FADAA/FCCMH PRESENTS 7 DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS OF RECOVERY PRESENTER MARK SANDERS, LCSW, CADC Definition of Recovery A process of change through which individuals improve their health and well-being, live a self-directed life, and strive to reach their full potential. – SAMHSA 7 DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS OF RECOVERY 1. Deciding your style and pathways of recovery 2. A. Solo recovery B. Treatment assisted recovery C. Virtual recovery D. Temporary drug substitution E. Religious style F. 12-step recovery G. Medication assisted recovery H. Harm reduction I. Cultural pathway J. Shifting allegiance 2. 3. Develop strategies to prevent relapse A. Be aware of your primary triggers B. Discuss triggers on a regular basis C. Have a community of support D. Treat relapse as learning experiences Learn to develop healthy relationships Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 ABANDONMENT AND RELATIONSHIP ISSUES IN RECOVERY The Iceberg Model Addictions Co-dependence Toxic Shame Abandonment Source: Frozen Feelings: The Iceberg Model, by John Freil. Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 CHARACTERISTICS OF ADDICTIVE RELATIONSHIPS A. You use relationships the way drug addicts use drugs—to escape, avoid feelings and problems B. You enter into relationships in which every second of every day has to be exciting. C. You lose yourself whenever you’re in a relationship. D. E. F. G. H. You abandon friends and relatives whenever you’re in a relationship. I. Your relationships are often marked by extreme jealously J. You believe that a passionate kiss solves all problems. K. You tend to stay in relationships in spite of major consequences. L. M. When you leave one unhealthy relationship you enter another. Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 CHARACTERISTICS OF HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS A. Both individuals in the relationship are whole. B. Each partner is growing and encouraging the other to grow. C. Each has a separate life outside the relationship. D. The relationship does not have too much jealousy. E. The couple is able to argue in the present. F. The absence of all abuse. G. Giving without ulterior motives. Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 Definition: Relationship detox: Making the decision to not be in a relationship for a while in order to cleanse oneself of the toxic effects of previous relationships What to do during relationship detox Seek therapy to examine relationship patterns Continue to work on spirituality Have a love affair with yourself Strive for your goals Reestablish bonds with friends Consider making new friends Have strategies for avoiding the “first drink” Consider dating people to whom you are not initially attracted to ”Chemistry is when I meet someone who will help ensure that I feel sick, stay broke, and feel unlovable.” Source: Anonymous client Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 USING THE TERMINATION PHASE OF THERAPY TO HELP CLIENTS DEVELOP HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP IN RECOVERY A. B. C. D. Denial Mention termination—expect a changing of the subject, discomfort, regression, fleeing. Normalize the client’s feelings—explain regression. If the client flees, reach out. Anger Allow open expression of anger. Normalize the client’s feelings without sugarcoating the feelings. Sadness Allow the open expression of sadness. Express sadness of your own. Release Discuss the progress made. Discuss the work that is yet to be done. Discuss your relationship. Express confidence in the client’s ability to succeed. Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 4. 5. 6. Developing healthy friendships A. Who betrayed you? B. Who did you betray? C. Does betrayal have an impact on your ability to develop relationships? D. What is it like to try to establish relationships drug free? E. Who were your friends prior to your drug use? Did your addiction have any impact on these relationships? Are any amends in order? F. Do you have to break ties with destructive peer groups in order to begin to establish healthy relationships in recovery. G. Are drinking buddies friends? H. What is the difference between a friend and an associate? I. What qualities do you look for in a friend? Repairing relationships A. Parents B. Children C. Siblings Overcoming negative core beliefs Negative core beliefs: beliefs that the chemically dependent person has about him- or herself prior to his or her addiction A. “I will never get my needs met if I have to depend upon other people.” B. “What other people think of me is more important than what I feel.” C. “God is going to get me.” Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 D. “I have to be perfect.” E. “I am unworthy of success.” F. “I am ugly.” G. “There’s only one right way to do things – my way.” H. “I have no talent.” I. “You should never do anything for yourself; if you do, you’re selfish.” J. “I am unworthy of love.” 7. Discovering your purpose in recovery 11 things that give life meaning A. The attitude that one takes toward unavoidable suffering B. Meaningful work C. Love D. “Doing the will of God” E. Taking a stand F. Patriotism G. Helping others H. Creativity – Using your artistic gifts to make the world a better place I. A life-changing experiential journey J. Near death or reactions to death K. Looking out for the next generation Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 SOCRATIC QUESTIONS A. B. C. D. E. F. Mark Sanders, LCSW, CADC onthemark25@aol.com www.onthemarkconsulting25.com (773) 549-7914 FOR ADDITIONAL INFORMATION GO TO MY WEBSITE www.onthemarkconsulting25.com THERE YOU WILL FIND: Free articles The bookstore, featuring home study courses, workbooks, CDs, and DVDs. ****** Private Psychotherapy Practice Chicago, Illinois Individual Couples Family Therapy Referrals are welcome 773/549-7914 Onthemark25@aol.com