6
connect
thesundaytimes June 9, 2013
Mr Rachmat
Salamat and
his wife Gladys
Sng-Rachmat
were reassured
by Aaliyah’s
(right) school
and allowed
her to go on
school trips
overseas. With
them is
younger
daughter
Maya (front).
Learn how to let go
Separation anxiety in parents stems
from the fear of not being in control
of their child’s situation and outcome, said Ms Agnes Goh, a parenting specialist at Focus on the Family
Singapore, a local charity.
She says: “But as children move
into the pre-teen and teenage years,
they often want to make decisions for
themselves.”
At this stage, parents often cannot
control their child’s attitude or the
consequences of their actions. but
what they can control is themselves –
their attitude and response, she says.
Before agreeing to let their
children embark on a school trip overseas, parents should make an “informed decision”, says Ms Jessie Ooh,
a lead psychologist at the department
of paediatrics at the National University Hospital.
She adds: “This means being
aware of the goals of the trip and the
risks involved, if any. Parents should
find out, for instance, the studentto-adult ratio and the activities their
child need to perform independently
and socially as a team.”
If they still feel anxious and decide
to reject the trip, it is important that
they explain the decision to their
child, she says.
If they agree to the trip initially
but start having cold feet later, they
can practise what she calls the four Rs
to help them cope with their anxiety.
L Recall why they agreed to the trip
initially. Did they have answers to
their worries then? If yes, note them
down.
L Revisit their worries now. List them
down and compare them to the
Recall list. If they are new ones, what
are the possible solutions? Can they
talk to the school official in charge of
the trip about this?
L Reaffirm their decision and believe
in the school’s preparation.
L Remind their child some rules they
may have for him, such as calling
them every night, to reassure themselves he will have a meaningful trip.
PHOTOS: LIM YAOHUI AND DESMOND LUI FOR THE SUNDAY TIMES
Safe for kids
to travel?
Schools assure parents
worried about children
going on trips abroad that
precautions are in place
Lea Wee
I
t is the school holidays and packing
the children off for their first overseas school trip can give some
parents butterflies in the stomach.
What sets them aflutter are two
main questions: Will their children be able
to cope without them around and will they
return safe and sound?
Overseas learning trips are usually done
for cultural exchange or language immersion. They can also be outdoor camps or
part of the school’s co-curricular activities.
They can happen as early as Primary 4
or 5 and some parents think that their children of that age are just not ready to go on
overseas school trips.
Communications manager Junaidah
Hameed, 43, will not let her daughter,
Lana, now 10, travel overseas with her
school when the opportunity comes
around next year. She says: “At this age,
having fun is more important to her than
taking care of herself. She can play until
she forgets to go to the toilet.”
Ms Junaidah will be more comfortable
with her daughter making such trips in
secondary school when she is “more
mature”. She has another daughter, aged
eight.
The Ministry of Education, which has
been funding Singaporean students for
such trips since 2008, does not set any minimum age limit. But a spokesman says
schools should ensure “age-appropriateness” when organising such trips.
For example, pupils in primary schools
should not embark on overseas learning
journeys that are “very long in duration or
require a high level of independence”.
Aware of these guidelines, most primary
schools do not plan their overseas trips for
longer than a week.
Another concern that parents have
about such trips is the safety of their children.
HR director Tan Joo Lian, 45, and her
husband, businessman Kit Tiong Soon, 46,
accompanied their older son, Jonathan, 18,
when he went on his first overseas trip to
Udon Thani in Thailand with the school’s
badminton team when he was in Primary
4.
Madam Tan says: “We were not familiar
with the place he was going to and were
not sure if it was safe.”
The trip was a private arrangement
between the coach and the parents.
The ministry has made it mandatory for
schools to conduct a risk assessment before
a trip to ensure the safety of their students.
This includes assessing the risks associated with a destination such as the weather
conditions, terrain, food and accommodation and finding ways to mitigate them.
Schools are also advised to take first-aid
boxes, addresses and contact information
of nearby hospitals and clinics and the
local Singapore Commission.
Schools make other efforts to allay
parents’ concerns.
Methodist Girls’ School, which takes its
students on a three-day trip to Malacca
when they are in Primary 5, conducts
pre-trip briefings not just for pupils but
also for parents. Parents are given a
24-hour emergency number to call. They
can also reach their children through their
mobile phones.
Seng Kang Primary, which conducts a
five-day immersion trip for its Primary 5
pupils to Sichuan province in China,
uploads photos daily to its website so that
parents know what their children are
doing. The school also works with a tour
agency to organise the trip.
Schools’ efforts to allay parents’
concerns have not gone unappreciated.
“I notice that my boys have
become more independent...
They are also more
appreciative of other
cultures.”
