Honing our Essay Writing Skills: Creating a Class Exemplar
The End Goal:
Working together we are going to write an exemplary essay which
highlights both attributes of an honors-level essay: clarity of structure (PiQR) and depth of
thought.
Step 1: The Introduction
Structure:
An essay introduction should have the following structure:



Begin broad and then narrow in to set up the issue.
Include the title and author of the work(s) being discussed
End with a clear and valid thesis statement that is an opinion
Depth:
Make sure your opinion responds directly to the prompt. To gain depth – and this is critical –
make sure your thesis is an opinion not a fact. An opinion will set up your essay to be an
argument. A fact will set up your essay to be a list. Arguments require higher order thinking
skills such as analysis, synthesis and evaluation. Lists do not.
Writing a good thesis is actually a cyclical process. Jot down what you know about the topic.
See if you can jot down a working thesis from these thoughts. Now start picking key evidence to
prove your working thesis. See if you can form them in to some sort of order or outline. Revisit
and revise your thesis to more closely match your ideas. Go look for more ideas, more depth.
Revise thesis again. . . repeat as needed.
Task 1A:
As a class brainstorm evidence for the following prompt:
A. The ancient Greeks generally prized the quality they called arête, which means courage,
pride and nobility of deed. In the Odyssey, does Odysseus reach the Greek ideal of arête
and why or why not? Where, if ever, does he fall short? How, if at all, does he learn
from his mistakes? Please remember to use an ancient Greek lens when discussing the
characters. Using a minimum of 8 quotes to support your argument with your best PiQR
structure.
Task 1B:
In groups of three or four, reflect on what your evidence proves and brainstorm a working thesis
that will set up the focus of the paper to have depth of thought, rather than a list.
Step 2: The Body Paragraph
Structure:
All body paragraphs should follow what we call a PiQR format. In an honors essay, the PiQR is
expanded as needed, usually to PiQRQR or possibly to PiQRQRQR if the quotes are short. If,
however, your paragraph starts to become too long and unwieldy, break it up with subpoints and
paragraphs as needed, for example: PiQRQRsubPiQR
OR: OverarchingPoint,SubPiQRiQR (new paragraph)SubPiQR
Point: Begin each section with a signpost sentence for the reader indicating what your
argument will discuss next. Include transition words or phrases as needed to guide reader.
Pitfalls to avoid: Avoid leading with your example or leading with plot.
introduction of quote: Give the reader the context of the quote by telling them who is
speaking about what, when. Pitfalls to avoid: You do not need to recap the entire plot up until
your quote; just point to the moment so the reader knows which moment it is and who is
speaking.
Quote: Quote exact sentences from the book that prove your point and by extension your
thesis. Use quotation marks for sentences four lines or under in length. Use indented block
quotes (single or double spaced) for quotes of greater than four lines. Sophisticated writers will
imbed the quote into their paragraph. It doesn’t feel plopped down. It flows within the thoughts
of the writer. Remember: no stand alone fragments. Either use a full sentence or imbed your
quoted fragment into a larger sentence. Pitfalls to avoid: Avoid proving plot facts; instead,
prove opinions and interpretations that support your point and thesis.
Relate: Use this section to show your depth of thought/analysis. Explain how your
quote proves your point and by extension your thesis. Often you will want to point out the
specific words and phrases that prove your point. Think “this quote shows” but don’t write it. If
you have several quotes with more or less the same analysis, you may only need a mini-relate.
On the other hand, if the relate falls at the end of a section, just before a brand new point, you
should wrap up the entire section and tie it back to the thesis before moving on. Pitfalls to avoid:
Avoid transitioning to your next point. Just wrap this section up and let the reader sit on it a
moment before continuing. Tie back to the thesis instead. Another pitfall: Never end a
paragraph on a quote; if you have, you’re missing a relate.
iQR: Repeat the iQR as needed. If you have too many iQRs in a row, break them up
with subpoints to remind the reader where your argument is heading and to build up your
argument with each piece of evidence.
Depth:
Depth of analysis is the hard part. You want your essay to go deeper than the obvious. How do
you get to depth in your relates? One way is to avoid broad-brush statements or generalizations.
