EdgeTV: Sexuality (#34) Leaders Guide
getting the most from using edgetv…
EdgeTV is a video magazine, which means that each of the short segments on the
tape is designed to be used on its own as a discussion starter. The stuff inside is
real: we suggest you preview the tape and decide what is best to show your kids and
use in your teaching and discussion. Our hope is that you and your kids will talk
about real life issues and that your love for Jesus and each other will grow as a
result.
The bulk of the segments are woven around a common theme but are flexible
enough to take in a variety of directions to suit your group. Segments don’t tell kids
what they should think or what verses to think about. Instead, we produce the
segments to set up a low-control forum in which you can guide a discussion or
lecture as you choose.
If you want a jump-start, this guide does contain questions and scriptures we think
are relevant to each segment on the tape. It's probably more than you can use in a
single discussion, so take what works the best for you. The whole point is that
EdgeTV and the guide are tools in your hands to get to know your kids better and
share the love of Jesus with them.
A techie note: We put tons of time into the production of EdgeTV, especially the
surround soundtrack. That's why we duplicate in HiFi Stereo. So to get the most out
of it, play it back on a HiFi machine into a stereo amp with the biggest speakers you
can get your hands on. You'll notice the difference; not just in the cool music but in
dialog clarity as well. Oh yeah, and a kick-butt bigscreen helps too.
We love your feedback—feel free to call, write or e-mail us with any thoughts,
questions or gab.
EdgeTV
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Colorado Springs, CO 80935-3505
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www.edgetv.com
Girls Night Out
taking responsibility
“I don’t want to ruin the gifts that await me”
—Alison Teague, Bellevue, Washington
Five young women, each with unique stories and viewpoints on sex—and faith. This
movie goes into a women’s thoughts on topics like the quest to wait for sex until
marriage, what life is like when you don’t, and where God is at in the mix. We
suggest you start by showing this to a group of ladies only—then catch up with the
guys on the Boys Will Be Boys segment later in the tape.
focus
This segment boils down to one thing: choices. As in, will I wait until marriage to
have sex, and what do I do if I don’t? Focus on the importance of thinking through
these issues carefully and how to find wisdom and guidance to make the best choices
about sexuality.
follow up
1. In this movie, you see several girls who are at different stages of sexual
experience—sort of like the group in front of you. A good place to start discussion
is to make the room as safe as you can. Start by making sure that what is said
will stay in that room. Remember, this is a pretty sensitive subject.
Confidentiality is important. Then go first in talking about the sexual pressures
and thoughts you had when you were the age of the kids in front of you.
2. After the movie’s introduction, each girl gives reasons why she has had sex or
not had sex. Talk about the reasons they give and if you think they are good
reasons. What reasons would you give? How have you come to a decision about
what you believe regarding premarital sex? Or have you?
3. In the movie, Allison talks about Jesus not saying much about sex before
marriage and how difficult it is to find guidelines for what is okay sexually. Can
you relate? How do you find answers, and who (if anyone) do you look to for help
with questions about sex?
4. For the girls who have babies or are pregnant in this story, how do you see them
taking responsibility for their situations? What about the fathers of these
children? What do you think the guy ought to do if he finds out he’s gotten a girl
pregnant?
5. Even if you’ve decided to wait until you are married to have sex, there is still the
question of how far you can go. How far do you think is too far? How do you
determine where that line falls? How important do you think setting a standard,
or guidelines, is? How can you take responsibility and stick to them?
6. Read 1 Corinthians 6:15-17. Paul, the author, seems to be saying that sexual
intercourse is a powerful bonding experience. Talk about intimacy. In what ways
does sex contribute to intimacy? How can intimacy be developed without sex?
7. At one point, Beth talks about the guilt she would feel from continuing to have
sex even after she knew she needed to stop. Share an instance where you
crossed the line you had set for yourself. What did you feel? What did you do in
response to that situation?
8. Why do you suppose it is so hard to talk about sexuality? What would make it
easier for you?
9. How would a person go about seeking love and intimacy without resorting to sex?
What are the alternatives? How could God and/or the people in the group help
make sense of sexual desires?
