VOICES AGAINST VIOLENCE The Voice March 2010 Spring 2010 Semi-Annual Newsletter Client Voices To Whom It May Concern: By the Numbers 1 in 4. The number of NH women who have been sexually assaulted. 14. The age at which a female is at greatest risk for being a victim of rape or sexual assault. 4.8. The number of child deaths per day in the U.S. due to child abuse and neglect 87.7. The percentage of sexual assault victims who knew the offender I was fortunate enough to take the Pattern Changing class this past fall with Voices Against Violence in Plymouth, NH. I am writing this letter to share my experience. I found the material in Pattern Changing to be helpful in everyday life. After coming out of yet another failed and emotionally abusive relationship I was feeling depressed a n d d e f ea t ed . P a t t e r n Changing helped me to understand why I so readily accepted abusive people into my life and gave me the tools that I need to make different decisions regarding my relationships. This class let me meet women that were going though similar experiences; this made me realize I didn’t have to feel so ashamed and that I wasn’t alone. It also gave me a venue to voice my experiences and my concerns about repeating my patterns. crossroads in my life and with the information I was given I have more tools to make better decisions in my relationships and my life. Sincerely, Voices Against Violence Client & Pattern Changing Participant I am glad that I was able to take this class. It has helped in making me aware of the choices that I do have in a relationship and given me the confidence to put myself first. Thank you Susan and the rest of the women that I have come into contact with during this class, I believe I was at a Get Involved! Wear Jeans to Work in Support of Denim Day Inside this issue: Dear Community Partner, Client Voices 1 Denim Day 1 Teen DV Contest Submission 2 Thank you Donors 2-3 Clothesline Project 3 April Calendar 3 We are asking employers in our community to help us recognize April as Sexual Assault Awareness Month. As part of that effort we are asking people to break the dress code and the silence on Friday, April 16th and wear denim to work. Denim Day is sponsored by Voices Against Violence to enlist public support to dispel harmful attitudes about rape. The Denim Day campaign began in 1999 as part of an international protest of an Italian Supreme Court decision to overturn a rape conviction because the victim was wearing jeans. The Italian Supreme Court dismissed charges against a 45-year old rape suspect because his 18- year-old victim was wearing jeans at the time of the attack. The Court stated in its decision that “It is common knowledge… that jeans cannot even be partly removed without the effective help of the person wearing them….and it is impossible if the victim is struggling with all her might.” The judgment sparked a worldwide outcry from those who understand coercion, threats and violence go along with the act of rape. The unpopular verdict became an international symbol of mythbased injustice for sexual assault victims. Denim Day is an outward example of how a community can help change people’s perceptions about violence against women, men and children. Please support us as we continue in our fight to prevent interpersonal violence by challenging harmful attitudes, training women and youth in safety, teaching violence prevention in the schools and the community-atlarge and encouraging schools and other agencies to join us in these efforts. Please contact us at 536-5999 if you are interested in participating in Denim Day and we will come to your offices to leave our poster and ribbons. We salute all of you willing to join us in the fight for a safer community for all people. Sincerely, Voices Against Violence Staff Page 2 Voices Against Violence Board of Directors Eva Bleich Susan Durgy Robin DeRosa Mark Fischler Merelise O’Connor Shandra McLane Kelli Kemery “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” - Gandhi Teen Dating Violence Essay Contest Submission Before this essay contest, I’d never really heard of “Teen Dating Violence”. When I thought of violence in a relationship before, I thought of either dysfunctional married couples or people involved with gangs and such. I guess I was thinking or looking at dating violence in a stereotypical manner. This essay is dedicated to Domestic Violence Awareness month, and all the teens involved in this affair. A story in 2003, aired on ABC got my attention to read. A sophomore star athlete from Texas had stabbed his girlfriend repeatedly after she had tried to break up with him. He was kind to her in the beginning, but then began to tell her what to do and how she should act. (After reading that part I thought to myself that maybe the guy was in his first relationship and just took it too far, but I was wrong.) Later on in the article it said that the boy had a girlfriend before Otralla (the one who was stabbed). He had acted sweet to this girl too in the beginning, but just like with Otralla, he began to beat her and control her. This girl was named Rae Anne, and she was in her first