Running Head: FINAL PROJECT
Final Project
Devan C. Gross
Regent University
Introduction
This paper will explore 8 aspects of interpersonal communication and how they relate
both to the motion picture 10 Things I Hate About You and a biblical world view. The
communication areas that will be covered are identity and self-concept, interpretation of
perception, emotions, language and affiliation, appearance as nonverbal communication,
ineffective listening, relational dynamics, 4 dimensions of intimacy in relational communication,
and improving communication climates. This paper takes the position that Christians are
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especially called to be excellent communicators because Jesus Christ has gone before us as the
perfect example and He has sent us in the same way God sent Him (John 20:21).
The film 10 Things I Hate About You is a romantic comedy inspired by Shakespeare’s
The Taming of the Shrew in which there are two sisters who are not allowed to date until after
high school. The youngest sister (Bianca) is more desireable than the seemingly ruffian eldest
(Kat) who has no desire to go out with boys. Under pressure, the father gives in to the rule that if
Kat goes on a date, then Bianca may also. Once the high school boys who are sweet on Bianca
pick up on this new rule, the search begins to find a guy who can be bribed to take Kat out. They
eventually find an equally rough dude (Patrick) to take the job on, but he soon finds out that he
has sincerely fallen for the seemingly unpleasant Kat.
Chapter 2: Identity & Self-Concept
Your self-concept is who you think you are (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 40). Peoples’ selfconcept plays an extremely important role in their life because it influences behavior. One of the
most interesting aspects of self-concept is that it is usually resistant to change even when change
seems appropriate; the textbook calls this “cognitive conservatism.” (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p.
53). Cognitive conservatism leads us to seek out people and situations that affirm our current
self-concept however inaccurate, delusional, and unhappy it makes us. We don’t like our selfconcept to change because it means that a time of disorientation and redefining ourselves is sure
to follow (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 53). When people strongly resist accepting change in their
lives it can eventually lead to defensiveness.
10 Things
Kat was a girl who had shaped her persona as an intimidating girl who no one would like.
“The only thing people know about me is that I’m scary,” she said. Apparently she wasn’t
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always like this, but in the movie we see that she likes her new image and doesn’t want to change
or assimilate into high school culture. Kat is defensive of who she is and is resistant to changing
her lifestyle even for her sister.
Bianca also shows cognitive conservatism in the way she wants so badly to go to parties
and date popular guys. The rules her dad has set forth for her don’t fit the crowd she has worked
so hard to be a part of. In this circle of resistance to change, Bianca wants Kat to change so she
doesn’t have to.
Biblical perspective
As Christians, our calling is to be communicators on behalf of Christ. The only successful
foundation to build our self-concept on is God (1 Corinthians 3:10-23). Besides walking in a
manner worthy of our calling in Christ (Ephesians 4:1, Colossians 1:10, 1 Thessalonians 2:12),
we are actually quite free to present ourselves in any way as long as we are free within our given
conscience. “Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, God making his appeal through us” (2
Corinthians 5:20, English Standard Version).
Chapter 3: Interpretation of Perception
Chapter 3 in the textbook describes perception: the way you view others and the way
others view you. There are many steps in the process of perception, but for the space here I will
focus on the interpretation of perceptions. People choose to first select and organize certain
things they see and that leads them to conclude meaning. It is also good to remember that
interpretation isn’t always isolated to one person’s opinion. Negotiation happens when multiple
people share and influence their interpretations of their perceptions (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p.
92).
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There are many factors that lead us to interpret things the way we do such as the degree
we are involved with the other person, our experience with them, our own assumptions,
expectations, knowledge, and the list goes on (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 91). In connection with
the previous section, self-concept also plays a huge role in interpretation. As we saw, people’s
self-concept is usually constructed the way they think or want others to think about them.
Therefore it would only make sense that “the way we feel about ourselves strongly influences
how we interpret others’ behavior” (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 91) because we interpret
according to our personal self-concept.