How Far Is Too Far?
reality check
“Oral sex, dry sex—I don’t know if that’s too bad”
—kid on the street in Colorado
We asked average kids on the street “how far is too far?” and they told us the truth
of what they really believe about sex, promiscuity and the infamous “gray zone.”
Guess what? Most of them said that pretty much anything goes as long as you’re
“emotionally mature” or “ready” or if you “love the other person.” Some kids drew
the line at no sex before marriage. But once you’ve answered that question, there’s
another: How far is too far? What are your kids saying?
focus
Remember, leaders lead. That means you need to go first before you can expect
your kids to open up about this tough topic. But in doing so, you’ll be surprised at
how truthful they’ll be. And how much they’re wanting to talk more about sexual
issues if only there was an adult that would listen to their concerns and questions.
That would be you. Go for it.
follow up
1. In the opening section of this movie, kids share some of their thoughts about
sex. How did you feel about their comments? Do you feel pressure like some of
the kids said they felt?
2. In the second section, one guy said “how will you know you’re ready to get
married if you have sex with only one person?” Take a minute to talk about this
statement and whether you agree or disagree with it. Now talk about the weight
of sex in the overall scheme of intimate relationship. Is it really the “litmus test”
for marriage? If not, what is? If you love someone, and they love you, does that
make it okay to go ahead and have sex?
3. Is premarital sex (we’re not talking adultery here) wrong? Why or why not?
(Editor’s note: No one will get any points for saying that it depends on the
definition of the word “is.”). Is there any case in which sex before marriage is
justified? If you answer yes, what would that scenario be and what is the
justification? If you answered no, what (or who) is it that is guiding you to have
that standard?
4. So now the big question—how far is too far? Some of the kids in the movie say it
depends. Does it? On what? Read Matthew 15:19. In this verse, Jesus talks about
sexually immorality. Define that, being sure to be specific in your definition. Now
talk again about how far is too far. Have you’re views changed?
5. Do you think that “technical virginity” crosses the line of sexual immorality? What
about oral sex? Dry sex? Kissing? Can you find a bible verse that helps shed light
on what is okay in the physical realm before marriage, especially the “gray
zone”? Can your group arrive at a consensus as to what the ultimate standard is
for premarital sex and intimacy?
6. What if you don’t wait until you are married to have sex? Good question. The
odds are that a good percentage of the kids in the room haven’t, or are seriously
asking why wait. This would be a good time to use sensitivity in group disclosure
about sexual history. If necessary, take kids aside—guys with guys, girls with
girls—to go deeper into this area. Read John 4:7-26. For kids who have lost their
virginity and feel guilty, this verse can provide some important perspective on
forgiveness—and where to go from here.
7. The prevailing view on the street is that when it’s right for you, then go ahead.
What does that statement have to say, if anything about the other person? About
commitment?
8. Ask your group to share thoughts on that word commitment. How important is
commitment to relationship? Intimacy? Sexuality? What kind of commitment
brings safety and freedom to the sexual relationship? And to intimacy?
Where Have I Heard This Before?
edgetv drama
“I mean, do you really think all I care about is pleasure?”
Hmmm, let’s see… “I use condoms—most of the time.” “I was drunk.” “I wanted to
feel loved.” “She was drunk.” “I was abused.” They’re all pretty good excuses to go
ahead and do the deed, aren’t they? Or are they? Let’s face it—don’t you get sick of
all the petty rationalizations we can make when someone is tempting us to do
something, even if the excuse is pretty lame? They get old, don’t they? And when it
gets right down to it, they’re not very effective, are they?
focus
This piece is meant to tell the truth about lame reasons to have premarital sex:
namely, that they’re lame. Taking the intrigue out of reasons like “I was lonely” can
help to make a wise choice with a clear mind. Have your kids think through each of
the reasons given in this movie and whether or not they are justifiable enough to
engage in premarital sex.
follow up
1. The basic question you need to address here is “are there any good reasons not
to wait?” The movie goes through lots of them. Do you think they’re good
enough? Why or why not?