Be specific. Can you find a variety of evidence and discuss what the differences show? Is what
you claim always true? Are there other ways to look at it? Have you acknowledged but
accounted for any counter examples? Have you considered all aspects of the story? An
additional way to dig for depth is to read your relates and ask “so what?” Why does this matter?
Is there something more going on here?
One way to check if your essay has enough depth is to reread your points. Are they just a list
that works in any old order? If so, you may have depth problems. In an in-depth argument, the
points build on each other. You may have sections of the paper that could be in any order, but if
the points within each section build on each other, then your paper probably has enough depth.
Task 2A:
As a group, examine the three sample paragraphs discussing courage and rank them best (1) to
worst (3) and be prepared to defend your choices. Is there anything you would do to improve the
the strongest of the paragraphs?
Task 2B:
For homework tonight, write your best body paragraph(s) on your assigned topic – either pride
or nobility of deed, not both – using honors level structure and honors level depth. Type your
paragraph(s) and put you name on the back lightly in pencil. Limit length to 3-5 quotes please.
Step 3: The Conclusion
Structure: The conclusion always begins with the restated, reworded thesis. This signals to the
reader that the essay is done. The rest of the conclusion discusses the answer to “So what?” or in
other words, discusses why what your thesis has proven is important to understand or think
about. Pitfalls to avoid: Do not restate your points in your conclusion. In a well-written
argument you won’t need to rehash your points. In addition, do not introduce new evidence in
the conclusion. All evidence should be in the body paragraphs.
Depth: Usually your restated, reworded thesis will have more fullness than your original thesis.
The original thesis signals where you are going. Now you can wrap-up where you’ve been. A
brief summary of your argument is allowed if you can keep it to a sentence or two, but if you
find you are recapping your argument point by point, you’ll know you’re headed in the wrong
direction. Move on to why it all matters.
Step 4: Revisit your Original Thesis
Note: Before you sigh with relief, “I’m done,” reread your paper and see what you’ve actually
proven. Does it match your original thesis? If not, change your thesis to match the argument
you’ve written. Then sit on it all a day before going back to revise, revise, revise! Good writing
takes multiple drafts!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Note for Test Essays:
When you only have 30 minutes to write an essay, switch to a minimalist introduction and
conclusion, often just two sentences:
Test Essay Introduction: 1 sentence setup and 1 sentence thesis.
Test Essay Conclusion: 1 sentence restated thesis and 1 sentence so what.
SAMPLE A
Odysseus showed physical bravery at Troy, and as a result the Achaeans characterize him
as one of their finest fighters. “No one, no Achaean labored hard as Odysseus labored or
achieved so much” (4.119-120). “That man . . . performed a hundred feats of arms for me. And
I swore that when he came I’d give him a hero’s welcome, him above all my comrades” (4.188189). Menelaus values Odysseus for his courageous work on the battlefield and offers him a
“hero’s welcome” as a result.
Odysseus’ next courage comes when he shows the mental courage to persevere in the bag
of wind scene. “And I woke up with a start, my spirit churning – should I leap over the side and
drown at once or grit my teeth and bear it, stay among the living?” (10.55-57). In addition,
Odysseus demonstrates another type of mental courage, the courage to keep his head in a tight
spot, such as when trapped by the man-eating Cyclops. Odysseus’s “wits kept weaving, weaving
cunning schemes – life at stake, monstrous death staring [them] in the face – till [a] plan struck
[his] mind as best” (9.472-473). Odysseus stays courageous and thinks of a way out, despite the
horror of his situation. The ultimate escape from life’s challenges comes with Calypso’s offer of
immortality, yet again Odysseus courageously perseveres. “And if a god will wreck me yet
again on the wine-dark sea, I can bear that too, with a spirit tempered to endure. Much have I
suffered, labored long and hard by now in the waves and wars. Add this to the total – bring the
trial on!” (5.244-248). Rejecting the easy way out, Odysseus has the mental courage to endure.
