You, You, You
d
i
D
y
dd
a
D
t
a
Wh
(That Did You Wrong)
What your father was
like and how he treated
you during your
childhood has a lot to do
with who you are—and
who (and how) you
love—today. Here,
Cosmo helps you
decode your Daddy
issues and how you can
get past them.
“The family dynamics we grew
up with greatly affects the way
our attitudes are formed and
how our emotional well-being
develops. The patterns we pick
up from our family of origin are
unconsciously ingrained in our
[psyche’s] totality as we become
adults—our values, behavior,
way of thinking, actions, and
decisions.” says family psychologist Ichel Santos Alignay, a lecturer at the Department of
Psychology at Miriam College.
And because your dad is the
first man in your life, he sets the
standard for how you feel you
should be treated by other men.
“Being the primary male in the
daughter’s life, the father’s patterns of behavior sets the tone
for the kind of romantic relationships she will have,” Alignay
adds. “She will have the tendency to look for males showing
the same patterns.” And if Dad’s
patterns are unhealthy or dysfunctional, “they can cause a lot
of damage or issues in you,” she
adds. It all starts with awareness, and going back in time to
dig up the roots of your relationship with him. Start here: which
Daddy-Daughter scenario
sounds familiar to you?
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Who’s
your
Daddy?
Says Tanya,
24, a sales
manager,
“The day
after my
graduation, I
asked my
dad if I could
go out with
my friends to
celebrate. He was furious—porke wala
na daw ako sa school, aalis na ako ng
aalis,” she recalls. “He grounded me for a
month. I couldn’t leave the house and he
hid my laptop so I couldn’t apply for a
job!” Even now that she’s employed, she
finds herself lying to him about many
things in her life just to avoid conflict. “I
know it’s bad to lie to your parents, but if
I don’t, lalaki akong walang alam. I want
to live my life, but I’m sad I can’t be the
real me inside my own home.”
THE DAMAGE: When Dad is too strict, he
conveys the message that the world is not
a safe place and he is the only one who can
protect you. This can have an impact on
your independence, and make you feel
anxious or rebellious. “Now that you’re an
daddy was
too strict
and
controlling.
adult, try to understand why your dad
was being overprotective and how this
affected you,” says psychologist
Raphael Inocencio, founding partner
of Better Steps Psychology, Inc. This
may allow you to appreciate his efforts
to keep you safe instead of feeling
resentful. “Some will rebel, while others will unconsciously like being
treated like young girls,” says Alignay
about daughters of strict dads. “They
may grow up lacking life skills—selfreliance, independence, decisionmaking, resiliency, and the capacity to
cope with the difficulties of life. They
might have a hard time growing a
backbone or thriving at work and in
relationships because they always
have the default mentality of ‘But my
dad said…’”
WHAT YOU CAN DO: “Try to assert yourself
more and more, try new things, and
discover your own path. Let him know
you need to stand on your own, and let
him get used to it,” Inocencio advises.
“It will take time, but if you are
persistent and determined, he may
eventually give way.”
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5/22/15 5:09 PM