Creating
Clarity,
Cohesion,
and
Coherency
I. The
first
principle
of
Clarity
is
to
put
the
________________
characters
in
the
__________________
slot
and
to
express
the
main
action
of
those
characters
as
a
___________________.
Please
revise
these
sentences
using
the
first
principle
of
clarity:
1. There
is
uncertainty
at
the
CIA
about
Korean
intentions
as
to
cessation
of
missile
testing.
2. Thorough
physical
conditioning
of
the
team
is
the
responsibility
of
the
coaching
staff.
3. Their
performance
of
the
play
was
marked
by
enthusiasm
but
lacked
intelligent
staging.
4. Your
analysis
of
my
report
omits
any
data
in
support
of
your
criticism
of
my
findings.
II. The
first
principle
of
Cohesion
is
_________________
to
__________________
(also
known
as
the
“known‐new
contract.”
A.
Please
revise
the
following
using
the
first
principle
of
cohesion
(OLD
TO
NEW).
1. Some
astonishing
questions
about
the
nature
of
the
universe
have
been
raised
by
scientists
studying
black
holes
in
space.
The
collapse
of
a
dead
star
into
a
point
perhaps
no
larger
than
a
marble
creates
a
black
hole.
2. The
federal
witness‐protection
service
began
in
1968.
The
U.S.
Marshal
Service
directs
the
program.
Over
four
thousand
people
have
been
relocated
under
the
program.
New
identities
are
created
for
people
in
the
program.
The
people
are
in
extreme
danger
because
they
have
testified
against
criminals.
B.
Problem
pronouns
can
also
mar
cohesion.
Pronouns
without
antecedents
are
in
violation
of
the
known‐new
contract.
Please
revise
the
following
passages
to
eliminate
problem
pronouns.
1.
The
summer
heat
wave
in
the
Midwest
has
devastated
a
large
portion
of
the
nation’s
corn
crop
there.
That
probably
means
higher
meat
prices
for
next
year.
2.
We
arrived
at
the
airport
two
hours
before
our
flight.
I
was
glad
to
do
it,
realizing
the
importance
of
safety
procedures.
3.
Jeremy’s
father
died
when
he
was
only
six
years
old.
That
left
the
burden
of
raising
him
and
his
sister
to
his
mother.
Jeremy
remembers
that
it
wasn’t
easy
for
her.
4.
Last
year
my
brother
Chuck
designed
and
built
his
own
house
–
a
beautiful
rustic
log
cabin.
It
really
amazed
me,
because
when
we
were
kids
he
did
nothing
but
break
things,
especially
my
favorite
toys.
In
fact,
he
was
always
in
trouble
because
of
that.
C.
The
role
of
Passive
Voice
in
Cohesion
–
The
Rules
1. Use
passive
construction
if
it
helps
your
readers
move
from
one
sentence
to
the
next
(OLD
–
NEW)
EXAMPLE:
We
must
decide
whether
to
improve
education
in
the
sciences
alone
or
to
raise
the
level
of
education
across
the
whole
curriculum.
The
weight
given
to
industrial
competiveness
and
the
value
we
attach
to
the
liberal
arts
(NEW
INFO.)
will
influence
this
decision
(OLD
INFO.)
In
the
second
sentence,
the
verb
influence
is
in
the
active
voice.
But
we
could
follow
the
sentence
more
easily
if
it
were
passive,
because
the
passive
would
put
familiar
information
first
and
the
new
and
complex
information
last,
the
order
we
all
prefer:
EXAMPLE:
We
must
decide
whether
to
improve
education
in
the
sciences
alone
or
to
raise
the
level
of
education
across
the
whole
curriculum.
This
decision
(OLD
INFO.)
will
be
influenced
(PASSIVE
VERB)
by
the
weight
we
give
to
industrial
competitiveness
and
the
value
we
attach
to
the
liberal
arts
(NEW
INFO.)
2. Use
passive
construction
if
we
do
not
know
who
is
responsible
for
an
action,
or
if
the
reader
won’t
care.
EXAMPLES:
The
president
WAS
RUMORED
to
have
considered
resigning.
Those
who
ARE
FOUND
guilty
can
be
fined.
Valuable
records
should
always
BE
KEPT
in
a
safe
place.
If
we
do
not
know
who
spread
the
rumors,
we
cannot
say.
And
no
one
wonders
who
finds
criminals
guilty,
fines
them,
or
should
keep
records
safe.
3. Use
passive
construction
to
maintain
a
consistent
or
appropriate
point
of
view.
If
you
want
to
convey
the
history
of
World
War
II
from
the
Allies’
point
of
view,
you
might
use
the
active
voice
as
follows:
EXAMPLE:
By
early
1945,
the
Allies
HAD
essentially
DEFEATED
Germany.
American,
French,
British,
and
Russian
forces
HAD
BREACHED
its
borders
and
WERE
BOMBING
it
around
the
clock.
However,
if
you
want
to
convey
the
point
of
view
of
Germany,
you
would
use
passive
verbs.
EXAMPLE:
By
early
1945,
Germany
HAD
essentially
BEEN
DEFEATED.