real relationship, and thought it was normal. Rae Anne’s mother moved her away from the school, even though she still “loved” the boy. That article I read really helped bring out the whole teen vio- lence idea into a full perspective. Men are the ones most common to commit violence to their partners, even as teenagers. Even the people who can seem at first to be the “sweetest” people, can have emotional troubles and outbreaks of anger. The boy had seemed so nice to both Rae Anne and Otralla, but had become emotionally attached and unstable. There has to be a point in a relationship that you have to look past on who they were or what you expect from them, and see who they really are. Rae Anne said she still felt that part of her was with the boy; even after all he had done to her. Teenagers (myself included), are young, and still in a somewhat adolescent stage in our lives. We can’t decide if we are “in love” or who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. Emotions at this stage in our lives lead to drama and in this case, violence. When I was reading these stories and other facts, I realized a very great common factor within all of them. The parents of the teenager being abused knew almost nothing. The teachers and family didn’t recognize the various marks and bruises that were left on the victim. The only people who knew were usually the friends of the victim, and of course the victim. The ones who knew of the violence occurring wouldn’t tell the parents or teachers. Anyone who could have helped the victim was left in the dark, oblivious to what was going on. My number one way of helping stop the teenage violence would be to tell an authority figure, tell someone who could help if you are being abused or know a friend that is. Rae Anne’s mother was told of what was going on, and she moved Rae Anne away from the boy. The boy within the next year stabbed his next girlfriend to death. That murdered girl could have been Rae Anne if she hadn’t told. Parents and others should be informed in what is going on in a violent relationship. They are the ones that can help. After researching the different teen violence affairs that have gone on I was shocked. When I thought of domestic violence in any way I thought of adults. Adults always seemed to have the thirst for more power in my opinion. Before the research, I never thought that someone around my age could harm their partner, someone they “loved” or what not. I am very grateful for the opportunity to research this topic and for everything I wrote down which I hope can help others in the future. Thank you for your time, PRHS 9th grader Thank You to Our Recent Donors Meredith Village Savings Bank Jazzercise of Plymouth Silver Center for the Arts Six Burner Bistro Lakeview Massage Studio The Panther Pub Holderness Fire Department Plymouth Fire Department Red Gate Farm Turtle Ridge Foundation Chesley's Glory Station Thai Smile Natural Change Massage Therapy NHCADSV Episcopal Church of the Holy Spirit Innisfree Bookshop Laconia Pet Center Lamson Library Staff Simply Cuts Peppercorn Natural Foods MegaPrint Inc. Chesley's Mini Mart Inspire 2 Knit & Tea Plymouth Animal Hospital Plymouth Pet & Aquarium Church of The Holy Spirit Plymouth State University Newfound Regional High School Off The Hanger St. Matthews Church Wholly Tara The Country Cow Northern Lakes Veterinary Hospital Laconia Savings Bank Veggie Art Girl Boutique Family Strength Plymouth Furniture Co. Inc. Story Land Walter's Basin McLane Realty Main Street Dental, LLC Mad River Tavern Melcher & Prescott Insurance Stark Electric and Alarm, LLC Baker Valley Motors Dunkin Donuts Melcher & Prescott Insurance Stark Electric and Alarm, LLC Baker Valley Motors Dunkin Donuts Owl's Nest Resort & Golf Club Plymouth United Methodist Church Mary & Gunnar Baldwin Bill & Betty Batchelder Kenneth & Joan Bergstrom John Bianchi Stephen Birkitt Holly Bousquet Buckley Tenley Bouton Page 3 Spring 2010 NH Clothesline Project What is the Clothesline Project? It is a visual display that uses tshirts to bear witness to domestic and sexual violence. Each shirt is decorated to represent a particular person’s experience and is made by a survivor or someone who cares about them. The purpose of the Clothesline Project is threefold; to educate, document, and raise awareness of the extent of domestic and sexual violence and child abuse; to help with the healing process for people who have lost a loved one or are survivors of this violence; and to provide an important avenue for survivors to courageously break the silence. This Spring Voices Against Violence will be holding t-shirt making days and collecting t-shirts for this display. Where are the T-Shirts displayed? On April 20, 2010 10am-4pm all of the 2010 t-shirts, made throughout the State, will be displayed in Concord on the State House Lawn. Afterwards all the t-shirts will be collected and brought to Colby Sawyer College in New London, NH. There they will be displayed for the entire week alongside all of the t-shirts made since 1994. After that week all of the t-shirts are returned to their “home” crisis centers. On April 29th, all