MADAM TAN JOO LIAN (above), with husband
Kit Tiong Soon and sons Jonathan (above left)
and Brandon, on how overseas school trips are
good for children
Housewife Gladys Sng-Rachmat, 35, and
her husband, Rachmat Salamat, 41, a safety
officer, were initially anxious about letting
their daughter, Aaliyah, 11, go on a
five-day cultural exchange trip to Ho Chi
Minh city in Vietnam, including a day at
the paddy fields, when she was in Primary
4 last year.
But after attending a briefing by Cedar
Primary School and the tour agency, she
and her husband, who have another daughter, Maya, six, felt more reassured.
She says: “We were glad to hear that the
travel agency has been organising such
trips for many years. They also gave us a
detailed description of where the students
Mum’s laid-back and awesome
Seriously Kidding
Tee Hun Ching
It is no secret that I’m the favourite
parent.
My two kids squabble over who gets to
hold my hand when we are out, who gets
to sit on my lap in church and who gets
to snuggle next to me when it is story
time at night.
If I’m home, I’m the one they want to
bathe them, to brush their teeth, to give
them a hug when they awake groggy
from their nap.
If there are night terrors, Mama is the
one they wake up crying for.
It’s great to be needed, there’s no denying it. I feel a stab of surprise – and a wave
of immense gratitude – that I’m able to
offer comfort and security just by being
there, just by being me. And I’ll happily
bask in this unmerited favour for as long
as it lasts.
My husband, however, brings me
down to earth. I ask how he feels about
being snubbed sometimes and he says,
mock stoically: “It’s okay. Someone has
to be the bad cop.”
He has a point. I have no delusions of
grandeur. I’m probably favoured by
default – they gravitate towards me not
because I’m more awesome, but because
I’m less strict.
Because, really, I’m not a very good
mum at all. I spend much less time than I
should with my two pre-schoolers, aged
six and three. I can’t bake, cook, sew or do
other such essential mummy things.
Heck, I can’t even draw to save my life.
But I’m more likely to let things slide if
the crime is nothing serious – nicking
cookies from the jar right before mealtime, say.
I’m also more inclined to ask for an
explanation to a misdemeanour first than
assume guilt right away.
My husband thinks I’m too lenient
sometimes, but I don’t think I’m being
indulgent.
I expect my kids to stay within the
boundaries of good behaviour set for
them and I have dished out smacks when
rules are repeatedly flouted.
Usually, however, I find suspending
certain treats they relish, such as a trip to
the playground, works better than physical punishment.
I view caning as a last resort for a
wilful, malicious offence that hurts someone or themselves, not a necessary evil to
keep them in line. We aren’t angels, so
why should we expect them to be?
I’m big on context. If the kids throw a
tantrum, I’ll look at the cause, check the
time and try to recall if they have had
their nap. If they are cranky because
they’ve had a long day, I will cut them
some slack.
Last year, my son, then five, came
home from school and narrated an incident. The teacher had given out stickers
to everyone, but a friend took his and
passed it to another kid.
“She wouldn’t listen to me. She
wouldn’t give it back. I tried very hard to
control myself but I couldn’t, so I cried,”
he related matter-of-factly.
I thought it was good that he had
made an effort to contain his emotions
and did not retaliate with aggression.
But my husband was disturbed by the
crying bit. He thought shedding tears
over something so trivial was unwarranted and told him so.
I knew where Papa was coming from:
He wanted to instil in our boy emotional
resilience and assertiveness.
But how about looking at things from
his perspective, I said when we were alone
later. “He tried hard not to cry. And what
seems trivial to us may be a big deal to
kids his age.”
I can’t always be right, but my
patience with my kids constantly amazes
me. Before they came along, I thought I
would be the de facto disciplinarian. I
had a quick temper, limited patience and
an often unyielding definition of what’s
right or wrong.
There are still traits and misdeeds that
get my goat, such as cruelty, insolence
and the lack of moral integrity. But I’ve
grown to be more tolerant of people
around me since I became a mum.
For as we guide our kids to be the best
they can be, we often end up being better
people as we strive to be role models for
them.
So even if it dawns on my kids one day
that Mama is one big con job who really
is not of much use around the house, I
hope my reservoir of love and empathy
will still win them over.
I may not always be their favourite
parent, but they will always be among my
favourite people.
hunching@sph.com.sg
Who is the favourite parent at home
and how does that affect your family
life? E-mail suntimes@sph.com.sg
will be staying and what they will be doing
every day. We were also happy with the
teacher and student ratio, which was about
1:8.”
They paid a subsidised $600 for the trip
and were pleased with how it went. This
March, they forked out $1,000 for Aaliyah
to go on a five-day cultural exchange trip
to Taiwan with her schoolmates.
Aaliyah says: “I was very happy my
parents agreed to let me go. I learned many
things during the trips including how to
take care of my personal belongings. I got
to know my friends better and learned
more about other cultures.”
In Vietnam, she used a sickle to harvest
rice. She says: “It was hard work. I told
myself I would always finish my rice from
now on.”
Madam Tan is also happy by the steps
her sons’ schools took to reassure parents.
She says: “Once, volcanic ash landed on
Bandung, where my older son was headed
and another time, a typhoon moved
towards Xiamen a few days before his trip.
