First Comes Love: College Students & Relationships
Marcel LeJeune
Assistant Director of Campus Ministry
St. Mary’s Catholic Center
mlejeune@aggiecatholic.org
979-846-5717
Description:
The married couple, along with their children, forms the most basic cell of society and of the Church.
For marriage to be successful and to be a sure foundation for the family, the spouses must first have a
mature faith, a true understanding of the human person (including human sexuality), and the personal
freedom required for valid consent. But modern notions of dating and of male and female relationships
in a secularized and relativistic world work precisely against successful marriage. Those marriages that
are successful today are so despite the dating scene, not because of it. In this course we will look at
Christian marriage as our goal and let it cast a light on the trail behind to see a new vision for
male/female relationships and the kind of dating that leads up to it.
Recommended Reading:
A Bibliography of recommended reading can be found on the back of this page. There is more of a
practical lean in these readings than there is theological. This is a short bibliography and it is neither
comprehensive nor advanced in theology. Most of these books can be found in St. Mary’s library.
Format of Presentation.
These classes will be mostly lecture. I will present an outline of the class at the beginning of each class.
Questions:
If during class you should have questions about the material under discussion, please bring them up
during class. Feel free to email me or ask me other questions outside of class. If you do not understand
a word, concept, or definition then please stop me and ask for clarification.
Note on Citations:
Documents of the Church, including the Catechism of the Catholic Church, are not cited by page
number, but by paragraph number. Abbreviations are commonly used when citing texts as well (e.g.,
CCC = Catechism of the Catholic Church). See the attached page for a list of common abbreviations.
Selected Bibliography.
1. On the Christian Family in the Modern World (Familiaris Consortio) by John Paul II
2. On the Dignity and Vocation of Women (Mulieris Dignitatem) by John Paul II
3. Of Human Life (Humanae Vitae) by John Paul II
4. The Truth and Meaning of Human Sexuality by The Pontifical Council for the Family
5. God is Love (Deus Caritas Est) by Benedict XVI
6. If You Really Loved Me: 100 Questions on Dating, Relationships and Sexual Purity by Jason Evert
7. Marriage is for Keeps by John Kippley
8. Good News About Sex and Marriage by Christopher West
9. The Thrill of the Chaste: Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On by Dawn Eden
10. Real Love by Mary Beth Bonacci
11. Three to Get Married by Archbishop Fulton Sheen
12. For Better...Forever!: A Catholic Guide to Lifelong Marriage by Gregory K. Popcak
13. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know by Meg Meeker M.D.
14. Boys Should Be Boys: 7 Secrets to Raising Healthy Sons by M.D. Meg Meeker
15. Boys To Men: The Transforming Power of Virtue by Tim Gray
16. The Catholic Answers Guide to Family Finances by Philip Lenahan
17. Building Better Families: A Practical Guide to Raising Amazing Children by Matthew Kelly
18. The Four Loves by CS Lewis
Class #1 - Catholic Vision of Marriage and the Human Person
“Love is the gift of self. It means emptying oneself to reach out to others. In a certain sense, it
means forgetting oneself for the good of others. Authentic human love reflects within itself the
logic of the divine. In this perspective, the duty of conjugal fidelity can be fully grasped. "You are
everything to me, I give myself totally to you, forever": this is the commitment that springs from
the heart of every person who is sincerely in love.”
-- John Paul II, Message to Married Couples, 25 September, 1993
Why this class?
-Training on how to have a successful marriage.
-Imagine how bad a college education would be if half the professors at A&M had failed college and left
without a degree.
-Our culture teaches an improper understanding of:
-the human person
-human sexuality
-human morality
-With an improper understanding of the goals and purpose of marriage we mess up:
-Dating
-Engagement
-Sexuality
-Communication
-Intimacy
-LOVE
-If we are to grow in our relationships, then you should expect from yourself - honesty with me, yourself
and others.
-Our goal is to understand the goal and purpose of marriage clearly and to know how to choose the best
ways to reach them.
What the class will cover:
-Purpose and Culture of relationships
-Keys to a successful relationship
-Dating and relationship advice
-Catholic view of marriage
-How to prepare for marriage
-Intimacy and sexuality
I.
In The beginning.
A. Why do we exist? What are we created for?
1. We are here because God loves us enough to create us individually and we are here to
aim towards God so as to return to be with God forever.
B. Who are we? We are human persons, created in the divine image, created male and female.
1. The message contained in the creation of male and female.
2. Marriage as the union of two who are different but complimentary and form the path to
the third.
II.
The fall.
A. Satan hates what God creates and attempts to destroy it through sin. This fall into sin leaves
wounds in the nature of man and woman.
1. There is disorder in the will (what we choose).
2. There is disorder in the appetites (what we desire).
3. There is disorder in the relationships (how we are connected to others).
B. These wounds can be seen in the fear and caution that marks relationships now. Now there
is the temptation to use the other for selfish reasons.
III.
The redemption. In Christ the wounds are healed.
A. The life of grace makes it possible to find new order.
B. The sacrament of marriage helps heal those wounds that now mark the relationships between
men and women.
1. Sin wounded the will, our appetites and our ability to love.
2. Marriage is based on free consent of the will, requiring and ordering of the appetites
setting us free to love.
IV.
We marry for love, but what does love mean?
-Traditionally three types of love: eros, philia and agape. (others add a fourth - storge =
affection)
-Eros is a sensual desire or longing. Can be expressed sexually.
-Philia is a friendship. It is not deep enough for marriage.
-Agape in Greek usage means love of spouse, family or even a specific activity.
-The Christian use is that of the love that Christ has for us - which makes it the
foundation of marriage, an image of Christ’s love for the Church.
-True Love = Choosing what is best for the other despite the cost to ourselves.
-True love is the basis of all true and lasting relationships.
V. With this as our goal, we can look at what kind of persons we must first strive to be and the kind of
relationships we must know how to form and the kind of dating we must pursue to arrive at our goal.
“Love is never something ready made, something merely 'given' to man and woman, it is always
at the same time a 'task' which they are set. Love should be seen as something which in a sense
never 'is' but is always only 'becoming', and what it becomes depends up on the contribution of
both persons and the depth of their commitment.”
-- John Paul II Love and Responsibility