10 Things
Like mentioned above, Kat sees herself as being a scary and intimidating person to the
rest of the world, and she’s alright with that. Outside of school, the audience sees Kat as a laidback and fun girl who is smart but also enjoys going out with friends. However, she has set up
her reputation at school as a monstrous character who the guys literally scream when asked if
they would take her on a date. One of the guys actually has words to respond to the question:
“Maybe if we were the last two people alive.” When Kat interprets others’ behavior, she usually
has a negative view on them. It is obvious that as her self-concept evolves, so does her
interpretation of others around her. “You’re not as vile as I thought you were,” she admits in a
quiet moment with Patrick. Patrick himself affirms Kat’s false concept of herself by saying that
she’s not as mean as she thinks she is.
Biblical perspective
Once again, the foundation Christians are called to communicate on is Christ. When we
interpret our perceptions, we ought to do so through biblical principles. Just like the noble Jews
in the early church, we are to not only search the Scriptures for truth (Acts 17:11), but also
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handle the word correctly (2 Timothy 2:15) in applying it to our lives and interactions with
others.
Chapter 4: Emotions
Emotions are one of the most important elements in interpersonal communication.
Although some people have high emotional intelligence and thus able to control emotions better,
they still have an influence on the way we respond to every situation (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p.
122). Emotions are able to be facilitative or debilitative, helpful or useless, worthwhile or futile
(Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 141). We can choose to handle our emotions through positive self-talk
which enables us to fight the irrational thinking that comes along with debilitative emotions
(Adler & Proctor, 2011, p.145).
The textbook covers seven fallacies of debilitative emotions. These fallacies are
sometimes hard to notice when you are believing them yourself, so it is best to be on guard for
when they attack. For the purpose of this paper and analysis of the movie, I will only cover four.
The first fallacy is the fallacy of perfection which happens when someone believes they should
be able to handle every interpersonal interaction with flawless ability (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p.
145). The second is the fallacy of approval which makes you believe that it is possible to gain the
approval and acceptance of every person (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 146). The fallacy of shoulds
is the third fallacy which is when a person cannot determine what really is and what should be
(Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 147). People who complain often can typically fall into believing this
fallacy because their opinions are presented as definite instead of personal opinion. The fourth
and final fallacy we will cover is catastrophic expectations. When someone believes this fallacy,
the are fearful that something bad will happen as a consequence of an action or interpersonal
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interaction. Sometimes the fourth fallacy connects with both the fallacies of perfection and
approval (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 150).
10 Things
Bianca seems to believe many fallacies about herself. She seems to go through the world
without a care, having the confidence that she will be able to handle any situation life throws at
her (fallacy of perfection). Bianca also believes the fallacy of approval. She thinks that if she
would only be allowed to go on dates and to the prom, then all the kids at high school would
accept her as a normal person. She believes that being popular is the key to gaining the approval
of everyone. In relation to the fallacy of approval, Bianca thinks that she should be able to go on
dates like other people and that her sister should help her out. Instead of presenting her wants as
a personal opinion, she thinks that her father and sister are being unfair in how they treat her and
that she should be able to participate in the activities she wants. Bianca also believes the fallacy
of catastrophic expectations: if she isn’t able to attend parties, dates, or prom, she will not be
accepted by other people and to her, that is a tragedy.
Biblical perspective
The Bible warns against “the schemes of the devil” (Ephesians 6:11) that can get in our
way and one of his many schemes is telling us lies. Instead of listening to these fallacies, we are
to remember that the Holy Spirit lives in us and He should be the controlling power in our life
who brings forth the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-6). Paul encourages the Corinthians by
telling them that the Holy Spirit lives in them: “You are not your own, for you were bought with
a price. So glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
Chapter 5: Language & Affiliation
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The way people use language is a very essential component to interpersonal
communcation. There are innumerable ways of speaking and types of speech in cultures and
subcultures. The way one chooses to speak is a way they can demonstrate affiliation and likemindedness with others. Adapting one’s speech in order to share language and conversational
style with others is called convergence (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 172). Convergence usually
happens when someone wants to fit in and be accepted by a certain group of people. When
someone desires to be set apart from others and alters their language accordingly, the antithesis
of convergence, it is called divergence (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 173). When one chooses to
converge or diverge with a particular social group, it communicates their desired affiliation.
