MARRIAGE DISCUSSION GUIDE
M ake Y our M arriage T he B est It C an B E
FINDING YOUR WAY BACK TO THE
ONE YOU LOVE.
EPHESIANS 5: 25-27
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her
holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a
radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (NIV)
CAST OVERVIEW
Craig Sullivan
Katrina Sullivan
Pastor Wexler
Mark Bowman
Claire Bowman
Donna Harlow
James Harlow
Bobby Castle
Melody Castle
Joey
Jeff Fahey
Victoria Jackson
Reginald Vel Johnson
David White
Andrea Logan White
Anna Zielinski
Matt Florida
Tommy Blaze
Caroline Choi
Brad Stine
PURPOSE OF THIS GUIDE
This companion guide is to be used after viewing
the Marriage Retreat movie. It offers you an
opportunity to evaluate the issues faced by each
couple in the movie through biblically based
discussion questions. We hope these questions
reveal the solution through your relationship
with God. Start your study with prayer, asking
God to give you eyes to see, ears to hear and an
open heart to understand.
FILM OVERVIEW
When a group of best friends decide to go to a
Marriage Retreat in the mountains for no deeper
reasons than to relax and have a little fun, they
discover the true state of their marriages and how far
apart they have drifted. Once there, Dr. Sullivan
(Fahey) and his wife Katrina (Victoria) challenge
them to confront their own sin to heal their
relationship issues through some rather unconventional methods with hopes that these trials will draw
them closer to God. However, the couples continue
to struggle to resolve their issues as they are hopelessly relying on their own strength. When it seems
like all is lost for them, true love is revealed and they
soon discover it's not what they are missing in their
relationships but who. This heartfelt film will make
you laugh, cry and cheer these couples on to finding
their way back to the ONE they love.
COPYRIGHT INFORMATION
Scriptures taken from the Holy Bible, New
International Version ® , NIV ® . Copyright
© 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™
THEME I: SELFLESSNESS
1 CORINTHIANS 13: 4-5
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor
others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. (NIV)
MOVIE Scenes to Review
Mark’s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 35:25-38:25)
Claire’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 41:54-43:25)
1. PHILIPPIANS 2: 3-4 says not to do anything out of
selfishness, to value others more than yourself and to
keep the interest of others in the forefront of your
mind. Is Claire being selfish for wanting to have a family? Is Mark being selfish for not?
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Claire and Mark Bowman are not communicating
well and both are feeling misunderstood. For
almost two months, Claire has been giving Mark
the silent treatment. Her dream is to have a family
and Mark is not ready. She has just become pregnant
yet has not told her husband. Feeling that Mark
is set in his ways and unwilling to make changes
she doesn’t push the issue. Claire is looking for
selflessness in her relationship with Mark.
2. GALATIANS 6:2 encourages us to carry each other’s
burdens. Are Mark & Claire being selfish with each
other by not communicating their issues to one another?
Mark can barely get Claire to have a conversation
with him. She is closed off and refuses to openly
discuss their problems. Mark is aware that Claire
wants to have children but he is just not ready to
be a father. Because of his abusive relationship
with his father, Mark is afraid that he may turn
out like him. At the same time, Claire is
unaware of Mark’s relationship with his father.
Although he wants to be close to his wife, Mark’s
fear of fatherhood keeps them apart.
3. According to PSALM 27:10, God will take care of us
even if our own parents forsake us. How might this
help Mark get over his fear of being a father? Do you
have past family issues that continue to plague you and
your spouse’s relationship?
4. JOHN 15:12 commands us to love each other as God
loved us. What do you think a selfless relationship with
God would look like? What would a selfless relationship with your spouse look like? What would it sound
like? What would it feel like?
SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:
JOHN 15:12 My commandment is this: Love each other as
I have loved you. (NIV)
GALATIANS 6:2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this
way you will fulfill the law of Christ. (NIV)
PHILIPPIANS 2:3-4 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or
vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,
not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. (NIV)
PSALM 27:10 Though my father and mother forsake me,
the LORD will receive me. (NIV)
THEME I: SELFLESSNESS
CALL TO ACTION
To get to a selfless place with your spouse you have to open your heart to each other.
A great place to start is by simply examining how well you know each other.
1. How well do we really know each other? Take an online assessment of your relationship. There
are many available online. A great one to start with is Gary Chapman’s Love Languages at
www.5lovelanguages.com.
2. Review your scores and discuss the results with each other. For additional resources visit Association
for Marriage & Family Ministries web site at www.AmfmOnline.com
3. Now that you have more insight about one another, make a list below of ways you can address
each other’s needs.
THEME II: SAFETY
PSALM 4:8
In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD, make me dwell in safety. (NIV)
MOVIE Scenes to Review
Donna’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 40:51-41:53)
Prayer: (Chapter 14, 59:00-59:55)
Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:10:46-1:12:35)
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Donna and James Harlow seem to be living two
different lives. Donna is getting ready for the
birth of their first child and James is pursuing
his love of acting. She feels they are not close in
the way they used to be and fears James is going
to leave her. Donna is relying on her relationship
with her husband to provide safety in her life;
however, after her counseling session with
Dr. Sullivan, she soon realizes her priorities are
in the wrong order.
James is a very talented actor who lives and
breathes his craft. He participated in Community
Theater until he got his big break on a daytime
drama. With adoring fans and autograph
seekers, James loved the attention; however, he
didn’t realize that this newfound stardom was
making Donna feel insecure. As a result, Donna
had become very controlling of James, which
had become an issue for him.
