IS BEING CRUEL THE NEW “COOL”?
by Naomi Drew, M.A., author of No Kidding About Bullying
Bullying, put-downs, web-bashings - many experts are calling it an epidemic of
cruelty among our youth. The reality is echoed in schoolyards and classrooms
across the US. Did you know that 160,000 kids a day skip school because of
the way they’re treated by their peers?
Cruel language and violent behavior saturate video games, TV shows, and
music kids love. Victims are often seen as people who deserve the treatment
they're getting. This concurs with anti-bullying research that cites “teaching
him a lesson” as a reason kids give for bullying someone they find uncool.
It's critical that we respond by taking action in our homes, schools, and
communities. We each need to be part of the solution. Our inaction allows the
problem to continue. Let your child know that cruelty in any form is never
cool, and certainly not funny. And while you’re at it, here are six more things
you can do right now:
1. Model respect under all circumstances. Albert Schweitzer once said,
“Example is not the main thing in influencing others, it is the only thing.”
Our children learn primarily through imitation. Whatever words come out of
our mouths are likely to eventually come out of theirs. It’s more important than
ever to counter cruelty with compassionate behavior.
2. Call kids on words and actions that are hurtful.
Whether directed at a sibling, friends, or someone who's not in the room, don't
let it go by. Say something like, “That was disrespectful,” or “I don't want you
to talk to your sister in such a mean way.” Name it, call them on it, and help
them find a way to express their anger assertively yet respectfully.
3. Don't tolerate disrespect or hurtful comments directed at you.
If your child is disrespectful , call them on it immediately and, if need be, give
a consequence. Because kids are surrounded with cruel, sarcastic language,
many are losing the ability to distinguish what's appropriate from what's not.
It's okay for kids to express anger or disagreement, but it needs to be done
respectfully regardless of how upset they are. Discuss all of this at a neutral
time and brainstorm acceptable ways of expressing negative feelings. Model
this yourself.
4. Monitor what's happening on the computer.
Many kids bully using IM's, websites, text messages, and more. Let your child
know that even just visiting a site that was set up to harass other kids is not
okay, and sending text messages or IM's that put someone down is totally
unacceptable. Again, talk about this at a neutral time. Help your child put
himself in the shoes of the other person. If your child is bullied via the internet,
save what was sent and speak to your child's teacher, guidance counselor, or
principal. Even though the messages might have generated from a home
computer, the impact continues at school.
5. Find examples of kindness and talk together about them.
What books, videos, movies, TV shows have heroes who are decent,
respectful, kind, and assertive? We may need to do a little detective work, but
decent role models are out there.
6. Let your child know that it’s cooler to be kind, and sometimes it shows
more courage. Anyone can be cruel, but it takes a special person to speak out
against cruelty. Martin Luther King had a gift for standing tall in the face of
cruelty, never stooping to the level of those who hurled threats, insults, and
worse. This is the highest form of courage and character. We each have this
capacity within ourselves. It’s time to use it
Excerpted from Naomi Drew’s Peaceful Parents e-newsletter. To subscribe go to www.LearningPeace.com.
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Naomi Drew is the author of seven books, available on Amazon.com:
No Kidding About Bullying (Free Spirit Pub.)
Learning the Skills of Peacemaking (ProEd Publishers)
The Peaceful Classroom in Action (Personhood Press)
Peaceful Parents, Peaceful Kids (Kensington Publishers)
Hope and Healing: Peaceful Parenting in an Uncertain World (Citadel)
The Kids’ Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free Spirit Pub.)
A Leaders’ Guide to The Kids’ Guide to Working Out Conflicts (Free Spirit Pub.)
To schedule a workshop or keynote, e-mail Naomi@LearningPeace.com
Copyright, Naomi Drew. All rights reserved. www.LearningPeace.com