10 Things
From the beginning of the film, the audience is presented with the differences between
Kat and Bianca before it is even revealed they are sisters. Kat doesn’t talk much, always seems
to be scowling, and when she does talk, her intelligence and vocabulary is even above her
teacher’s. Bianca is seen discussing trivial troughts with a girlfriend while the guys turn head
over heels as she walks by. Through Kat’s choice of words, she diverges from the typical
highschool scene and puts herself in a position outside and beyond. Bianca seems to fit in; she
adapts her speech and conversational style with peers and as a result, the people of the in-crowd
are attracted to her.
Biblical perspective
Christians are given great freedom in whom they can affiliate with. In fact, if a Christian
is not with different types of people, there might be something wrong in their perception because
we are called to “not be haughty, but associate with the lowly” (Romans 12:16). There is no
longer any distinction between people groups “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither
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slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:28).
We are allowed to unite with everyone as long as we are first and foremost affiliating with
Christ. God even calls us to be with people who are unlike ourselves for the sake of the Gospel:
“For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of
them. To the Jews I became as a Jew, in order to win Jews...To the weak I became weak, that I
might win the weak. I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some”
(1 Corinthians 9:19-20, 22).
Appearance as Nonverbal Communication
There are many ways to communicate nonverbally for it makes up over half the messages
we send both intentionally and unintentionally (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 200). One of the many
nonverbal channels in which we communicate is through appearance. Both our physical
attractiveness and clothing play a role in sending messages to the world. Physical attractiveness
seems to appear in every culture and some differ in what they perceive as attractive, but it still
remains. The textbook says studies show that “females who are perceived as attractive have more
dates, receive higher grades in college, persuade males with great ease, and receive light court
sentences” (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 224). The textbook also makes a point that students who
are more physically attractive are judged as having high intelligence by teachers (Adler &
Proctor, 2011, p. 224). The second type of nonverbal communication in appearance has to do
with clothing. We make assumptions about a person’s economic, social, and educational
backgrounds; their economic, educational, sophistication, and success levels; moral character;
social position; and trustworthiness all because of the clothing they choose to wear(Adler &
Proctor, 2011, p. 225). Many studies show that uniform, formal, and casual attire make a
significant difference in the way people behave toward others.
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10 Things
As mentioned above, the language and conversational style of Kat and Bianca are put in
place in the film’s introduction to characters, but one of the most powerful influences on what
kind of people they are has to do with how they look. Kat is seen with hair pulled up, wearing a
blue camo tank top and green cargo pants. Bianca is wearing a white floral dress with curly hair
that bounces as she walks. They are both physically attractive, but the clothing they choose to
wear communicates personality to the audience. The first time I saw this movie, I didn’t suspect
Kat and Bianca to be sisters at all. Because of their clothing, I immediately judged their
economic levels as different although they are essentially the same.
There is a scene when Kat speaks out in class about Hemmingway. Her fellow classmates
start with an interpretation, but she contradicts it with what seems a highly intelligent answer.
Her teacher says he appreciates her opnion, but because she is annoying him, he sends her to the
principle’s office. Although her answer might have been wise, it seems as though the teacher
didn’t want her in the class simply because she didn’t fit in.
Biblical perspective
God makes every single person’s figure unique and different; He also has made our
interests varying. Like stated above, we are free to express the person God has made us, but it is
also important to remember that He admires a beauty that goes deeper than appearance. “For the
Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the
heart” (1 Samuel 16:7b). I believe that if our heart and attitude is in a right relationship with God,
our outward communication will naturally show that. “Do not let your adorning be external - the
braiding of hair and putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning
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be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which
in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4).
Chapter 7: Ineffective Listening
Listening or receiving messages is just as important as speaking or sending messages in
interpersonal communication. Sometimes it is difficult to be an effective listener because we can
easily get distracted by external or internal noise (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 244). Some types of
ineffective listening include pseudolistening, stage-hogging, insulated, and ambush listening
(Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 242-243). Selective listening is a kind of ineffective listening where
the communicator only responds to parts of the message that interest them (Adler & Proctor,
2011, p. 242). Especially in personal situations, selective listening is inappropriate because it is
obviously directed at the person you are interacting with. Another type of ineffective listening is
insensitive listening. Insensitive listening is when someone only responds to the content level of
the messages and doesn’t pay attention to the meaning behind the words. Insensitive listening
pays no attention to the emotional information and only focuses on the superficial (Adler &
Proctor, 2011, p. 243).