In both cases, the schools monitored the
situations closely and updated parents regularly. They eventually decided to proceed
after making sure that the situations were
safe.”
pencil in...
STRAITS FAMILY SUNDAY –
MADE TO PLAY!
Children aged six to eight can create
their own dragon or phoenix toy and
tour the galleries of the Peranakan
Museum to learn the significance of
these animals and other motifs in
Peranakan art. They can also dress up
in Baba and Nonya costumes.
Her older son Jonathan, who was from
Tao Nan Primary and now attends Raffles
Institution, has been on six overseas trips
since his first one to Thailand, including
cultural-exchange and immersion
programmes to China and trips to Indonesia with his school’s badminton team.
His younger brother, Brandon, 15, who
was from Tao Nan Primary and is now at
Victoria School, has been on five overseas
school trips since Primary 4, including
camping trips to Malaysia and a cultural
exchange to China. He is now in Poland
and Germany visiting World War II sites
on a two-week history trip.
Even though Madam Tan has to pay
between $300 and $3,000 for some trips,
she feels it is money well-spent.
She says: “I notice that my boys have
become more independent. They are better
able to take care of their personal hygiene
and belongings.
“They learnt how to live with their
peers, for instance, taking turns to share
communal facilities. They are also more
appreciative of other cultures.’’
leawee@sph.com.sg
Where: Millet Music, 131 East Coast Road, 02-01
MRT: Paya Lebar/Dakota When: Today, 10am 1pm Admission: $128.40 Tel: 6440-2345
Info: E-mail mary.wong@milletmusic.com.sg
3-D PRINTING MAGIC
At this four-day workshop, children
aged seven to 12 can explore
first-hand how a 3-D printer works and
how to create things with it. By
Saturday Kids.
Where: Peranakan Museum, Armenian Street
MRT: Bras Basah/City Hall When: Today, 1 - 5pm
Admission: Free Info: www.peranakanmuseum.sg
Where: Orita Sinclair No. 7, 7 Pahang Road
MRT: Bugis/Nicoll Highway When: Mon - Thu &
June 17 - 20, 9am - 1pm Admission: $400 Tel:
9128-2101 Info: E-mail adeline@saturdaykids.sg
THE YOUNG COLLECTOR –
CHILDREN’S SEASON AT ACM
Check out the special exhibition,
Devotion & Desire, catch exciting
dramas in the galleries, enjoy
cross-cultural performances and
make crafts.
EMBARK ON A SUPERHERO
ADVENTURE
Children can develop their
self-confidence, creativity and literacy
skills at Julia Gabriel Centre’s school
holidays programme, which has a
superhero-adventure theme.
Where: Asian Civilisations Museum, Empress Place
MRT: Raffles Place When: Today, 1 - 5pm
Admission: Free Info: www.acm.org.sg
Where: Julia Gabriel Centre, Forum, 04-00, 583
Orchard Road MRT: Orchard When: Tomorrow Fri, 9am - 11.30am & 2.30 - 5pm (Clash Of The
Superheroes: Revenge Of The Lord Wrecker for
Kindergarten 1 & 2 children) Admission: $435
with GST, When: Tomorrow - Fri, 11.30am - 2pm
& 2.30 - 5pm (Justice League: The Earth’s
Mightiest Heroes for Primary 1 & 2 pupils)
Admission: $435 plus GST When: Tomorrow - Fri,
9am - noon (Spies and Superheroes for Primary 3 5 pupils) Admission: $520 plus GST
Tel: 6733-4322 Info: To register and for details,
go to www.juliagabriel.com
SAFRA FRASERS REWARDS
SPRINT KIDS 2013
Participants at Singapore’s biggest
sprinting event for children stand to
win more than $10,000 in cash and
prizes and be crowned Singapore’s
Fastest Kid.
Where: Frasers Centrepoint Malls MRT: Various
When: Today, June 22, 23, 29 & 30, 10am - 7pm
Admission: $16 (public) & $12 (Safra & Frasers
Rewards members) Tel: 6686-4333 (Jurong Safra
customer service counter) Info: www.sprintkids.sg
or e-mail sprintkids@safra.sg
CHILDREN’S SOCIAL GRACES &
DINING ETIQUETTE WORKSHOP
Children can pick up tips on table
manners and general etiquette at this
workshop by Ms Teo Ser Lee, an
etiquette and image consultant.
BARNEY & FRIENDS LIVE SHOW
AND MEET & GREET SESSION
Children can sing and dance along
with favourite characters such as
Barney, the purple dinosaur, and his
friends Baby Bop and BJ.
Where: City Square Mall MRT: Farrer Park
When: Till next Sun, 4 & 7pm (Tue - Fri), 1, 4 &
7pm (Sat & Sun) Admission: Spend $50 at the
mall and get a pass to the Meet & Greet session
(50 passes will be given out for each session)
Info: www.citysquaremall.com.sg