Its
borders
HAD
BEEN
BREACHED,
and
it
WAS
BEING
BOMBED
around
the
clock.
D.
Metadiscourse
or
“discourse
about
discourse”:
Those
words
and
phrases
that
clarify
the
purpose
and
direction
of
a
particular
passage.
The
writer
is
referring
his
his/her
own
thinking
and
writing.
Metadiscourse
can
refer
to
1.
the
writer’s
thinking
and
writing:
We
will
explain,
show,
argue,
claim,
deny,
suggest,
contrast,
add,
expand,
summarize
.
.
.
2.
the
writer’s
degree
of
certainty:
it
seems,
perhaps,
undoubtedly,
I
think
.
.
.
(We
call
these
“hedges”
and
“intensifiers.”)
3.
the
readers’
actions:
consider
now,
as
you
might
recall,
look
at
the
next
example
.
.
.
4.
The
writing
itself
and
logical
connections
among
its
parts:
first,
second,
third;
to
begin,
finally;
therefore,
however,
consequently
.
.
.
E.
Parallelism:
Repeated
grammar
elements,
of
ten
combined
with
repeated
words.
The
repeated
elements
have
the
same
grammatical
structure.
PARALLELISM
BECOMES
A
STRONG
COHESIVE
DEVICE
WHEN
A
STRUCTURE
ECHOES
A
STRUCTURE
FROM
A
PREVIOUS
SENTENCE
OR
PARAGRAPH.
EXAMPLE:
“Both
parties
deprecated
war;
but
one
of
them
would
make
war
rather
than
let
the
nation
survive;
and
the
other
would
accept
war
rather
than
let
it
perish.
With
malice
towards
none;
with
charity
for
all;
with
firmness
in
the
right,
and
God
gives
us
to
see
the
right,
let
us
strive
on
to
finish
the
work
we
are
in;
to
bind
up
our
nations’
wounds,
to
care
for
him
who
shall
have
borne
the
battle,
and
for
his
widow
and
his
orphan‐‐
to
do
all
which
may
achieve
and
cherish
a
just
and
lasting
peace,
among
ourselves
and
with
all
nations.
But
in
a
larger
sense,
we
cannot
dedicate‐‐
we
cannot
consecrate‐‐
we
cannot
hallow‐‐
this
ground.
The
brave
men,
living,
and
dead,
who
struggled
here,
have
consecrated
it,
far
above
our
poor
power
to
add
or
detract.
The
world
will
little
note,
nor
long
remember
what
we
say
here,
but
it
can
never
forget
what
they
did
here.”
‐Abraham
Lincoln
Antithesis
is
the
juxtaposition
of
contrasting
ideas,
often
in
parallel
structure,
and
it,
too,
can
be
an
effective
way
to
create
cohesion.
These
contrasts
can
be
as
overt
as
the
use
of
opposite
words
(e.g.,
cold/hot),
or
the
more
subtle
contrast
created
with
opposing
ideas
(e.g.,
Modern
science
can
perform
miracles
to
save
lives,
yet
we
have
war.).
EXERCISE:
Underline
the
parallel
phrases
in
the
above
excerpt
from
Lincoln’s
2nd
Inaugural
Address
address;
draw
an
arrow
that
shows
which
phrases
go
together
or
“echo”
the
other.
Circle
the
antithesis.
III.
The
first
Principle
of
Coherency
is
that
each
sentence
relates
logically
to
the
one
that
comes
before
it.
The
level
of
each
succeeding
sentence
will
be
positioned
in
relation
to
its
predecessor
as
________________________,
________________________,
or
_________________________:
Topics
in
a
whole
passage
constitute
a
related
set
of
ideas;
those
topics/ideas
are
few
in
number;
and
those
topics/ideas
are
organized
in
a
general‐to‐specific
pattern.
EXERCISE:
Identify
how
the
following
passage
reflects
the
Principles
of
Coherency
by
underlining
the
topics;
identifying
whether
the
topics
are
subordinate,
coordinate,
or
superordinate;
and,
then,
outlining
the
paragraph
by
levels.
A
weasel
is
wild.
Who
knows
what
he
thinks?
He
sleeps
in
his
underground
den,
his
tail
draped
over
his
nose.
Sometimes
he
lives
in
his
den
for
two
days
without
leaving.
Outside,
he
stalks
rabbits,
mice,
muskrats,
and
birds,
killing
more
bodies
than
he
can
eat
warm,
and
often
dragging
the
carcasses
home.
Obedient
to
instinct,
he
bites
his
prey
at
the
neck,
either
splitting
the
jugular
vein
at
the
throat
or
crunching
the
brain
at
the
base
of
the
skull,
and
he
does
not
let
go.
One
naturalist
refused
to
kill
a
weasel
who
was
socketed
into
his
hand
deeply
as
a
rattlesnake.
The
man
could
in
no
way
pry
the
tiny
weasel
off,
and
he
had
to
walk
half
a
mile
to
water,
the
weasel
dangling
from
his
palm,
and
soak
him
off
like
a
stubborn
label.
‐‐
Annie
Dillard
(Teaching
a
Stone
to
Talk)