10 Things
In a scene, one of the characters is trying to convince the rich and popular guy to provide
the money to bribe Patrick into dating Kat. As the friend explains the plan, the rich kid draws a
cartoon on his face and doesn’t pay any attention until he hears that the plan involves getting a
date with Bianca. In this case, the rich kid selectively listened until the plan involved benefits for
him.
In another scene, the father explains to Bianca and Kat why he doesn’t want them to date.
He has reasonable grounds for his rules, but Bianca doesn’t think he is listening sensitively
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enough. The father explains that he is being sensitive to her wants, but explains why there is a
bigger and more important reason she is not allowed to do what she wants to do. Bianca’s father
sees her reputation at stake and in her naivete, she doesn’t understand the emotional care
attached with his rules.
Biblical perspective
As a gracious communicator representing Christ, it is so important to be a good listener.
Whether giving counsel or just being an ear for a friend, listening is key to healthy interpersonal
relationships. All throughout the Bible and history we read stories of wise and significant
leaders. These leaders were usually the ones who listened well. The Apostle James reminds us of
how a gracious communicator is: “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to
hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19).
Chapter 8: Relational Dynamics
The textbook covers a model of relational stages by Mark Knapp that breaks the rise and
fall of relationships into ten stages from the coming together through the relational maintenance
and to the coming apart (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 276). For the purpose of this paper, I will
cover the first five steps. The first phase of the model is coming together. Coming together
involves initiating, experimenting, intensifying, integrating, and bonding. Initiating is brief and
starts with simple acts that might seem superficial, but are truly important in telling someone
you’re interested in getting to know them. The next step is experimenting in which we decide if
we want to further our relationship through small talk. If we get passed experimenting, the next
step is intensifying. Intensifying is when a true interpersonal relationship starts to develop (Adler
& Proctor, 2011, p. 277) and feelings toward the other are expressed both directly and indirectly.
After integration comes, the “coming together” phase and “relational maintenance” phases are
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brought together with integrating and bonding where obligation, identity, and public expression
toward one another are fully developed.
10 Things
Kat and Patrick’s coming together and maintenance seem to go pretty well along Knapp's
model. Patrick initiates by going up to Kat first. She is not interested, but he still keeps trying. He
already knows he wants to go out with her (remember, he is being bribed), so he follows her to a
concert he heard she was going to. She is surprised to meet him there, but they strike up a
conversation (experiment) and find commonalities between each other. Patrick intensifies the
relationship by making it clear that he “wants” to legitimately go out with Kat and tells her he
will pick her up the next night for a party. When they go to the party, Patrick integrates their
relationship by showing his obligation to take care of her when she gets drunk. After some time,
they begin to bond by spending time pedal boating and paintballing. They also share parts of
their life and feelings with each other.
Biblical perspective
When I saw the scene where Patrick cares for Kat in her drunken state, I couldn’t help but
think of the way Christians are called to love and care for one another. It might be easy to assist
someone who is nice to you, but Kat wasn’t kind to Patrick at all. Galatians 6:9 encourages us to
“not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” In a way,
Patrick resembles this verse. He didn’t have to care for Kat, but he did, and he eventually earned
her respect because he didn’t give up.
Chapter 9: The 4 Dimensions of Intimacy in Relational Communication
The textbook covers the four dimensions of intimacy in relationships. The first is
physical, which doesn’t always mean sexual, but tends to be the most common as a person grows
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into adulthood. The second dimension that brings people together in intimacy is intellectual
where people exchange ideas that are important to them. Emotional intimacy is the third
dimension in which people exchange significant feelings with each other. The fourth and final
intimacy dimension is shared activities. Whether playing sports or working on a project, when
people spend time together, they have the opportunity to learn about how the other person works.