SAMPLE B
Odysseus consistently demonstrates the first part of arête -- courage. He fought bravely
at Troy, and the Achaeans remember him as one of their finest fighters. Menelaus tells the
visiting Telemachus that “[n]o one, no Achaean labored hard as Odysseus labored or achieved so
much” (4:119-120). He also refers to Odysseus as “[t]hat man who performed a hundred feats of
arms for me,” and says of him, “I swore that when he came I’d give him a hero’s welcome, him
above all my comrades” (4.188-189). Menelaus values Odysseus above the other Achaeans for
his courageous work on the battlefield and offers him a “hero’s welcome” as a result. Odysseus
is also brave in battle against the monster Scylla. He asks Circe if he can “fight Scylla off when
Scylla strikes my men?” (12.125) and even though the goddess tells him not to bother, he “seized
long spears in both . . . hands and marched out on the half-deck” (12.247-248). Odysseus is
willing to take up arms against a fearsome monster even with no hope of success. In addition,
Odysseus shows courage when he escapes the man-eating Cyclops. He has his men draw lots to
see “who’d brave it out” with him, “to hoist our stake and grind it into his eye” (9. 371-372).
Thanks to their bravery against the Cyclops, Odysseus and his men succeed in their plan and
make their escape. Whether fighting Trojans, monsters, or man-eating giants, Odysseus’
consistent courage in the face of battle earns him arête.
SAMPLE C
Courage is one area of arête where Odysseus excels, whether it be mental or physical
courage. On the physical side, Odysseus fought bravely at Troy, and as a result the Achaeans
characterize him as one of their finest fighters. Menelaus tells the visiting Telemachus that “[n]o
one, no Achaean labored hard as Odysseus labored or achieved so much” (4.119-120). He also
refers to Odysseus as “[t]hat man who performed a hundred feats of arms for me,” and says of
him, “I swore that when he came I’d give him a hero’s welcome, him above all my comrades”
(4.188-189). Menelaus values Odysseus over others for his courageous work on the battlefield
and offers him a “hero’s welcome” as a result.
Odysseus’s mental courage also sets him apart as a hero. He has the courage to keep his
head in a tight spot, such as when trapped by the man-eating Cyclops. Odysseus’s “wits kept
weaving, weaving cunning schemes – life at stake, monstrous death staring [him] in the face –
till [a] plan struck [his] mind as best” (9.472-473). Rather than panic, Odysseus has the mental
courage to use his brain to find a way out, despite the horror of his situation. Odysseus’s mental
courage also enables him to persevere. When the men open the sack of winds, and Odysseus
sees Ithaca slipping away, Odysseus briefly considers giving up: “And I woke up with a start,
my spirit churning – should I leap over the side and drown at once or grit my teeth and bear it,
stay among the living?” (10.55-57). Suicide would end life’s trials, but to his credit, Odysseus
finds, the mental courage to “grit [his] teeth” and struggle on. The ultimate escape from life’s
challenges comes with Calypso’s offer of immortality, yet again Odysseus courageously
perseveres. He states, “And if a god will wreck me yet again on the wine-dark sea, I can bear
that too, with a spirit tempered to endure. Much have I suffered, labored long and hard by now
in the waves and wars. Add this to the total – bring the trial on!” (5.244-248). Rejecting the
easy way out, Odysseus courageously embraces life’s trials, choosing to live and to endure.
Throughout his adventures, Odysseus’s physical and mental courage allows him to outfight,
outthink and outlast life’s trials. This courage earns him arête.
Assuming the following thesis:
Not: Odysseus shows arête.
Not: One of Greece’s most famous heroes, Odysseus has arête.
Yes: Although he is not perfect, Odysseus learns from his mistakes and thereby earns arête.
Although he is not perfect in all aspects of arete, Odysseus embraces life and learns from his
mistakes and thereby earns arête.
While his courage is exemplary, Odysseus’ pride causes him some trouble and forces him to
learn from his mistakes.
Cyclops – good warrior takes pride, but not at the expense of his troops – a mistake of hubris
Willing to take help – Hermes, Inos, Calypso, Circe, Nausicaa, Phaecians
Phaecians – knows place relative to host and to gods
Beggar – swallows pride in order to bide his time
Still needs to go out and plant oar to Poseidon
Odysseus’s struggles and the way he approaches them embody his nobility of deed.
- Eye on the prize: Try to get self and men home, rescue wife and son, reclaim rightful place –
kill all the suitors – tells Calypso his goal
- Accept and live life it fully with all its struggles and joys, in doing so create glory/nobility of
deed – bring it on
- Lost focus a few times, and lost men, but made it home.
Recap – Do not have to be perfect to have arête. Learns from his mistake and achieves goal –
lives a full and glorious life with arête.