2. See if your kids can come up with excuses of their own. Do any of them muster
up enough as good reasons to have sex.
3. The very last line of the movie—“What difference does it make; I was abused”—
brings up a good point, and another entrée into a difficult subject: that of abuse.
Studies have shown that abused children are likely to fall into that very same
pattern as adults. In the case of sexual abuse, the person is susceptible to
increased sexual promiscuity and behavior. Ask the group if anyone can relate to
the last girl in the movie. If so, in what ways?
4. In what ways can you overcome the pressure and temptation to have sex that
comes from rationalizing? Read James 4:7-8. What does James say to do when
you find yourself thinking twice about something you think is not right?
Boys Will Be Boys…
unpacking the truth
“I would go on the Internet, look up pornography and masturbate…”
—student in California
Ask any young guy what he struggles with most and nearly every time he’ll say lust.
That’s the easiest way to say what he probably really means: pornography and
masturbation. In this EdgeTV segment, three of the braver guys we’ve met reveal
their secret struggles against lust’s darkest companions but offer hope for breaking
their grip.
In order for your discussion to be most effective, we strongly (repeat, strongly)
suggest that you show this to a group of guys only. Although we did talk with girls
who struggle in this area, it seems like it’s mostly a guy thing. So shut the door with
your guys, show the film and get ready to get real. Afraid to blow the lid off of this
subject.
focus
Shedding light into the secret sins of lust, pornography and masturbation is tough.
Most guys would rather keep that stuff in the dark. Create a safe room and focus on
peeling back the layers of this topic. Just “letting the cat out of the bag” will be a big,
but critical, first step.
follow up
1. For each of these guys, their struggles with lust developed early in life out of a
penchant for pornography. As the leader, we cannot stress enough that if you
have ever dealt with the same thing that you share your own story. This will give
permission to your kids to open up. Can you pinpoint the beginning of your
struggle with lust, or trace it back to something like looking at pornography?
2. For one guy in the movie, the stress of keeping a balanced relationship drives
him to the Internet at times. In case you don’t know, it’s pretty easy to find porn
on the net. Does anyone in the group currently have a struggle with looking at
porn on the web? Do you have any particular reasons, like our friend in the show,
that drive you there?
3. Read James 1:13-15. Where do temptations like sexual lust come from? What
about lust? James implies that temptation tends to be rather pleasurable, that it
is seductive. Does that line up with your experience?
4. Once caught in the web of pornography, each of these guys say that
masturbation quickly became a problem. They each experienced a high degree of
guilt as a result. Can you relate? Where do you suppose the guilt comes from? Is
this guilt healthy or not? Do you think masturbation is wrong? Why. Or why not?
5. If you’ve got a struggle—or even an addiction—like these guys are dealing with,
how do you fight the temptation (if at all)? Read 1 Corinthians 10:12-13. What
hope does Paul give us in regards to resisting temptation?
6. How do you suppose lust can be problematic? Share a story of how lust led to a
destructive situation. Where are you in the healing process? What did you learn
about lust and its dark companions?
7. Have you ever noticed how the sins of lust are almost always done in private, in
the dark and are unspoken? Why do you suppose that is? How does fear play a
part in keeping these acts in the dark?
8. Read John 3:20-21. What keeps us from coming into the light in regards to
sexual immorality and lust? What does Jesus say happens when we allow the
truth to take root in our lives?
9. Look ahead a few years. Imagine yourself happily married. Do you think you will
still struggle with lust? Why or why not? Can you foresee any implications in
marriage stemming from struggles with pornography and masturbation now?
He Said, She Said
peer pressure
“He said, ‘put out or get out.’ I’m like, ‘see ya.’”
Feeling pressured to have sex? Would you believe that kind of pressure is pretty
much the norm? Well, believe it. In this EdgeTV drama, after loads of lame comeons, we hear two very refreshing words: “see ya”
This short piece can help tame peer pressure. We’ve all heard, either on TV or live,
something like “I need you tonight baby.” He Said, She Said gets inside the thoughts
of a young person and offers a good escape hatch: NO.
focus
After watching this movie, focus on what good communication about sex looks like,
and what it takes to be clear about saying no.
follow up
1. Although this is a very short segment, it is an excellent discussion starter piece.
Begin by asking a very general, open-ended question, such as “describe a time in
which some of the same thoughts as you heard in the movie were going through
your mind.”
