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THEY CHEATED. THEY LIED. THEY SAID WHAT?
Essay
By
Karen Dolan
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We all lie. We tell children there is a Santa Clause, an Easter Bunny, and a Tooth
Fairy. Adults don’t like to think that they are lying to their kids because, after all, kids
are happy and smiling when Santa Clause comes to town, the Easter Bunny brings a boat
load of candy, and the tooth Fairy leaves a crisp bill under their pillow. But let’s be
honest. We are teaching our kids that, under certain circumstances, it’s ok to lie.
We also tell spouses how smart and clever they are even when they aren’t because
we are smart and clever enough to know lying to them is good for their ego and hence
good for our marriage. We tell friends how great they look because we are wise enough
to know that friends much prefer to hear how terrific they look than “That dress makes
you look like an old lady.” “You’re pretty good at tennis,” is so much more welcomed
than “You really suck at tennis.” So, for the sake of endearing ourselves to spouses,
friends, and sometimes even strangers, some of us stretch the truth or embellish a bit. Oh,
let’s be honest. We downright lie.
These lies, sometimes referred to as white lies, pass the acceptability test. Society
has put their stamp of approval on the Santa Clause and gang fantasy. In fact, they’ve
milked it for all it’s worth. Only Scrooges don’t love “Miracle on 34th Street” and “It’s a
Wonderful Life.” Stretching the truth to adults near and dear is pretty ok too as everyone
feels good about it and generally no one gets hurt. But sometimes honesty truly is the
best policy. It is better to tell a female friend that those pants really aren’t the most
flattering (but only if she asks) or that perhaps she might want to lighten up on the blush.
You might want to leave off the “or else they might mistake you for a clown” remark
though. Also, be careful when criticizing your man. I have found that men do not take
kindly to criticism. They tend to go on the defensive and fight back. When I tell my guy
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that he’s color blind if he thinks that green shirt matches his green pants, he usually
retorts with something like: ”You don’t look so hot in that purple top,” even though I’m
wearing a blue top, which totally proves my point.
Parents, though, have changed since I was a kid. My parents and my friend’s
parents didn’t go around telling us how wonderful we were or put stickers on their cars
that read “Proud Parent of a Genius” or whatever the heck today’s stickers are extolling
about kids. Gee whiz. With all of today’s exaggerated ego boosting, which in truth is
really reality stretching, seems to me to we are raising a generation of over-confident,
spoiled brats with a bloated sense of entitlement. But what do I know? Maybe all of
them will grow up to be movie stars, great athletes and high powered executives who will
support their devoted parents in their old age.
At least little harm is created by these innocent lies and exaggerations delivered
with loving intent to family and friends. But what about the lies delivered to a bigger
audience by those whom society at large trusts to tell the truth?
Through the years, the nightly news anchor was the guy everyone tuned in to for a
report on what was happening in the world. I say guys because for so many years guys
ruled when it came to the news. Edward R. Murrow, Walter Cronkite, Chet Huntley,
David Brinkley. These were the guys who sat in the anchor chair and, without emotion,
embellishment, or personal opinion, gave us the news and only the news. We trusted
them to deliver the story as truthfully as the facts available to them allowed. For years
we believed them because they had earned our trust.
I trusted Brian Williams, as did many others. Who had reason to believe that this
nice looking, congenial man had for years been exaggerating an anecdote about coming
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under fire in a U.S. Army helicopter during the Iraq war in 2003? Williams finally
admitted on the record to a reporter from the military newspaper Stars and Stripes that he
had not been telling the truth not only on a Nightly News broadcast the previous week but
also over the years at public appearances and on talk shows. What does one do when one
is a public figure who has been lying for twelve years? How does one save one’s
reputation? Of course one has to apologize. But Williams’ apology was pretty lame.
Admitting that he made a mistake in recalling the events of 12 years ago was simply not
going to get him out of the doghouse because a journalist should know better than to
report something that’s simply not true and he certainly shouldn’t be dumb enough to
keep on repeating his lie. The amazing thing is that he didn’t get called out on it sooner.
Any man or woman in uniform who puts themselves in harms way every day while
serving must have been pretty pissed upon hearing his tall-tale war story.