“Some intimate relationships exhibit all four dimensions...Other intimate relationships exhibit
only one or two...Although no relationship is always intimate, living without any sort of intimacy
is hardly desirable” (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 305-306).
10 Things
Like mentioned above, Patrick and Kat bond through spending time together. In the time
they spend together and sharing activities, they exchange ideas about how they perceive
themselves and share how they perceive the other person. They exchange intellectual
conclusions and what their lives were like leading up to this point in their relationship. Although
Kat still plays hard to get, her guard is much lower and they begin to share what they really love
about the other. At this part of the story, the audience sees that Patrick and Kat have started to
share intimacy through physical, intellectual, emotional, and shared activity.
Biblical perspective
In the evolution of Kat and Patrick’s relationship, the audience sees them slowly grow
closer together. It brings to mind the original plan for marriage: two becoming one (Genesis
2:24). By sharing physical, intellectual, emotional, and experiences in intimacy, they grow into a
unit that, in a way, has one mind or the same inclinations.
Chapter 10: Improving Communication Climates
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Communication climate is “the emotional tone of a relationship” or the way people feel
about each other (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 340). In a positive communication climate, people
feel satisfied and comfortable. But when the climate is cold and hostile, uneasiness and anxiety
permeates the atmosphere. The textbook says that communication climates develop at the
beginning of a relationship and depending on the constructive or adverse situation, they have
potential to spiral one way or another (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 345).
If a communication climate has spun into an unfavorable one, the textbook suggests using
an assertive message format which might help turn the tide. The steps in the assertive message
format are as follows: 1. Objectively describe the behavior to which you are reacting, 2. Describe
the interpretation you attach to the behavior, 3. Tell the other how the behavior makes you feel,
4. Describe what happens as a result of the behavior, your interpretation, and your feelings, and
5. Make an intention statement which can go three ways: where you stand on an issue, your
request of others, or how you plan to act in the future (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 356-360). It is a
flexible method that enables the communicator using it to mix the order, use their own personal
style, combine elements, and take time delivering (Adler & Proctor, 2011, p. 361-362).
10 Things
Near the end of the movie, Kat approaches Bianca with a gentle attitude and seems to try
and make peace between the two. “Listen, I know you hate having to sit at home because I’m not
Suzy High School,” Kat says. You could say Kat initiates improving the communication climate
between her and her sister here. However, as the scene goes on, it is obvious that Bianca
continues the steps in solving the problem. “I’m the only sophomore that got asked and I can’t go
because you don’t feel like it,” Bianca says, telling Kat how she truly feels (step 3 & 4). Kat then
goes on to describe why she is the way she is and that it is all to protect Bianca from making the
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same mistakes, however diluted that seems (step 2 & 5). The scene ends with both Bianca and
Kat stating where they stand on the issue (step 5), and they still don’t agree. They only seem to
be happy with each other at the end of the movie when they get what they want.
Biblical perspective
God desires us to live in harmony with one another (Romans 12:16), for when we don’t
we are once again giving in to the lies of the devil. God is a God of peace, not strife and
confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33), so His desire is for us to be in agreement together. “So then let
us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding...If possible, so far as it depends on
you, live peaceably with all” (Romans 14:19, 12:18).
Conclusion
As we have explored, there are many facets to communication. In fact, communication
makes up every moment of every day whether intentional or not. Sometimes it is hard to pinpoint
what is going on in the communication world because so many factors play a role. This paper
only began to scratch the surface of the many aspects of interpersonal communication and it’s
role in the film 10 Things I Hate About You, but hopefully it gave the reader a sense of
appreciation for the study of communication in relationships. However deep the student of
communication chooses to dig, it is crucial they start from the foundation of a biblical
perpective. Through the life of Jesus Christ, we see the prime example of a flawless
communicator who still impacts lives over 2,000 years later.
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References
Adler, R. B., & Proctor, R. F. (2011). Looking out/Looking in (13th ed.). Australia: Wadsworth/
Cengage Learning.
Junger, G. (Director). (2009). 10 things I hate about you [Motion picture]. United States:
Touchstone Home Entertainment.