2. Read Mathew 5:27-28. What does Jesus have to say about the lustful thoughts
that go through our minds? Do you think that lustful thoughts are harmless, to a
point? At what point does our thought life become destructive, like Jesus talked
about?
3. This movie has an element of gossip about it as well. Ask your kids to share a
time in which gossip painted the wrong picture for them. How did the power of
the tongue do a disservice to them?
4. Read Proverbs 18:8. What do you think is the allure of gossip? What does this
proverb say about how deep untrue words can hurt?
5. Read Proverbs 26:28. What does this passage have to say about speaking gossip
and untruth? In what ways can we be sure to speak the truth to people who may
be saying untrue things either to us or about us?
The Jerry Price Story
struggling with “the lifestyle”
“I blew out of the closet…I mean, I didn’t just open the door and walk out of the
closet—I knocked the closet door down”
—Jerry Price
Regardless of whether you believe it’s ingrained or chosen, the homosexual lifestyle
is real, and so are the people caught up in it. Jerry Price knows—he’s been through it
all. He also knows that God still loves him.
A Texas native, Jerry Price moved to Hollywood after college and became the
associate art director for Men’s Fitness magazine. In and out of same-sex
relationships, Jerry spent his nights at parties and underground dance clubs and did
more than his share of drugs. But that soon left him hollow. It was then that God got
his attention and turned his life around. Through a series of events, Jerry was
persuaded to contact Focus on the Family, where, since 1989, he has been the
designer of Breakaway, a monthly magazine for teen guys. Jerry regularly speaks
about life in the fast lane. From the glitz and glamour of the Hollywood lifestyle to
the addictions that ensnared him, he lived it. And he left it.
Obviously, the topic of homosexuality can be particularly divisive and our hope is
that this piece doesn’t add to the slag heap of division and hate. Rather, we’re
hoping you see Jerry’s story as something that will resonate with some of your kids
and provide hope where they need it.
focus
There’s a great deal to think about in this story. But let’s start by focusing on the
simple fact that some people in your group may be in the homosexual lifestyle or
struggling with some aspect of it. How then do you treat them if you were Jesus
Christ?
follow up
1. Growing up, Jerry says he felt that he never quite fit in. During his teen years, he
became popular and had many friends, but inside, his feelings and attraction
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
toward men remained the same. Can any of you relate to how Jerry felt? Talk
about your feelings after listening to Jerry share his.
After several suicide attempts and years of pleading with God to fix him—change
him—Jerry gave up. He also gave in…to the homosexual lifestyle. Talk about a
time in which you felt pressure inside to give up—or give in. Where are you today
in dealing with that pressure?
Jerry says that simply talking about his sexual feelings with someone would have
helped him. Can you relate? Have you ever tried to talk with someone about
sexual issues only to have been put off? Who do you talk with about sex?
Jerry says that his gay friends are normal people looking for love. What role does
love play in helping people move toward Jesus and away from lifestyles that can
be destructive?
Read 1 Peter 4:8. What does this passage says about the power of love? In what
ways have you experienced the transforming power of love?
Jerry talks about the fear of getting tested for HIV. Whether you are in the
lifestyle or not, if you suspect you might have contracted HIV, is there anything
keeping you from getting tested? If so, what? And why?
In listening to Jerry talk about how his dad shared his own story with him, what
thoughts come to mind about your relationship with your dad? Have you ever had
the chance to talk with your dad about how he grew up? Are there any issues in
your dad’s life that you feel are now issues in your life? If you don’t get
affirmation from your father or family, in what ways do you fill that need?
How can followers of Christ accept or love a person but hate the sin in a person’s
life? What does that look like? Read 1 John 3:18. What does this passage have to
say about loving? How can you love someone “in actions and in truth” even if you
may disagree with his or her lifestyle?