Yehoshua Zirman
Rwanda, or the “Gorilla Country”, is a place where you don’t want to be. There infamous
Porridge, which consists of some unusual flour and legumes, is the main dish of Rwanda. People would
rather eat the bowl the food was in than eat the actual porridge so now there is a massive bow shortage
as well. The word “Bite” means how are you so if you are ever getting attacked, and yell “stop biting
me!” people will think you are crazy and your body will be ripped apart by the crazy Gorillas. The
commonly used phrase, “Bite me” does not make sense! 30% of the people you talk to are illiterate and
useless to society. 77% percent of the population living under 1.25$ a day, 4 more days and they can get
a 5 dollar footlong from subway. On average, people only live 55 years so there are no old people to
make fun of. Rwanda is not one of the 50 sexist countries in the world due to the excess amount of
gorillas and ugly women. The saddest part is that kids in Rwanda are actually trying to play basketball.
They do not understand that just because they are black, doesn’t mean they can just dunk, be amazing,
and curse every time they miss a shot.
My resolution is to burn and poison the foresty mountains in Rwanda and kill all the gorillas and
ugly women hiding there. This would solve the issue of the word “bite” because there will be no more
gorillas to bite you, people could eat the gorillas and ugly women and not have to eat “Porridge” (rumor
has it, it is really there excrement mixed with bananas). Furthermore, Rwanda already tried the
ridiculous idea of getting better water but only 50% of people have sanitary water while others bath in
their own pee, and drink water with dirt. The people have no money and all the money being wasted on
fixing the water could be given to the people so their living conditions can improve. There is no way to
fix the Rwandian issue of playing basketball until the next Olympic games where America will kick their
butt, as they do to every other country in the world. “Deforestation would be the best thing that ever
happened to Rwanda” said local native Jean Damascène Nshimirimana who is looking forward to eating
the gorillas as well as the ugly women.