaction to perceived threat to the
continuity or quality of a relationship

More likely to be jealous are people who are

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Highly dependent
Have few alternative relationships
More insecure
Jealousy

Sex Differences

Men get more jealous of sexual infidelity

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Women get more jealous of emotional
infidelity

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“paternity certainty” threatened
Fear of loss of resource support for rearing
offspring
Much but not all work supports an
evolutionary interpretation
Adult Romantic Attraction

Secure, Avoidant, Anxious/Ambivalent

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The proportion of adults classified these
ways is similar to the proportion of infants
However, unlike with children, adult
attachments are reciprocal, between peers,
and sexual.
Adult Romantic Attraction

Many theorists believe that infant
attachment to caregivers provides a
“working model” for adult relationships.


There is some evidence for continuity.
However, attachment style may change if a
person has a significant attachment-related
event (e.g., divorce, abuse, etc.)
Adult Romantic Attraction


In general, people with a secure
attachment style have more satisfying,
committed, close, and well-adjusted
relationships than avoidant people.
Secure people are more responsive to
their partner’s needs than avoidant or
anxious people.