1. What does Katrina mean when she tells Donna “you are
seeking the wrong things to give you peace”? How can
Philippians 4:6 help Donna find safety and contentment in her relationship?
2. During Donna’s prayer she says “God are you really
there”? Can you relate to Donna’s experience about questioning the authenticity of God? What do you believe
about God’s strength and protection? Where does Psalm
9:9-10 say our refuge should ultimately come from?
3. When Donna finally confesses to James that she feels
that his career is more important than his family, James
tells her that he is willing to give up his work as an
actor. Is there anything in your life that you believe God
is calling you to give up to save your marriage?
4. When Donna figures out the triangle that Dr. Sullivan
drew on her palm, she realizes her and James’s priorities
for their marriage are out of order. What are the major
priorities in your marriage? How will Psalm 32:7-8
help guide you in evaluating your priorities and finding
safety in your marriage?
SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:
Psalms 9: 9-10 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a
stronghold in times of trouble. (NIV)
Psalms 32:7-8 You are my hiding place; you will protect me
from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (NIV)
Philippians 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in
everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present
your requests to God.
THEME II: SAFETY
CALL TO ACTION
Finding safety in your relationship with your spouse and God is a daily process.
We all need reminders to help keep us on track. Let’s start by creating one below.
1. Write God at the top point of the triangle.
2. Next, write the name of you and your spouse at the two bottom points of the triangle.
3. Finally, write the word SAFETY in the middle space of the triangle.
Let this be a reminder of how becoming closer to God will bring you
closer as a couple and provide the safety you need.
THEME III: SECURITY
LUKE 12:29-31
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.
For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them.
But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. (NIV)
MOVIE Scenes to Review
Bobby’s Counseling: (Chapter 8, 33:55-35:24)
Melody’s Counseling: (Chapter 9, 39:56-40:50)
Chained: (Chapter 17, 1:12:41 - 1:14:28)
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:
Melody and Bobby Castle are trying to get by
the best way they know how. Melody says
Bobby is always looking for some get rich
scheme and is gambling as a way to support his
family. Unfortunately, he loses most of the time.
Melody lives in constant fear that they will lose
everything. She is desperately seeking security in
her relationship.
On the other hand, Bobby says his wife gives
him no respect. He feels she constantly rides and
nags him. Bobby was making a great living in
the housing market when he met Melody.
However, soon after they were married, the
housing market crashed leaving Bobby without
job prospects. Bobby wants to be able to provide
the security that Melody needs.
1. How can Psalm 111:5 begin to ease Melody’s fears?
Do you have constant fears in your marriage?
2. Bobby turns to gambling to make money for the family
only to be feeling inadequate and disappointed.
Luke 12:24 tells us that God will take care of us just as
he does the birds. How hard is it for you to look to God
as your source and strength? Do you believe God can and
will intervene in your situation?
3. Both Melody and Bobby are need of guidance. How can
Psalm 23:1-3 help them find that security and guidance
they both seek? Are you looking to God as your shepherd?
4. When Melody gets angry with Bobby for getting them
lost, she says he can’t do anything right - words she
never would have uttered when they were first married.
Melody has let their circumstances change her. How
are your circumstances making you a different person?
How is it making your marriage different?
SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:
Luke 12:24 Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap;
they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how
much more valuable you are than birds! (NIV)
Psalm 111:5 He provides food for those who fear him; he
remembers his covenant forever. (NIV)
Psalm 23:1-3 The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He
makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet
waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake. (NIV)
THEME III: SECURITY
CALL TO ACTION
Take some time at this moment to think about you and your spouse’s financial concerns.
If you have some, then here are some steps to help guide you to a solution.
1. Write down at least 3 financial issues that have been burdening you both. For example,
retirement, savings, or overspending.
2. Create a plan below to address each of these issues. If overspending is a problem, then you can
develop a budget to keep daily expenses under control.
3. Most importantly, if you don’t know how to create a budget or how to handle credit card debt then
seek professional advice. A great place to start is Crown Financial Ministries. Visit them at
www.crown.org for financial, spiritual teaching and resources from a Christian, biblical perspective.
FINAL THOUGHTS
FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION
God has a beautiful plan for you and your marriage covenant. God performed the first marriage ceremony in the Garden of Eden between Adam and Eve, and later gifted us the perfect plan for reconciliation and redemption through the Cross - with Christ as our Bridegroom. Mark 10:5-9 tells
us that God’s plan for marriage was to create a unity of one. Your ultimate marriage relationship is
closer than you think. So, take that next step and recommit your marriage to the Lord and make
that covenant pledge to one another. Now, begins your journey to finding your way back to the
ONE you love.
SCRIPTURES REFERENCED:
Mark 10:5-9 “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of
creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one
separate.” (NIV)
COVENANT PLEDGE
I promise to honor, love and respect my bride/husband. I promise to serve my wife/husband
with grace based, sacrificial love – as Christ so loved the church. Amen!
Name
Date
“many couples will learn
lessons from this film.”
— The Dove Foundation
Impact Your Community for Christ.
Bring a Pure Flix Movie Ministry to Your Church, School or Community Outreach.
Call Today 1-888-528-7444 or www.PureFlixMinistry.com
www.pureflix.com
www.marriageretreatmovie.com
© 2011 Pure Flix Entertainment, LLC. All rights reserved. Packaging and design © 2011 Pure Flix Entertainment, LLC.