This war story lie sadly reminds of two military lies propagated by my husband’s
relatives. Unfortunately, neither men are alive so my husband will never know why they
had a need to fabricate their military tales. His cousin’s story was a real whopper. He
told his girlfriend that he was a Marine when in fact he had never served at all. My
husband never had the heart to tell her he was lying. His brother told his girlfriend that
he won the Purple Heart while serving in Viet Nam although his family had no
recollection of ever hearing about this great honor. This was told to us at his funeral
service so who was going to tell her the truth on that occasion? Gee, maybe one of the
reasons these guys were divorced is because they had a really hard time being honest or
maybe they just were jerks. We’ll never know and it really doesn’t matter now that
they’re gone. But lying about serving in the military or receiving medals that one did not
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receive is very dishonorable to those who have served and sacrificed and honorably
earned medals. Sadly, my husband’s relatives are not the only ones to have deceived
about their role or non-role in the military. After all, you can get a lot of mileage out of
having served; and many, for whatever warped reasons, do just that.
Athletes are another group that many people in our society often look up to as role
models and exemplars of skill and determination. Parents encourage their kids to practice
hard and give their athletic endeavors their all, because who knows? Maybe some day
they could be a tennis champ or baseball star? Growing up, my generation always knew
that our athletes had their flaws just like the rest of us, but we never could have imagined
the day that our national athletic heroes would disgrace themselves by cheating with
steroids and other enhancement drugs. Gosh, we had never even heard of steroids
growing up. Babe Ruth and Mickey Mantle may have had a heavy hand with the bottle,
but that surely didn’t give them an edge over the other players. Today, hundreds of
players have been caught using steroids, including some of the games best-known and
most beloved names. The name that stands out the most, though, is Alex Rodriguez.
Suspended longer than any other player for steroid use, A-Rod has stood out from the rest
not only for his steroid use but also for his perpetual lying. He has stood before TV
cameras and radio microphones and repeatedly said things that were flatly untrue. Thus,
a baseball hero became not only a cheater but also a liar. I’m not sure which is worse.
Baseball is not the only sport tarnished by the scandal of performance-enhancing
drugs. Lance Armstrong was an American hero not only because he held seven
consecutive Tour de France titles but also because he was a cancer survivor who
epitomized courage and gave hope to other cancer survivors. But he turned out to be a
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fraud. He was not only a cheater and a liar, he was also part of a huge conspiracy in the
cycling world to groom and pressure athletes to use dangerous drugs, to evade detection,
to ensure secrecy and to ultimately gain an unfair advantage. After years of lying and
trying to discredit anyone who dared question or challenge him, Armstrong eventually
‘fessed up. He was stripped of his titles in 2012 and banned from the sport for life. His
fortune has dwindled due to the lawsuits brought on by his many lies and even his good
work on behalf of cancer patients is viewed with cynicism. No one takes joy in seeing a
hero like this fall into such disgrace. One can’t help but wonder, though, why did he do
it? How meaningful could the titles be when he knew he didn’t win them fair and
square?
Has the world of cycling, baseball, and other sports learned from these scandals?
Are performance enhancement drugs still being used? Is there better monitoring? Let’s
hope things have gotten better and that we won’t see any more fallen heroes in the near
future. Our kids deserve better examples of how to play and how to win. Winning is
hollow when cheating is how you get there.
So who else cheats and lies big time? Well, we all know that politicians are
notorious for doing both and we all know that it would take ten, maybe twenty essays, to
do the topic justice. What always surprises me, though, is the attitude and arrogance of
the office holders who take bribes, steal, or otherwise demean the office they were
elected to uphold by engaging in scandalous activity. Whether they be a small-town
mayor or a big-time governor do they honestly think they are above the law or that they
won’t get caught? Is it arrogance or stupidity that drives them? I always wonder as they
eventually get caught and the price they pay is usually high. The scenario seems to repeat
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itself so often that it feels like I’m watching the same movie over and over as the accused
politician or office holder loudly proclaim his or her innocence until the day the evidence
against them so obviously proves otherwise.
Take the case of the former Virginia governor, Robert McDonnnel and his wife.