of the t-shirts made through Voices Against Violence will be displayed on the Plymouth Town Common and on the Plymouth State University Green (rain location: HUB, Fireplace lounge). How do I get involved? Donate: We are looking for donations of t-shirts (any color) and art supplies to decorate the shirts. Any donation would greatly be appreciated. Create a T-Shirt: You do not need to be an artist to create a shirt. Anyone who has been impacted by domestic violence can make a t-shirt: victims, survivors, family, & friends. The shirt should reflect the experience of the person who is creating it. You may include a first name, date, other pictures, symbols, or words that hold particular meaning for you. If you are interested in creating a t-shirt please call 536-3423. April Calendar of Events: Sexual Assault Awareness Month & Child Abuse Prevention Month April 1: Sexual Assault Awareness Month Kickoff. Sexual assault info, Mini Clothesline Project Display, T-shirt making. Location: PSU HUB April 1, 6:00pm-7:30pm: How the State of NH Defines Child Abuse. Co-presented by the VAV Domestic Violence Specialist and DCYF. Learn how DCYF investigates & determines the need for intervention with families. Location: Whole Village Resource Center, Plymouth April 5, 9:30am-3:00 pm: Financial Empowerment Series. The curriculum empowers victims by teaching the financial skills necessary to take control of their financial lives. For info & to register, call 536-3423. April 8, 6:00pm-7:30pm: Sexual Assault/Personal Safety. This workshop will provide important tips to consider that will help maintain a level of safety in your every day life. Location: Whole Village Resource Center, Plymouth April 8 & 9, 8pm: Vagina Monologues. Proceeds to support Voices Against Violence. Location: PSU April 16: Denim Day. Wear Jeans to work to raise awareness of rape and to break the silence. April 17: Walk A Mile in Her Shoes. A walk to end rape, sexual assault, and gender violence against women. Location: PSU HUB April 20, 10am-4pm: Clothesline Project. 2010 Statewide Display. Location: State House Lawn, Concord April 21-24: Clothesline Project. Display of all shirts 1994-2010. Location: Colby Sawyer College, New London. April 29, 10am-3pm: Clothesline Project. Location: Plymouth Town Common & PSU Green For more information about any of these events, please call 536 -3423. Wish List Gift Cards to Hannaford and WalMart Gift certificate to Staples Deodorant Full size shampoo & conditioner Razors Nail polish Tooth Brushes Towels High Chair Baby Gate Table lamps Child dishes & utensils Calling cards Bathroom &Kitchen “starter kits” (bathmats, shower curtain, etc. & utensils, pots/ pans, etc.) Toaster Booster seat that attaches to table Old Cellular Phones Clear Stackable Plastic Storage Tubs for clothing Fans Children’s books Kitchen table & chairs Thank You to our Recent Donors (cont) Christopher & Heather Chabot Lynn R. Chong Pete Cofran Mary & Michael Cooney Michael F. Conklin Deb Reynolds Joseph DeRobertis James & Bonnie Doherty Janet & Jules Doner Karen Eaton--Bruce Georgene Fabian Karen M. Festa Mike & Reine Fischler Richard & Kathie Flanders Joël & Lee Freeman Joel & Melody Funk Bob & Virginia Garlitz Jeanne T. Gerulskis Robert A. Giehl Daniel Moore Jody Goodrich Stephanie Gould Pat & Dick Hage Carole & Ken Heuser George & Marty Humphrey Liz Ahl Jeannette Bilodeau David & Carolyn Kent Randy & Ronda Kilanowski Sam & Barb Laverack Carl & Sandra Lehner Michael Long Kathleen Lutter Kimberly MacKay Shandra McLane Robert Miller Sue Mitchell Douglas & Claire Moorehead Maggie Mumford Susan Murphy Merelise O'Connor Joyce Palmer Keith & Shelly Philbrick Karen Price Donna Ramsay-Strong John Richards Kathi Richter Arnold & Bernadette Russek Jonathan Santore Linda Saulnier Olivia & Jack Saunders Judy Sharkey Shane Sirles Frank B. Stevens Wolfgang & Dianne Stiller Cynthia Vascak Valerie Vermeulen Richard & Katherine Weymouth Barbara Williams Agnes & Don Winchell Voices Against Violence PO Box 53 Plymouth, NH 03264 Office Phone: 1(603) 536-5999 1(603) 536-3423 Crisis Line: 1 (603) 536-1659 1 (877) 221-6176 (toll free) Since 1981 Voices Against Violence has been reaching out to and supporting victims and survivors of domestic violence, sexual violence, and stalking. Our advocates provide understanding, information, and support to victims, survivors, and nonoffending family and friends. Our services include a 24-hour Crisis Line, Court Advocacy, Police and Hospital Accompaniment, Systems Advocacy, Emergency Shelter, Support Groups, and Education and Outreach. Domestic and sexual violence can take many forms including physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual assault, verbal threatening, and name calling. It can affect anyone at any time: friends, coworkers, relatives, children, teens, men, and women. By acknowledging the existence of domestic and sexual violence and stalking in our communities, we can raise awareness of the problem and enable both victims and witnesses to take action and break the cycle of violence. Reaching Out. Speaking Out. Free and Confidential 24 hours a day, 7 days a week