A federal jury found the couple guilty of public corruption making him the first governor
in Virginia history to be charged and convicted with a crime. Obviously, he and his wife
never imagined such an outcome when they accepted lavish vacations, golf outings,
assorted expensive gifts and sweetheart loans from a free-spending Richmond
businessman. They even declined to accept a plea agreement in which he would have
been found guilty of just one felony count of lying on a loan document and his wife
would have faced no charges. I bet they wish they had taken that deal instead of being
arrogant to the end. He wound up being convicted of all eleven corruption-related counts
and the former first lady was convicted of eight corruption-related charges and an
additional count of obstruction of justice. Oh, how the mighty have fallen—once again.
Politicians who engage in such nefarious behavior may cheat taxpayers in some
ways but the greatest harm they do is to themselves. But the scandal involving the Air
Force’s nuclear force responsible for operating a fleet of 450 Minuteman III
intercontinental ballistic missiles is pretty scary. Last year 34 launch officers were
stripped of their authority to control and launch these missiles because of their roles in a
cheating scandal at Malmstrom Air Force Base in Montana. I don’t know about you, but
I sure want the guys who control missiles to know what they’re doing. It seems morale
was low and drug use and napping were added to the list of offenses under investigation.
Launch officers are allowed to take naps as long as one of the two officers on duty
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remains awake but there were cases where both officers were asleep leaving open the
blast security door intended to keep out intruders. In my mind, sleeping while on duty is
cheating! And whether you’re in the Air Force, the Secret Service, or the DEA drinking
while on duty or participating in sex parties while representing your country in a foreign
country is cheating the taxpayers who provide your salary and expect you to represent
them with dignity and honor.
When I was a kid growing up in the fifties and sixties, there were three groups of
people we kids were taught to respect and obey (besides our parents): the clergy, the
police, and our teachers. Well, unquestioned respect for the clergy went out the window
with the priest scandals and countless other stories of men of the cloth committing
unspeakable deeds. Except for the times I felt a police officer could have given me a
warning rather than a speeding ticket (especially when I really was racing toward a much
needed restroom), I had no personal reason to feel animosity toward anyone in law
enforcement. But with all that is currently being revealed about unnecessary police
brutality and cover ups, I certainly do not feel the same degree of respect towards those
who are supposed to help and protect us as I did when I was a kid. There is much that
could be said on this subject as it’s a very complex one and I recognize that it is not fair
to categorize all cops as unworthy of respect. The same is true for the clergy of course.
It’s just such a shame that so many have tarnished professions that were once considered
so honorable and unblemished.
So, what about teachers? Surely, teachers can be trusted to be honorable and
worthy of respect. Wrong! You never heard of any scandals regarding teachers having
sexual relationships with students when I was a kid, but maybe that was just because no
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one ever told. Through the years I’ve heard countless stories of illicit teacher-student
affairs. Some have probably been made into movies for the Lifetime channel. But surely
teachers don’t cheat? Wrong again! On April 1 of this year, after a long trial, eight
educators in Atlanta, Georgia were convicted of racketeering and other lesser crimes
related to inflating test scores of children from struggling schools. The judge who was
responsible for meting out the punishments had little sympathy for these teachers who
engaged in pervasive and long-term altering of test scores. Why did they do it?
Theories include pride, earning bonuses, enhancing their careers, and even keeping their
jobs. Still, how could so many allow their needs to override the needs of poor students
who so desperately needed their help?
I am saddened that lying and cheating have become so commonplace in our
society. While I am no longer surprised by news of cheaters and liars, I am often amazed
at what people, some of them my friends, so readily believe. I get frustrated by the myths
circulated on the internet, by political ads and flyers that blatantly misrepresent the facts,
and by anyone in the media who arrogantly reports opinion as fact. While I do not expect
others to be as skeptical as I, I do hope both young and old will give a bit more thought
before coming to conclusions about information presented to them from today’s many
sources of information. I wish that all us would hear more about acts of kindness and
valor and less about acts of dishonor so that we might be uplifted by those acts and not
discouraged by the cheaters and liars.
So who do I believe to give it to me straight? I believe my husband when he tells
me I’m still looking good even though I know he’s biased when it comes to me. But
gosh, if I can’t believe him, who can I believe? Certainly not Brian Williams!